Nothing beats the anticipation and mystery on feels when entering a new relationship. The newness of the relationship keeps everything fresh, exciting and spontaneous. It is, however, already not an easy feat to keep the relationship just like when you first got together with your ex, even if you both see each other daily. And it’s even much harder to do so when you are in a long distance relationship.
Long distance relationships are notorious for taking a toll on couples. This is because with the distance, there can be lots of issues that contribute to the demise of a relationship, that could have been easily avoided if both partners are seeing each other on a daily basis.
These include sharing a meal together, meeting for a cup of coffee, or even just taking a nice and romantic stroll in the park.
Sometimes, a break up is the catalyst to let one realise that they had taken their partner for granted and helps you appreciate your partner even more.
So now that you have broken up with your ex, how do you get back with him/her if you are in a long distance relationship?
The very first thing we need to understand is how to define what a long distance relationship really is.
Definition of A Long Distance Relationship
While most people like to think that they are in a long distance relationship just because they live an hour away from each other, that’s not exactly what I would consider a long distance relationship.
So what do I consider a long distance relationship?
Basically there are two categories:
The first one where there is a physically long distance between where you and your ex stays. So if your ex stays in a different country, in a different state, or in general it takes more than a day of commute to meet your ex, then you will be considered in a long distance relationship.
The second is where for some reason, you and your ex do not meet up often at all. It could be because of religious purposes. It could be that you both have met through internet and maintain the relationship only online. It could be for family reasons that you aren’t able to meet up with your ex regularly. It could be because of work (due to irregular work hours or constant travelling) that you both hardly get to meet. Or it could be for whatever reason that won’t allow you both to meet up often.
These are what I would consider long distance relationships. And one of the keys to getting your ex back is to really understand and study how certain couples are able to remain loving in a long distance relationship, and in many cases even grow their love for one another despite not meeting up often.
So there are a few things that you can do in a long distance relationship that can strengthen your relationship:
Be Very Understanding
The most important thing for a relationship to really survive and flourish in a long distance relationship is understanding. You must be understanding if you wish to have a good relationship with your ex.
For example, there can be lots of times when your ex might be busy and can’t get on the phone or over Skype to chat with you. You must be very understanding here and not get mad. One of the most common things that I’ve heard over and over again when I help my clients in their situation, is that they get very mad when their ex can’t speak to the over the phone because something came up in their ex’s schedule.
And this can lead to arguments, quarrels, fights, and even resentment. And when resentment sets in, that makes it even harder for both parties to show acts of love to each other. This will cause the relationship to deteriorate further in a downwards spiral.
In general, if two people were in the same location, they could have easily meet up, hold each other’s hands, hug and resolve this.
But when you are in a long distance relationship, you no longer have this luxury and you need to understand that if you keep getting into arguments with your ex because of this, you are actually training your ex to fear talking with you.
So as time passes, your ex will be more inclined to avoid talking with you because each time when you both talk, you both argue. And that can easily lead to the demise of the relationship.
Have A Well Communicated Plan For The Future
Ultimately, two people must have an idea of where their relationship is headed. Most of the time, the long distance relationship should only be temporary. It would be hard to really sustain a relationship if two people hardly meet at all, all the way till they both grow old.
Still, the physical presence is important for any relationship to really survive. So if both side have the expectation that the long distance is only temporary, then it is easy for either side to stay strong in the relationship.
However if there is no clear plan as to where the relationship is headed, then that’s where the trouble comes. So a clear plan of where the relationship is headed is important for the relationship to survive.
If both parties in the relationship are clear of when they will be able to reunite again and be with each other for good, then the stronger the chances of the relationship surviving. But if both parties don’t know what the future of the relationship holds for them, the higher the chance of the relationship going south.
Be Reasonable In Your Expectations
The reason why so many people argue and fight when they are in a long distance relationship is because they have failed to keep their expectations reasonable.
For example, if your ex has work to do, or is feeling very tired, or for some reason can’t come online or over the phone to speak with you, you shouldn’t “punish” your ex for it. In fact, you should let your ex feel good towards you, letting your ex realise that you are understanding and still show care and concern for your ex.
The number one reaction that many people would do when faced with such a scenario, is to get angry, and to jump to conclusions.
I’ve had many clients, that because of their ex being unable to get on the phone to speak with them, or go online to chat with them, they start accusing their ex. The common accusations are that their ex must be meeting someone new, or cheating on them, or no longer love them. However, their ex could just have simply been exhausted from work.
So this is very important to understand. If you were to swap places with your ex and be in your ex’s shoes, how would you feel if you got heat for something that you didn’t do?
Most likely you too would be upset, and may even find it absurd that your ex is accusing you of something that never even crossed your mind.
So if you want your ex to feel positive towards you, you must only have positive actions in your relationship. And this leads me to the next point.
Only Create Positive Actions
Positive actions are any actions that let your partner feel good towards you. These are actions like:
- Telling your partner you love him/her
- Be understanding to your partner not being able to speak to you
- Constantly showing support and encouragement to your partner
- Praising and validating your partner
- Saying and doing things for your partner that will make him/her feel good
The formula to have a good long distance relationship is simple – as long as the sum of all positive actions and feelings are greater than the negative actions and feelings in the relationship, your relationship will get stronger.
But if the sum of all negative actions and feelings become greater than the positive actions an feelings, then the relationship is doomed to failure.
So here comes the biggest question: how do you get your ex back now that you are no longer with your ex and you are in a long distance relationship?
If you really think about it, the reason your ex left the relationship is because your ex no longer felt happy or felt the way your ex would like to feel in the relationship.
So what caused your ex to feel this way? Most likely because of negative actions that occured to get your ex to feel negative towards you.
So in order for your ex to want this relationship back, your ex has to start to feel good towards you again. And how do you do that?
The answer: by getting your ex to link pleasure to you again. There are many ways to do that and it is different for each situation depending on whether you are blocked or not, or if your ex has someone new or not, or if you both have remained friends and are still in contact.
So to find out exactly how you can link pleasure to your ex below, click on the picture below to take a quick quiz to find out how you can get your ex to feel positive towards you again, and whether it is too late to get your ex back.