Today I want to share a great success story from one of my clients who had just told me that her ex-boyfriend has just proposed to her! This was what she sent me:
This is one of the reasons why I love doing what I do, and salvaging relationships and turn it into happy endings 🙂
And this was certainly what happened with Jocelyn (not her real name).
Jocelyn’s Situation When She First Came To Me
Now, while you may see that Jocelyn has a very happy ending now and is getting married, her situation was far from how it is now.
In fact, when she started working with me to get her ex back, her ex was ignoring her messages.
Leading up to the break up, her ex had started to go cold on her. Her ex would start to become “busy” and would even find excuses not to meet up with her.
At that time, she felt that something was not right and she wanted to ask her ex about what’s happening.
So what she did was to message her ex whether anything was wrong between them. Her ex initially said nothing was wrong.
If you experienced such a reply from your ex as well, then something IS wrong. Your ex is just not telling you anything until he/she is sure about what to do. But one thing is certain – your ex is contemplating a break up.
So back to our story with Jocelyn. When she read that reply, she felt it was not an acceptable answer. She continued probing more until her ex finally said “I’m not sure of my feelings for you anymore”.
And that’s when Jocelyn’s heart sank and she was in shock. When she asked what he meant, his ex gave all sorts of different answers and excuse, along with the infamous phrase “it’s not you, it’s me”.
If your ex says that to you, it’s definitely you. Your ex just doesn’t want to get into a fight or argument about it.
So when Jocelyn heard that, she got frustrated and asked things like “don’t you love me anymore?”, “what about the promise you kept that you will always love me?”, and “you cannot do this to me!”.
All these will only add more stress to your ex and that’s wha happened with Jocelyn’s ex. And that’s when he finally said “Let’s break up. It’s not working”.
And that’s when Jocelyn’s heart started to pound very fast and she started to cry.
Over the next few days, Jocelyn had begged and pleaded with her ex to get back with her but that did not work. Not only did it fall upon deaf ears, but she had unknowingly pushed her ex further away.
The Plan To Win Her Ex Back
So upon hearing her situation, I really understanding what went wrong in the relationship, I quickly put a plan for her in place.
The plan was simple and based on her situation, she needs to stop letting her ex see this pitiful version of her. But rather let her ex EXPERIENCE a fun, positive side of her.
This was going to take time because Jocelyn was definitely not in her right mindset after all that’s happened.
So rather then get her to continuously message her ex to get back with her, which absolutely doesn’t work, I got her to work on herself.
You see, many people think that it’s what “clever words” to say to their ex to get them back. Unfortunately to tell you the truth, it’s NOT words that get your ex back. It’s how they PERCEIVE you that will get them back.
And perception is a mixture of many things, mainly character, personality, the intention of your words, and also the feeling your ex gets when you talk to him.
So I immediately got Jocelyn to go through my Core Attraction Foundational Training. This is where I got Jocelyn to realise what it exactly was that got her ex attracted to her in the first place, and what exactly it was that got her ex to lose interest in her.
Ninety percent of the time, when your ex lose interest in you, it’s mainly because of how you made him/her feel in the relationship.
You see, people leave relationships out of only 2 real reasons:
- Either they are unhappy in the relationship
- Or they are not feeling the way they want to feel in the relationship
And all this boils down to how YOU make your ex feel in in the relationship. In another words, you have direct influence over how your ex feels, and that leads to the outcome of your relationship.
So once I got Jocelyn to realise the core traits in her that were attractive, and the things that were unattractive, we started our plan to reach out to her ex.
The Reach Out To Her Ex
One thing before we actually reached out to Jocelyn’s ex, I told her that the most important thing she must keep in mind is the perception her ex has towards her.
So we had to deliberate get her to CONTRAST some of her actions and words from what her ex was already EXPECTING her to say or do.
Only with that can we change the perception of her ex.
So I helped her craft a very simple and friendly text. It was a topic around her ex’s interest. It was nothing to do with the relationship, nor was it anything to do with her or him.
Through understanding her situation, I found out that one of the common interest and passion that she shares with her ex is her dog. They both love dogs so this was the common point of interest that I told her to work on.
Surely enough, after sending the first message (which was very polite and friendly), that got her ex to reply back to her.
That was the first step, to re-establish friendly communication. Now, there are TONS of ways to do that and how to do so really depends on your situation. So do NOT use this advice that I gave Jocelyn as a one-size-fits-all solution.
EVERY situation I take on is UNIQUE and DIFFERENT. So each situation is to be dealt with differently.
So at that point, I helped Jocelyn with some tips, based on her conversation with her ex, to build up more rapport. The goal is to make her ex feel good again when conversing with Jocelyn.
That’s one thing that is missing in many relationships.
So at that point, with my help, Jocelyn started to get into very good back and forth communication with her ex. And it was clear that her ex was feeling really positive and engaged in the conversations with her.
At this point, we started to ramp up the frequency of the messages a little and get into what I call the “Pattern Phase”. This is where we really build a positive impression in the mind of her ex.
With the Pattern Phase, her ex started to really open up and they even started to hang out together again.
While hanging out, Jocelyn found out that her ex had started to feel rather depressed because of his work. This was where I told Jocelyn to put his ex feelings first BEFORE her own.
And what that meant was to not even suggest to get back with him. But rather, FIRST start to get him out of the depression and letting him feel good. When that happens, her ex will realise how much he needs her because she is the only one there for her in his toughest time.
This went on for some time and finally a month later from that point, Jocelyn’s ex proposed.
How You Can Get Your Ex Back
If you want to get your ex back, the most IMPORTANT thing you need to realise is that your ex broke up with you because of the way your ex was feeling in the relationship.
When that happens, no amount of words can get your ex back to you. In fact, it can push your ex further away.
The most important thing is to understand what your ex is feeling. Why does your ex feel that way, and what is it that your ex would like to feel in the relationship.
With that, you are able to put a plan in place to get your ex back.
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