Is it possible to get your ex boyfriend to change his mind about the break up and get him to want you back again?
Well, it is definitely possible provided you take the correct steps. So how do you get him to change his mind and ask you to get back with him? Here are the steps to take:
Step 1: Understand Why He Broke Up With You
In order to change your ex’s mind about the break up, you will need to determine the cause of the breakup in the first place. However, this can be very tricky and sometimes very misleading, especially if your ex boyfriend is one who doesn’t like to explain his actions.
More often than not, your ex boyfriend might not mean what he says. And, we need to dig deeper to understand what he really means.
Here are a few common explanations that guys give when breaking up with a girl and what it really means:
1) His Breakup Reason: “I’m not ready for a relationship right now”
What He Really Means:
If your ex boyfriend says this, it only means that he feels that your relationship with him is dragging him down in some way or another. It’s not that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship – He just doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you.
When men say this, chances are that he feels really bogged down by this relationship and are almost always very unsatisfied in the relationship. More often than not, they don’t feel appreciated enough or don’t feel like the man in the relationship.
If this is the case, you have to really dig deep into your relationship and wonder why he is saying this. Here are a few questions to identify the root cause:
- Did you two constantly quarrel a lot when you were together?
- Were you always bossy with him?
- Did you two have some important issues that you both constantly disagreed on?
- Has he been saying to you that he feels unappreciated?
- Has he been constantly feeling unhappy when you two were together?
- Are you always the one who makes the decision in the house without asking him for his opinion?
2) His Breakup Reason: “I think we’re better off as friends”
What He Really Means:
This breakup reason is a bit ambiguous because there could be many reasons why he’d rather want to be friends with you than lovers. However, if your ex boyfriend has said this to you, it most likely means that he has lost interest in you and no longer attracted to you.
There could be for a myriad of reasons why he lost interest in you. If you two had only been together for less than six months, then it could be that he is just a player, moving from one “target” to another.
If he really is a player, then I’d strongly suggest that you re-consider wanting to get back with him because if you do, most likely you would have to go through another breakup with him in the near future when his interest in you wanes and seeks his interest in other ladies.
However, if you two had been together for quite some time, then chances are that his perception of you has changed from what he originally thought you were like.
For example, he was initially attracted to you because he thought you were a very independent person. But after being with you for some time, you started to become very dependent and clingy to him.
When this happens, his image and perception of you is no longer congruent to what he had originally imagined you to be or what he was attracted to in the first place. If he liked to be with someone who was dependent and clingy, he would have not dated and gotten together with you in the first place.
So, when you turned into this dependent and clingy person, he suddenly realized that you we were no longer the person he fell in love with and decided that he wants to just be friends with you.
3) His Breakup Reason: “You Deserve Better Than Me”
What He Really Means:
This is probably one of the most nonsensical reason to give for a break up because if you really wanted someone better, you would have been the one to break up with him in the first place. However, unfortunately, many men believe that they are really doing you a good deed by breaking up with you.
So, what does your ex boyfriend really mean when he says this? There are only two reasons why he would say this:
- He really feels that he is dragging you down in the relationship and therefore really means it as a self-sacrifice. In this case, he still loves you and really wants to be with you. But for your sake, he wants you to find someone better.
- He is masking the real reason why he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. More often than not, it boils down to a loss of attraction in you.
So, how do you know which category he belongs to? You can tell by his interaction with you when you were together. He might ask you if you regret being with him because he feels inadequate.
For example, he probably doesn’t earn much money and you two are having a hard time getting by with debts and expenses mounting up. Or it could be that he was unable to solve some of your problems for you when you need him the most. This will make him feel like he is useless and is unable to help the woman he loves, and thus decides that you deserve better.
But if he doesn’t exhibit any of these when you were with him, then I am very certain that he belongs to the latter where he is just giving you a reason to make you feel that there is absolutely nothing you can do to get him back.
4) His Breakup Reason: “I’m afraid of commitment”
What He Really Means:
You’re just not good enough at the moment to make him want to commit to you. If your ex-boyfriend says this to you, then there could be a possibility that he is a player.
Think about it – if he really has a problem with commitment, why would he get together with you in the first place? If he really is afraid of commitment, then he wouldn’t have gotten together with you.
The fact that he got together with you and now says this, just means he isn’t ready to settle down yet and still wants to explore his options.
5) His Breakup Reason: “I need some space to think things through”
What He Really Means:
When your ex boyfriend says this, chances are that he isn’t really lying about it. What he is trying to do is to spend some time apart from you to see if he really misses you and wants to still be with you. But what really triggers him to say this is something which stems from his unhappiness in the relationship.
If two people are extremely happy in a relationship, then there really would be no need to want to “have some space to think things through” because you both can’t wait to see each other daily. So, when your ex boyfriend tells you this, it is a dangerous sign that he is not happy in the relationship with you.
So why is he unhappy and unsatisfied? You have to think back and ask yourself whether there were times where he has expressed his unhappiness in any way? Have you two been constantly quarreling when you two were together?
When a man is unhappy in his relationship, it can usually be easily resolved if you can identify the source of his unhappiness, and show him that things will be different if you two were to get back together again.
Step 2: Show Him The Attractive Side of You
Now that you have uncovered the main reason why he broke up with you, the next thing you must remember is to not show him the “un-attractive side” of you (which was the reason why he broke up with you in the first place) and make all interactions you have with him a pleasant and positive one by showing him the attractive side of you.
As women, we have one thing going for us is that men are primarily “visual creatures”. Basically by making yourself look good at all times when he sees you is a powerful way of getting him to be attracted in you again. However, attraction is not just about looks.
Attraction consists of three attributes:
- Your Appearance
- Your Mindset
- Your Personality
We need to show your ex boyfriend these three attributes for him to want to regain any interest he has lost in you. You need to show him that you are not the same person as you were when you two broke up.
Why is this important?
Because if your ex boyfriend perceives that you are not the same person you were when he broke up with you, he will think that things could be different and create the possibility in his mind to want to be with you again.
If he still sees you as the same old you he broke up with, then there would be no incentive or reason for him to want to get back with you because in his mind he will associate the same you as the same relationship which he forsake. So, getting back with you would also mean getting back to the same old relationship, which he didn’t want in the first place!
So, what does it really mean to be attractive in your appearance, mindset and personality? It basically means to be perceived as being happy and positive!
Think back to the time when your ex boyfriend dated you. Were you sad or depressed? Most likely not. Chances are you were smiling all the time and laughing at the jokes he made. And that is what makes you attractive to your ex boyfriend!
You see, everybody wants to hang around happy and positive people. Imagine you go to a party. At the party, you see two people – one of them is constantly laughing, smiling and looking very happy, and the other is looking depressed and is constantly complaining to anyone he meets. If you had to choose between the two, who would you rather choose to hang out with?
Chances are that you’d want to hang around the happy person right? But is he really happy? Well, we don’t really know. What’s important is that he seems happy. And that’s all that matters because everyone is attracted to him.
So, one of the ways to change your ex boyfriend’s mind and become attractive to your ex again is to let him perceive you as happy and positive.
Step 3: Let Time Pass
Time is the biggest ally you have to getting your ex boyfriend back. For some people, it could be as short as a couple of weeks before your ex boyfriend changes his mind about your breakup and ask to get back with you. For others, it could take months or even years.
As they say, time is the greatest healing factor to any breakups. As time passes, the memories he had of how bad the relationship was would slowly, but surely, fade.
For example, can you remember clearly a bad incident that happened a couple of days back? Most likely you could because it was pretty recent. But what if I asked you to think back to a couple of months back or maybe even a couple of years ago? Chances are that your memory of it would be very vague. Definitely not as vivid as an incident that happened a couple of days back, right?
The reason is because as each day passes, our mind is filled with new information making the information we had some time ago not as clear as it was. And it is your job to make sure that his new memories of you are pleasant and fun ones.
Over time, when the good new memories have replaced the past unpleasant memories of you two, he will feel compelled to want to be with you.
So, let time pass and constantly show the positive side of you in any interaction with your ex boyfriend. Once he is exposed to this side of you constantly, he will start getting attracted to you again and this will get him to change his mind and want to get back with you.