So, you probably have heard of the No Contact Rule (NC) all over the internet and you are thinking of applying it in your situation. However, you realised that it is actually difficult because you and your ex work together.
Trying to not get in contact would be very difficult. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t actually avoid your ex completely. Especially if you both are in the same office or you have to have contact with your ex for work related matters.
You have thought of maybe transferring to another department, but that would be quite a drastic move just to avoid your ex. But the problem would come when end your NC phase because it would now make it harder for you to reach out to your ex because you two are no longer working together.
You may also have thought of quitting your job and looking for another one elsewhere. However, such a move would be even more drastic and to risk your career just to avoid your ex would not be very smart.
It seems that you are stuck in this dilemma on how to get into NC if you are working together with your ex.
So, what should you do?
Ignore The No Contact Rule
Because there is no way for you to completely avoid contact with your ex, then trying to do so would be pointless.
So, you should not get into NC. The NC Rule is generally for people who are not in a situation where they need to have contact with their exes.
In your case, you probably have to have contact with your ex, if not daily, at least once a week. Or maybe you only get to see your ex in the office without having to communicate with him/her.
So, what you should do instead is apply the Limited Contact Rule (LC). What LC really is, is that you do not initiate contact with your ex. However, if your ex does contact you, you do reply and respond back to him/her.
And here’s the key thing: You must reply them back in a very friendly and polite manner. This is very important because if you want your ex back, you will need to let them link pleasure towards you.
Link Pleasure Not Pain
What exactly do I mean by “linking pleasure”? Basically what this means is to let your ex feel good towards you.
You see, when your ex links pleasure towards you, that will make your ex more likely to grow his/her attraction towards you again.
There’s only really three ways to react to your ex when your ex gets in contact with you:
- Let your ex feel good towards you
- Let your ex feel bad towards you
- Let your ex feel neutral towards you
Of the three above, which do you think will give you the better chance for your ex to feel attracted towards you again?
Obviously when you let your ex feel good towards you, right?
So, why is this so? Because we humans act out of emotions and if you really think about it, the reason your ex got together with you in the first place was because he/she felt good towards you.
If your ex felt bad towards you in the first place, there was no way your ex would have gotten together with you at all.
Attraction Builds From Pleasure
So, one thing you really need to understand is that attraction grows from your ex linking pleasure towards you.
The reason you were also attracted to your ex in the first place was because you linked pleasure in you towards him/her. And that made you feel good and subsequently the feeling of attraction as well.
So, if you want your ex to be attracted to you again, you must let your ex link pleasure towards you again.
How do you get your ex to link pleasure towards you whenever your ex contacts you?
How To Link Pleasure Towards You
Here are a number of ways you can get your ex to link pleasure towards you when he/she gets in contact with you:
Be Very Friendly And Polite
When you are very friendly and polite, it makes speaking to you a pleasant experience. Most people after a breakup tend to get angry at their ex and try to show that they are upset. When you do that, it will make your ex feel even more resistant towards you.
So, it’s important to be very friendly and polite to your ex whenever your ex tries to reach out to you. Don’t worry about being friend-zoned here because you have to begin as friends again in order to bring back the attraction in your ex.
By making yourself approachable and pleasant, that can increase your chances of your ex getting back with you again.
Many people mistakenly believe that if they get angry with their ex and even talk badly about their ex to their colleagues, their ex would regret what he/she had done, and will get back with them. This will never happen. And this leads to my next point…
Say Positive Things About Your Ex
Many people have the urge to say bad and negative things about their ex to their friends and colleagues. This can be especially damaging if you are working together with your ex because words will go around quickly and when it does get to the ears of your ex, it will not leave a good impression on your ex at all.
And after saying all the negative things about your ex, do you think it would be more likely to get him to want to be with you, or more likely be even more determined to want to stay away from you?
Most likely the latter, right? So, it is important that you do not bad-mouth your ex if you want to have a chance to get back with him/her again. Instead of bad-mouthing your ex, you want to say positive things.
This way when word gets around and your ex hears that you had said positive things about him/her, that will in turn make your ex feel good towards you because everyone likes to be said positive things about them.
Encourage And Motivate Your Ex
Another important way for you to get your ex to link pleasure to you is to encourage and motivate your ex whenever he/she is feeling down. Not many people do this because they are still feeling so angry and even betrayed that their ex broke up with them. So, it would be very counterintuitive to do this.
But if you really think about it, when you encourage and motivate your ex, it will make your ex become emotionally dependent on you.
Think back when you were in a relationship with your ex. Imagine if whenever you were down, you went to your ex to seek comfort and your ex kept encouraging and motivating you. How would that have made you feel?
Really good, right? You will feel loved and cared for. And every time you feel down, what would you do? That’s right, you would go back to your ex to hear your ex encourage and motivate you again!
And without realising it, you have looked to your ex for emotional support to feel good. And that’s exactly what you are doing when you encourage and motivate your ex.
Over time if you do this consistently, without realising it, your ex will start to become emotionally dependent on you and can even realise his/her feelings for you again.
So, if you’ve never done this before, you have to do so!
Get Your Ex To Feel Good
Ultimately, if you want your ex to get back with you again, you have to let your ex feel good about himself/herself.
You see, we don’t seek a relationship just for the sake of having someone to accompany you. If that’s true, you could have gotten anyone at all. But instead, you chose your ex for a reason. And that’s because of the feelings you have gotten from your ex.
So, what we really seek in a relationship is the feelings that we can get from that person. And what we really want is to feel good because of that person.
That’s exactly what you want to do for your ex as well. You want to let your ex feel good each time he/she interacts with you.
And over time, it will let your ex gradually build up feelings towards you again.
Remember, the key to getting your ex back is consistency in your actions over a sustained period of time. It took your ex a sustained period of time of feeling negative to finally reach a point the he/she no longer wants the relationship. So it will require a sustained period of time of feeling positive to get your ex to want the relationship back again.
So, here’s a really good metaphor to remember: Imagine your ex is holding an empty cup. Each time you link pleasure to your ex in you, that cup will be filled up little by little. Each time you link pain in your ex towards you, that cup will be emptied. Your goal is to make that cup overflow.