Have you ever wondered why your ex really broke up with you?
Some of you might have been told by your ex that the reason they broke up with you is because you changed.
You probably became too needy, insecure, pushy, and just took your ex for granted. Basically you were no longer like how you were at the start of the relationship.
Or, maybe you cheated with your ex and your ex got so mad and hurt that they no longer feel they can trust you and so broke up with you.
For some, it could be that your ex cheated on you and you were the one that broke up with your ex.
And then there’s some of you that haven’t a single clue why your ex broke off with you. It came so suddenly and you were certainly not expecting it. Basically you were blind-sided by the break up.
Regardless of the reason, the root of the break up comes down to just one thing – a loss of attraction.
Attraction is what brings two people together. And the loss of attraction is what separates two people.
So to build up attraction in your ex again towards you, you will have to approach your situation very strategically.
Therefore the question is – Can you still bring back attraction once it’s lost?
The answer is yes.
However, bringing back attraction isn’t the same as how you attracted your ex in the beginning.
To put it simply, there is a difference between attraction and re-attraction. To get your ex back, attraction can push your ex away. Whereas re-attraction will pull your ex towards you.
So how do you actually build up attraction once attraction is lost?
The first thing you need to understand is the difference between attraction and re-attraction.
Attraction VS. Re-Attraction
Back when you were dating with your ex, you were saying sweet things to your ex like “I miss you”, “I was thinking of you”, “I saw this and it reminded me of you”, and so on.
Many people mistake that if they said the same things after the break up, it would attract their ex again.
However that’s not the case and many of you probably already found out.
If you had already sent such a message to your ex and were given a negative response, or ignored, or even blocked, you must be puzzled as to why this has happened.
After all, you wanted to bring back the “sweet memories” that you both had and that should make your ex think positively towards you, or even miss you correct?
The context is different now.
Back then when you were still dating, things were exciting because you both didn’t have “history” together. You both would be excited about seeing each other, and even just staring at each other.
But that’s a whole different story now that you have “history” with your ex.
Basically your ex already have the experience of being with you, and that no longer appeals to them now because they have already lost attraction towards you.
The excitement and mystery of wondering how life is going to be with you is no longer there. Your ex already know how life is with you, and it probably didn’t make your ex feel good enough to make them want to stay.
Therefore telling your ex all these “sweet” words will not only not help you get your ex back, but it can even harm your chances.
This is because when your ex have broken up with you, they already know that you still want them.
You may even have asked for a second chance, or begged and pleaded with your ex to stay with you.
So your ex already knows you still want them back, and yet they still left.
Therefore there isn’t any change in the position you took with regards to wanting the relationship back.
So when you tell your ex you still love them, miss them, or think about them, it only lets your ex think of you as the ex that just can’t get over the break up.
And when this happens, your ex will think of you as a nuisance and an annoyance.
So while attraction works for when you both do not have “history” together, it can harm your chances when you’re trying to salvage your relationship.
What Is Re-Attraction
So if you can’t use attraction, then you got to use re-attraction. The similarity between attraction and re-attraction is that both approaches are meant to make your ex feel good towards you.
However the main difference is that re-attraction is much more subtle and is focused purely around good communication.
In attraction, you two may not necessarily have good communication for attraction. It could be just how you look at your partner then, or let them feel special, and they would be attracted.
In re-attraction, all these pale to having good communication. And what good communication really means is to let your ex feel good about himself/herself when talking to you.
Have you ever talked with someone and after talking with that person you just felt so good and want to continue talking with that person in the future?
That’s because that person had really good communication with you through the process of building strong rapport with you.
How To Have Good Communication With Your Ex
There are basically two general categories you fall into:
Category one is where you are in contact with your ex already, or can be in contact with your ex if you wanted to. That means you both have ended the relationship on friendly and amicable terms that your ex would still be able to have communication with you.
Of these two categories, naturally it would be easier to have good communication if you are still on friendly terms with your ex.
For category one, all you would have to do is to follow these principles:
1. Become genuinely interested in your ex’s interests and passion
2. Be a good listener: Encourage your ex to talk more about himself/herself.
3. Talk in terms of your ex’s interests.
4. Make your ex feel important – and do it sincerely.
5. Keep the message light, fun and positive, and get your ex to laugh when you can
These principles above are the key to building up good communication with your ex.
If you are in category two, then the first thing you would need to do is to address how your ex is feeling.
There is almost always a reason why your ex is not responding to you. It could be that you have annoyed your ex so much that they decided not to respond to you, or that you had hurt or angered your ex so much to the point they do not wish to have any contact with you.
Therefore the first thing would be to address how your ex feels and validate your ex. This generally comes in the form of an apology and then letting your ex know that you wanted to offer to be friends at the very least.
As to exactly what to say, this comes down to your individual situation and that’s where I help my clients customise their messages to their ex.
But the overall gist to be able have good communication with your ex is important to building attraction back to your ex again. This is because good communication brings about positive feelings, and positive feelings encourages attraction.
And once you have attraction back again, then it would only be a matter of time before your ex decides to be back with you again.
Your next step: Now that you understand how attraction is built in your ex again, the next step to take is to find out whether it is actually too late to get your ex back. Click on the box below to take the 2-minute quiz below to find out: