One of the most common things that I hear people say about their ex is “My ex is really stubborn. So how can I get my ex back?”.
So in this post, I want to help you tackle this very problem on how you can get back with your ex if your ex is stubborn one.
First of all, let’s try and understand a little bit of what it means to have a “stubborn” ex.
Your Ex Will Stick To What He/She Says
One of the things that many of my clients will tell me is that when their ex makes a decision on something, they won’t change their mind.
Your ex may have probably told you any of the following:
“There’s no way I will fall in love with you again”
“There’s no way I will get back with you again”
“I will never love you anymore”
“I have already moved on and will not turn back”
“I don’t think there’s anymore hope for us”
There are many different variations of the above sentences of course, but the underlying gist of what your ex is trying to say is that he/she will never want to be with you again.
So, is this true?
Let’s really examine whether your ex actually always mean what he/she says.
For this, I want you to turn back to a time in the past when you were still in the relationship with your ex.
Preferably towards the beginning of the relationship when you two first got together. Has your ex ever said to you, what I call, “lovey dovey” words to you before?
For example, such words can be:
“I will always love you”
“I can’t live without you”
“I’m addicted to you”
“I want to stare in your eyes all day”
“I want to be with you all the time”
“I finally found my soul mate”
“I wish I had found you sooner”
“I want to marry you”
“I want to start a family with you”
And basically other words that declares or professes your ex’s feelings towards you.
I’m probably sure your ex had said this to you at one time or another correct? And if that’s the case, so why are you now reading this blog post hoping to get back with your ex again?
If your ex did declare and profess their love to you, then how come they have now changed their minds when they are clearly “stubborn”? And by that I mean why haven’t they remained “stubborn” in wanting to be with you?
Here’s the answer: People change their minds based on the new experiences they have.
We All Change Our Minds
Think about what I had said about people changing their minds based on the new experiences they have. In fact you probably have changed your mind many times before.
Have you ever gone to a mall with no intention to buy anything whatsoever, but in the end, you end up buying things anyway?
Have you ever said that you will do some housework when you get back home, but when you reach home, instead of doing the housework you decide to put it off for another day?
Have you ever told yourself you wanted to start a diet, or start exercising, or start a new business, but in the end never got to it?
If you are like most people, then I’m sure you have because this is human nature.
We all change our minds depending on the new experiences we have.
You see, in each of the situations above, I’m pretty sure you actually wanted to do those things. For example you really had no intention to buy anything at the mall, but suddenly there is a sale on, or there is something that really caught your eye and you just got to have it.
These are things that made you change your mind because you had a new experience going into the mall. It’s something that you hadn’t expect to happen.
So what has this all got to do with getting your ex back?
Well, it’s because this decision process you have in your mind is exactly the same with what your ex will be going through when deciding whether to get back with you!
Right now your ex is like the person prior to entering the mall with no intention to buy anything. So in this case, your ex has absolutely no interest to get back with you.
And your ex is certainly sure of that, and that is your ex’s actual intent. But you can influence your ex! You can influence your ex to want you back again. And by that I mean you can actually attract your ex back to you.
The 4 Principles of Attraction
So how do you actually attract your ex? That is most likely the top question you have in your mind right now. The thing is that there is no one single way to get your ex back because every single situation is unique.
After helping hundreds of my clients get their ex back, there are no two exact same situations. However there are the same standard human psychology that governs every relationship, and with that comes universal principles of attraction.
Just as there are principles to being successful, and principles to help you become happy, there are also principles to get your ex back.
And what that means is that as long as you use these principles, you will be able to get your ex back.
So here are the 4 Principles of Attraction:
Principle 1 – Your ex must link pleasure to you.
You see, we all make decisions in life out of two core human needs and that is the need to gain pleasure, and the need to avoid pain. If you really think about it, the reason your ex got together with you in the first place is because your ex had linked lots of pleasure to you in the beginning.
Your ex felt so much joy and happiness when he/she was with you and because of that, that made them want to be with you. We all seek happiness in life. And if your ex associate you with pleasure and happiness, your ex will want to be with you again.
Principle 2 – Your ex must not link pain to you
Naturally if your ex need to link pleasure to you to get back with you, then your ex must not link pain to you if you want any chance of your ex to want you back.
And if you really think about it, this is the reason why your relationship went south and the break up eventually happened.
Or you might have changed compared to how you were at the start of the relationship. Your ex might have perceived you to be of a certain person at the start of the relationship and that’s why your ex got together with you.
But as time passed, you changed and gave your ex a negative perception of you and made your ex suddenly feel like you’re no longer the person he/she first fell in love with.
The only reason your ex left you is because right now your ex is linking pain towards you and the relationship. On one end, there might have been too many fights, arguments, quarrels, conflicts in the relationship. On the other end, your relationship might have gotten to a point where it was so routine that it became boring and no longer exciting, that your ex no longer wants the relationship.
Principles 3 – Understanding your ex’s attraction points
If you want your ex back, you certainly need to know what it is that made your ex first fall in love with you.
Is it because your ex liked a certain characteristic about you? Was it because your ex liked that you were much more happy, positive and always laughing back then? So here are a few questions to help point you in the right direction:
What was it that made your ex fall in love with you in the first place?
What did your ex say he/she liked about you?
Compare the you that your ex fell in love with, and the you that your ex broke up with. What’s the difference?
Principle 4 – A Positive perception of you
Last but not least, if you want any chance of your ex to get back with you, you must re-create a positive perception in your ex towards you again. This is by no means an easy feat, but is certainly doable as I have helped many of my clients build a positive perception in their ex towards them, and eventually got back with them.
So, to create a positive perception again, you will have to contrast your action and words to your ex when you reach out to him/her. The basis of building a perception comes from within. It comes from your values and beliefs.
In order to build a positive perception that you want your ex to perceive of you, you will first have to adopt the values and beliefs of that positive perception.
If you’re blocked or your ex is ignoring you, I suggest you see this post here.
And if your ex is with someone new, then see this post here.
In order for you to really build a positive perception of you in your ex, it has to be certain consistent actions carried our over a sustained period of time. Because in the beginning, your ex will have a negative perception of you from the break up.
So as long as you are able to use these 4 principles of attraction, you will certainly have a very good chance to get your ex back.