Break ups are tough. It is painful, depressing and emotionally draining.
Even if you ended on amicable terms with your ex, it is still tough because no one really enters a relationship only to break up in the end.
Unfortunately, almost everyone will go through it at some point in time as not all relationships work out in the end.
So, how do you cope with your breakup? Before I go into the details on how to survive a breakup, let us first take a look at the different stages of breakups.
Once you have fully understood the different stages of breakups, you will be better prepared to deal with the emotional stress post-breakup.
No matter how you look at your break up, it will always hurt. So while you cannot immediately get rid of that painful feeling you have, you can certainly take steps to help you really feel better much quickly.
Here are a few ways to help you deal with breakups and get over this dark period of time in your life:
1) Talk It Out With Close Friends/Family Member
You should never go through a breakup alone. It is always good to talk it out with close friends or family members who will be more than willing to lend a listening ear or lend a crying shoulder.
Keeping it all to yourself is not healthy. You need to get it out of your system. The more you talk about it, the sooner you will find it easy to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over.
2) Hit The Gym And Start Exercising
A good workout daily can help your body release endorphins (it’s what makes you feel good). This in turn will help you lower your emotional stress from your breakup.
Exercising also helps you stay fit and shed some excessive weight and make you feel good about yourself.
3) Think About What You Still Have
I understand that you will feel lost and abandoned and alone. You might feel that the future seems so bleak and meaningless. All the plans that you two have made together are gone now and you feel that you won’t be able to love again.
However you may be forgetting that you still have many things. That could be your friends that love you, your family that loves you, or the job or work that you love. There are many things that you can still be happy and excited about in your life. You want to start focusing on these areas that you have neglected because of your relationship with your ex.
Remember, breakups don’t mean the end of world. There are other great things in your life that you are just temporarily too blinded to see. Think about all the wonderful things around you.
4) Do Things That You Enjoy
You can also use this period of time to do things that you enjoy doing. It might be watching comedy or singing or playing an music instrument or drawing or playing a sports.
Many people realise that after their break up, they no longer have any friends. That is because they had neglected their friends when they got together with their ex. So you too may have neglected some friends or family members because of your ex. It’s time to build back the relationships you’ve lost because of your ex.
When you do activities that will bring a smile to your face, it will help to break the negative emotional pattern you are in right now.
5) Stop Contact With Your Ex
In order for you to get over the breakup and move on fast, the first thing you need to do is cut off contact with your ex. In fact, if you are emotional right now, then temporarily stoping contact with your ex, and getting into No Contact can help you win your ex back at a later time.
The most important thing to get your ex back is to create a positive perception in your ex towards you. However that can only be done if you are able to manage your emotions well, and not get needy and desperate towards your ex.
So why do you need to stop contact with your ex?
The reason is because if you still keep in contact with your ex, you will be reminded of your ex constantly. It will be difficult to clear your mind and get accustomed to the fact that you are now single and your ex is no longer a part of your life.
By cutting off contact for at least one to three months, it helps you grieve and heal and restore your life to normal.
6) Go On Dates
Going on dates is one of the most quickest and powerful ways to really help you feel better after a break up. The reason is because when you start dating again, not only can you gain your confidence again, but you are also able to find your attractiveness again.
The you that your ex first fell in love with is you at your most attractive state. That is what you must get back to if you want to get your ex back again.
Going on dates can help you remember how you were like back when your ex first fell in love with you. And when you “find yourself” again, you will be able to show a side of you that originally made your ex get together with you in the first place.
So going on dates is a powerful, yet under-utilised method.
7) Never Go Running Back To Your Ex Because You Feel Lonely
You will feel lonely and sad post breakup, and you will be tempted to call your back up or text them in hopes of getting back together.
That is a big NO NO. you will most likely find yourself regretting the decision very soon and possibly put yourself through another breakup.
8) Forgive Your Ex
You need to get rid of the resentment you are harboring towards your ex. Maybe your ex cheated on you. Maybe your ex hurt you. Or maybe your ex did something nasty towards you. Whatever it is, it is all in the past. Learning to let go and forgive can let the healing process be much quicker for you.
One way to think about this is why do you let someone who is no longer in your life, affect how you feel at each given moment?
We were all born into this world individually. You were perfectly fine before your ex came along. So you can certainly be fine again right now!
The most depressed and negative people are the people who always live in the past. Remember, you only have a limited time on earth. Are you planning to spend every waking minute of your life hating your ex and stop living your life?
Time to forgive and start living the life you want to.
9) Never Allow Yourself To Feel Worthless
If you are reading this, most likely that you are on the receiving end of the breakup. Let me tell you that you are amazing.
Just because your ex is too blind to see it, it doesn’t mean that you are not. Never never allow yourself to feel worthless. Your self-worth is defined by yourself, not by anyone else. Remember, you are who you think you are.
Ask yourself a few questions:
Right now, are you the person you have envisioned yourself to be?
If not, who is the person you want to be?
The way you are right now, is this the best you that you can become?
If not, then what is a “perfect ten” version of you?
And more importantly, ask yourself this daily “How can I be the best version of myself today?”
When you ask these questions, it will let you feel empowered.
If you haven’t already realised, we are always asking questions in our mind. This is how our mind works. Therefore if you are already asking questions in your mind, you want to ask questions that actually empower you rather than make yourself feel bad.
The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So if you are still feeling negative, that’s because you are asking yourself disempowering questions.
If you want to start to heal from your break up, and really start to show the attractive side of you again, then start asking empowering questions.
10) Just Give Yourself Time
Time will heal all the wounds. Believe me, it is true. With time, it will hurt less and it will get better.
Post-Breakup Don’ts:
- Don’t immediately reach out to your ex if you are still feeling emotional. Wait for at least a month before you start befriending your ex again.
- Don’t talk to or keep in touch with your ex’s friends as they will obviously be taking your ex’s side.
- Don’t talk negatively about your ex after breakup. After all, your ex was someone you once fell deeply in love with. Put the past behind you. And there’s a possibility that the negative words can reach your ex’s ears. If you are thinking of getting your ex back still, then you certainly do not want that to happen.
- Don’t tell your ex any indiscretions that you had before the breakup. I know you might just want to anger your ex and seek revenge. But it might just make your ex feel that he/she was right to break up with you in the first place. Also it will kill any chances you have of you getting back together in case you want to in the future.
- Don’t hook up with your ex post breakup. You might be tempted to do it, but it will only complicate things and make you feel more confused.
Breakups are not the end of world. With time, you will get over your breakup. And when that happens, it can put you in a much better position to get your ex back.
lilly says
we borke up 20 days back since then my whole grp is happy or our breakup we were very serious about it idk what to do he has blocked me as well.. i really want him back
lilly says
its been 5 weeks since my ex and i broke up nowhe hates me we got back in between then he blocked me evrywhere idk what to do i love him alot.
Clayton says
Why does the article constantly say “he”? Like only guys are the ones who break up a relationship?
miranda says
I broke up with my ex-boyfriend about two months ago but I still can’t forget him.I don’t know what is the reason that we had to break up.He told me that he still can’t forget his ex-girlfriend and I believed him in the beginning.No longer,I found that it was only a lie.He has a new girlfriend who is studying in the same school with him.I’m very sad to hear that but he did not cheat me.He told me that he has a girlfriend now.We still contact each other but hardly meet.He said he’s busy but I think he is only trying to give excuses.Sometimes,I look for him at his working place but we don’t talk much.I really miss him very much and I can’t forget him.I really hope that we still can get back together one day.I’ll love him forever and wait for him to come back no matter how long it takes.I love him very very much!
Anonymous says
My dear i advice u to jst forget him and move on
Donny says
I’m having the hardest time with my breakup. It’s been 5 weeks. What’s she thinking?
At this point, I realize I most likely will never get back with my ex. When we broke up about 5 weeks ago, she seemed tired of it and kind of indifferent. She said things like “things aren’t the same” and “it’s not as comfortable as it used to be”. Our issue was sex. She was my first sex and girlfriend. I had trouble getting up right away because I was nervous. She thought it was because I wasn’t attracted to her. But kept saying how she wasn’t happy with sex.
This was a week after we got back together and had an emotional moment. She was crying and saying she loved me. And she NEVER cried in front of me.
We had an awkward weekend and then she became distant.
Things didn’t get better. the 3 weeks before we broke up, we had a bunch of fights that never got better.
She didn’t want to work on things anymore, she got tired of the talks to fix the arguments.
I’m pretty upset right now. This whole time, from her point of view, she probably sees that I’m out having a good time and it didn’t bother me. She even asked my friend how I was a week after the breakup. But he and my friends know I’ve been miserable this whole time.
I’ve had hope me doing No Contact she would contact me, but it hasn’t happened.
I think one of our mutual (her) friends came over to drink once and took her stuff that was here without me even knowing.
I miss her and the relationship so bad. She was my first sex and first legit girlfriend, and I get depressed thinking about it.
Even her best friends don’t know why she did the things she did.
My best friend said he talked to her and while they didn’t go into depth about ANYTHING, he could tell she checked out and there is zero chance we’d get back together.
FAST FORWARD AND THIS BELOW HAPPENED A WEEK AGO
What are reasons for an ex girlfriend to not make eye contact (she looked at me once and when I turned she looked the other way) at lunch. She’d turn and talk to my friend but it was like she was trying to not acknowledge me. What the hell?! It’s been a month and it’s pretty much her fault that she wanted to end it.
It’s been a month of no texting/calling.
Does she have another guy already? Does she miss me? What gives?!
Antonio says
I am currently doing the coaching lite programme. It’s been about the same amount of time for me around 5 weeks although this was not my first relationship. My advice is you could try the help here, although I cannot say anything so far but will update if anything positive happens. You should spend time looking at your girlfriends flaws and not feel guilty about your self. No one is perfect and your girlfriend was not perfect either. The other thing is you could try making contact and not wait but be aware that you may not get a positive result. If you have nothing to lose then why not get in touch?
Dave says
My ex and I were together 2.5 years, he broke up with me exactly one month ago saying he had left the relationship. At first he said he just needed space to think. When i was incapable of giving him space, he ended it for “right now and the near future”. He immediately rebounded with a girl, but he says he wants nothing serious and they are just hanging out. We have also not gone one day without contact since the breakup, and have seen each other a few times where he winds up asking to spend more time together (going to eat/grab coffee/sleep over with no sex). I told him yesterday that i can no longer have contact with him because I still love him and need to move on. He said he hopes we can be friends later, and that he is having a really hard time with this and that he misses me, but that he “was done with our relationship.” I am very much in love with him and would like us to work in the future. i’m not sure whether to keep hope or move on.
Bev says
33 days since breakup and 16 days NC. I’m a little better in that I’m not still shell-shocked, and I can see some of the problems in our relationship and how those problems may have caused future difficulties. So I’m not viewing the relationship with complete rose-colored glasses at this point. However, I still miss him so much. It’s literally a constant physical ache. I can go to work and act like a fairly normal person, but all the while I am just have this ache inside. I think of all the fun times, or just the regular times, with him and it’s just killing me. He was so much a part of me, so it’s like part of me is gone.
Emily says
My ex left me about three weeks ago and I’ve since found out I was pregnant. He wants to be a part of the child’s life, just not mine.
He wants me to communicate to him on how appointments go, send him ultrasound pictures and so on, only he doesn’t want to come to the appointments with me or know about how I’m doing, basically he wants nothing to do with me.
I tried desperately to win him back, I made all the mistakes, pleading, begging, crying, bargaining, pretty much anything you shouldn’t do, I did and to each letter, message or email I sent he had the same reply “I will be a father to my child, but we will never be in a relationship ever again, you’re not my soulmate, you’re not the one for me.”
I’m not coping well. I don’t even know where to begin. I was with this man for a year and a half, lived with him for a year and toured thailand with him for a month (he broke up with me a week after we got back) I spent every second with this man I truly loved him with my all, he’s 24 and I am 21. I just don’t know how to move on. I dream about him every night, wake up in tears and have a massive urge to just stay in bed all day and not move, when I go see friends I’m still thinking about him, my family tries to cheer me up, but nothing works, I am an emotional wreck, I don’t know how I can move on when I am having his child, when this means he will always need to be a part of my life and our child’s life, I don’t know how to cope seeing him with another woman, another partner, it makes me physically ill (it hasn’t happened yet, but just the thought upsets me) some days I feel like I’m coping, but the next day it’s just back to square one, back to being a crying mess. I know it’s only been 3 weeks and in that time, I have had contact with him, have had to see him and have stupidly tried my hardest to win him back, so I know it’s still early, but I am just not coping. I don’t know what to do, I am so sad all the time. Ugh.
Meg says
Hi Emily, ive just seen your post. I know its been a couple of years now but if you dont mind me asking…what ended up happening with the two of you and your baby? I only ask as i am in basucally the exact same situation that you were in. My only difference is that he broke up with me when i told him i was pregnant, not before i found out. He still wants to know how im feeling and how the baby is going and wants to go to appointments etc but does not want to be with me. We were together for a year, engaged and living together. We rarely had arguments and were so happy. I feel so alone and confused. The break up came out of nowhere for me and im really struggling to cope.
I hope you are happy now and everything worked out well for you and your baby 🙂
Sharon says
Been with BF for 4 years. Rocky relationship at times. He has bipolar and does not take his meds regularly. Only when he wants a good night sleep. Does not work, receives benefits because of his bipolar and has been sectioned under mental health act 3 times. spends all his days betting on horseracing and playing online poker.
met him online, i had been out of a proper relationship for 4 years ( ex husband abused my children so I had been nervous to try again) so I thought I was ready. He had been separated from his wife for 7 months. He seemed perfect at the time. Very caring and gentle listened to me and sympathetic to my past. He told me about his mental health, ie he had been sectioned twice at this time. But said he was well now.
Saw each other often, spent weekends at each others places. I work and looked forward to seeing him when i was off. Met each others children and families.
Both said we loved each other after a while.
I went away on holiday alone 6 months into relationship and I had a one night stand with someone i have known for many years. I was flattered by the attention and foolishly let it happen. I came home and lied at first as i felt so bad and was scared. I admitted it a short time later. We were both very upset , he forgave me and we moved on.
I felt resentful when I couldn’t see him after work- he lives 20 miles away. I liked to phone and spend a long time on the phone if i couldn’t see him. He did not like that as he said it stopped him doing what he wanted to do. He did tell me and I tried to not stay on the phone, but we still did.
I felt very neglected for months and stupidly I contacted the previous guy and had another internet fling. He found out again and i realised how much i really love him. He tried to forgive me again and I thought we would be ok. But it was too much to ask I suppose. We went on for a further 6 months but to be honest did not see each other much.
The distance between us grew and i knew the relationship was failing. But I thought if we could just get to another holiday we could talk.
He hacked into my computer when i went on holiday. Trying to find evidence of cheating and thats where he found evidence of the 2nd infidelity.
When i returned he was sectioned for a 3rd time as he had been obsessed and did not sleep.
He snooped through all my house when I left him here when I went to work.
I came home from work one lunchtime and he was horrid. He was laying on my bed with the computer and he asked me if i did requests. He asked me to sit on his d**k and let him do it. I was upset and crying, my self esteem shot to pieces and I did as he asked, crying all the time. When he finished I got dressed and went back to work feeling violated.
2 weeks ago ( when my next holiday from work started) he told me that he needs to end the relationship or have a month off to sort himself out. It came like a stab in the heart. He had told his daughters about my infidelities and also his mother. His mother was ok, she had done it herself. His daughters said they thought he should dump me.
I went home and cried and cried. Took myself to bed for 3 days. Hardly eaten much for 2 weeks and have lost about 8 lbs. Had a counselling session and a session with a life coach. Felt better after these.
I had booked our first foreign holiday but luckily only for 4 nights. Its in 6 weeks. I have asked him if he would still go because he says he is my friend, and loves me, but not IN LOVE with me.
I am supposed to be NC but it has taken 2 weeks before I can get my head round it, only started today. He says we can be friends but we are not a couple and wont ever be. I pestered him some more, and he sounded like he may give it a chance later. I hoped that we could be friends and hope love might develop later as i know what my problem is.
He says
I don’t communicate properly ( not the best communicator- but then neither is he)
I play mind games
I am clingy ( I do like to be near him, or hear him)
Take things personally
I have been working on myself with regards to my flaws.
I would appreciate other peoples thoughts. There is more to write. I know I really messed up. I love him dearly and would not cheat again. But I don’t really think we are right for each other because of his lifestyle and the way his day is structured and his outlook. I don’t think I could ever really fit in. But I cant help loving him.
Sherly says
These past few days have been really hard.
My thoughts of him have increased and I almost broke NC and I almost checked his twitter.
I have been to two parties in the last few days, but when I wake up the next day my thoughts are clouded by him. And it’s strange because it hasn’t been like this in a while.
I’ve also been obsessing over his New RS. Like is it a rebound? Will he really come back? What does him never contacting me mean? Thoughts like this run through my head constantly, and I already should know the answers to them. I thought I was doing well, but this has been a set back. Even when my friend mentioned his new gf yesterday didn’t help me at all. It just rose more questions.
Sometimes I feel like a fool for still feeling something for a high schooler. I mean I’m in college now. I shouldn’t even think twice about him…but sadly he meant a lot to me, and the way things went between us was very sad and hurt me incredibly. It’s like we have unfinished buisness. More to talk about, to fix, etc. that’s what my dreams show me at least, but in reality he’s in love with someone else and as much as I loved him, I have to move on. They have been together 5 months so far. So I know things between them are going to be long term…at least from my eyes. I hate feeling like this. I don’t know if it’s because I was drinking last night, but the past few days have just been extremely difficult with my mind clouded.
Melissa says
Max, my now ex, met about a year and a half ago, April 2012. Max had just moved here from a small town and I was the first person he met. We immediately hit it off but he did not want a relationship, which kind of hurt me, but still, I went after him, for a few months. When it came time to go to Calgary for my practicum, he really missed me. I was gone for a month and it just about killed him. While I was away he told me that he wanted a relationship and that he wanted me to move in. We waited until September 2012 (and after many arguments), I moved in with him.
Things seemed really good for a while. Even though we clashed on just about everything. Max is very picky and must have things looking a certain way. I’m very relaxed so those things didn’t really matter to me. However, the fights escalated and we just started doing really mean things to eachother. I would pick on him about his smoking and drinking, which really started to bother me. We had a really good Christmas together, even though Max never put any thoughts into his gift. I was pretty disappointed but I never said anything.
Then , this is where it started to get bad. We went with some friends to a hotel Christmas party and I got drunk and let Max know about the way I thought about him. The smoking, drinking, the lack of romance and trying. He got mad and left. And that’s where it started to turn worse. His birthday came on February 16 and I got so drunk that of course we fought about petty things. While he was hanging out with his friends, I slipped out and went to visit a friend. He was very upset that I left (I would be too), I don’t know why I did such a thing to him. The next day we broke up… It was mutual, or so I thought. I could see how really hurt he was. He was having a really hard time dealing.
A month and some later, I started to miss him (considering we were still living together). It got to the point where I flat out asked him if he wanted to get back together. We were still sleeping together (bad I know). He was very hesitant, and probably still very hurt. But after a few days, he said yes and we shared a nice kiss.
But then again, things went back to the way they were before. No sex drive, chats with other men, arguments. A month or 2 later I broke up with him, again.
Still living together, things weren’t awkward, yet. And yes, still sleeping together. Then, yet again, I started to miss him. Was it the fact that we were living together or that I hated to see him over me? Because he definitely was. I told him how I felt and he brushed me off. He started to get very cold and mean, and I couldn’t take it. That’s not the Max I know. The Max I know is very warm and loving most days. But then he completely disconnected and stopped touching me, talking to me about things, or sleeping in the same bed. I definitely lost him. He told me he wanted his independence back and for me to move out. That hurt so bad. I also watched him flirt with other people. And he told me flat out, that I’m not the person he wants to be with.
So 2 days ago, while he was at work, I moved out. I took all the important stuff and moved in with a friend for the time being. He was pretty hurt that I ignored him all day and just left. I’m planning on a big move at the end of the September, but for now I feel so lost. I miss him so much, our friendship, and yes, I miss being sexually involved with him.
I deleted his # from my phone so I won’t text or call him. But I still have him on FB and I’ve been so tempted to say something to him. But I don’t know what to say or keep it cool. I know it’s a good day to stay away from eachother for a while until we figure our problems out. But I do have faith, that we will become better people and eventually make each other happy…
carla says
Almost 8 months since the breakup and I find myself sometimes feeling worse than when it first happened..maybe I just feel lonely I dont know. Unfortunately a few days ago I could not stop myself from expressing my feelings to my ex with hopes he felt the same..silly me. He just felt bad for me then told me it wasnt going to work sorry and I knew this..obviously went right to NC since that and wont break it again. Im tired of getting upset and thinking of him and wishing I could go back and do things different but I cant. I just hate how I will be so fine then it just hits me out of nowhere and I get this overwhelming sense of sadness. Clearly I realize I shouldnt have contacted him and expressed myself And I feel like a fool now.
peter says
Well it’s been 3 months now since she left (after 4 years – 2.5 living together). It’s been NC since she collected her stuff a month ago. It was NC apart from essentials before that. I’ve gone through a range of emotions (already read about the stages of grief), denial, acceptance, anger. I still drift between them. I’ve been going to counselling regularly. Now I’m stuck on hopelessness. I just feel sad.
The last few weeks I have been extremely angry. I’d been breaking things and slamming the iron down. Mundane tasks annoyed me while I could only imagine her being happy with her current life, partying, having fun and meeting new men. Counselling helped. I realised that she was never a good partner to me, treated me as an option throughout the relationship and wasn’t ever really open or honest, didn’t ever really let me in to her life (as a true partner would) or want to be a equal partner in mine.
I was angry at her reasons for breaking up with me: she said we fought to much – ironic because we rarely fought but when we did it was about her being out all the time and not communicating (over the last 12 months). She also said we had to break up so she could pursue her dream to live in Japan. Counselling helped me realise that it was never about Japan. She checked out before she realised this dream. Her dreams to live abroad never involved me (she never even talked to me about it) and whether or not she goes, it just highlighted that I wasn’t important enough to involve in the process. I would have supported her. Heck, I probably would have gone with her or sat at home happily maintaining a long distance relationship. In some ways it was just an excuse to say she didn’t love me anymore. My therapist wants me to focus on the other qualities of the relationship and see that she was not a good partner and treated me quite poorly. That I should have wanted better. She (the therapist) is highlighting the fact that I should have left much earlier myself. My ex even said that she had to end it because she couldn’t be a good gf to me.
She broke up with me the day before I started a new job (tought at the time, but in some ways a good thing). I have focused on the new job, joined a gym (not that I needed it – more to get rid of the anger), have spent a little more time with friends (although they are all married and busy). I’ve been reading and playing a lot of video games (something my 31 year old self enjoys). It has been tough to meet new people and weekends are the hardest.
Still, once the anger clears for now, I’m just really sad. I miss her – just her (and not the relationship as some might say). It saddens me that I will never see or speak to her ever again. In some ways I think I should break NC just to give me some fire to see how well she has moved on as I seem to think of her as the person of the past and not who she is now. The relationship didn’t hold me back on anything (maybe because she was rarely there in the end) and I pursued my hobbies. I just don’t have any hope for the future. My life just feels dull. Going out and being social all the time does not suit my personality (I prefer my own thing and always have) and makes me miss my ex more. I can’t shake the feeling that my life is less now. I don’t want my unhealthy relationship back, but I want her back if that makes sense. I feel haunted by her ghost, I have nightmares were we are in some hotel we once went to in some foreign country and nothing is wrong.
My approach to moving on has been to focus on the negative aspects. But, the happy times haunt me and I’m not sure how to move on with the rest of my life while they are there. I’m not sure how to have hope for the future anymore.
Antonio says
You have to get a grip on things! I have just broken up from a long term relationship it’s been 5 weeks coming up to 6. I lost a bit of control at the beginning went through what I now term the dance of death. Breaking up then getting back and breaking up in the space of two weeks. That was bloody hard, I even got a speeding ticket going to her place luckily she was out.
How did I deal with stuff well there is that sense of loss and denial. The fact that the right side of the bed now has an empty space where my girlfriend used to sleep. Initially I did a lot of meditation and lots of swimming for into great shape now I’m doing some weights again so looking good, feeling a bit better. I have started looking at her flaws and yeah this thing haunts you it’s like someone has died but you know they are still living their life without you.
I would recommend listening to people such as Eckhart Tolle on YouTube and also doing some self hypnosis. Get me the book ‘No more Me Nice Guy’, that will help deal with some deep issues. Not gonna say I’m in a grey place myself but I have experienced a much worse break up then this one. Also have lots f Vitamin C in your diet it helps with depression along with spinach and salmon. You will get over it and realise one day that this person was not right for you and that your heartache is wasted over them. We are men and we have to get back to being a bit tougher and having a bit more pride and self respect. When you feel that from your core and own it women will become more attractive toward you.
faith says
My ex and I have been apart now for 7 months after a 3 year relationship. Things were really not good at the end but it was a civil breakup for the most part. In the beginning I was obviously sad, then felt stronger as months went by but now everyday it has just been hitting me and I feel really sad. I miss him, or maybe just the comfort I dont know. I have been doing the whole working out, hanging with friends and family, finding faith, and seeing a counselor but I still just feel empty for some reason. I dont know what to do that will help at this point I just am tired of being sad. I start to think I am not good enough to ever love again and I hate these thoughts. Basically all of my friends and family are in relationships which makes it harder as I am always the one alone. I know I am not really alone as I do have amazing friends and family. But it just isnt the same as an intimate love..
Timothy says
my ex and I are both 20, were together for almost 3 years, we were each others first love and everything else, we were loving with each other, ignored each others negatives and talked about our future together, we are both at separate colleges, but both live at home two minutes away from each other.
She broke up with me 2 weeks ago, saying she had changed, she had become influenced by her friends at college, one of which provided her with emotional attachment that I could not for the past month due to being really busy. She would break up with me and kiss this guy a few hours after the breakup.
Since then, we have kept little contact, I visited her house 9 days after the breakup to chat about our week, to leave the door open for friendship, she had the biggest smile on her face, but burst into tears saying she missed me, but it felt like she missed my company, not actually me! She has kept all our pictures up on her wall, holds my clothes etc..
I would then realise this was a bad mistake on my behalf, I had lost my self-worth and dignity that I’d gained over the past week by being independent, seeing her destroyed it. I reassured that I couldn’t make that transition to ‘friend’. Since then, she has been hanging out quite a bit with this new guy, at his house, twenty minutes away, he’s two years younger, which creeps me out.
I have understood where I went wrong in the relationship, I had become too comfortable and took her for granted, I had become jealous by the fact she was texting another guy more than she would me, she’d even text him when she was with me, and ultimately delete his messages, but i stood by her through all her traumas in her life, she still wants me too, but it’s hard. She had told me things she hadn’t told anyone else,but I’m no longer that first port of call anymore.
I spoke to her on the phone last night, she said she had changed and was really sorry, she wasn’t ready to settle down when I was, she said she needs to be on her own, but I feel she is seeing this new guy, there is nothing I can do about it in the short term, she has moved on it seems without taking a thought about my feelings. She said she still cares about me, but she would wait surely?
I’m still uncertain and feel like I have burned all bridges by breaking no contact with her, and seeing quite domineering on the phone, but I hadn’t received any closure and hadn’t healed at all in two weeks. If anything, I’d become worse by not knowing her emotions, she still thinks about me everyday, she said she is really sorry and that it is all her fault, to which I agreed. I’m just uncertain if I’ve ended all reconciliation?
I understand she is at the age for finding herself out, but I feel like after 3 years, you can’t just cut all connections, would this new guy be a rebound? She’s known him since December. I’m positive about moving on, but I live in the hope that she would return, like most people do after the time we spent together. I may have caused friction by making her choose friendship between myself and this new guy at the moment, which probably pushed her away
Is all lost for me with her? What could I do to reaffirm my strong, loving and doting personality that she fell in love with?
zoey says
My ex ended everything including post break up friendship 20 days ago. He doesnt want to do anything with me and he has been ignoring me. I tried to reach out to him only once after he told me he wants end everything on good note. I have heard lot of stories about NC , so decided to do it for 4-6 months. I know its too long but i think its perfect time for me to sort out my life and for things to cool down . I am hoping that after this time frame of NC , i will reach out to my EX. I hope that he will listen to me and will understand me . He has treat me bad and good at times. But after dating one guy i realized that i am still in love with my ex and i miss him dearly. I really want to confess my love to my ex when i reach out to him after 4-6 months of NC.
glen says
Ten days ago on Super Bowl night I got a little drunk and had and argument with my fiancé. Our arguments are very quick with no make calling or contact of any kind. Usually with me saying a stupid comment or or talking about something I don’t like and she just leaves the room. I usually drink a twelve pack about every other night and have never tried to stop. After argument Sunday she packed her stuff and left with our two year old daughter that night. Monday said she needed to think about things and Tuesday broke of the engagement and left to her parents.
To the beginning, We started dating long distance for six months. I’m from up north and she is from florida. I’m 35 she is 30. She got pregnant after six months and moved up to live with me. She didn’t like it and got accepted in too rn school In florida so I left my good career, rented my house out and moved down to fl.
I feel like everything wrong has been my own fault. I treated her as my mother instead of someone I was in love with a lot of the time and complained about a lot of stupid things. She said she was going to leave more than once over the last year but I didn’t believe it. For some reason I would drink sometimes and have small quick arguments over the dumbest thing and she would leave to the bedroom for the night but be fine in the morning I thought. All my fault.
It’s been 10 days now and I’ve gone about everything wrong by talking to her and telling her I change and great her right. I haven’t touched a drink since she left and will never touch it again. For my daughter and business, not just to get her back. Going to meetings too. Usually I would just drink my sorrow away but that’s not an option.
She passed her board test on Friday and says she is getting her own house by the end of the month. She did say that even if we were to take it slow and try again she doesn’t want to have to be stuck going back to her parents if it didn’t work out. Also that she needs space. I have seen her already this week because of our daughter three times. Each time she came back to our house with daughter and stayed for several hours the whole time I’m asking if there is hope for us and telling her I will never drink again which I wont, to much to lose even if she’s gone, and I’ll be more romantic and she just keeps saying she’s still hurt and doesn’t know if she can forgive me then I don’t know and maybe and there’s always hope or we’ll see. Never a no I’m done yet. Actually I asked her I if of jokingly in our last conversation, how’s the maybe coming along and she said I haven’t said no yet.
However see doesn’t lookme in the eye often and when I touch or hug she sometimes says I shouldn’t do that right now. I’m not sure if this is how she really feels or if she is just trying to let me down easy. I’m pretty sure I’m pressuring her and its pushing her away so i haven’t bothered with her for two days. She is a truly awesome woman and never did anything wrong to me and I brought this all upon myself. Now I’m in florida with no one here no real things to do but pace around the house we shared with all our stuff still in it and not sure how to proceed. We have to see each other because of our daughter and I can’t leave and go back home because of our daughter and a business I just started here. Also I love her and care for her deeply and keep banging my head for ruining the best thing I’ve ever had.
Gonna see my daughter one day during the week and she wants to do something Friday afternnoon then daughter stays with me the night and do something. Saturday as friends with our daughter. She’s not seeing anyone that last argument was just the straw that broke the camels back. Not sure how to proceed, try to get over or try to win her back. When I tell her how I feel I get the same, we’ll see, I don’t know and maybe but that she is definitely moving out.
I miss my family and feel rotten it is all my fault. Don’t have a single friend in hundreds of miles it was all about my family her family and her friends since I’m not from here. She saw I wasn’t eating much and asked me if she could make something but I told her no. She also said if I don’t take care of myself there’s no chance. So I’m attempting to eat. Lost 15 pounds in ten days. But trying to force myself to eat and started going to the gym. I’m in a lot of heartache and miss her very much along with my daughter. Which as sad as this sounds when my daughter is with me all I can think of is her. She’s a very kind woman and I can’t imagine life without her but I know this is all my doing which makes it even harder. What do you suggest I do here to keep my sanity and or get her back.
Nina says
My ex and i kept breaking up and getting back together so many times in the short time frame we were together. He was my first everything n i lost my virginity to him…i just cant stop thinking about him everday
He was the one who initiated the first breakup n i was soo so hurt by it, but he quickly realized his mistake n got back together by the end of the night. The second time we broke up, it was kind of complicated bc it rolled out over the course of a few weeks. He suddenly became distant n cold towards me n i didnt know why so i was calling n texting him more than usual…he never got back to me until i sent a text saying its over. We got into a fight n threw words at each other n all i wanted to do was talk through it, but he decided it was better off we not be together. The next month after that was the apsolute worst for me…it was soooooo hard.
Then he called me out of nowhere at midnight n texted all these nice things to me after one full month of not contacting each other at all.
It took me awhile but we eventually got back together again.
The third time we broke up, i was the one to initiate it bc he never texted or called me in two weeks of reconciling…it felt like he was back being cold n distant again n didnt consider my feelings when i said how hurt i was when he did that the first time. I didnt really want to break up…but i didnt want to be with someone who took me for granted even more so i ended it. A week later he started to beg me to explain himself…i said i cant do that n as of now its been about 15 days since hearing from each other.
But i still think about him every single day. I want to be with him, but want to move on at the same time. I just cant get him off my mind
joey says
I’ve been dating a guy rather seriously for five years now. We’ve lived together for 2 years. He recently finished an intense 2 year post graduate training program for work, which has been very stressful during the 2 years. He applied for jobs all over the US but got one 14 hours away from where we currently live together. He asked me weigh in on his decision of which job he should take since I planned to move with him.
Once he accepted the job, I told my manager that I planned to move far away and would like to begin the transfer process within the company. My boss says he hates to see me go, but helped me find a job in the area we were moving to. I interview for this job over the phone and things seem to be looking like they’re going to work out.
During this time, my current job has been filled with someone else and I had been in the process of transferring my professional license to the other state, which I had spent $900 doing.
I text my boyfriend while he’s away at a work conference to say we need to plan on researching apartments there soon as I was to begin working there in mid June. He texts back and says we’ll talk about it when he gets home.
When he gets home, he tells me that we need to have a serious talk about things. He told me to not think there’s a ring waiting for me in this new city and that he does not intend on getting married. He loves me, but at this point in time, he is not ready to get married or even consider it in the near future.
My mother passed a few years ago, so weddings are a sore subject for me because I don’t want the pain of experiencing the day without my mother by my side. I haven’t pushed him towards marriage at all, but hearing him say he doesn’t want to get married was suprisingly painful. I took a few days to process it and decided that I was not going to move with him since he didn’t feel marriage-level commitment.
I can’t help but feel like I’m losing someone so perfect for me. We are both young professionals. I’m 27 and he’s 28. I just feel like moving that far away with him would seal my fate of us never getting married. People close to me have said if he doesn’t want to get married after 5 years, he probably never will. While I’m not obsessed with getting married, I do need to feel like level of commitment to change my whole life. he says at this moment in time he does not want to get married. says he doesn’t know if he will change his mind in 6 months or two years or at all.
Also, I had to beg for my job back and luckily my boss was understanding and thankfully took me back.
derrick says
So I started dating this girl in January, she was a senior in highschool and dual enrolling at a community college I was going too. In the fall she is headed to a big university, and living in a big college town. Our relationship had been on the decline for awhile, her friends hated me, we kept on getting in arguments, etc. She even lied to all of her friends at one point and said she left me, because they all bothered her that much about being with me. She ended up telling all of them the truth once I found out because I gave her an ultimatium. About a month later we had plans to go out, but she ditched me for a concert. Everything had been building up to this, so I dumped her. We didn’t talk for a couple days, then she tells me her parents sat her down and explained “expectations” for college, and that they were not going to support a relationship. So when we talked, she told me this and said she didn’t want to date until she got acclimated in college. Since that day, she found out I went on a double date and we met up that night, (hooked up) and aired everything out. Basically she doesn’t want me to move on, and she isn’t looking for anyone else. So in a nutshell, she wants me to wait for her. What should I do? Btw, she texts me almost daily about once or twice still telling me “I love you” “You know I love you” She says she misses me, but she is also living her life. Would really like some insight into what I should do.
Britney says
I asked out a guy who really changed since high school, he found out about how my other ex hurt me and promised to never hurt me and we hit it off
We fooled around and messaged each other. I felt like a queen around him, wasn’t long before I gave him a blowjob. We had a really good time.
The same night though, he dumped me and I was freaking out because he had given me happiness only to rip it away from me.I was devastated, cried for days and am still crying over him. I decide maybe try NC but yesterday, he blocked me on Facebook for no reason.
Loretta says
I can’t get around my exes jealous/controlling behaviour. It’s like it totally messed with my head. He has always been very jealous and would even go as far as treating his girlfriends like crap on purpose to “test them” and see if they would cheat to find an easy way out. Or so he told me. He had incredible mood swings and would act like he’s got two different personalities depending on his mood. When he was in a “bad” mood he would be mean for no reason but really sweet the next day. This has made the whole thing even more difficult.
During our relationship he controlled everything I did. Because he was scared I would cheat or leave for someone else. I didn’t feel good about it but he somehow convinced me he’s “a poor guy who can’t help it and I need to consider his feelings more”. I felt increasingly bad about this situation but the last straw came when HE left for someone else. And then texted me to tell me how he’s not jealous with her and treats her like a decent human being.
Since then I wonder what I did to deserve this. Or what the new girl did to not deserve it. It’s like I’m convinced there must be something wrong with me even though I know I’m perfectly sane. Sometimes I wonder if he is the sane one and I’m just imagining things. Also I don’t understand why I have so much trouble with this and I can’t just move on with my life.
Darren says
Long story short, I never treated my Ex very well, and by that I mean I never gave her the love and attention she deserved, took her for granted, and kept pushing her away, she ended up dumping me for another guy, this was about 4 months ago, we have a little 13 month old girl together, to my knowledge this guy is all but living at her house, they are going to Thailand together in September.
Her behavior is what confuses me, I WAS feeling much better about it than what I used to, and have started doing other things.
She is up and down all the time, recently after ignoring 4 messages I sent the day before I was due to have my daughter, I messaged her in the morning asking if I am still seeing my daughter because she was on one again, she replied ( Ring me please ) I did, and she asked if I could meet her at the doctors to collect my little girl, I said I cant straight away as I am not at home, she eventually accused me of being at a woman’s house and hung up on me
I got to the doctors, and as she was just coming out she spotted me her face was like thunder, she was so angry, then she was kicking off because I had a new jumper on saying you was never like that when we were together, then she was kicking off because I mentioned my other daughter
( to another girl ) she has a problem where she cant look in my eyes, I know she likes my eyes but she avoids eye contact, I usually try looking round to make our eyes meet and she starts to laugh, but still does not look in my eyes
I told her I am moving back to HULL, and this for some reason causes her so many problems, this to me is the root cause of all her problems, I told her I will be back on the days I see my daughter, and I am, so why she has a problem, a really big problem at that I have no idea, She was so on one and unbelievably irate, then she went to get her prescription, I hung back and could see her looking back for me, in the end I got my daughter in the pram, kissed her ( MY EX ) on her neck and said love ya, 20 mins later she rung me and apologized for being a b*tch
( which surprised me ) and she stayed on the phone for an hour talking about this and that, then she went, and an hour later she rung me back again for yet another hour and was telling me all she ever wanted was love and attention from me, and for me to move in with her and be a happy family
we laughed and joked and talked about this and that again, the agreement was I was to drop our daughter off at the bus stop near her house where she would collect her, she then changed it to I will collect her from yours as I need to go to the shops for a few bits ( not sure if she wanted me to go with her )
she came collected our daughter, and I just said bye, all was cordial, the next day I sent her a message asking about our daughter ( I hope our little Ell is OK, don’t work to hard at work, keep smiling ) then she messaged me at 910pm ( she has never messaged me on a night as she is always with her new bloke ) even though she denies anyone lives at her house
This is the message I sent and her reply
ME: I hope our little Ell is OK, don’t work to hard at work, keep smiling
HER: Right look Darren, I cant do this anymore with you messaging about me all you ever needed to message was about Ella ( our daughter ) this is the last straw im blocking you from Facebook and your number, go to Hull and live your life I cant cope anymore with the stress it is making me Ill
Where this is crazy is because the day before she sent this message she rung me for two hours on the phone, talking about EVERYTHING other than our daughter, I know her well enough to know that her BIG PROBLEM is that she doesnt want me to move to Hull, but why I don’t know, any ideas I am lost?
getting back together says
You want your ex wife to know her heart can be safe with you again. This is such a great chance for former couples who are still interested in putting back the relationship
on track. What you have to do is actually be patient, and allow the rekindling of your romance a
while to work.
get your ex back says
 If he hurt you in any way out of anger or jealousy he will start to think differently.
When your ex hears about your new lease on life, your sudden change in attitude she is going to begin to query why you
all of the sudden don’t need anything to do with her. I
had done all I can to stay loyal and faithful to make the relationship work and hoping that it would lead to marriage.