So your ex has suddenly stopped responding to you. If you have sent a message to your ex and for some reason your ex still hasn’t responded to you, then chances are that your ex is ignoring you.
You start to feel panicky and worried that you may have said something wrong to your ex. So can you still get your ex to respond back to you?
Let’s break down your situation and analyse it in detail.
Now, there are generally two categories in which that your ex has stopped responding to you:
Category 1: You and your ex are still in a somewhat friendly communication and things seem to go fine until the last message you sent your ex and there was no reply at all. This caught you blindsided because you weren’t expecting this.
If you are in this category, then you don’t want to be too worried because if you had been on very friendly terms with your ex, there should be no reason for him/her to want to ignore you. However if you had said something wrong just prior to this, then you could fall into Category 3.
But other than that, we just want to give your ex the benefit of the doubt and see if he/she replies to you over the next few days.
Category 2: You have carried out the No Contact rule and feel you are ready to reach out to your ex. So you reach out to your ex but your ex does not respond to you.
There could be many reasons for this, and one of the important way to find out why your ex might not be responding to you lies in the last few communication you had with your ex.
Category 3: The past few messages with your ex had not gone too well. You were either quarreling with your ex, showing you were upset with your ex, or basically constantly talking about the relationship with with your ex and telling him/her to get back with you again.
For this, chances are that you have pushed your ex, and your ex is feeling annoyed that he/she doesn’t feel like replying back to you.
So once you’ve identified which category you’re in, the next thing is to find out…
Are You Blocked?
So the next thing you want to find out whether you are blocked. If you are not blocked then that is a good thing. That means that your ex could be busy and hasn’t the time to reply yet. For now you want to give your ex the benefit of the doubt and wait for a reply.
If you are blocked, then chances are that your ex must have felt annoyed and pushed by you that he/she doesn’t want to hear from you any longer. And if you are blocked, then you will want to read this article that I wrote on What To Do If Your Ex Blocks You.
So why does your ex not respond to you?
The Problem: Your Ex Isn’t Ready
There are a couple of reasons and it could be that your ex is genuinely busy or that it must have slipped his/her mind. However if your ex has read your message and chose not to reply, then chances are that your ex isn’t ready for communication with you yet.
So why isn’t your ex ready? There are a few possible reasons:
1) Your ex feels that you might probably try and push him/her even more for answers. I have many clients that feel the need to ask “why” so they can have closure. However this rarely helps because your ex might not possibly know why as well, or they are afraid that you will get more upset after knowing the truth and your ex certainly does not want to face this scenario.
2) Your ex just needs time to think things through because the break up has not just emotionally affected you, but it has also affected your ex. So taking time to cool down and think rationally is important for your ex.
3) Your ex has found someone new and is unable to commit his/her feelings to you anymore. Your ex also is afraid that you might jeopardise the situation for his/her new relationship, so until your ex can feel that you might just want to be platonic friends, it will be hard for your ex to be in communication with you.
So if your ex is in a new relationship, read this article on How To Get Your Ex To Leave His/Her New Lover (And Come Back To You).
So if you want to get your ex back now that your ex has stopped responding to you, the first thing you need to do is stop damaging your chances further. And by this, I mean that there are certain things you must not do:
Don’t Keep Contacting Your Ex
It’s important that you do not keep contacting your ex, through texts, social media like Facebook, or any other channels of communication, because you could annoy your ex even further that could get you blocked. You do not want to get yourself in that situation as it could get more challenging to get into communication with your ex again.
I know you may have the strong urge to want to ask your ex why he/she is ignoring you, but you must hold yourself back because doing so will only cause your ex to be even more annoyed and will pull even further away.
So before you pick up your phone to type a message to your ex, ask yourself whether the message you’re about to send will make your ex feel good towards you, or will it make your ex feel even more annoyed.
A lot of people feel the urge to know “what’s going on” in their ex’s life and that would lead them to spy on their ex. Do not do that.
The problem with spying is that when you see that your ex has someone new or that he/she is having so much fun hanging out with someone else, you will start to get emotional and feel very panicky.
When this happens, it could get you to say or do the wrong things which you may regret later. As an example, I had a client that was spying on his ex’s Facebook.
On his ex’s Facebook were pictures of his ex hanging out with another guy. He got so furious that he confronted her about this and said: “So you must have cheated on me and that’s why you broke up with me”.
That led to a huge quarrel and ended up with him calling her a “whore”. So things got blew out of proportion and that made his ex block him. And even after this, he still wants her back.
So the problem here is that there is absolutely no need for him to know whether his ex had been cheating on him because despite him knowing, he still wants her back.
However the damage had already been done. So before you go and approach your ex to ask him/her about anything, you want to first ask yourself “Will what I’m about to ask make my ex want to be closer with me, or stay further away from me?”
If the answer is that it will make your ex stay further, then you want to refrain from that question.
Generally many people turn to drinking to “drown their sorrows”. This is something you must not do, not because drinking of the action of drinking itself, but because of what you might possibly do when you are drunk.
Many people have the tendency to get very emotional after drinking and because of that, start to message their ex lots of things that shouldn’t be said like “How could you do this to me?”, “I love you so much but you betrayed me”, “I miss you. Please come back to me”, and other kinds of messages that will certainly make your ex want to stay further away from you.
When you do this, it gives your ex the impression that you are emotionally unstable. And this really shows the neediness and desperation from you, and it is absolutely unattractive.
If you want your ex back, you need to attract your ex back to you, and if you get yourself to be perceived as unattractive, then there would be no chance that your ex will consider being back with you again.
So getting yourself drunk could possibly put you in a position where your ex will think of you negatively and it will lower your chances of getting back with him/her again.
So don’t get drunk!
Never Bad-Mouth Your Ex
Bad-Mouthing your ex is like shooting yourself in the foot, if you have any intention to still get back with your ex. The reason is because when you bad-mouth your ex to your friends, there is a chance that your ex might hear about it somehow.
I had a client that complained about all the bad things to a friend. And it just so happens that that friend knows the ex and told the ex about this.
When the ex heard about this, the ex got so mad and confronted my client, and all my client could say was that she was very emotional and said the wrong things.
Because of what she has said, it made her ex want to stay in further away from her and was convinced that the break up was the right thing to do.
So do not get yourself into such a situation. If you want your ex back, you definitely do not want to say anything that could come round and bite you in the you-know-where.
Confronting Your Ex’s New Partner
And if your ex left you for someone else, you certainly do not want to confront your ex’s new partner because it can cause your ex to not just want to be with you ever again, but also hate you if you destroy your ex’s new relationship.
It will not do you any good to confront your ex’s partner. If it’s not this new partner, it will always be someone else because you are making yourself unattractive to your ex. So rather than confronting your ex’s new partner, you should be focusing on working on yourself. Make yourself attractive and that will let your ex have a greater reason to want to be with you again.
3 Steps To Get Your Ex To Respond Again
So now that you know what not to do, here are the steps to take to get your ex to respond to you again.
Step 1: Stay calm and be patient. Some times your ex could be busy or that he/she may have missed out on your message unintentionally. So give your ex the benefit of the doubt and let him/her get back to you in their own time.
You will be surprised how many of my clients thought their ex have stopped responding to them, only to wait a few days and have their ex finally respond. And also explaining the reason for not getting back to you earlier.
So be patient and stay calm.
Step 2: If after more than a week your ex still does not reply to you, you can try to message them again, but this time approach them asking for a simple advice that they are capable of giving. So if your ex is good at tennis, you can ask your ex for advice related to tennis.
What this does is that it gets your ex to be engaged in an area of his/her expertise and people are normally more willing to share advice in the area they are really interested in.
And the good thing about this is that it also changes the subject from before to “test” and see if your ex really is ignoring you, or that your ex just didn’t feel comfortable enough to reply the previous message of yours.
Step 3: If after send the message in Step 2 and your ex still doesn’t reply after another week, then you want to see if you are blocked as mentioned above.
If you are not blocked, then most likely your ex is not ready. So for this, I strongly suggest that you seek personalised help with regards to your situation because from there, there will be clues on why your ex is not responding and then using the information in your situation, a plan can be created for you to get your ex back.