If you have just gone through a breakup, chances are your emotions are running on high and you start panicking. Thousands of questions run through your head and you can’t help but feel that this can’t be real. You miss your ex so much and all you can think of is them.
During this time, this is when trouble comes because when your emotions start to run wild, you start to act irrationally.
And if you want to get your ex back, then you have to take a step back and consciously realize what you are about to do. This is very important because you don’t want to act irrationally and suddenly start doing things you will regret soon after.
Ask yourself this question:
Imagine you rowing a boat and en route to your destination not too far away. Suddenly the boat you’re in starts leaking and you found out that there are holes at the bottom of your boat.
What will you do?
A) You quickly paddle your oars hoping you can reach your destination before your boat sinks.
B) You plug out the holes first to stop the boat from sinking then paddle your way to your destination.
I’m sure you would say B. That’s pretty common sense. But that’s not how people approach it when trying to get their ex back.
You see, in order to do the things to get your ex back, you must first NOT do certain things to stop your “relation-ship” from sinking.
These are the holes you must plug before you can safely row your boat to your destination which is to get your ex back.
So here are the 6 things that you must NOT do right after your breakup:
1. Contacting Your Ex
I know you have the urge to contact your ex. You somehow believe that “if I can just let them know [enter reason]”, then they will get back with me. Unfortunately this will never work. If it should work, then your ex would’ve gotten back with you the last 5 times you tried already.
It’s hard to not want to contact them, I know. But you have to control yourself. Because if you contact your ex now, it could dramatically jeopardize your chances of getting back with them.
Many people after a while of doing NC, start to lose their willpower. They then give in and start contacting their ex. Regardless of whether it’s just a voicemail, text message, physical letter, phone call or even pass messages through your mutual friends.
- Begging and pleading your ex to come back.
- Telling your ex how much you love them.
- Promising you will change.
- Threatening them (NEVER do this).
- Blaming them.
- Reasoning with them.
- Getting frustrated and doing all sorts of illogical and inappropriate things to get their attention.
- Accidentally bumping into your ex (Your ex will HATE this so don’t do it).
I urge you to stay strong, so hold on to your temptation to contact your ex and be patient because you will eventually contact your ex in the future, just not now.
So next time you have the urge to contact your ex, start going on dates instead. When you go on dates, you will distract yourself from wanting to contact your ex.
2. Spying on Your Ex
No checking Facebook or Twitter on what your ex is up to these days. It serves no purpose and will only make you feel worse. And if somehow your ex were to find out you were spying on them, then that will only make your ex detest you even more and run further away from you.
Don’t even get a mutual friend to tell you what your ex is doing. It will do no good to you psychologically. And if you catch yourself about to spy on your ex, ask yourself: “Is this the kind of person I envision myself to be? Is this really who I want to become?”
You see, when you check up on your ex or even think of checking up on your ex, there is a heavy psychological consequence when you do so. The mere thought of thinking what your ex might be doing can drive you crazy.
I had a client that was very obsessed on thinking about what their ex is doing at every moment. She couldn’t eat, sleep or even work. This thought was robbing the daylights out of her literally!
So I quickly stopped her and asked, “By constantly thinking about what your ex might be doing now, will it help your situation?”
She immediately replied, “Absolutely not! It’s driving me crazy!”
So I asked her, “Are you able to control what your ex does every day?”
Without hesitation again she said, “Not at all.”
So I told her, “So instead of wasting your mental capabilities on something you can’t control, why not focus on how you can use this situation you are in now to your advantage and get yourself in the best shape of your entire life!”
She immediately understood and worked on herself rigorously. If she had gone ahead and contact her ex-boyfriend and started “unleashing hell” on him, chances are she would most likely get blocked for good and could even possibly lose all chances of getting her ex-boyfriend back.
Life is too short to spend your time focusing on things that will make you unhappy. Get yourself back on track and focus on being attractive. And spying on your ex is definitely unattractive.
3. Getting Drunk
Now as much as you want to drown your sorrows and “feel better” after getting drunk, you actually won’t. What you are doing is temporarily suppressing your sorrow. Trust me, once you wake up and you’re sober again, the same feelings you had is going to come back.
Every time you have an urge to just go drinking and drown your sorrows, again interrupt yourself and ask your “Is your ex who broke up with you, who clearly don’t care about your feelings because they had the audacity to break up with you, worth you destroying your body and getting drunk?”
Instead, you should treat yourself to a nice dinner or a movie to celebrate and use the Mind-Frame Shift Technique to say to yourself “Thank goodness I know now my ex’s true colors and what kind of person my ex is. Imagine if this were to happen many years down the road instead! Better now than later.”
4. Don’t Talk About Your Breakup to Your Friends
Again this does not do anything to help you in your situation but make you feel worse ultimately. Sure you will temporarily feel good after you have poured your hearts out to them, but those feelings will all still come back to you few hours later.
We don’t want something that will only make us feel good temporarily. We want the good feelings to be permanent. By working on yourself to become attractive, that will make you feel good permanently.
But this is not the danger of speaking to your friends about your breakup. The real danger is in you unconsciously wanting to stay in depression and sadness.
Think about it – What happens when you tell your friends about your breakup?
They will console you and shower you with love and support. And at times like these, you will unconsciously continue to go back to a depression state because you want to go back to a place where you can feel good and loved.
5. Bad-mouthing your Ex
Now, if you want a chance of getting back with your ex, it’s best you do not bad-mouth him to your friends or family. These will reap serious consequences on two fronts:
Imagine you now gotten back with your ex and they find out you were saying those things about them when you two broke up. Upon finding out the bad things you said about them, your ex may even reconsider breaking up with you again and that will cause a whole new set of problems.
Imagine what your friends or family will think of you after you so heatedly bad-mouthed your ex and now you’re back with them. Your friends and family will probably not want to talk to you in future and even think of you as a hypocrite!
A good example is of the famous celebrity couple Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston. In a recent interview, Brad Pitt said that his marriage to actor Jennifer Aniston contributed to his bored state at that time. Though he retracted his comments later and claimed that his words were misunderstood, the damage control came a bit too late.
You see, when a relationship falls apart, a mature individual instinctively chooses to keep the details confidential, while there are a few who go to town mud-slinging each other.
Relationships require hard work. When a couple invests emotionally in their relationship, there’s an obvious sense of loss and a sinking void when the relationship is over. This often causes emotional turbulence and thus anger and resentment simmer like lava.
However, what you need to remember is that bad-mouthing your ex will only reflect badly on yourself and of your character. While it’s easy to point fingers at our ex and blaming them for what they have done to you, we also need to look at ourselves and realize that there are things that we could have probably done better to have avoided the situation in the first place.
So remember, if you are about to bad-mouth your ex, stop for a moment and ask yourself whether bad-mouthing your ex will do anything to help your situation if you do want to get back with your ex.
6. Contacting Your Ex’s New Partner
The surest way for your ex to never want to be with you again is if you directly contact their new lover. If you contact their new lover and harass them, your ex will probably detest you even more. The last thing you want is your ex coming to you to blame you for losing their lover.
So stay far, far away from their new lover. Anyway, statistics have shown that the majority of people who quickly get into another relationship is most likely just a rebound relationship and will end in a couple of months’ time.
Therefore, I strongly suggest you just wait till your ex sees you looking irresistibly attractive in the future and they will run to you like bees to honey!
And when that time comes, you can decide for yourself whether you want them back or not 😉