This has been a burning question on most of my female readers’ mind. The good news is that it is possible to make your ex boyfriend miss you badly after breakup. The not so good news is that it is not an easy task because it requires time and effort and it also needs you to follow the steps closely.
The Purpose Of Making Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You
Getting your ex boyfriend to miss you is an essential step in getting him back with you again. When he starts to miss you badly, the thought of wanting you to get back with him will inevitably come to him.
I have always advised my clients that the best way to get your ex boyfriend back is to directly and indirectly influence him to bring up the idea of giving the relationship a second try, especially if it was his idea to end it in the first place. This way, the renewed relationship has a better chance of succeeding in the long term.
Step 1: You Need To Give Your Ex Boyfriend Time To Miss You
This is also where the no contact rule comes in. When you think back to the time when you and your ex boyfriend first started seeing each other, did you find yourself missing him when even you two were apart for even a couple of days, and you cannot wait to see him again?
That is the power of absence because you are used to him being there so much that you cannot bear to not have him around, even if it’s only for a short while.
So, the first thing you need to do is to stop contacting him for at least a couple of weeks. If you are constantly in contact and making yourself very available to him, it doesn’t give him a chance to actually miss hearing from you or miss seeing you.
Cutting off communication temporarily means you should refrain from texting and calling your ex boyfriend. Sometimes it is difficult for you to do that, I know.
But, you need to exercise self-control and think about the big picture which is to get back with your ex. A moment of weakness can ruin all your previous efforts in saving your relationship. So, stay strong.
Step 2: Take Control Of Your Emotions
We women are not famous for taking control of our emotions. Especially right after a breakup, women are usually an emotional mess.
Have you ever found yourself crying to sleep night after night? Or have you had the urge to just pick up the phone and call your ex boyfriend to tell him that you miss him and you want him back? Or you just cannot stop checking his social media profile every five minutes to see what he has been up to?
Do you recognise a pattern there? Yes, that is a girl who has allowed emotions to take hold of her.
Ask yourself this – Would you be attracted to a girl like that if you were a guy?
Chances are that you’ll probably not because no guys will be attracted to a girl with low self-confidence.
So, it is very important for you to understand the power of being emotionally calm and in control.
Step 3: Focus On Yourself
Take your focus away from your ex boyfriend and start focusing on yourself. It might seem a bit counter-intuitive at first, but this is an essential step in making your ex boyfriend miss you and want you again. I will explain it in detail later.
First, let’s take a look at how you can focus on yourself and transform yourself into someone whom your ex-boyfriend will fall in love with all over again.
Make Yourself Physically Attractive
All guys are attracted to beautiful women, so we can use that to our advantage. Now is the time for you to do some shopping and get yourself new and sexy outfits. It will also be a good idea to go to hair salon for a new hair style.
By getting a different hair style and new outfits can make you feel like a brand new person. This sense of being refreshed will be apparent to the people around you, including your ex boyfriend. When he sees the “new you,” he wishes to see you more.
If you have not been going to gym for a long time, maybe you want to start hitting the gym regularly. Exercise will not only help you look fit, it will also help re-energize yourself and restore your self-confidence.
Become A Happy & Positive Person
No one likes to hang out with a sad and negative person. To make your ex miss you and want to be with you again, you need to project a happy and positive image of yourself.
Remember, happiness is actually a choice. If you are not happy, it is actually your choice to feel unhappy. No one can make you feel the way you are feeling unless you give them the power to do so.
There are many ways to become a happy and positive person. First of all, you need to get rid of all the negativity in your life. That means you should consciously stop yourself from using negative words and also thinking negative thoughts. If we allow ourselves to indulge in the negative thinking, it will just trigger a downward emotional spiral.
Have Fun & Go Out More
Next, you need to put more fun into your life and go out with friends more. This shows your ex-boyfriend that you are a fun loving person and you can enjoy life without him. Take photos of you having fun with your friends and post these photos on social media sites.
If your ex boyfriend is still friends with you on Facebook or Twitter, chances are that your ex boyfriend will see it. This will have a very powerful psychological impact on him.
First, he will start wondering why you don’t seem to be affected by the breakup at all. Also, it helps lower your ex boyfriend’s defense when you re-initiate contact with him later on because he is “convinced” (by all the fun photos you posted ) that you are not going to be the clingy, needy and desperate type of ex-girlfriend.
Okay, so why we should focus on yourself rather than your ex boyfriend in order to make him miss you? The reason is because when a person misses you, it is the good memories or good feelings you created when he was with you, that is making him want more of you and yearn for your company or presence.
Let’s look at an example. Why do you miss your ex boyfriend? Is it because you miss the feeling of being loved when he was with you? Is it because you miss all the fun things you two did together? Or is it because you miss the way he used to make you feel?
The same logic applies to your ex boyfriend. If you were to make him miss you, you would need to remind him subtly of the good memories you once had or the good feelings he had when he was with you.
By focusing on yourself to become physically attractive, happy and positive, you remind your ex boyfriend why he fell in love with you in the first place. That will bring back all the good feelings he once had when he met you.
Step 4: Re-initiate Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend
Now comes the important part of our plan. Remember that you should only re-initiate contact with your ex boyfriend when you are emotionally ready. If you don’t feel ready to meet your ex in person, don’t force yourself. Give yourself more time because the last thing we want is to have an emotional meltdown in front of your ex.
When you decide to re-initiate contact with your ex, it is a good idea to text him first and start a light-hearted and fun conversation. Make sure that you don’t send any of the generic and boring type of text messages.
A good example of an interesting text message would be something that reminds of your ex boyfriend about an inside joke or some good old memory of you two together.
Such a text message not only lets him think back to all the good times spent together with you, but it also engages him in the conversation and makes him want to carry on the conversation with you.
After you start talking to your ex boyfriend, you should avoid making the mistake of communicating with your him too frequently, telling him that you miss him, and also bringing up the topic of your relationship.
What you should do instead is to keep the conversation short, positive and fun. This will make him want to hear from you again.
Emily says
Haahhaha. I’m not too bright today. Great post!
kathy says
its been two months since my ex bf of three years broke up. he has a new girl but for the last three weeks we were having sex. All along he has told me not to be confused. But I finally got fed up with his crap and called his gf and told her what had been going on. Horrible thing is I don’t even think she believed me or didn’t want to. So he tells me he hates me and doesn’t love me and to never call him ever. I feel so alone and I’m tempted to move back home. He was all I had here. Now I’m stuck 3,000 miles from home. Now I know I was completly insane to call the new girl but I felt he had to learn a lesson. You can’t toy with people’s emotions. Anyway where I’m going with this, is I don’t want to ruin the chances of him and I ever getting back together. Do you think there is any hope. Before we broke up he was completly in love with me and I was the one to push him away. so is this some kind of game to punish me. We have been through so many things in the last three years. And I know how much he loved me. I just don’t believe that he could turn his feelings off so quickly. I know him very well, and I think he is just telling me this because he was hurt by me when I told him I wanted to be with other people which prompted this whole mess in the first place. So what do you think guys? I have been moving on but I feel that I have let my best friend and lover get away from me and it’s my fault. But I’m not sure if I’m willing to draw this out and see if he comes back which I’m hoping he will. At one point he told me that if I would of left him alone the first two weeks we broke up he would have been back in a heart beat. so did I ruin my chance?
elizabeth says
2 months after the break up. We were together for 3 years and lived together for 2. We were fighting a lot towards the end and he treated me very badly. It was both of our faults though. I was jealous and insecure and he was a depressed drug addict. We had a lot of great times as well. He left the house dec 31 and we talked a few times after that but only saw each other once the very first week of January and he started to fight with me again because he was high. He texted me a few times after that but I ignored them and now I am totally regretting not texting him back. Because now I haven’t heard from him in over a month and I want to text him so bad. He moved in to a mutual friend of ours house after he left our house. I never bring him up around our friend but the other day he said something about how he is never there and it’s left me wondering where does he sleep and where is he all the time? He’s very charming and cute and I know he’s in another girls bed right now. He used to accuse me of never being able to sleep alone and constantly needing attention but here he is doing exactly that. It hurts I guess. Our relationship was pretty rocky and part of me never wants to do that again but the other part thinks I should try again. I just don’t want anyone else to have him either I think. I would do anything to get a text from him right now. I don’t want to be the one who caves but am I really caving if he texted me over a month ago and I didn’t respond? I was doing fine for the past 6 weeks or so but for some reason yesterday and today have been rough. Coming home drunk and alone isn’t fun either. There are a lot of guys out there wanting to take me out but my ex I feel like has destroyed me and I can’t imagine being intimate with someone else. Why is it so easy for him? I think maybe he stopped loving me a while ago because you don’t treat someone you love like he treated me. Some nights I would lay in his arms and think to myself – I don’t even love this person anymore. But I crave him now and I think do love him. All I want is for someone else to walk into my life to make his memories fade. I am going out with my friends most weekends but the more I try and talk to new people the more I realize no one is as compatible as we were (yet) but why hasn’t he realized that? Just needed to get this off my mind and distract myself from texting him
felicia says
My ex completely blindsided me about 3 months ago. Other than responding to a text from me asking why he did it in that way after telling me earlier in the night everything between us was fine, he has not contacted me. I still hurt every day and it kills me that he hasn’t reached out to me at all. He was crying and holding me when he ended things, also told me how much he loved me and couldn’t imagine not having me in his life. My dad was in a similar situation back in the day and his theory is that my ex could still be hurting it not want to hurt me by contacting too soon. I’m just hurt so much by the lack of communication, has he completely forgotten about me?
Alice says
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years, and we got engaged only 2 months ago. Prior meeting to him, I had been depressed due to various things (wasn’t formally diagnosed), suffered (still struggling) from an eating disorder, and experienced anxiety attacks in the past. After meeting my boyfriend, I felt my depression had subsided but there were still some underlying issues – low self-esteem, insecurities, paranoia and anxiety. Nevertheless, I ignored my issues for a very long time and tried to maintain the relationship. However, there were numerous problems in our relationship which have caused me to become very anxious, nervous, and emotionally sensitive now – and I feel that I am going back to being depressed.
I experienced a terrible mental break-down 4 days ago, which my boyfriend witnessed, and since then I’ve been feeling extremely out of it, not communicating much – feeling the need to isolate myself. My boyfriend thinks I’m selfish for being so consumed by my own issues and do not even have a reason to feel depressed. He thinks my depression is merely a façade because outwardly my life seems ‘perfect.’ I tried to tell him that I need professional help, and really cannot explain what I’m going through. He tried to be supportive and things seemed to be all right.
This morning, however – JUST a day after I told him I wasn’t feeling okay mentally, and needed to seek help – this is what happens… He calls me in the morning, we talk normally, he starts saying how he felt so neglected for the past few days because I wasn’t really talking to him much post-mental breakdown, and how he couldn’t even concentrate on studying for his exams because of me. I told him that he had all weekend to study, but he often has this tendency to STOP focusing on school whenever we have a fight – and then holds me accountable for causing him stress and disallowing him to study. But anyway, I ignored that, and he asked me if I was talking to any of my other friends over the past few days of me feeling out of it. I told him no, not really, except I messaged one of my female friends saying congrats because her brother got into a very competitive medical school. Prior to this, I had only mentioned my friend’s brother ONCE in past to my fiancé – telling him how my friend’s brother got a very well-paying job right after he graduated, and I was happy for my friend and her family as they went through a lot of financially difficult times. This completely outraged my fiancé, and he got extremely anger over how I had to the time to congratulate my friend despite me feeling unwell. On top of that, my fiancé starts going on about how I was trying to rub it in his face about how accomplished my friend’s brother was (I had no intent of doing this) and how I was comparing ‘other men’ to my fiancé. I got extremely upset because I really had NO intention of doing this. In fact, my friend’s brother is married and I’ve only met him ONCE in person. Anyway, in response to this my fiancé says “oh well you know, Lisa (his female friend) is really smart too. She’s an engineer, and she’s going to pursue her masters and she’s doing really well in life.” I got extremely upset over this because I couldn’t believe he was taking me congratulating my friend to THIS extent. Then causing my fiancé to say “see how it feels? When you try to rub the accomplishments of others in my face. Just wanted you to get a taste of your own medicine.”
I got mad at this, and he goes on to tell me how selfish I am, and I only care about things I’m sensitive about, but not things that affect him (me congratulating my FRIEND about her brother being one example) – he then said we should not stay in touch anymore, because I don’t care about this relationship or him and I’m the most selfish person he’s met in life, and how he sees no future with me whatsoever, and told me not to contact him ever again. I just stayed completely silent because I am so mentally drained at this point and don’t even know what’s happening with myself.
I’m just really, really upset because I’m already dealing with so many mental issues. Waking up and living life is such a burden for me, and now I have to live with the guilt for destroying my finace’s life and our relationship?
jess says
It has almost been six months since we broke up. I thought I was doing good on moving on the last couple of months. I’ve dated which has not really interested. Maybe with that I’m just not ready.
The last few days my mind has been on him. I’ve have not done very much because of it. I wonder why he been occupying my mind more. I’m not saying he has never I always think about him. It just seems lately it is more. I didn’t even go to his parents house like I’ve been doing for the last 14 yrs at Thanksgiving to have my cheesecake his mother makes for me. Yes they were expecting me that night. I was just not ready to see him yet. Even though I should have because it would have reminded me why we are not together. Because I had heard he was trash and being his nasty self.
I’m I lonely? I’ve kept myself busy for the most part. I just know this morning I almost called him to ask if he would like to go out for breakfast. Which I didn’t but I don’t even like that I even thought of that. I’m just tired of him taking up space in my thoughts.
lydia says
My ex and I are both teachers in a high school. We both started there the same year and from the start there was a connection between us. We started going out and things were great. People in work knew but neither of us publicly acknowledged our relationship. He was my first love, and I think that I was also his, even though we were both 23 at the time.
Things were going well and I was so so happy. There were problems in the bedroom involving him not lasting at all long enough but I overlooked this because I loved him so much. All of a sudden he stops texting me and makes excuses about why he could not meet me. He ignored my phone calls for 3 weeks until one night he text me to say that he didn’t want a girlfriend.
I was devastated as I had built everything around him, my fault I know. Friends decided I should get over him by going clubbing so the next night we all went out. Inside the club he got one of his friends to brush off me so that I would turn around and see him kissing another girl. He also posted photos of them kissing on Facebook.
We went back to school in September. I had gone on anti depressants at this time. I started seeing this new guy and I made sure this information got back to my ex by saying that I was going to Paris with my new boyfriend for the weekend. Naturally this relationship did not work out because I was so obsessed with my ex.
We hooked up at our Xmas party, I thought he wanted to get back together, he just wanted sex. Again he could not manage to actually penetrate me so we just went to sleep. The next morning he threw me out.
I began to obsess more over him, constantly checking his twitter. I text him to ask him could we talk, he refused. Another summer followed during which I was suicidal for some weeks. I went to counselling, useless. We came bk to school in September and I decided to no longer speak to him.
This worked well for a while until we had a colleague’s birthday and both ended up flirting again. He has since told me that he regrets letting me go but the atmosphere at work is toxic as I have been painted as the bitch. We have three months off as from today and I do not know how I will get through three months of not seeing him. Why can I not get over him ?
Ally says
I am a 31-year-old single mother. My son is 11, and is a very healthy and happy boy. Fifteen months ago, I went to pick up my son’s soccer uniform for the season and met the man who was supposed to be my husband…my son’s coach! A 26-year-old single dad of a beautiful, vibrant 4-year-old girl (she is now 5). The next few months were a fairy-tale romance. He swept me off my feet. Pursued me to no end, and had a great bond with my son. I also fell madly in love with his daughter. We decided to move in together after only 5 months of dating. I was a little skeptical because I had been hurt in the past, but this man seemed so wonderful. I thought I would throw caution to the wind as everything was going seemingly perfect.
He had never lived with a woman before (his daughter was born out of a casual relationship), so I knew it would be an adjustment for him. Whereas I was in a relationship with my son’s father for many years and we owned a home together. I must admit, looking back that a red flag should have been the fact that he had many short-term relationships with the longest one having lasted 11 months. He told me stories of women who had cheated on him and just didn’t appreciate having a “nice guy” in their life. I believe him because he was the sweetest thing I had ever known. Shortly after moving in together, I began to feel emotionally overwhelmed by his constant need for attention and validation. He was emotionally needy and it felt like he was telling me “I love you” every 5 minutes. I brought this up to him as it was really bothering me. I told him I felt that he told me so much because he needed to hear it back. I was also honest about feeling overwhelmed and he said he would “cool it” and things moved along nicely for a while.
Two months after moving in together, we took a romantic vacation away from the children to Jamaica, where he proposed and took my breathe away with a beautiful candlelit dinner all for me. I said “yes” and felt so blessed I had met the man of my dreams. We returned to immediately start planning our wedding (which was booked for September 20, 2015). However, shortly after I started to notice that he was lying. It was little things at first, for example what he had eaten that day. It seemed very strange that a person would lie about something like this. I also found a photo on his cell phone of him at a charity car wash surrounded by women in bikinis with his arms around them. The picture was taken two months before the proposal so I chose to forget it and move on. Then came the new year and things seemed very inconsistent with us. His moods were very up and down. I was noticing he had a temper….and the little lies continued. We were arguing quite a bit and in February everything came to a head. My ex-fiancé started an argument out of nowhere and took off from our house. When he came home, I noticed that he smelled like smoke and alcohol. I asked him where he’d been. He told me three different stories. I then told him I needed to go to my friend’s house for the night as I needed some space to think. He got angry with me and insisted I not leave. This is when I told him, that I was having second thoughts and didn’t know about us anymore and I left.
In the morning (February 14th valentines day) when I had calmed down, I called my ex-fiancé to tell him I love him and want to talk only to find out that he was at Uhaul renting a truck to move out. I immediately became emotional and asked why he was doing this. He said because I had told him I didn’t know about us anymore. I explained it was a heated argument caused by his inability to tell the truth, and couldn’t believe he was moving out with no follow-up. When I returned to our house, all his stuff was gone. We spent the next month going back and forth, and in March he agreed to move back home except only a week after moving back in, I found out he had been on a personal ad site soliciting women back in February (around the same time that he decided to leave me). I was crushed and became very depressed. I started drinking a lot more than usual and while intoxicated, I would accuse him of cheating on me and say mean things. I couldn’t bring myself to be intimate with him and if he tried, I’d burst into tears. Ultimately this affected our relationship. He was only home again until the end of May when he abruptly left one day without any explanation.
He initially told me he had packed up to get my attention and make me “Fight” for his love. Then he told me it’s because we weren’t having sex as frequently as he’d like. The he said it was because I had a drinking problem. I don’t know what the real reason is…..I immediately tried to contact him when I came home to his stuff being gone and he was ice cold. Said he didn’t have time to deal with me. I cried for weeks, was throwing up all the time, lost weight and each time I reached out he was more cruel than the last. Since then (2 months) he has told me multiple times he wants to “work on us” but then quickly changes his mind. He has come to the house several times to be intimate with me and then ignores me for days. He blows hot and cold but says I’m not being patient enough. I think I have a right to be upset by his behavior. I feel like he does cruel things to purposely hurt me. He was very abused by his father as a child and has low self esteem. It seems like he has power and control issues and manages my emotions by leaving and coming back. However, I am starting to feel like I am crazy and it is my fault. What do you think?