Break ups are tough. It is painful, depressing and emotionally draining.
Even if you ended on amicable terms with your ex, it is still tough because no one really enters a relationship only to break up in the end.
Unfortunately, almost everyone will go through it at some point in time as not all relationships work out in the end.
So, how do you cope with your breakup? Before I go into the details on how to survive a breakup, let us first take a look at the different stages of breakups.
Once you have fully understood the different stages of breakups, you will be better prepared to deal with the emotional stress post-breakup.
No matter how you look at your break up, it will always hurt. So while you cannot immediately get rid of that painful feeling you have, you can certainly take steps to help you really feel better much quickly.
Here are a few ways to help you deal with breakups and get over this dark period of time in your life:
1) Talk It Out With Close Friends/Family Member
You should never go through a breakup alone. It is always good to talk it out with close friends or family members who will be more than willing to lend a listening ear or lend a crying shoulder.
Keeping it all to yourself is not healthy. You need to get it out of your system. The more you talk about it, the sooner you will find it easy to come to terms with the fact that the relationship is over.
2) Hit The Gym And Start Exercising
A good workout daily can help your body release endorphins (it’s what makes you feel good). This in turn will help you lower your emotional stress from your breakup.
Exercising also helps you stay fit and shed some excessive weight and make you feel good about yourself.
3) Think About What You Still Have
I understand that you will feel lost and abandoned and alone. You might feel that the future seems so bleak and meaningless. All the plans that you two have made together are gone now and you feel that you won’t be able to love again.
However you may be forgetting that you still have many things. That could be your friends that love you, your family that loves you, or the job or work that you love. There are many things that you can still be happy and excited about in your life. You want to start focusing on these areas that you have neglected because of your relationship with your ex.
Remember, breakups don’t mean the end of world. There are other great things in your life that you are just temporarily too blinded to see. Think about all the wonderful things around you.
4) Do Things That You Enjoy
You can also use this period of time to do things that you enjoy doing. It might be watching comedy or singing or playing an music instrument or drawing or playing a sports.
Many people realise that after their break up, they no longer have any friends. That is because they had neglected their friends when they got together with their ex. So you too may have neglected some friends or family members because of your ex. It’s time to build back the relationships you’ve lost because of your ex.
When you do activities that will bring a smile to your face, it will help to break the negative emotional pattern you are in right now.
5) Stop Contact With Your Ex
In order for you to get over the breakup and move on fast, the first thing you need to do is cut off contact with your ex. In fact, if you are emotional right now, then temporarily stoping contact with your ex, and getting into No Contact can help you win your ex back at a later time.
The most important thing to get your ex back is to create a positive perception in your ex towards you. However that can only be done if you are able to manage your emotions well, and not get needy and desperate towards your ex.
So why do you need to stop contact with your ex?
The reason is because if you still keep in contact with your ex, you will be reminded of your ex constantly. It will be difficult to clear your mind and get accustomed to the fact that you are now single and your ex is no longer a part of your life.
By cutting off contact for at least one to three months, it helps you grieve and heal and restore your life to normal.
6) Go On Dates
Going on dates is one of the most quickest and powerful ways to really help you feel better after a break up. The reason is because when you start dating again, not only can you gain your confidence again, but you are also able to find your attractiveness again.
The you that your ex first fell in love with is you at your most attractive state. That is what you must get back to if you want to get your ex back again.
Going on dates can help you remember how you were like back when your ex first fell in love with you. And when you “find yourself” again, you will be able to show a side of you that originally made your ex get together with you in the first place.
So going on dates is a powerful, yet under-utilised method.
7) Never Go Running Back To Your Ex Because You Feel Lonely
You will feel lonely and sad post breakup, and you will be tempted to call your back up or text them in hopes of getting back together.
That is a big NO NO. you will most likely find yourself regretting the decision very soon and possibly put yourself through another breakup.
8) Forgive Your Ex
You need to get rid of the resentment you are harboring towards your ex. Maybe your ex cheated on you. Maybe your ex hurt you. Or maybe your ex did something nasty towards you. Whatever it is, it is all in the past. Learning to let go and forgive can let the healing process be much quicker for you.
One way to think about this is why do you let someone who is no longer in your life, affect how you feel at each given moment?
We were all born into this world individually. You were perfectly fine before your ex came along. So you can certainly be fine again right now!
The most depressed and negative people are the people who always live in the past. Remember, you only have a limited time on earth. Are you planning to spend every waking minute of your life hating your ex and stop living your life?
Time to forgive and start living the life you want to.
9) Never Allow Yourself To Feel Worthless
If you are reading this, most likely that you are on the receiving end of the breakup. Let me tell you that you are amazing.
Just because your ex is too blind to see it, it doesn’t mean that you are not. Never never allow yourself to feel worthless. Your self-worth is defined by yourself, not by anyone else. Remember, you are who you think you are.
Ask yourself a few questions:
Right now, are you the person you have envisioned yourself to be?
If not, who is the person you want to be?
The way you are right now, is this the best you that you can become?
If not, then what is a “perfect ten” version of you?
And more importantly, ask yourself this daily “How can I be the best version of myself today?”
When you ask these questions, it will let you feel empowered.
If you haven’t already realised, we are always asking questions in our mind. This is how our mind works. Therefore if you are already asking questions in your mind, you want to ask questions that actually empower you rather than make yourself feel bad.
The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your questions. So if you are still feeling negative, that’s because you are asking yourself disempowering questions.
If you want to start to heal from your break up, and really start to show the attractive side of you again, then start asking empowering questions.
10) Just Give Yourself Time
Time will heal all the wounds. Believe me, it is true. With time, it will hurt less and it will get better.
- Don’t immediately reach out to your ex if you are still feeling emotional. Wait for at least a month before you start befriending your ex again.
- Don’t talk to or keep in touch with your ex’s friends as they will obviously be taking your ex’s side.
- Don’t talk negatively about your ex after breakup. After all, your ex was someone you once fell deeply in love with. Put the past behind you. And there’s a possibility that the negative words can reach your ex’s ears. If you are thinking of getting your ex back still, then you certainly do not want that to happen.
- Don’t tell your ex any indiscretions that you had before the breakup. I know you might just want to anger your ex and seek revenge. But it might just make your ex feel that he/she was right to break up with you in the first place. Also it will kill any chances you have of you getting back together in case you want to in the future.
- Don’t hook up with your ex post breakup. You might be tempted to do it, but it will only complicate things and make you feel more confused.
Breakups are not the end of world. With time, you will get over your breakup. And when that happens, it can put you in a much better position to get your ex back.