One of the most, if not the most favorite three words we love to hear from the people we love is “I love you”. We simply can’t hear these three words enough, especially if we are in love with the person who say it to us.
On the other hand, the words that we dread to hear the most is also made up of 3 words. And that 3 words would shatter us more than any other words that we hear. That three words are “Let’s break up”.
Those three words alone can make our heart race like mad. Make us sweat like it’s the hottest summer and can literally make us feel like we are going to die on the spot. Let’s admit it, we all hate to hear those three words.
And the moment we hear ”Let’s break up”, our initial reaction would be to immediately reject it. We don’t want the break up. We don’t want to let the relationship end. More importantly, we don’t want to lose the person who initiated the breakup.
So, we try all sorts of ways to try and get them to change their mind. We beg, plead, cry, get angry, and sometimes even threaten. However, these method hardly ever work. Your ex is firm about the break up and tell you that it’s not going to change. They tell you they will never get back with you again.
And because of this, many people believe that getting their ex back is impossible. They think there’s no way their ex will now want them back because their ex have made it to them clearly that it’s not going to happen.
However, as hopeless as it may seem, somewhere in their heart they still believe there’s hope. There’s hope that their ex will take them back one day. Do you feel the same?
Getting Your Ex Back Is The Easy Part
Many people believe that getting their ex back is the hard part. After all, they did leave you and even told you that they were never going to get back with you. However, I’m here to tell you that getting your ex back is actually the easy part. Keeping them after getting them back is the difficult part.
The reason why it’s easier to get your ex back than to keep them once you are back together with your ex, is because you already have the qualities that they like about you that made them want to be with you in the first place. But somehow as time went on, things happened and the magical feelings that were once shared between the two of you are gone.
The key is to bring back those qualities in you that attracted your ex and those feelings that your ex once had for you , and let them remember these feelings they had for you through your action and words. If you can bring back these feelings, you have a very good chance of getting your ex back.
But before you can actually show them the qualities that they love in you, you will have to first stop doing everything that is pushing them away from you. So here are 4 proven steps to attract your ex back into your life again.
STEP 1: Stop Anything That Is Pushing Your Ex Away
Many people, after the breakup, do not realize that they are actually jeopardizing the chances of getting their ex back by doing certain things that are actually annoying their ex.
Doing the following will only make them want to run further away from you and be more determined to never want to be with you again:
- Begging or pleading with your ex to take you back.
- Reasoning with your ex on why they should still be with you.
- Constantly calling or texting them.
- Telling them over and over that you love them.
- Using logic to explain to them what has happened in your relationship and why it’s better to stay in this relationship.
- Threatening them or using guilt to make them stay in the relationship.
- Scolding them to make them know how much they have hurt you.
- Showering them with affection and doing nice things for them.
- Crying in front of them to make you look pitiful.
- Telling his friends and family to convince your ex to get back with you.
Now, there are many more things that you might have done to try and make your ex want to get back with you, but chances are that these things that you are doing will only serve to drive your ex even further away from you.
Are you guilty of doing any of the above?
If you are, then you have to stop doing all these things right now. Stop before it’s too late. You see, none of the above rarely works because you are trying to make your ex change their mind about their decision.
You are in fact telling them that they are wrong. Nobody likes to hear that they are wrong. By doing any of the actions stated above, you are only going to reinforce in their minds why breaking up with you was the right thing to do.
If they really wanted to be with you, they would have not broken up with you in the first place. So, how do you get back with them if this is the case?
You have to let them come to the conclusion that they have made a mistake and want to get back with you on their own.
Now, you must probably be saying, “how on earth is it possible to let them realize that it is their mistake and have them want to get back with them on their own?”
Well, you do this by first giving them space and time to think things through on their own.
STEP 2: Start Limited Contact
Many people often confuse No Contact (NC) with Limited Contact (LC). There are various definitions of both of them but here is how I look at it:
No Contact Rule
In NC, you totally stay out of contact. That means you do not contact them. And if they contact you, you ignore them. If they call you, you do not pick up the phone. If they message you, you do not message back.
Basically you do not have any sort of contact whatsoever during the NC phase. And the general consensus is that you should at least have a minimum of 30 days of NC.
Limited Contact Rule
In LC, you only do not initiate contact. That means you do not contact them whatsoever unless for very important reasons that is not related to your breakup with them. For example, you may have left some important stuff at their place and you need it. In this case, you contact them to just take your stuff.
But if they do contact you, you reply back in a friendly manner and show that you are actually perfectly fine with the breakup.
For example, if your ex messages you, “Hey, how are you feeling?”. Instead of replying “Not so good. I’m still sad about our breakup and I’ve cried non-stop for several nights”, you reply back saying, “I’m feeling great! And I’m extremely excited for an event I have tonight haha!”.
The difference between the two is that one is meant to make your ex feel guilty about the breakup and what they have done to you, while the other is meant to shock your ex and make them wonder why you are so happy, as though the breakup has not affected you at all.
So which should you use – NC or LC?
Well, it depends. I tend to favor LC more than NC because it is much more effective for my clients to get their ex back. Not only is it more effective but it is also much more natural in the process of getting your ex back.
As an example, if you go on NC for 30 days and during that 30 days your ex has actually messaged you but you chose to ignore it. Now you are out of NC and you want to regain contact with your ex, how will you re-establish contact?
Saying something like “Hey, sorry I didn’t pick up your calls or reply your messages because I wanted to be alone for a while. Now I’m back”, would sound a bit weird. And also your ex will probably know that you went NC because that’s the most common thing to do after the breakup.
However, while I tend to favor LC, it is much tougher to implement than NC because you have to literally be okay with “being normal friends”.
STEP 3: Be Okay With Just Being Friends
Many people find this the hardest thing to do by far. I’m sure if your ex has just broken up with you, and your ex tells you to be friends, your reaction would probably to be just strangers if you two can’t be lovers right?
I know this is absolutely hard to do because after all, you two went from “couldn’t get enough of each other” to “nothing but just normal friends”. But this is the fastest way back into your ex’s heart.
The reason is that by being friends, this is the backdoor to your ex’s heart. Remember earlier I mentioned that the only way your ex will get back with you is if they themselves come to the conclusion that they may have made a mistake and want you back?
Well, you do not literally let them come to the conclusion all on their own. Rarely is that going to happen. You need to influence them to make them think that they made their decision all on their own. And being friends with them and be in LC with them, allows you to influence them to come to that decision!
To explain this concept, let’s use the example of the insurance sales person. Now, I’m sure lots of you might think that all insurance sales people are all out to “scam” you and to sell things that you don’t need.
I too have had this same thinking initially. Whenever I see an insurance sales person come up to me, I’d immediately make an excuse to go away or I’d just walk the other way to avoid having them speak to me.
However, one day I met a friend who happened to be an insurance sales person as well. At first I hesitated to talk to my friend but later on as we talked, we went to the subject of health and children. As she went on, I suddenly realized the importance of having an insurance!
So guess what? I bought a couple of insurance policy from my friend and I’m glad I did. The only reason I bought is because my friend influenced me. She influenced me not in the way of “manipulation” but in a way where she made me realize what insurance meant to me.
Due to her influence, I made up my mind that I wanted the insurance. It was my decision and all she did was to just let me realize that I needed the insurance.
Right now you are pretty much seen as that insurance sales person to your ex. But instead of selling insurance, you are trying to sell your ex your relationship to them, to get back with you. And that’s why your ex can’t help but run away from you when you do any of the things I mentioned earlier to try and get them back.
But if you stop selling your ex on your relationship, but instead influence them to realize what your relationship actually meant to them and how important you were to them, your ex would come to the conclusion on their own to get back with you!
So how do you influence them?
Step 4: The Power of Perceived Happiness
You want to be perceived as happy all the time. You see, everybody loves happy people. We love to see them, talk to them and be around them.
If you were to walk into a party and you see two people – One who looks very happy is surrounded by lots of people and everyone is laughing and talking to each other like they are all having fun. While the other looks pretty depressed and is all alone at the corner of the room and is constantly looking down on the floor.
If it were you, who would you approach if you wanted to have a good time at the party? Chances are you’d go hang out with the person who is surrounded with many people and looks happy, right?
So why do we want to hang around with happy people?
Because happy people makes us happy too! We feel alive when we talk to them and we feel good about ourselves as well.
And that is why you want to seem happy all the time. Now, I know what you must be thinking, “But how do I be happy if I’m depressed?”
The answer to that is you choose to be happy.
Happiness is a choice. Whether you choose to be happy or sad, it’s all your choice. While there is an in-depth study on choosing to be happy which I won’t go into details here, I just want to let you know that you do indeed have a choice to be happy.
When you become happy, your ex will start to wonder why you are happy. Questions like “Shouldn’t you be sad or depressed because of the break up?” would come up in their minds. And this is a good thing.
When you show happiness to your ex, it will remind your ex of all the good times they had with you. This is important because most likely towards the end of your relationship with your ex, you two were probably constantly quarreling, having disagreements or just plain negative interactions causing lots of unhappiness in you two.
With you now being happy, over time your ex will slowly associate you with how you were when you two just started dating. Those happy times when there were no quarrels and no fights.
Everyone seeks happiness in a relationship. No one seeks unhappiness. And once you have shown your ex this side of you again, they will “think” that you have changed and most likely bring up the possibility of you two reuniting again in their minds.
When this happens, it is only a matter of time before your ex gets back with you. This has happened to many of my clients and if you follow these 4 steps, you too will be on your way to reconcile with your ex.
Last but not least, realize and understand that getting back with your ex is a process and not something that you can make it happen overnight. Be patient and more importantly, remember these 4 steps all the time.