It is quite normal for people to move on after a breakup, and especially after they have overcome the initial shock. So, how do people handle breakups?
How can you tell what your ex is going through after a breakup?
Most people who have gone through a breakup know that it is not easy to fully understand what your ex could be going through after you two have called it quit.
This is more so if your ex is not keen on letting the world know how they feel after the split. Nonetheless, you may suddenly notice some changes in them that may give you a clue as to what they are going through.
Signs That There Is A Problem
It will not be long before the feelings they have been hiding from everybody overtake them, and you notice some changes in their behaviour pattern. Be on the lookout for the following changes, for they could be symptomatic of bigger problems in their lives:
- Your ex becomes over-active on social media
- Your ex have sudden positive or negative physical changes
- Your ex turn into a party animal
- Your ex take up drinking and drug habits
- Your ex quickly get into new relationships
- Your ex smother their new partner in a way they never did to you
- Your ex start behaving in a weird manner
It can never be easy on you to see your ex making stupid mistakes that will probably land them into trouble. It is even harder if they seem to be doing better than you are.
But, it is important to discern whether the changes you see in your ex are temporary or permanent.
How To Discern The Nature Of The Problem With Your Ex
Are the changes in your ex temporary or permanent?
The best way to determine the permanency of the changes lies in how long they last. To get a better grasp of this, let me break this down further for you.
Let us examine two factors: timing and investment.
Factor #1: Timing
The timing of the changes – When did the changes begin? How long did they last?
This will help you determine whether the changes are there to stay, or will be gone in time. If these changes happen just right after the split, there’s a good chance that your changes in your ex will not last.
If your ex’s chosen new lifestyle holds for a long period, you can bet that the changes are most likely there to stay.
Many people choose to do stuff that they would not normally dare as a temporary escape from the pain of a break up. However, your ex may choose to permanently adopt a very different lifestyle that will leave even you shocked.
It is important to discern the difference.
Factor #2: Investment
How much investment is your ex putting into their new lifestyle?
You will easily spot permanent changes in your ex if you see them putting good money into it.
Investing in a lifestyle change would mean that they are taking their new status seriously, and so it is likely to last.
If, for example, your ex joins a gym or gets into a sport that requires some level of investment, you can be sure your ex is in it for the long haul.
When your ex decides to invest good money in an activity means that your ex intends to reap some benefits from it.
Your ex is therefore likelier to stick with the new changes until they start getting the benefits. This only applies if your ex stand to gain from it.
However, if they get into a change that is detrimental to both your ex’s health and finances, then your ex is more likely to withdraw once your ex realizes that the activity is doing more harm than good.
So, activities like heavy drinking and smoking are not likely to be permanent.
Of course, you know you ex best. You know what motivates your ex, their principles and how much risk they are willing to take.
So you would be the best judge on whether your ex’s change is temporary or permanent.
How To Tackle The Change In Your Ex
So how do you handle the change in your ex?
As complex as the problem might seem, the solution is fairly simple.
To determine whether the change in your ex is temporary or permanent, follow your intuition.
As earlier stated, you would know your ex best to determine whether such actions are characteristics of them.
You most likely understand your ex’s personality better than anyone else.
So the best thing to do is to wait and let things pan out. If your ex persist on their adopted lifestyle, it is more likely than not that those change are there to stay for a while.
However the reverse is also true.
If your ex start to slacken on the changes, then you can be sure that the change is only temporary.
So how you deal with the changes in your ex will depend on a couple of factors.
One, the kind of person you are.
Two, whether the changes are permanent, or temporary.
Both factors are equally important, as they determine how effectively you will implement your solution.
Are you the kind of person who will readily accept the decisions your ex makes in their life? Or will you find them unacceptable to you?
Whichever kind of person you are, it is important to understand that there is not much you can do to change them now that you are no longer together. This is something that you need to internalize and be at peace with.
Whether the changes are temporary or permanent will affect how you implement the solution.
Implementing The Solution
What do you do if the changes are temporary?
Due to the fact that they are not permanent, you can decide to sit them out until your ex goes back to their original self.
However this is not advisable if the temporary changes in question are likely to have dire consequences.
What do you do then if your ex has taken up activities that are likely to get them into trouble?
The best course of action in this scenario would be to get third-party help.
Remember, you do not want to antagonize your ex and exacerbate the situation. It is likely that if you confronted your ex, your ex will most likely become defensive and view you as the trouble maker.
A mutual friend or a family member of your ex can come in handy in this case if you are able to contact them.
Approach them in a tactful manner to let them know of your ex’s situation (in case they are not already aware) and ask them to assist. Let them understand that you are making the intervention not for your own gain, but that you truly want to help your ex.
However you want to be careful not to come across as being controlling or to be controlling your ex through people your ex know.
What To Do If The Changes Are Temporary
There are two options to choose from – either decide that your ex has changed for good, or that your ex has really only showed their true self right now.
Then from here you have to decide if you still want to take your ex back despite these changes.
If you choose to get your ex back still, then you need to bear in mind that it’s possible that your ex may not change back to the person you once knew, and be willing to live with these new changes in him/her.
This is akin to dating an entirely new partner where you are getting to know him/her for the first time. You may find the prospect of dating this “new person” quite daunting because you will always be wondering if your ex will go back to how they were like before, or stay the same from here on.
So if you have resolved your heart and decided to get your ex back despite the new changes in him/her, then this is what you have to do next…
Your Next Important Step: Now that what you must do to resolve the issues in your relationship, the next crucial step is to find out whether it’s too late to get your ex back.
Click on the box below to take the 2-minute quiz below to find out: