Now that your ex-boyfriend is seeing another girl after the breakup with you, what should you do to get him back?
It sucks, I know.
Seeing your ex with someone else hurts, and is probably killing you.
Especially after you two had been together for some time.
And whenever you think of him with the new girl now…
You can’t help but think of all the things they are doing right now.
It might even make you wonder whether your ex really even loved you at all in the first place.
And this makes you feel anxious and even more eager to reach out to him.
However, do NOT make the mistake of reaching out to him now.
That’s because chances are that you’re not in the right mindset to speak to him now.
If your idea of reaching out is to confront him about the new girl and whether he had cheated on you…
Or to ask if he really ever loved you…
Or to ask him to give you a chance and that you will change…
Then it’s NOT a good idea.
That will only push him further away and will make him not want to be in contact with you at all.
With that said, there is still hope in getting your ex-boyfriend back.
That’s right.
I’ve coached enough people over the years to know that it’s possible to get your ex back even if he is with someone new now.
BUT…
That is only if you do the right things from here on that will make him feel positive towards you again.
So how do you do that?
How do you get your ex-boyfriend to see you in a positive light now and want you back again?
That’s exactly what I’ll be going into in this post.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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A New Perspective
If you really want him back, you need to start looking at things from a new perspective.
First, you have to accept the fact that your ex is with someone else.
Scaring the new girl away is not going to help.
And try not to go on Facebook to stalk your ex and his new girlfriend to find out what they are up to recently.
It will only make you feel worse.
And I understand you are probably scared that your ex might fall for this new girl.
So, you just want your ex-boyfriend back as soon as possible.
But, you need to know that getting your ex back is not going to happen overnight.
It takes patience and consistency in changing his negative perspective about you and re-attracting him to you.
So how do you do that?
Focus On Yourself
The first thing you need to do is leave your ex-boyfriend alone.
This is also called the no-contact rule. Don’t contact him for at least two weeks.
Don’t worry about him falling in love with the new girl.
Because he most likely won’t.
This new girl is probably just a rebound.
And statistically speaking, almost all of the rebound relationships end up in a breakup.
Also Read: Is Your Ex In A Rebound Relationship (And What To Do To Win Your Ex Back)
I know it’s a little hard to accept, considering the small chance that this one does work out.
But it’s a really small risk you have to take.
And the reward for taking this small risk is getting your ex-boyfriend back for good.
Exception: There is one exception to this case and that is if you and your ex-boyfriend had been dating for a very short time (like a month or two weeks).
In this case, since your relationship wasn’t very strong in the first place, he is not technically with a rebound girl.
He just went from one short term relationship to another.
In this case, I’d generally recommend you to move on from this short term relationship.
However, if you really feel he is someone special, then you can make the no-contact rule for just one or two weeks and carry on with the rest of the plan.
Again, don’t worry about him forgetting about you completely when you stay away.
In fact, the more you stay away from him, the more he will miss you.
Also Read: How To Get Your Ex Boyfriend To Miss You (Psychology-Backed Methods)
You are probably thinking that he is just too busy having fun with his new girlfriend to even remember you.
But this might not be true.
Why?
Let’s first understand how the male mind works after a recent breakup.
Your ex-boyfriend is probably still quite confused in his mind.
Even though he might be trying to forget you, this rebound relationship is not giving him the time to work through his emotions and move on.
You are probably still in the back of his mind. And pretty soon, when you contact him, you will be the focus of his attention again.
In your mind, you are probably telling yourself that,
“I can’t stand the thought of my ex being with this girl for a month. I have to talk to him right now.”
It’s normal for you to feel like the time is running out and you want to contact your ex right away, but in reality, you have a lot more time than you think (I’ll tell you why in a minute).
You only risk your chances of getting your ex back if you contact him prematurely. Because there is a right time and right way to do that.
But before that, let’s first find out what caused the breakup between you and your ex.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Breakup Post-Mortem
It is very important to analyze why you guys broke up and whether or not it’s a good idea to get your ex-boyfriend back.
There are a few points that I would like you to consider before moving on to the next step.
Were you really happy in the relationship?
Did you have your freedom?
Did you trust each other?
And did you enjoy spending time with each other?
A good relationship is based on trust and respect.
Do you think if you and your ex got back together, you two would be able to build a relationship with a strong foundation?
Did he have communication problems?
Did he decide to just leave because he was not satisfied or he discussed his problems with you?
Whatever the reason he left, you can fix that and get him back. B
ut the next time he has a problem, will he run away again or will he try to work on the relationship?
Winning Your Ex Boyfriend Back from His New Girlfriend
Now, in most cases, the rebound relationship will end before the no-contact period is over.
But, in case they don’t, you’ll have to “steal” him back from this new girl.
After all, he was with you first right?
Of course, you are never going to ask him directly to break up with the new girlfriend to be with you (not until you are 100% sure he will say yes).
But you have to build attraction with him while he is still with her.
Warning: Never bad mouth your ex ‘s new girlfriend behind her back. It will only backfire.
It might sound a bit bad stealing someone else’s boyfriend.
But look at it this way, you are positive that he will be happier with you than he will be with her.
You know you will treat him better than her.
So why not do it?
On the other hand, if you are planning to be a less-than-nice girlfriend and treating him with disrespect, then you should just let him be with his new girlfriend.
But I know for sure that you love your ex-boyfriend otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this right now.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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The Contact
I generally recommend texting him after a few weeks because texts are more personal and chances of his new girlfriend finding out about these texts are lesser.
Even if she does, it works to your advantage. We’ll get to that later.
Note: If you messed up after the breakup, then an apology is in order and a letter would be a good idea.
And I mean REALLY mess it up – begging, crying, stalking, abusing, drunk calling type of mess up.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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What To Say When You Text Your Ex?
I will go over a few things that you must keep in mind.
Your goal is to build attraction using texts.
That means no negative talk.
Nothing about the breakup or the relationship.
You want him to know that you are glad he was a part of your life and that you want him to be your friend again.
Now, while texting, he might bring up his new relationship.
He might complain about his new girlfriend.
Or he might ask your opinion about something.
But do not become his advisor.
If you do, he will always be discussing his relationship problems with you and that’s probably not what you want to hear each time you have contact with him.
Now, you have to use this other girl’s mistakes as your advantage.
Texting is perfect because you are in contact with him and she will have no idea.
At the same time, if she does find out, they will definitely fight about it because she will be invading his privacy.
Since this is a rebound relationship, a few fights should be enough to break them off.
However, if they persist, he will soon break up with her after you guys meet up.
Meeting Him
It is absolutely necessary that you don’t ask him out on a date.
You don’t want him to feel he is cheating on his girlfriend.
So, make sure you are just asking him to “catch up” or ” go for a coffee”.
Make him laugh.
Have fun.
Show him how much you’ve changed for the better.
Better yet, show him the new you and he will start wondering whether he is in a relationship with the wrong girl.
There are a few things you should remember while you are out with him:
Never talk about his girlfriend.
If he brings her up (which he probably won’t), change the topic casually.
Don’t ask him to leave his new girlfriend.
At least not until you are 100% sure he wants to be with you.
Do not try to sleep with him.
You don’t want him to think that you are only interested in sex.
Let him know that you want a real relationship and for that, he will have to commit (unless you just want sex, and he is up for cheating).
Also Read: Should You Have Sex With Your Ex? ( And Will It Help You Get Your Ex Back?)
Usually, during this process, he will decide to leave his new girlfriend and come back to you.
But if he doesn’t, you have to ask him about it some time.
That’s because being friends with him while he stays with his new girlfriend is not good for your emotional and mental health.
After you have spent enough time with him and he still hasn’t made a decision, you have to be upfront about your intentions and tell him what you want.
You will have to ask him to choose between you and the new girl.
Tell your ex that you can’t be friends with him if he chooses to be with the new girl because it’s too hard for you.
I know it’s a tough thing to do, but if you did everything right till now, then I am pretty sure he is going to choose you.
Your Next Step
Before you try and get your ex back, you need to first find out whether there’s still any hope in trying to get your ex back.
The last thing you want to do is to chase a relationship that will never come to fruition again.
Click the image below to take a short 2-minute quiz to find out whether it’s too late to get your ex back (it’s free!):
sylvia says
I recently caught my husband with his ex girlfriend. Recently, he has been distant unloving and disrespectful towards me. I had a feeling he was going to leave me in no time and he later did this was After 3 years of marriage, my husband left me and never returned. Can I still get him back?
Evelyn says
Long distance Ex, 32, told me he wanted commitment, kids, marriage etc. When I turned 40, he ended it over age gap. He thought I was younger than 40. That was 5 months ago.
I made all the mistakes crying, pleading. I went no contact and reached out after nearly 3 months. He was polite but told me he’s seeing someone. Said he wanted to stay in contact. I told him I needed time to try be friends. I deleted him off my social media.
I reconnected recently via text and he responded for a few weeks. Never mentioned the girl but I know he’s still with her, thats nearly 3 months going on now. Last week I asked if we could get coffee as friends, he never replied.
I still love him. I have tried to move forward and went on some dates, I just thought of him. I’m struggling to move on and accept he doesn’t want me and is happy with the new girl.
Any advice?
Elizabeth D. says
Thank you for helping me save my marriage Louise!
clara says
Thanks to you my husband has stopped to filed for divorce after I contacted you to help me stop the divorce with my husband and now things are much better. As you said, the entire divorce process has been canceled and the wicked woman who caused the problem in my marriage was fired by my husband.
Anonymous says
I found out about 5 months ago that all of the money that I told my ex-boyfriend to hold was not all there when I told him to give it back to me so I could put it in my bank account. I broke up with him but not only because of the money but because through the 3 years that we had been together, we’ve both made some pretty big mistakes that led us to deal with our family getting involved. I wanted to take time off from the relationship so both of us can learn dependency and responsibility without relying on each other all the time. He didn’t understand any of it, only that his friend liked me and that we were at a carnival and that we texted. I regret it, I never liked his friend but I kind of enjoyed that whenever my ex didn’t want to hear my problems, his friend would. It broke my heart to do so and knowing that his friend liked me, I always tried to end those conversations but he would text me every few days. I miss my ex and even though we had our ups and downs, we loved each other very much. After my ex found out all of this, and right after I broke it off with him, his friend went for it. At first, I didn’t think that a person that loved me so much would leave for another girl just like that but it happened. I don’t know if I’m a rebound. In the beginning of his new relationship, he would always change his mind and say that he only dated her to make me mad and that he misses me and that we would work on our relationship. His cousins encouraged him to leave me for good and I was also harassed many times by them online. One day he tells me that he thinks that he loves her. At school, he always see’s if I’m looking at him in class or in the hallways but sometimes when I see him and his girlfriend together, I think he is happy but I also wonder if he ever misses me or even thinks about me being that he followed me back on Instagram and Facebook after locking me after an argument that we had a few months back. In that argument I would never forget that he told me to die in a hole and that if I was a boy, he would beat me. I love him. I know that this is not what I deserve but how can a person stop loving someone that they’ve already truly loved?
Hare says
hi,
I had been following this blog for a while
I broke up with my ex 6 months ago after our engagement was called off. we were having a lot of conflicts that led to communication breakdown and insecurity issues.
I’m still very much in love with him, I still care but he has really given up hope and doesn’t want to give us a chance to try again, and I feel hes moved on as well. ( blocked on social media and stopped texting as well. )
I need advice as I really still am in love with him. Is it really time to move on as well or should I still try to win him back?
nina says
So I broke up with my boyfriend like 3 months ago. We dated for about a year and I started losing interest and I hated everything he did I don’t know why. So I broke up with him and we stayed friends for a while and then he got a girlfriend. That girl has been getting on my nerves for a year and a half and I guess she was just waiting for us to break up so she could hit him up. I got jelous and me and my ex had a fight and we haven’t spoke since then. It has been a month since the fight and I can’t get him out of my head even though I have a new guy now. What am I going to do help me please:(
Kelly says
Okay, so…my boyfriend and i of almost 2years had an argument about him not working. well, He moved out, and moved in with his brother…. well, he said he needed space…but we will work things out…that he loves me and because we just have a baby boy and im pregnant with his second child. Well he got his old job back right again after we broke up. And started talking to an old co-worker. Because you could see him liking and commenting on all her stuff on fb… which he denied everything , she even cheated on her man for my bf…They are now in a relationship and its killing me…. but i still love him with all my heart..and i would do anything to make my family work again.
Romac says
Hello there ! I found your blog really good and wanted to ask you that I and my bf broken up 10-12days ago and he is dating one of our common friend and I want him back. So if I make him jealous or pretend that m happy will he come back? And text messages are really a issue because if texts him den he show his girlfriend so what shud I do ?
nina says
dont contact him in any way for at least 30 days. he will start missing you. then just start a conversation with him just dont say anything rude about his new gf because that will make him want her more. be nice or at least act like it he has to think you are happy and having great time without him and you will see he will want you back
Whitney says
i was so heartbroken but after 3 days of contacting dr_mack@yahoo. com, my lover came.
BC says
Hi, I have a bit of an issue here that I could use some insight on. I know it might sound a bit obvious to most people, but I want to make it work. I was seeing this guy for 4 months and we both like each other and had a lot of fun, he was being honest with me and said he’s not only seeing me but I didn’t think he would get serious with anyone soon. A few days after our last date he sent me a long heartfelt text telling me that he can’t see me romantically anymore as he has gotten serious with the other person he was seeing the night after our date. He said a lot of good things about me and said he really hoped that we can remain friends as he thought I’m beautiful inside and out. I agreed that we could be friends but told him that I hope one day we could try again, but assured that I wasn’t begging him to be with me or was I going to wait for him. I also got him to tell me that he still has feelings for me but he has to keep them in check. I didn’t reply to his last text for 5 days coz I needed some space, and today when I finally texted him he answered almost right away, he thought our common friend talked me into never speaking to him again, he counted for how many days I didn’t reply to his text, and he said he thought of texting me but figured I needed some space so didn’t. And we were texting quite a lot, so I think maybe he still likes me even though he chose to be with her. I finally ended our conversation by asking if he’d feel like catching up over a drink sometime because I was afraid if we kept texting I’d say something that would make me appear needy or desperate, and he said a drink could work and will get back to me. Is there anything I can say or do to make him want to date me again when we meet? Of course I’m not going to sleep with him or anything. I still feel like we have a pretty strong connection and chemistry. Please help
MountainBeauty 75 says
Hello. I feel your pain. New breakup is hard! I am a very bluntly-spoken lady. First off, you basically forgave him for being a cad. Then you told him you wanted to be his friend. Then you asked him for drinks. All you didn’t do is offer to pay! He shut you down because you made yourself too available for him, and men will not value a woman who does not value herself. Luckily silence is a sure way to get a man to notice. So I think you should put him on ice, and it will feel amazing when you do, decide how long you need to get yourself together, shoot him a note just saying hey, and that’s it. That’s it. Let him ask you questions. Make him feel like he’s lucky to talk to you. I do t k owwhat to say after that, but don’t ever put the ball in his court
Maria Frank says
Getting back my husband after seperation was very difficult for me because he was went to settle down with another woman, i had two children for him already. I have tried to make contacts with him to come back home yet he refuse, each time i look at his kids i become more sad and i needed him at my side to raise the children together.
tutiplaya says
My ex and I have been dating for almost 2 years now. At the beginning everything was fun and nice. We have a great chemistry, I am his first love. I broke up with him like 4 times already. i know i have messed up really bad in the relationship. 4 months ago, we stopped talking and now when i try hitting him up he said hes happy with a girl he has been talking to for over 3 weeks now. i then talked to him in person, he said he doesnt love me anymore that he has moved on. i dont believe him though, we kissed and the fired went up again. i sent him flowers, teddy bear to his house.
trying to get him back, he said he will sleep on it. i kept on texting him, i sent him food to his job, did a video of all our pictures.
and i sent him flowers. and no response.
So, i texted him that we needed to talk and see where this would all go.
we talked in person and he said to me that hes done, hes out of love and that its not on him to be with me anymore. that i hurt him badly and all.
please help me, i dont know what to do to get him back,
michelle bryn says
I have been married for 5 years now, My husband and I love each other very much. After 3 years of our marriage my husband suddenly changed, he was having an affair with a lady outside,I notice it, then I was praying for divine intervention. The thing became more serious, I told my pastor about it we prayed but nothing happened. My husband just came home one day he picked up his things, he left me and the kids to his mistress outside. At this time I was confused not knowing what to do again because I have lost my husband and my marriage too.
Carole says
I am truly sorry you your children are going through what you are. Isn’t it funny how during the time that we are with our husbands, our emotions and feelings and everything about us , matter the most to them, and they make you feel so secure to tell them all of your feelings, Open up and tell them all about ourselves. They made us trust them and believe them and love them and that they would never put us through what any of our exes did! They present themselves to just not be that kind of a horrible man like our ex . Do you believe them we marry them, and we say forever just As they did with us, promises promises! Then all of a sudden everybody every so many years of our lives to them in many more ways than one, and that’s what they wanted to , they wanted us. After all that, they can just walk away, with no explanation or if any at all, it’s probably a little lie. We’re all the sudden not worthy, we’re all of the needy and all these bad things that turn them off and we have to try to play games to get our husbands back, they are supposed to love us no matter what ??? Wasn’t it in the vows? That we feel about 2 inches tall, and we feel ignorant, dumb and ashamed to address them about the problem they caused. Why is this? why are we all of a sudden devalued? when we were the love of their life and all these promises That they all of a sudden don’t have to uphold… And then people look at us like we are the crazy ones, it’s OK for them to have had a girlfriend on the side, but let my husband get back to me, me get tired of him in six months and have a Man waiting on the side before I break up with him. How do we think that’s going to go over with him? , I mean if he is all of a sudden going to be needy& crying and wanting and needing answers? And are we going to ignore them and make them feel two inches tall? No not at all because we love them, because to us it was real, they were our family we believed them , not only believed them but believed in them. But it never matters , notif they are the ones hurting, then we’re supposed to give into them the way they would not give into us , they wouldn’t even give us an answer at the end. I’m really sorry you’re going through it , My husband just left me a month ago we were together 12 years, and Im piece of shit now . God bless you and your kids, and I can’t say I hope you find a good man one day because honestly after this, I myself do not believe there any good maen, I’ve lost faith in that male species. Keep your head up And just be as positive as you can around your kids . Lots of love to you
Victoria says
My boyfriend and I have bn in a relationship of 1 1/2yrs during January he asked for a break and April he came 2 apologized,since I loved him I accepted his apology and we moved on.
On Wednesday he broke up with me again he complained that I nag too much&I always feel insecured.Now,he made a promise that he won’t come back to me again.
plz help me I don’t want to loose my relationship!
Carol Smith says
So me and my ex was together for almost 2 years and we broke up almost 3 months ago because we felt like we needed to give each other space because of the whole growing up part became stressful so we had a understanding. It was still sad and I cried a lot, but he checked up on me every week (still does) and I was being kinda harsh to him cause a break up is a breakup! I didn’t expect for him to hmu that quick even though I like knowing he cared. But 3 weeks later he ended up talking to someone new and I was so hurt and confused because why would he jump into something new! They are still together, but he hasn’t been loyal to her because me and him have had sex 4 times since he been with her, Ik it’s wrong but I still had a weak spot for him so I was up for anything… and we had conversations and he said he don’t care who he with, I’m his first love and if I need him he there. After a while I told him I’m starting to feel used because after we have sex, he disappear for days and he be with the new girl. And he told me its not his intentions for it to come off that way, that’s just something he like to do with me cause it feels special and he don’t wanaa feel that with anyone else. I wanaa believe it but it just don’t sound right! So after that I decided to block him so I can really think and the day I decided to unblock him he called me and said he been calling me for a while. And he asked what’s wrong something don’t seem right and I told him I’ll call him later. I ended up calling him the next day and told him I been tryna decide if I should let him go cause i can’t just be his friend and thinking about him with someone else hurts and he said he understand. If I need space, he’ll give it to me but I really just want him to be mine again! But don’t wanaa just flat out say it. I asked him do he think this is the end of us and he said no, if the did he wouldn’t be checking up on me and tryna be here for me! He said he know he in relationship, but he just going with the flow, if it works out then cool and if it don’t then it is what it is! I appreciate him being honest, but I just wish it was me and him again. He’s basically okay with any decision I make, if I say I need time he gives it to me, if I say I need to talk, we talk and I tell him I wanaa see him, he comes! Idk if I should be talking to him so much cause he might end up being with the girl for a while and Imaa be stuck. I made the decision to let him do his own luh thing, but I’m just tryna see how to settle my emotions and not think about what he doing with her! A lot of people tell me to let go, but I can’t just yet. What should I do to keep my mind off the situation until the time is right? Should I do the month without communication thing? Is it worth holding on to?
ashee says
hey.
I cnt understand wht to do. his mom is a HEART PATIENT. nd he say she is not agree for marriage with his choice girl.it’s a 3 yeaar long relationship. nd he broke up with me by cll nd msg.he dnt wnt to meet me last time. just text me, tht he cnt do anything.nd say he luv me.But not more thn his mom.nd I cnt force him.M helpless.pls help me.
cindy says
My ex and I were together for 2 1/2 years and he broke up with me one month ago. After one week he was seeing someone new. I have been NC for 22 days now and it doesn’t seem to be getting any better. Today has been the worse though, I saw a pic of his new g/f and she is beautiful. Wow, it’s like I can’t breath. It hurts so bad and all I want to do is just move on and get past all of this. How do I do it! I hate hurting over someone who doesn’t give a crap about me and left me for someone else. It’s ridiculous. Will this pain ever go away?
Merina says
I’m on the same case,I’m dying as my man didn’t directly said to breakup but give an excuse that his feeling are dead n he blocked my num n from fb,, he used to talk abt a girl before n I feel like he is now with that girl and thinking this I get a pierce of bullet in my heart,,,but I wish u best dear to get fine 🙂
Salman says
Hi sorry to hear that but i have been through the same.
My gf did all the things u mentioned and finally shes back with his ex whose having two kids from another mother 🙁
Anonymous says
BECAUSE YOU WERE MATURE HONEST And courageous enough to include to say that your ex’s new girl is beautiful lets me know without having to see or meet you that you are too perhaps even more then your able to see feel or exude to others at this time of hurt in your life. breaking up hurts and being hurts sucks but on a positive note remember the break up before this one when you probably thought you would not find anyone better when you thought for certain he was the one when it hurt so terribly all you could d0 was cry and if you are able to remember then your probably smiling or even laughing because you did find someone better your current ex and guess what there is someone even better again better then him better for you better in bed better at dancing better at giving foot and back massages better at complimenting you better at being trustworthy,dependable, honest. so much better that he can help you to better you and maybe letting in love will let out pain dont think of it as getting over him you dont have to but by getting on with you you will if we knew something was bad unhealthy for us would we keep it around? or someone? meat if left on a counter will spoil rot go rancid will smell horribly think of him as that old meat all of him including thoughts memories photos letters clothing and whatever of those things if left out will whind up rotting smelling spoiling you your day your thoughts your oppurtunities you then do whatever necessary to prevent any self contamination with traffic bills work bad weather rude people etc which are often unavoidable realities why contribute any unnecessary negativity that can cause us to be depressed remember to put your make up on your you even if your staying home and ordering pizza first off the pizza guy might be hot or you may get an unexpected call from a man that you have known and admired since the second grade who in 2 and 1/2 years from now youll be married every time you go out of the house it is a new oppurtunity to have an adventure to see new things to find new places visit new restaurants taste new foods the more new and new faces you see the more your exposed open to been seen by new others alike in life the more we do something most often we will become more experienced more knowledgable more capable and secured in doing whatever it is and just like the first time you had sex im sure youve since gotten better so im going to conclude youll be better at attracting keeping the interest of and being a better girlfriend to a better boyfriend just dont keep him waiting remember everyone is someonews ex until there the one and then its you two and anyone who was first before then now gets to become last feel better love yourself remind yourself suprise yourself
Jessisa says
I’m in the same position. He moved on a week after, and lied about it when I found out.I saw her photo, and noticed he had added her to all his social sites which he has now removed me from. He blocked me only on one social media (the one we used to Msg each other on), but left the others deleted, but unblocked. I was going through the NC rule, but he contacted me to ask how I am doing. After I told him that I am doing well, he just replied “happy to hear” and nothing more. I am continuing with the NC rule, but I think there’s no hope for us, and that hurts. I too want to stop thinking, move on and stop caring so much for him because clearly he has moved on.
Anonymous says
I’m sureste it did go away by now.
Priya says
Hi Cindy
I am in a similar situation.
My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me Oct 1. Before the month was out he was already in an new “official” relationship. It hurts like hell.
In my case, she definitely isn’t prettier.
I also have be NC and it doesn’t seem to be getting better.
I try to keep busy. I try to remember that this is his fuck up — it’s all on him because when we were in the relationship there was nothing I wouldn’t have done for him.
I hope one day he regrets it and comes crawling back. (I really do).
I know that if he did this to me, then he will also do this to her.
I wish there was some kind of advice to say whether or not he will come back or even regret what he’s thrown away.
Daisy says
Maybe it will. But you know? Try to avoid them and just be yourself while this whole situation. Dress nicely the way you like and be happy. If you ever see him make a smile, to show them that your happy about It. Right now my ex is dating his other ex, and I know he still loves me, but he is with her, and after a month and. A half I got a little bit over it. I show him I’m happy and yeah
ariah thomas says
The way to solve this is by just moving on and pretending you don’t like him anymore and maybe he will realize that he made a mistake of being with the other girl and get back together with you.
Be a better you says
That’s a long time. And I know it must hurt like hell, well…actually worse than hell. I have been through this and that too after 4 years of a relationship without any devastating problems. The families knew each other and were planning for marriage while he was planning to leave me 🙁 Anyway…that’s just a week ago and I am finally eating, sleeping and doing everyday chores but also staying at home all the time. Give yourself time to heal, time can heal the worst of wounds. You will come out of it, and you will come out of it stronger than you ever were.
mandy says
I just found out my ex of 3 years is dating someone… It hurts so much. He broke it off 4months ago and was saying the whole “lets stay friends for now and maybe down the road”. I stopped all contact with him a month ago, and now I find out his new toy went to texas with him for spring break, and now they are dating. I thought this fling was just a fwb and he just wanted to give us space apart (we were each others first loves)… what will make this pain go away…. I really thought all he wanted was some space and time… is this new toy just a rebound, do I still have a chance down the road?
i cant stop crying, i just want this all to end.
Sasha says
I found out that my boyfriend of four years was cheating for 2 months with another girl, when I found out I stayed with him because I love him that much. He broke it off with her when I found out and a week later he dumps me for her and goes back to her.Hes moved in with her now. He left me for her two weeks ago.yesterday he messaged me through a friend saying he loves me,really misses me and I was his world, and he only ended it because he thought Id never get over him cheating. Then an hour later sent a message saying hes sorry but he fell in love with her and just wants to be happy and knows Il find someone else and be happy. He also asked for his clothes back,but he knows I havent got any clothes of his. The girl he lfet me for didnt know about me at the time but then found out when I told her.She knows hes a cheat and many other things,does anyone think it will last between them? I messaged her telling her he contacted me as I am furiouse and heartbroken that he claims to LOVE her, he knows what that will do to me telling me that! he has moved into hers.She knows hes a sponger, and a cheat. Seems so stupid Id want him still but I love him beyond words,miss him so much and want him back.Does anyone think considering theyve only known each other for not quite 3 months, that he does actually LOVE her?
Tveley says
That text was from her. That was not from him. She saw what he texted you. That’s why there was a request for clothes of his you do not have. Now when a text comes and it is something like that the best thing to do is to reaping back. Ok, I’ll get your things together. Can we make love again like we did the other day. And start talking about Sex. And even say now you know we agreed to be casual with sex for right now until we can fix things. Stuff like that l. Throw her ass off track.
Rose says
You know wat dnt give upup already cus if u do she will think she has a lot power than u over your ex- boyfriend
Turmoil says
This sounds exactly like what I’m dealing with right now. Did anyone respond to Sashas story, & if not, what does anyone think? After years together & he’s obviously torn/confused & still saying he cares about her & sending conflicting statements, does he or could he truly truly love Miss not quite 3 months? hmph >=/
nicole says
Its been two months and Im struggling to get over my ex. He was my first serious relationship, and we went out for almost 8 months. He dumped me saying he still loved me and how I would be the perfect wife. He said no girl would ever be more important too him. He just wasnt ready for a serious relationship or any relationship at the moment. I was devastated. The next day he said he regreted it and took me back and dumped me again two days later. I was a mess, I went from anger to heartbreak and we constantly texted. I was extremely self destrutive. Then I found out he had started dating another girl, who he meet while with me, a week after he ended it with me. The pain was indescrible, I felt like I meant nothing to him and still do. I made many mistakes when I found out about them and I am not proud of my actions following the break up. He can not stand me, he has called me pathetic, selfish, a child, a manipulative ****, that I would never make a guy happy etc. He has posted his new relationship all over facebook knowing I would see. My feelings of inadequecy are made worse by the fact that before me he dated a girl for a month and would reguraly text me telling me he was still in love with her as late as five months into his relationship with me.
Yet barely a week later he forgot about me, or so it appears. He is extremely happy at the moment, he has a bunch of new friends and adores his new gf. I know I shouldnt care but I do..alot. I feel like I did something to change his feelings towards me. After the break up his best friend told me how He never loved me and would constantly text him about how to win his ex back. I confronted my ex about this, and he told me to shut up and believe what I want.
The sad thing is I want him back. It will never happen as he has made it clear he thinks Im only good enough for sex. I have accepted its over, yet I cant move on. I think about him all the time, and how I made him hate me. I feel like apologising to him, but Im scared to contact him and he has told me how he feels he is wasting his time by even acknowledging me. I hate the fact he despises me because I still love him.
Anonymous says
I know it’s been a while but how do you feel now? I hope you got over him…
Anonymous says
Here’s the thing eight months isn’t exactly a long time to be dating someone. I know it’s devastating and it hurts but I suggest you delete this guy from your social media accounts and delete his number as well. This will make you less likely to contact him. It’s time to really reevaluate your self . Do not by any means contact him the break up is still fresh . He sounds manipulative don’t play the game . Trust me he will respect you more in the end
Tveley says
This one is a lost cause. Move on Sista?
shona says
Hey i just read your story. M in the same situation too. Just wondering how uou doing now as its been long time.
Penny says
So my ex boyfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago, he said he needed to be single. After we broke up hung out a few times, and those few times we ended up sleeping together. He said he still loved me, but he just felt like he needed to be single.
Anyways, near the end of our relationship i found out he was tutoring this girl from highschool…
we are both 22..
he said they wre just friends, and he would never think of dating her, and she was also his friends ex gf..so he said she was “off limits” so to say.
anways…this past week i went to manitoba to visit my best friend, and while i was there..i found out on facebook, that he is dating this girl, that he said he would never think of dating.
So i freaked out, and called him, and asked him why he would lie to me, and i was such a mess. How could he do that ot me?
he also said on the phone that he could see us together again someday! how could he say that to me if he has a new gf?
im so confused with him, but i know i shouldn’t talk to him again, but its so hard..i find my self snooping..today he had picture of them up..cuddling and stuff, i finally got myself to block him, but i am constnatly wondering what hes doing.
IM just so upset over all this..and i dunno waht to do to make myself get over him, i thought iwas until i found out he was with someone else. It jsut sucks cuz i know he wont want to be friends with me just feels like i lost a big part of my life and now he is spending it with someone else
Carol Smith says
I know exactly how you feel! don’t look at pictures because I had to learn the hard way. When I looked on Instagram and saw pictures it felt like my heart stopped! I’m still going through it, just give it time. If he hits you you, he obviously still cares! Sometimes knowing that he cares make you feel a little better. He might be confused and THINK being with that girl is what he wants. Just let him learn, but in the process protect yourself. It’s gonaa be hard because you don’t know if you should hold on or give up! I’ll just say go based off his actions and if in your heart you feel like he’s worth it then do what you feel is right. That’s what I’m doing ?
Pansy says
I am so pissed and hurt and a mixture of different emotions. And he apparently met her a few days ago! He already jumped ships that fast?! I guess one of his friends brought her over to his friends house and she instantly liked him, he told me about it, of course, but he said she was trying to get touchy feely with him he took off in his car from his friend’s house. A few days later he told me that he wanted us to take a break for a week and then after that week we’d meet back up and talk about it, but instead a couple days later he tells me it’s over completely and all he said is that we argued too much and I’ve brought too much sadness into his life when in reality he treated me much worse than I did him. Oh, and he also got together with that girl later that day which was like yesterday. I texted him a lot throughout the day and he was just like you need to calm down. I’m just trying to make him understand how I feel. How he fu**ing tore my heart out and stomped on it. So, I texted him a couple of hours ago after I said I would leave him alone and that I wouldn’t try to mess up their relationship because I care about him and his happiness, but I had to, I can’t stop thinking about him and I told him that. At first he was being nice and told me he was sorry and whatnot and I need to talk to my mom about it or something, then he’s just like you need to quit texting me and blah blah blah you’re f***** stuff up between me and her. And I’m just like what am I doing? And he says cause she sees that I’m all on his nuts or whatever. Does she think this is okay? That he just left me for her and I am miserable? I wish she knew how it would feel if this happened to her. And him as well, what if I had left him for another guy? He would want to jump off a damn building, you know?
Alright, well before this had happened we had been going through A LOT of problems and stuff and we both were trying to work it out! He was so sad during the time too and so was I. But, I tried and tried to make it work but he just kept being an a**hole to me. Which caused me to be mean back, how can you treat someone good if you’re trying and they’re not being nice back?? And he still kept telling me he wanted to work things out. We were only together for a year+ but over that time we both spent a lot of time on each other and he was very very emotionally attached on me, like really clingy, but I was okay with that for the most part. I just don’t get how he could just get up and leave me for some other girl like that. Someone he just met. Me and him had this connection that I’d never had with anyone before and neither had he. We weren’t each others first relationships either, definitely not at all.
Anonymous says
This guy does not respect you. Sometimes anger and a lack of understanding about why things end can tear us apart. Do not contact this dude again . Men are very reactive and don’t always think of the consequences . I know it’s hard to pick yourself back up after someone has hurt you but the best thing to do is leave the situation alone if it’s meant to be you will be . The best revenge is him seeing you doing your own thing never let him or his new girl see you sweat .
angela says
My boyfriend and I were together for 2 years and he was the love of my life, my whole universe. Everything was great! we are at 2 separate universities but we saw each other every weekend. we both went home one weekend and we were snuggling up in bed on a rainy day and he was telling me he loved me more than anything- he even missed an entire day of lectures to stay in bed with me and make me breakfast in bed etc! when I went back to uni things were ok until one night we started being a bit off with me and I said it seems like you cant be bothered any more and he said that “things arnt the same anymore” and he “doesn’t know how he feels”
i told him he had hurt me by saying this and he said that he “is sorry for hurting me and loves me so wants us to work through it” 4 hours later he said we should call it a day.
He then said that he does still love me and needs some time to be single which I understood as he was in a long relationship before me and him and he is at university! then I went to see him on the way home a week later to talk about things and he said that he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore and doesn’t love me anymore!! how can someones feelings change so quickly!!
I am so depressed I cant eat or sleep, im trying to enjoy uni but i cant do any work without crying and want to just go home all the time.
We have spoken on facebook chat inbetween and things have been great we have been talking like old friends and he has been giving extra kisses on the ends of conversations recently . . and i know he counts them! then yesterday I go on facebook to see that he is in a relationship with another girl!!!!
we only broke up 4 weeks ago yesterday I have gone right back to square one with my feelings as i really thought when I see him over christmas he will realise what he’s missing and wed get back together . . . i don’t know what to do with myself I hate it! how can he move on so quickly when 5 weeks ago he was telling me he loves me more than anything in this world and 3 weeks ago he said that he still loves me but needs time to be single!? I asked him then if there honestly was another girl? and he said “I promise you there really is not another girl” and i believe him as we were both big on being honest and promises ( we would never ever promise something we dont mean) as he had been cheated on before. Im so confused.
But i still can’t seem to give up hope that we will get back together when i know that i need to. My heart just seems incapable of giving up as i love him so so much. Im in shock. What is he thinking!? is this just a rebound thing? he keeps apologising to me about it! How can I get him back?
Mixed says
So what happened since then? I feel in a similar boat
Anna says
I hav been broke up with my bf 3 months ago..it was so sad…and i still miss him badly everyday and getting more and more..we hav broke up for some misunderstood and lack of communication.. aft the break up,he had a gf aft two weeks and i know it was rebound relationship, they broke up aft one month but the girl still trying to get back with him..and that time he did have the feeling want to go back with me but he ask me to give him some time…but at that period,my friend did told me that he saw he and the girl pictures at his fb,is like the girl tagged him and said he miss him and so on,and got one more post is she say love you and tagged him and he replied love you too..i was quite angry and upset when i see tis,coz when we together, he is loyal and faithful to me,i think i juz cant accept it and i did go and ask him,but he dunno how to explain it to me,and he say he dunno wat to do and how to tell me. He did angry and asked why i stalk his fb and do not trust him. I feel very sad when he said that cause i didnt expect he will blame me,and i told him he did changed he not like the one i know last time,who is faithful to me,and he told me he that kind of person after break up he won’t like last time give a 100% faithful to the person, but one more things that make me even more upset is the way he talk with me is totally changed,it sound rude and it really broke my heart.after that he did say i made my decision which is gave up on him and he don’t wan to talk with me even i asked him some questions. I never contact him for 10 days and i did delete him from contact and social media.after 10 days i feel i really miss him and i did contact him back,the first day was ok,he told me he is single and he say something like want me to regret cause never wait for him and never trust him all..and the second day,i found that he had a new girlfriend, and he did posted something about he will nvr mistreat the girl again on the social media,but he dint say that he had a new girlfriend all, and even i ask him got new girlfriend? And he juz angry and asked y i message him back,and he told me he did message me in the 10days when we no contact but i didn’t reply and he saw i had deleted him from those social media all and he treat that i don’t want anything with him anymore, even i explain and i did told him i nv stop missing him but he just say he dont wan to listen anymore, and the next two day he did ignore me,but everyday he did post something and it made me feel he trying to tell me he is happy,even though he go the place tat we always go last time but the person with him is not me,i was very sad to see that,and he didn’t tell me anything about that girl,few days later, he did whatapps me after he see my whatapps status,and he asked me something after i answer me,but he didn’t reply anything, and the next day i saw his whatapps status and saw he having a toothache and i did send his some ways to release the pain all he just reply me a question marks but i didnt reply anything to him,and the next day he message me first ask about ytd things,and he saw my post he tot that i gt a new boyfriend and he just ask me to last long,but i did explain to him is a girl,and im juz share my things with her,but he nvr ask much and he say he scare that later i say he is rude. I not understand what he is actually mean and i just feel that he is happy with that new girl, and is different with the first rebound girlfriend, i was very scare that i will lose him forever,cause is very hard for me to fall in love to a person and before i with him i never think wan to marry wan a family but after i with him i just start to think that i wan all this,and our relationship is like lover, friend and family, and i really want him in my life,i wish i can get him back but i have no confident,i feel sad cause i feeling i like pushing him away,i thought that maybe i can try to move on but what really happen is i miss him even more..please give me some advice cause i really lost
peggy says
So, I met my ex when we were in high school, when we were both 13 years old. We were both friends but not close friends. So.. we somehow drifted apart and got closer back when we were 17. I have had a crush on him since the day I met him and it was graduation day already, so I decided I would confess to him. However, I was too shy to do so, so I asked my friend to help me. After knowing how I feel about him, he asked me out for a date and we had a great time together. He asked me out a few days later, and I accepted. We dated for a year and 3 months. I was always very insecure because he used to have things going on with this girl that I’m friends with. They dated briefly before but she ended up choosing another guy over him.. He was honest about this with me so I trusted him. Towards the end of our relationship, I found out that he and her got in contact again.. And he snatched his phone away from me because he was afraid I would see it. He kept insisting that they were friends. We got into a huge argument and that was during his exam period.. so he broke up with me. He told me that he couldn’t handle the stress that he’s facing.. (exam + me) so he ended it. I begged and pleaded him to give me another chance but he didn’t give in.
I continued talking to him after that, and he was very cold towards me. Sometimes he would ignore me. He would lie to me about a lot of things. A month after the breakup, I found out that he got together with the girl I was insecure about.. He used to tell me that they will never get together again and he’s over her.. I was devastated when I knew they got together. He told me he’s happy with her and he has completely moved on from me. He said that even though she has hurt him deeply, she will always have a place in my heart..
The worst part is? She used to be my best friend.. And when my ex and I were together, she texted him saying that she’ll like him forever. My ex showed me the text so I trust him. And I confront the girl after the breakup, she told me that ‘she has loved him for so long and they have been through so much’. I don’t get it, if she loved him, why did she leave him for another guy? And why does my ex believe her?
I am still working hard to get over this.. the thing is, I have tried everything, going out constantly, working on myself and meeting new people but everything just leads me back to him.. How can I move on from him? I think of him everyday and it has never changed. Also, I am trying to go on NC but I will be meeting him next week at a high school reunion. What should I do?
ann says
My ex and I broke up a year ago, but had been fwb ever since. He moved to Kansas, and I followed him, living out of my car for a month until I got my own place. He tried to get back together with his ex-girlfriend while I was out there, and frequently ignored me. I knew no one out there, and when I hit a deer and called him asking for him to visit me and offer support, he wouldn’t come. I offered him $1000 to be my boyfriend, but he wouldn’t accept it. Then he moved back to Colorado, and I eventually moved back as well. We became really good friends once I returned. We started seeing each other twice a week, and it felt as if we were back together, but ever since we broke up, he’s been trying to find other girls. He would constantly complain about how boring he is and how no girls are interested in him, so I felt safe that he would be single until he was ready to come back to me. I was certain that he loved me deep down as I love him. He says he loves me as a friend.
Recently, a girl sent him a message on an online dating site. The other night, he told me that this girl he’s been seeing for 2 weeks is now his girlfriend, they’re exclusive, and he’s not going to sleep with me anymore. I became very angry, and stood up for myself, but now I fear I said many things that will just push him closer to her and further from me. Although I was angry, I didn’t scream and yell at him, but was rather firm. I did such things as demand that he stop seeing her, telling him that she’s ugly (which he agrees with), acted desperate and needy, told him that at that moment I hated him, and when he said he was a horrible person, I said I agreed with him now. I also gave him a choice–her or me, and he said, “I choose the one who is giving me a choice.”
After this I broke down crying and tried to get him to help me understand why I was such a horrible person, what is so terrible about me that makes him not want to be with me. He couldn’t tell me why, and continued to insist that I’m not horrible, worthless, and unlovable. But why would he have left me and refuse to give me another chance if those things aren’t true? I said I hoped I hadn’t ruined things and that I couldn’t stand to let him go, and we needed to finish doing some fun things we had started. He said to give him a call in a few days. I texted him the next day and asked who he would choose if I was the one giving him a choice. All he said was, “I would like to be your friend.”
Another important point: His new girlfriend was in a long-term relationship a few months ago, so I’m hopeful that she’s on the rebound. What he has done in his past relationships likely isn’t going to change for her. He pointed out that 2 of his exes left him because they felt he was distant and didn’t care about them. I felt that way when I was with him, and my unhappiness (which he blames himself for) caused him to be unhappy which is why he broke it off with me. He recognizes these problems he has in relationships, but is unwilling to do anything to change them. Considering her possible rebound and the likelihood that he will treat her the same way he has treated other girls in the past, does anyone think it likely that this relationship will last? Have I ruined my chances of getting him back forever?
Margaret says
My ex-boyfriend and I got together when we were 18 and had a on and off relationship for 6 years (24 this year). He was my everything and my first for everything too; my first love, my first boyfriend, my first kiss etc. The past 2 and a half years it has been very much on. I have to be honest and say that I was always a lot more invested in the relationship than he was. I gave him all of me and I would not get very much in return. I still did love him very very much and I genuinely thought he loved me too. He wouldn’t like to label our relationship and warned me that maybe things would not go anywhere with us but we should still try it out since we were young. It was honestly a very complicated relationship where we would do our own thing, meet and go on dates 2-3 times a week and we would call each other every night to say goodnight and to tell each other we loved each other. Over the years, generally our relationship got better, he would call me his girlfriend and he got more comfortable with my family (I never met his parents; I know its ridiculous but he said they were conservative and I believed him. They knew I existed and that I was his girlfriend though), he hadn’t mentioned the whole ‘its not going anywhere’ thing for about 2 years. I thought we were progressing, I felt more involved in his life.
Anyway, as we are college students, he went off for an exchange experience for 6 months to another country. He promised me before he left that he wouldn’t cheat, that he would return to me, that we would be okay. When he first left, things were alright. But after a while, he got so wrapped up in his life overseas that he wouldn’t contact me much, we would argue about how little he would call and he was really just interested in partying and having a great time. I decided to let him do his own thing; I didn’t want to hold him back so I took a step back and gave him the space he wanted. We would text everyday and were still boyfriend and girlfriend, but I stopped expecting too much out of him because I didn’t want to be a stifling figure in his life.
During the exchange period, about a month and a half in, he called me and said something about his feelings – that perhaps he wasn’t so sure about me and his feelings for me anymore. We talked things over and told each other that we still loved each other and that we would wait till he got back before we made any decision because maybe it was him being away that made him feel different. After that chat, things went back to normal, we still told each other we loved each other every night and would be as affectionate as possible on text/call.
In his last three weeks of him being overseas (around May), I went for a trip, with my friends, to the country he was in. He was supposed to meet me at some part of my trip as I was hopping around the country. He did come and meet me on my last few days of the trip. Things were different between us. I could feel it. Everytime I pointed it out to him, he would get annoyed and say “Will you stop saying that I used to do abc and now I won’t do abc/now I’m doing xyz?”, he would get frustrated about it. He was distant while still being somewhat affectionate. I was confused but was sure that when we got back to being in the same country in a few days, that things would work itself out.
Also for some reason, I felt like he had cheated on me and point blank asked if he had and said that I wouldn’t be mad and that we could deal with it. He flipped it around and said that if I was asking if he cheated, it meant that maybe I cheated and that’s why I was asking him. I hadn’t at all cheated. In fact, for our 6 years together, I was 100% loyal and honest with him. I didn’t even entertain the thought of another guy. To me, he was all I ever wanted and I didn’t need to look elsewhere for attention or love or whatever. Anyway, he denied cheating.
While we were out shopping on my trip, he received a message from this girl on his phone (there were some photos on Facebook of him with this same girl where they looked a bit cosy and I got annoyed with them when I saw them and had told him I didn’t like the photos and what not – he assured me it was nothing and that I was being crazy.) I got into a bit of a foul mood and again, he told me I had nothing to worry about and that I was nuts because he was just receiving a message from a friend.
On our last night together (we were staying in the same room), things really did not seem right and so I probed and probed until he finally told me: “We have no future, we got together so young, we shouldn’t have stayed together for as long as we did.” I was obviously broken. He said he wanted to go back and see how things went and I told him that I couldn’t do that (which I really regret saying now ) because I waited for him for 6 months, I had done this with him for 6 years, why didn’t he know what he wanted, why did we have to go back and see how things go? I felt like he should have known for sure already. Either way, I think he was quite glad that I said that because he immediately said fine then, if thats how you feel then we should break up, I’m 100% sure. It was extremely painful and hurtful but I guess I could somewhat accept it even though I didn’t want to break up.
I cried the whole night through while we slept together on the same bed (we were both leaving to the airport the next day and were going to the airport together). The next morning, I just had this feeling that I had to go through his phone (I have only ever done this once or twice like 4 years ago) and while he was in the shower, I did… and I found out from there that he had cheated on me with this other girl (the same one from the pictures). The messages were explicit and she said she was in love with him and what not. It was horribly painful to read through and I shudder now even when I think of what was said between the two of them.
I confronted him about it the moment I saw it and he said it meant nothing, he was sorry, and it was just words between him and this girl and whatever, that we were breaking up because of us having no future, not because of some other girl but I can’t be sure. I think he lied. I think he cares about this girl or maybe he felt something real with her that he hadn’t with me or I don’t know… This girl doesn’t live in the same country as us, she lives far away but he met her while he was on exchange, they were in the same university together. Either way, I don’t know what the deal is with her and him now; whether they are dating or not but I have not been dealing with all of this well.
The breakup and subsequent betrayal blindsided me. I told him off in text (after we parted at the airport) to tell him he was disgusting and that I hated him for what he did (amongst other things). I told him he owed me honesty because I think he wasn’t honest about his cheating. He said whatever he wanted to placate me for that moment. He replied my text by just sort of brushing it off and said that I shouldn’t have invaded his privacy and read his phone and that he wasn’t going to discuss his indiscretions with me further (that was sickening to hear – I knew after that that I wasn’t going to get anything out of him, that he wasn’t guilty or truly sorry) and that he couldn’t apologise enough for what he did. He said he was sorry I found out the way I did.
I haven’t contacted him since that message that I sent a day after we broke up and he hasn’t bothered with me either. I am so so broken because I see now that this guy did not give a **** about me… I didn’t really get ‘closure’ either. When he got back to our country a few days after me, he didn’t say a thing, and hasn’t said a thing. It has been a little bit over a month and we haven’t spoken. He is constantly on my mind and I have so many questions for him. It has been hard to move on and let go. I do not feel like the same person. I’ve lost myself and I think I’ve fallen into a bit of a rut. I am finding it very hard to leave the house and do anything at the moment (thankfully I’m on break from school for now), even participating in a conversation is hard.
He ruined me for everyone; for the people I love and for me and for anyone else that could have entered my life because I feel like I am nothing because I was nothing to him. He didn’t care for me. I wasn’t good enough and truth be told, throughout our relationship, I didn’t feel good enough either.
I don’t know how I’m going to move on. I know for a fact that I will always love him, possibly always be in love with him and that I’ll never get over him. I don’t think I’ll ever find anyone else and I guess I am afraid of being alone.
Anna says
Hi I really feel your pain .. I no it seems cliche to say that but going through the similar circumstance. Reading your account has really helped me as sometimes you can feel like you’re the only one in the whole world who feels this way.
One particular thing you mentioned was ur ex used to say to you this means that you must be cheating if you say this that etc. This was exactly what my ex used to say to me. I felt I was always to blame or causing all the problems etc.
I met my ex at college he seemed like a friendly decent chap who would talk to me now and then as friends waiting for lessons to start etc. He told me now he has a girlfriend and how he liked to play video games. I left college that year and about three months after a friend of mine from the same college said do you remember that lad from college she said he told me he really liked you and asked for your number. I liked him as well and was keen to get to no him more.
That summer we arranged to meet up and got together. At the beginning it felt very very intense like he was crazy for me when I was still only getting to no him and develop my feelings more. However he seemed to be obsessed with me at the beginning I found it flattering but confusing in a way at times. He would often be in tears saying please don’t leave me please don’t leave me and found it strange how I’ve
Just got together with him and he was in floods of tears telling me not to leave him.
The first two years were amazing from then onwards we did everything together, watched countless movies together got to no each other’s families he treated me like a princess and was so kind to me. I came round to his once to find another girl in his room wearing a crop top and the door had been blocked with something heavy behind it. He said nothing went on and denied cheating etc. I believed him at this point but looking back I don’t believe him. A few months after he said I’ve got something to tell you I kissed another girl and now I’m with her. This is another girl who he said was a friend he used to see. I was heartbroken and begged him to come back. We gave it another go and things seemed to be on the up and we even got engaged and moved in together. He later confessed to cheating with another girl who came onto him and it wasn’t his fault. After planning a wedding together and building a life together I was shattered inside. However during the relationship there were about three other girls I had suspected around him even though he denies any infolvment and says that they came over as friends. Bizarrely I felt love for him and continued to live with him and after a eight year in off relationship and engagement he turned violent towards me and left me for another girl who claimed was his friend And got together exactly one month before our anniversary date 21st September. Apparently he’s never been happier with this girl. Without meaning to blow my own trumpet I had been so loyal and caring to him throughout all of this and was supportive when he was struggling with money. I feel lost in a black whole xx
geraldine says
I am a 26 year old female. I was dating my best friend for two years. He was my best friend for a few years before we stated dating. I wanted to date a few months before making it official. He was patient and understood. After a few months I felt like I could commit. I have had previous long and short relationships, longest being 4 years and that is why I was careful before I jumped into any new relationship. In previous relationships I never had that feeling like I could marry that person. Of course with the person I dated for 4 years it crossed my mind but there were always things in previously relationships that made me doubt marriage with them. With my bestfriend it was different. There was a certain compatiablity that he and I felt like we never had with anyone else. He would run in the middle of the night to get me medicine if I was not feeling well. I didn’t have to ask. ( we do not live together) He has always been thoughtful in that way. This guy was different. I don’t know when it happened probably within the past year that I thought I could really marry this guy.
My bf has talked about a future as well. However, he said yesterday he is unsure if he wanted to 100 percent marry me. He has been feeling a bit of guilt for this unsureness. He didn’t say this but Im just informing whoever reading this he has not dated as much as me. Our relationship has been his longest so I am thinking this is the grass is greener syndrome. I know that feeling of being unsure I told him that I love him I respect his feeling I wasn’t mad( and I still am not) but I told him that it isn’t fair to either one of us to stay together ( I did cry) He was surprised at me saying this. He asked why? and he cried. He didn’t want to break up. I said I want to give him his space to let him figure things out but I can’t promise I would wait because who knows how long it will take him. I must add that he said, “he knows he loves me, a part of him does see marrying me”, (but that part that is unsure worries me). He also said, “he can picture having a family with me that I’d be a great mom, that I am a great person”. I have also gotten close to his family. I hang out with his sister even without him. It really was an amazing relationship and I think it has alot to do with us really knowing each other before dating. We did disagree from time to time however it was always with respect. We really acknowledged each other’s feelings. I have not pressured him into getting married or have never forced a time frame of when to get married. So I am not sure what has really got him thinking about this. I did ask if he had feelings for someone else. I know alot of times that could be a factor in the grass is greener but he said he only has feelings for me.
For me I feel like I don’t want to be an option. I don’t want to stay with him for even more years and have him be thinking what it would be like with someone else… to me that would be like stringing me along. My thinking is that he needs to live without me. Otherwise staying with him will delay him being sure and maybe not even allow him to decide. So I guess I’m wondering did I make the right decision by breaking up with him? I have also gone no contact.
sherry says
My boyfriend and I have been getting into little arguments which then later escalated. A lot of which are my fault but I never thought I would lose him because we are in love. He told me yesterday that he loves me but is done. That the fights keep hurting him too much.
I can’t believe I hurt him like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to him and myself that I will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship.
Helen says
My ex of 6 years broke up with me at the end of March. 3 weeks later, he had a new girl move into his apartment. They’ve been dating ever since. She’s the opposite of me in every way, and they essentially started where we left off in our relationship….can someone give me their two cents on this situation? I’m really having trouble wrapping my brain around this one.
freaca says
I was with my ex partner for 5 years and we have a 3 year old together. Things were great, life was going in the right direction, we were achieving our goals as a family…. then BAM he left. No explanation. Just “I am not happy… maybe we can get back together in the future” and that was all I got. Later found out within 2 days of leaving he was with another woman 20 years older then he is. (he is 25 and she is 46) So obviously was cheating on me…
Fast forward 7 months… zero contact from him. No im sorry. No explanation. Just nothing….. He hasn’t seen his child in 7 months, hasn’t asked how he is, doesnt pay anything… just absolutely nothing. I stupidly tried to involve him with our child which got me no where….
The person my ex is now…. honestly I do not even recognise him…. I would have never in a million years thought he was this type of person at all. Its disgusting in all aspects and it is driving me crazy trying to work it out…
I have spoken to my family and friends about it and they all have theories on it, I have moved on to the best of my ability and I am living my life and supporting my child. But I would like closure and want to understand why. How someone can change so dramatically in all aspects in such a short time…. like sure hate me or whatever even though I did nothing but to abandoned your child to me that screams there is something seriously wrong!
I have seen councillors etc and spoken to his family only recently and everyone I speak to comes to the same conclusion… he is going through something, living in his own world and once reality catches up with him he will want his family back because reality is the relationship he is in will not work out because of the age gap, the fact it started out from an affair etc… i dont care if he is with someone else, just want to understand why he did it and is acting the way he is… I have read about affair fog and gigs do you think this is a possibility?
Just to be clear I am NOT wanting to reconcile or be with him. Just want answers and closure. To me its not normal to one day have a loving family and the next you never see them again… especially leaving a child behind? Sorry if i am ranting… just am at a loss in my situation. I am getting on with life but he is a constant hurt and reminder because everything is up in the air and he doesnt care at all but i do.
What are your thoughts on what may be going on, any advice on what to do or what i may have in store in the future?
SHARON says
I don’t know how common of a theme this is, but I am very depressed and dejected right now. I was with my ex for 4 years on and off and him and I have a child together. Just recently in Jan. he broke things off again and I just did no contact and let it go. I know deep down the relationship was bad and very unstable and that to be honest, I am better off. However it still HURTS to know that he has already married someone else. He never even had the heart to tell me and I found out by seeing the wedding band and then asking his mom.
It’s a very depressing situation overall for me because I feel like I was not good enough. Maybe when we broke up I should have pursued him like I did in the past. I do know that my ex is the type who cannot handle being alone. The ironic thing is that the only way I know the new lady’s name is by my son mentioning her and this did not start until mid Feb.
I know that my feelings are normal and that this is something that I have to work through. It was not really that long ago that he was trying to get me to move back in with him. Anyone ever go through this and what helped you to get passed the feelings of being unworthy. I appreciate your thoughts and opinions on this matter.
anne says
I am 3 weeks post BU. I have been in a relationship for 1 year and 3 months. I am 33, he is 39.
He seemed to be the perfect guy. He helped with so many things, we traveled a lot and every weekend was like holiday. He gave me his house keys 2 weeks after we met, I’ve never felt that kind of security in my whole life. I was always sure, that he would never cheat on me.
Then his mother died and 2 months later… he broke up with me. I thought that the breakup is connected to his mother death, but I was wrong. We should have moved in together at the end of summer, and he proposed to me in spring….
One week ago I found out, that while we were still together, he was talking to this other girl. They have been together 9 years ago or so.
While being on holidays with me, he kept talking to her. Recently I found the call history from this period and he was texting and calling her like crazy. He did not miss a chance, I can imagine him texting while on the toilet, while I was in the shower etc. After we returned from that trip, they went on a 4 days trip (he told me he was on a business trip). The day he returned, he broke up with me, telling me he needs space. and all the bla, bla. bla. First I believed him, I did not suspect there’s someone else. He seemed the perfect guy…
Since BU, we had LC. Last time I saw him, I asked him if he is seeing someone, and he told me yes, but it’s complicated and it’s not official yet. I asked it it happened while we were still together, and he lied, and said no. He kept repeating, how he wants us to stay friend. And that he would like to hang out more, but for him it’s very hard, because he still has feelings for me.
When we were together, he always told me he is happy and was tired having complicated relationships. Until now, when his now girlfriend, is going trough divorce and has 1 yo child.
I have good days, and very bad days. Some days I am in rage and very angry, some days I am picking myself up off the floor and can barely move or breath.
We live on the same street. Every morning I pass by his house. Her car is always there…and she’s still married!!!
What I am longing to do, but I am kinda waiting for the right moment,I want to tell him (no yelling just a friendly conversation) that I know everything, I know what happened and how dissapointed I was, because it turned out he’s not that special, I do not want us to be friends, and then go NC.
Should I or should I not?
Violet says
I had a relationship of 6 years and a half with canadian guy. We met virtually and he was coming once a year to stay with me in my country for 4 or 5 months. During this time we were happy and he told me I was the woman of his life that he liked my values and my way of being but then I started to become insecure and we were having fights, not often but very strong. I sometimes was taking his things to the street, asking him to go to a hotel and twice I slapped him. I feel bad for what I’ve done but he just saw me and understood me but never took me for help cause I know I need it. He was not a guy who liked cel phones but like a month ago he started to not leave this gadget alone til I discovere why. He had a lover. When I discovered that I got mad I hit him, I cried and I told him I hated him. and he went. Then, he came and we talked and he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and I begged at him and cried and he told me to give him a week to think but after this week he told me he slept with her and that he definitely didn’t want to continue with me cause he started to feel in love with her and that he wanted to be happy. Since then he text me once to ask me for some things he left at home and I wrote to him to tell him I was sorry for all I did, admiting my mistakes. Today he’s coming back to Canada and I am heart broken. I dunno what to do or if there’s a hope for us. For sure I am taking theraphy to control my anger and anxiety but I am scared he doesn’t love me anymore and I have lost him forever. So what should I do? How do I have to act? What to tell him? I’m suffering cause I know it was mainly my fault and he just found that woman in a moment of weakness (She’s 10 years older than him, that’s what he said but I don’t know her) and he is staying in my country, he’s travelling alone.
lucy says
Today I feel a pull to text/talk to the ex.
I haven’t done it just because I feel like if I do, I will literrally walk all over my dignity.
I was thinking about many things.
He said we weren’t compatible, but broke up with me a day that I declined having sex with him. (I am still a virgin, he wanted us to sleep together and as I said no, he got angry and then dumped me. He said it was because he thought we weren’t compatible, and that he was thinking about this long before dumping me. He said he still felt he loved me but that it just wasn’t working).
Then, I just asked him to not make drama and to not talk about me with mutual friends, I told him I was going to do the same.
I asked him not to search for me ever again.
And he did both.
He talked about me with mutual friends.
He did wanted to get my new phone number.
What the hell? I’m so mad and sad at the same time.
I just wanted it to work…
Now he’s seeing someone else and I started feeling like I should have let him get my number.
I know I may be feeling like this because I feel like if he dates someone else it is basically and really over.
But, no, I mean… He dumped me… If he had regrets then it’s on him.
I did all I could…
What do you all think?
You think he was playing with me all the time?
You think he only wanted sex?
What should I do to get rid of my feelings for him?
tina says
My ex and I were together for over 3 years. It wasn’t perfect but we loved each other deeply. We split very briefly in February but quickly got back together. He then left, seemingly out of nowhere, in April. We’re in our 20s and I’m ready to be on my own, be an adult, work, have my own place, etc. etc. He on the other hand wanted to live with his parents, have no responsibility, and still act like a child. (Yes, I know that until/unless he grows up our relationship won’t work). He immediately started to spend time with a girl that is only a junior in high school. Very, VERY unusual behaviour for him.
So here’s what I’m trying to understand. Is she a rebound? And what the heck is he going through right now?! None of this behaviour is like him at all. I’ve heard of G.I.G.S but I’m so confused.
He IMMEDIATELY started spending every single moment of his free time with this younger girl. A girl that he trash talked for having a bad reputation around our town, and did not know besides seeing her around until the day after we broke up. He denies to me that he is interested in her at all, says she is just someone to talk to and he has no interest in her. He’s a little more open about it with his friends, saying he just has no interest in being in a relationship with her.
He left me stating that he needed time to be himself, be on his own, spend time with his friends… and now he’s spending every moment with this girl. His friends still talk to me and they’ve been telling me about how upset and hurt they are that he will have nothing to do with any of them. All he wants is this girl. He doesn’t want to see his friends, speak to them, do anything with them… he just wants to be alone with his new girl. This is so incredibly unlike him that it has my mind spinning.
I was talking to him off and on until last week. I always initiated contact but he immediately answered me and tried hard to keep the conversation going. If this new girl what brought up in conversation I always spoke positively of her but he would respond by borderline trash-talking her to me. It got to the point where I realized that I was just chasing him while he was with this new girl and I was going to cause more harm than good. So I went back into No Contact (the longest period of time I’d been in no contact before was 9 days) and decided that I would remain out of contact with him until he initiated contact, if he ever does, as I am wasting my time right now and I need to just heal and move on with my life.
The question is still burning in my mind, is this girl a reject? Also, does anyone have any idea what is going on with him and this kind of behaviour? I’m so confused. I know I shouldn’t care, but I do, and my mind isn’t going to rest until I at least try to get some insight into this situation.
Anonymous says
I’m going through the same situation right now, my ex and I dated for over 2 years, and then he said he needed time to be alone and figure out what he wants. He’s 20 and now all he does is spend his time with this girl that’s a junior in high school that he used to trash talk. He still denies to me that they’re a thing but all his friends talk to me and say they hook up like everyday and are always together. He has ruined his friendships with his actual friends for this girl. The weird thing is we haven’t even been broken up for a month and he’s already with her. All the signs tell me she’s a rebound no doubt she’s everything I’m not and that’s exactly what a rebound is. But eventually he’s going to realize what they have isn’t love and isn’t in comparison to the history we have. It’ll burn out just gotta give it time. In my case at least hopefully it’ll burn out when he goes back to college in August.
Reina says
My boyfriend of 1.5 years broke up with me and it was the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I was depressed for weeks. Didn’t eat, all I wanted to do was sleep, and getting out of bed was very difficult.
He left me for his ex girlfriend (I heard through the grapevine they’re not together anymore, so we’ll see how life plays out). Right now, I feel so much better. Although I still think about him in the morning, throughout the day and even at night, it doesn’t hurt as bad.
During the first few weeks, I would have panic attacks and would have to leave class just to go in the bathroom to cry and calm myself down. That’s what a BOY did to me and I finally realize he is not worth it, especially since he doesn’t take responsibility for his own actions.
Although I have more healing to go through, I feel so much better. I have not cried in 3 days. And I know some days will be better than others.
I know I’m healing because a few days ago I found out my ex is selling the stuff he bought me on eBay and I wanted to cry but I just teared up. It’s like my body wouldn’t allow me to feel the pain I’ve been feeling the past few months.
Tee says
I am literally going through the EXACT same thing Reina. Glad to hear you’re feeling a little better. My ex boyfriend broke up with me on April 2nd and it was just a mess. He was my first everything, I was not his first….his ex before me cheated on him horribly. Anyway, he seemed a little off on the sunday before (there’s a little more to it because we had gone to a party sunday night and had a huge fight), and then on the monday of that week he asked for a break (we lived in the same house with a couple other roommates) and I respected the break completely: didn’t text him, didn’t go to his room, just gave him his space. But then I asked him honestly what we were going to do about the holidays come up and what I should tell my family. He then starts crying telling me that he wants to spend the holidays with me, so he decided to end the break on thursday (before the holidays). So I say alright, but I never bring up the holidays again in case he were to change his mind. Anyways, I steer clear of him, and give him his space. On Tuesday he comes over to me in the house and starts talking to me, asking how my week has been so far and then asks if his mom had texted me, to which I told him no..because why the heck would his mom text me? And then I asked him why, and he tells me that he was just wondering if she had messaged me about easter plans, so I start smiling from ear to ear, feeling so excited because this (to me) meant everything was going to be alright between us. He ended up breaking up with me on the thursday night and we spent five hours together crying. He couldn’t even get the words “breaking up with you” out of his mouth. He was just crying really hard and having a panic attack on my bed. Anyways, I was a mess for the entire month of april, and things get even more screwed up because I start to suspect that this really sleazy girl in his class likes him, and he started hanging out with her a lot. I saw him on saturday before his easter dinner and hugged him and told him my family and I had missed him the other night. He looked sad but also then said, “You know, you can’t just come up and hug me now whenever you want.” So after that, I stopped talking to him. And then on April 12th I got a text from him asking me if we could talk and I said “sure”. So basically he ends up crying in my room telling me how beautiful I am, and that he still wants me in his life, and wants to be friends. I then told him that I was sorry that I didn’t make him happy, to which he started crying while telling me that I did make him happy, and then I asked him what he had told his family and he started crying again telling me that they were asking him a lot of questions, and I think what I got from it was that his mom was very upset that we broke up (I was very close with his family…we had been dating for a year and a month). And then he proceeds to tell me that he just can’t handle a relationship right now, and that he doesn’t see his friends, and then he’s like, “I don’t want to be your boyfriend….” and I was like “ouch” (and thinking back to this entire conversation, what I should have said was GTFO of my room since we were already broken up and he was opening up the wound all over again… like I hadn’t been rejected enough.) But the very screwed up thing about him is that he continued to talk to me throughout the month and ask me how I was. He even initiated the hugs from time to time, and it makes me SO angry thinking back to what he said about how I couldn’t just hug him whenever I wanted anymore. Anyways, so one night (I’m sleeping) and I get a knock at my door at 1AM (him obviously, except I didn’t know it at the time) and I opened the door and I’m super groggy. It turns out he was returning a mirror I had lent to him for a project…….Um what? Not a text. Nothing. Why couldn’t he have brought me the mirror during daylight hours you may ask? I have absolutely no idea. Anyway, the sleazy girl’s birthday was in early may and her and all of their friends came over to the house and I’m pretty sure him and her might have fooled around in his room once they got back from partying downtown…I had a huge panick attack that night in my room. Anyways, the last time I actually spoke to him in person was on May 11th when he was picking up the rest of his stuff (the lease was up so we were all moving out) and he invited me to his show (we’re both in theatre) I said I would go, and we end up hugging, and saying goodbye, and then he apologizes again for the way things ended up. Anyway, he ends up messaging me a couple days later on my actually birthday at 9am and I text him back thanks, and there hasn’t been contact between us since. I got tinder to try and make myself feel a little better, and on some days it does, but there are more times than not that I sincerely miss him, even when I know that I shouldn’t. He’s a complete liar. I’ve been doing NC officially for 2 months now, and I found out from my best friend that he started dating that girl back in the beginning of June. I also ended up not going to his show because it hurt too much to see him, and I wanted to make myself feel better, not worse obviously. Things get interesting though, because on July 11th he showed up on tinder for me…..even though he’s dating that girl. So that’s where I’m at in my life right now. Still feeling pretty depressed but it’s really nice knowing that I’m not alone in this deep heartache. I’m here if you need to talk!
vanella says
we ended things in january, but he kept lingering around and it was very complicated for about 5 months. (exclusive relationship for about 3 months, was sleeping w/ another girl behind my back, but he was the most serious relationship i ever been in, a first love basically). After i found out, i ended things with him but he wanted to be friends and well was really complicated. And would still reach out to me often, (we did not hook up once after we ended in january, if he slept over he would just cuddle with me). About 3 weeks ago, I thought he may have still wanted to be with me but he said he didn’t so i finally cut him out and we haven’t spoken in about a month- but he still follows me on social media and what not, i however do not.
his birthdays next month, and i’ve been sitting on whether or not i should wish him one- i still care about him a lot and have feelings but would that just give him the satisfaction? i did tell him that i didnt want to talk to him anymore and that i’m cutting him out of my life.
guess i answered my own question, but would still like ur input
becky says
my ex and I dated for 7 months and when things were good, they were great but when things were bad, they were awful.
We got along great and have the same sense of humor. I am so attracted to him physically, but more so mentally.
He didn’t treat me the best though. There were two times that he stood me up for dates and didn’t talk to me for a week. I forgave him. There were times were he would go a day or two without texting me, and I forgave him. The more he ignored me, the more I wanted him. I did go crazy sometimes with texting and always questioned his desire to be with me. He never complimented me and always let me set up plans. When we fought, he would shut me out and avoid me. The breaking point was when I found out he was on a dating app and set up a date with a girl I knew in college. He promises he never cheated and that he had no intentions of going, it was more an ego boost.
I was crushed and he didn’t even make an effort to fix things. He just told me that he wasn’t ready for a relationship and that I wasn’t “the fun carefree girl he met in the beginning”. I tried to be but I was always axious and waiting on him to cancel or leave me because that was his past behavior.
The problem is now, a week after breaking up, I am blaming myself. I tried so hard to be fun and I always tried to look my best and made sure we had enough sex. I just wish I could go back and not be so clingy and more fun.
I know this was an unhealthy relationship, especially because I had never felt that insecure before. I am truly in love with him and I don’t know why.
How do I stop blaming myself for this?
Justina says
My name is Justina I based in Sourth Africa. I never believed in all spell-casting. I have been scammed by five (5) different people. I lost hope in them. My Husband left me with two lovely Kids. I was devastated. I lost my job. My best friend saw my plight. Then she introduced me to this man spell caster Me and my ex broke up a few weeks ago. It was my first serious relationship and lasted for about a year. We had our ups and downs but overall it was not too bad….about two weeks before the break up, things got nasty and it was pretty clear that our relationship would not last for much longer. I considered breaking up, but couldn’t get myself to do it since I was still in love with him and had a lot going on in my life anyway. Long story short, he ended up breaking up with me, but not for the reasons I had expected.
As I already new, there was this girl who had a huge crush on him. He had already known about it for months. Two weeks before our break up he talked to her for the first time, exchanged numbers, and from that point on had a huge crush on her too and couldn’t stop thinking about her. So he said he broke up to give it a try with her. After breaking up, he started acting strangely. he acted like we were now “good friends” and there had never been any kind of romantic connection between us while giving me advice on “how to get over him”. He also started rubbing all the details about his new girl under my nose.
For me it was a huge blow. I had to deal with the pain of the break up and felt like I was immediately replaced. How could he start crushing on a girl he had talked to once if i ever meant anything to him at all? He always insisted on the fact that he only “likes” her but is not in love with her, that he is scared of being alone, and only stopped loving me only shortly before the break up. However, I don’t believe him and am starting to question our whole relationship because of it. It is really affecting my self-esteem and makes me feel angry and sad. Every time I get updates about how happy he is with his new girl and how hard he is trying to win her over it makes me feel like I was a fool for believing he loved me. It makes me feel stupid and used. How do I stop caring about this?
bukola says
I broke up with my bf.we dated for 4years,but now he have a new gf,I’m really hurt….what should I do?.
ak says
sex
amber says
Hi… my boyfriend of a year and a half and i broke up a month ago.. he is dating someone else already. She is posting all this shit with them kissing and blah blah blah. My heart is so broken… We had a great relationship, he told me i was the one. The only girl he thought he could have a future with.. And then some bad stuff happened and i got really depressed… he never helped with it which made things worse… We started fighting all the time and his friends didnt want to be around me because they said that i ruined his time all the time we went out (which wasnt true, i ruined the friends time because my bf would leave early to come to my house or he would go out with them but would be texting me.. not the whole time but just what was going on.. and a few times when i went out with his friends we did fight.. but it was always because of his friend Nick who i hated very much… but that was his best friend so i tried to be nice…. ) In the end we took a break for a week.. (really he broke up with me and we just didnt talk then come to find out he wanted me to text him the whole time and he missed me so much blah blah…) so i told him, if he wasnt going to try for me to leave me alone and just go on his way. Next day he texts me and we get back together… Evertyhign was great for two weeks… Then while we were on our break (it was because i was broken hearted) my ex tried to add me on fb so i was like fuck it im going to do it… So my ex commented on a few photos and i never responded to it, didnt talk to him so on so forth… Well my bf saw it and he wouldnt talk to me, we had plans to do something that day and i was waiting and waiting and waiting.. i text him and the only thing i got back was “have fun with dustin” … !!!??? i was so confused so i ended up going to his house where he still wanted nothing to do with me… I asked him if he still loved me and he said no. I thought he was just mad still… so i sat there and explained that he broke my heart.. he left me and i was hurt… So everything was somehwat okay then… That night i asked him if we could do something the next day since he bailed on our plans.. He tells me that he is busy with his friends… (Um okay?) So i said please i really ned to talk to you and he just turned over and wouldnt talk to me .. wouldnt do anything… (Mind you we had been drinking abit) And i lost it. I completely lost it, i got up got dressed, grabbed my stuff and shoved him telling him that i was done… My dumbass took his phone and started walking out with it.. He then grabbed me and i ended up falling…. So again, im in a completely emotional state (i thought i was pregnant and i was really upset becasue i just wanted to talk to him but he wouldnt do it.. i shouldnt have been drinking but i was really nervous to tell him.. ) anyways… so he yells for his mom.. (yeah his mom) to get me out of the house ( we are 23 and he lives in the basement of his parents house) So i go outside and i knew the one thing that he loved more than anything was his truck.. and i wasnt thining clearly… i ended up keying it.. (not badly but i did it and right after i did i was like FUCK what did i do… ) I gave him more than enough money to fix it… He told me we could still be friends and he ended up coming to a concert with me.. (which he decided to ruin and we went home early) Im thinking it was because there was so much negativity and we just couldnt have fun at that time… bc of how much bad stuff happened… But not one week later (which was the week of our anniversary) i find out he is with someone else.. He tells me to leave him alone never talk to him again and that he has someone new and is happy and that he isnt in love with me anymore, that our relationship had been over for a while… ): I called him one time! Once! To see if we could get together to talk and he told me that he was going to call the cops on me if i kept harrassing him??? I then said wtf? how am i harrassing you, i just want the love of my life back and to see if we can do this… Needless to say he has blocked me from everything… phone,fb, instagram… everything.. And now there are pictures on this new girls page of them kissing.. and it makes me sick.. I shouldnt be snooping but i cant help it.. Ive never told any of my boyfriends i loved them.. never until i met him… And we were making plans for the future… he said i was the only girl for him.. And now this happened… What do i do? Should i just move on… should i wait and see if they break up… Does he love me? Does he not love me? Idk, how can someone say all those things to you then the next minute hate your guts? I just dont understand love…. He thawed my heart out, made me fall in love for the first time then smashed it to peices and he doesnt even care… How do i cope? How should i react?
Louise Hadley says
I think the first thing you should do is to initiate no contact because contacting him at this stage doesn’t help at all, if not making things worse. Then, try not to check up on his new girlfriend’s social media profile. We all have been there, and I know that sometimes we just cannot help but want to know what is going on with our ex and their new girlfriend. But, things you will see on the new girlfriend’s profile will only make you feel worse. So, try your best to refrain yourself from doing that. The most important thing of all is that you need to work on yourself. Right now, if your ex sees you, he only sees a needy and desperate you. Believe me, that is not attractive to guys and certainly that is not going to help you get your love back.
Kgomotso says
Boys likes to hurt girls those who love them.
mrs Emily says
i and my husband have been having a lot of problem
living together, he will always not make me happy because he have fallen in
love with another lady outside our relationship, i tried my best to make
sure that my husband leave this woman but the more i talk to him the more
he makes me feel sad, so my marriage was falling leading to divorce because
he no longer gives me attention.
Jenni says
He broke up with me bc of my weight . I’m young but obese; He Lost Feelings over me for another girl
Jane says
Just over 3 weeks apart and I find out he’s sleeping with his ex, who he broke up with 2 months before he started dating me, then slept with her again 3 weeks into us dating. When he broke up with her last August, he went back to his ex-wife for a week. I realize this is his “pattern”, but I’m devastated that maybe he’s back in a relationship with her. What are the chances this will last?
Gerald says
my girlfriend broke up with me just over 3 weeks ago.
We had a chat and she seemed quite confused and upset, but ultimately she felt indifferent about our relationship enough to end it. Following the conversation she asked to be friends and I told her no. I then removed her from Facebook and told her to stop texting etc.
4 days later she sent me a nothing text asking me about work. Ignored this.
A week later she sent me another text (whilst on holiday with her friend) asking how I was doing. I replied to this one (several hours later) and let her know I was doing great and wished her a good holiday. She again responded (instantly) and told me her holiday was quiet and she had found some sunglasses she knows I would like and did I want her to buy me them. I obviously declined then cut the conversation off.
2 weeks later she messages again asking how I am and telling me she has bought a new car (this was something we had been looking at together for her whilst we were in a relationship).
I responded (several hours later) again letting her know how good I was and that I had been out to a show. Told her I was glad she was sorted with a car as I knew she had been looking forward to getting one.
Again straight away she replied asking who I had been out with, asking how my parents were and then telling me all about her new car.
I let her know everything was good (didn’t mention who I had been out with) and again wished her well with the car and ended the conversation.
Next day she randomly messages me telling me she had just tried a new gym drink and asking if I had used it as she really liked it. I ignored this for a day or so then replied saying I had used the drink before and its good and wished her well with her gym training.
Instantly she replies again. This time she says this;
“If you want me to stop talking just say, I won’t hassle you. I just think its nice to talk now and again. Anyway, how are you?… she then went on about the gym and began making more conversation.
I left it a while and replied totally ignoring what she said about hassling and talking and just said “I am great thanks, just been in the gym myself with a new routine, really enjoying it, glad to see you are too”
Again, straight away she replied telling me she had joined a new gym as she had got bored and since her holiday had been running again so she will be in great shape in no time. I then cut it off and told her I was busy and going out with a friend so I might speak to her soon.
She responded with “ok then, speak soon xx ”
I am baffled by all this.
My mindset at the moment is I do want to get her back as I feel there was enough there in our relationship that would be worth salvaging. To me it would have to be a fresh start though as the old relationship is dead.
I get what people say about breadcrumbs, guilt and the rest, but I just don’t understand what she is getting at by the content of these messages. If she is moving on without me why keep telling me about her life and asking what I am doing/how I am?
I made it clear when we broke up friends wasn’t an option and when I have responded to her messages I have been friendly/happy but made no attempt to converse with her or ask her a single question yet she responds straight away and it takes me to end the conversation. Since we have broke up I haven’t initiated contact once.
tim says
i’ve been a no nonsense introvert type of person for the past 10 years of my life(i’m 21 right now). Since i’ve been brought up in a military school, i’m kinda more disciplined and mature than other people of my age, and I didn’t know a thing about relationship, coz i had not been in any, though I’ve had 2 flings but the girls approached me and started it, anyways when I was like 18, She met me at a wedding(She was 15), but she looked much mature than 15, like she had a model like stature and stood 5’10 and was beautiful and confident.I’m not a bad looking guy either.
Ladies often compliment me that I look good, i’m not lying(I’m 6’4 and have an athletic built), but i’m not a player coz I treat ladies respectfully and I used to believe in long term relationships. Anyways, she approached me to ask something about the directions to the hallway, and we just happened to talk and we had a long interesting conversation, she introduced me to her mom and everyone, later we exchanged bb pins and numbers. From that night onwards she used to chat with me all the time on bbm, I just realized that we have many things in common and she was mature, so one day she just told me that i know its good that we’ve met and known each other long enough now but we should go no furthur than being friends, coz she was dumped by a guy earlier and she doesn’t believe in that bull**** anymore.
I was cool with that(since she is only 15 and i’m 18), she did admit that she had a huge crush on me, we became good friends, hung out together very often, but that just kept on growing and it was much more than that, when she had problems with her parents, I used to support her, she started I love yoing all the time and so i replied it as well but used to mention, we’re just friends. I moved to the city college after that and we used to chat less then, she often complained that i’m not interested in her and i’m just friendzoning her(i wasnt even aware of the term at that time, I was but didn’t know it was worst than hell).
But it wasn’t like that, since i’ve only got few friends, i have no reason to ignore her. this just went on, An year later her parents got tranferred and she got into a new school and new life, earlier she said she misses everyhing and the new school peers are hostile towards her so i used to comfort her by talking to her all night long, Anyways, sometime later she got well acquainted and had a lot of friends, her opinions kept on changing about everything in life, she stopped talking to me for a while and when we just started she told me she’s seeing someone, I was kinda humiliated and askd how could you, i love you and all, she then said, you shouldnt have said that, we were just friends and you just ruined everything, she admitted about a year ago that she likes me but now she said, when have I ever?
I never liked you and kept on lying about everything. after that I told my friends about all that, they just hugged me and empathized with me, they said our bro just died in action in the friendzone. My life became hell after that for a coupla months, i never used to drink or smoke earlier but the folowing month, i smoked a lotta weed and guzzeled heavily. I just asked her why, she said coz you’re a nice guy. after sometime i eventually got over all that but i lost a lotta friends and did bad at college, everyone around me started avoiding me coz they thought I was acting very wierd, and being aggressive all the time, eventually i got sober and got over all that as well.
6 months later she chatted up and said, she siad dont ignore me, i miss you n all that crap and just when i thought that it all began, she started ignoring me again, my friends say that i was too gentle with her, i should’ve acted like a player, so now what should I do, talk to her again or not(its been almost 3 years and I still can get over her), and its also coz i’m a loner and its hard for me to get a life right now,
is she gonna come back? Please reply me women, where have I gone wrong? What should I do?
Anonymous says
I don’t think this will work out if you re far away from she lives bare in mind she is 18 now and she will always her man to buy by her all the time.
you can always try and don’t act too humble have some guts
laura says
Myself and my ex bf began going out 6 years ago and took it very slow from the start, he told me 6 months in that he had C.F. At the time, I was unaware of the illness so did some research and got quite scared by some of the info the internet produced (bad move on my part) things that were turn was that the life expectancy is approx 37-40 (put with medical advances is getting better) however the quality of life isn’t great with daily meds / physio and frequent hospital stays. Also, with male C.F if you want children you can only try the IVF route. At 6 months, (I was 26 and he was 25) I had to make the horrible decision to commit for my future (if I wanted kids could I deal with my partner dying young etc). Of course, I kept all this to myself but the more we stayed together the more I knew I loved him and wanted to stay and support him. I always said I loved him no matter what. I went o every appointment in the hospital with him, never looked at him as a C.F person just a person I loved. I even slept on a bean bag beside his single bed one night putting cold towels on his head and rubbing his back as he threw up. Therefore, the fact that he dumped me last week has me devastated as ‘some’ of his reasons seem to be that he was unsure that the relationship was one he could commit to! I’ll rewind abit.
Up until this past xmas things were perfect with us, we never fought and always had a loving, fun and passionate relationship. I decided to go back to college for 2 years last september and we had to put off moving in together for this reason (with the plans of moving in together this sept and then travelling together next year). Then last xmas, I got a call from his mom(he lives in a small house with his parents and 4 siblings) that he had some kind of freak out (break down) and of course I was there for him after. Since Jan of this year until now, he has been growing increasingly negative and like I’m walking on egg shells around him (he gives out about not being able to stand living at home, not having a car, missing out on all the things he should’ve done in his 20s and hating his job that he works at part time). I am a positve person and I thought since we are togther so long and have been through tougher times (c.f) that we’d work through it.
Anyways, he started saying he is bringing me down but the next minute saying he is he treating me like crap and taking me for granted. Then 2 months ago, he says I was his *first* and follows it up 10 mins later with the fact that he is tempted by other girls.
I have noticed the past few months he is playing with his band more and going drinking with other friends too (when he complains that we don’t see each other enough). Then the Monday before we break up he said says he is making me unhappy and we don’t spend enough time together and we should take a break for afew weeks/months. I reason with him and say when we move in together in sept that will help (not seeing each other much) and he agreed. The I ask to meet Thursday (my gran’s funeral day) evening at bar in the city. The second he walks in I just know he is goina end it. He says that he is not happy at the moment with living at home, his job and his life. He say he needs to live by himself before living with me ( eh, after 6 years together he can’t commit when i HAD TO MAKE THAT DECISION TO COMMIT 6 MONTHS IN). I say ok if he needs to live along and sort his head but we can still be together and he can lean on me but he says no, that he can’t be in a relationship at the mo. Maybe in afew weeks or months if we are meant to be we will come back together stronger than ever. We both cried. I didn’t beg.
I hugged him and said I hoped he found his happiness and that I would miss my best friend. **Note – the physically side of the relationship never dwindled.
I walked away and was in bits. I have NOT contacted him since that Thursday night (6 days ago) as I thought I didn’t want rejection and have learned harsh lessons in my younger relationships (I’m 31 now).
However, 2 days ago I was out with my cousin and got home at 1 am and checked my emails (as normal). I had gotten a mail from him (ex) 4 hours earlier (830pm) with no text just a youtube video on how to learn a language in 6 months – he knows I’ve been teaching myself spanish the past while. I DID NOT reply but was very upset and confused by it. He hasn’t contacted since. I miss him like crazy but I’m finding it so hard to move on. We had planned to move to Canada next year but sadly I will be making this move alone
Wendy says
Hi Louise… I have a very pertinent situation that is beginning to hold me back in life and making me desperate. I would love to know if you can provide some advice, but the story is lengthy and a bit personal to share in the comments section. Thank you!
Louise Hadley says
Hi Wendy,
Sure, no problem. you can email me at louise@exbackin30daysblueprint.com
Michelle says
Myself and my ex bf began going out 6 years ago and took it very slow from the start, he told me 6 months in that he had C.F. At the time, I was unaware of the illness so did some research and got quite scared by some of the info the internet produced (bad move on my part) things that were turn was that the life expectancy is approx 37-40 (put with medical advances is getting better) however the quality of life isn’t great with daily meds / physio and frequent hospital stays. Also, with male C.F if you want children you can only try the IVF route. At 6 months, (I was 26 and he was 25) I had to make the horrible decision to commit for my future (if I wanted kids could I deal with my partner dying young etc). Of course, I kept all this to myself but the more we stayed together the more I knew I loved him and wanted to stay and support him. I always said I loved him no matter what. I went o every appointment in the hospital with him, never looked at him as a C.F person just a person I loved. I even slept on a bean bag beside his single bed one night putting cold towels on his head and rubbing his back as he threw up. Therefore, the fact that he dumped me last week has me devastated as ‘some’ of his reasons seem to be that he was unsure that the relationship was one he could commit to! I’ll rewind abit.
Up until this past xmas things were perfect with us, we never fought and always had a loving, fun and passionate relationship. I decided to go back to college for 2 years last september and we had to put off moving in together for this reason (with the plans of moving in together this sept and then travelling together next year). Then last xmas, I got a call from his mom(he lives in a small house with his parents and 4 siblings) that he had some kind of freak out (break down) and of course I was there for him after. Since Jan of this year until now, he has been growing increasingly negative and like I’m walking on egg shells around him (he gives out about not being able to stand living at home, not having a car, missing out on all the things he should’ve done in his 20s and hating his job that he works at part time). I am a positve person and I thought since we are togther so long and have been through tougher times (c.f) that we’d work through it.
Anyways, he started saying he is bringing me down but the next minute saying he is he treating me like crap and taking me for granted. Then 2 months ago, he says I was his *first* and follows it up 10 mins later with the fact that he is tempted by other girls.
I have noticed the past few months he is playing with his band more and going drinking with other friends too (when he complains that we don’t see each other enough). Then the Monday before we break up he said says he is making me unhappy and we don’t spend enough time together and we should take a break for afew weeks/months. I reason with him and say when we move in together in sept that will help (not seeing each other much) and he agreed. The I ask to meet Thursday (my gran’s funeral day) evening at bar in the city. The second he walks in I just know he is goina end it. He says that he is not happy at the moment with living at home, his job and his life. He say he needs to live by himself before living with me ( eh, after 6 years together he can’t commit when i HAD TO MAKE THAT DECISION TO COMMIT 6 MONTHS IN). I say ok if he needs to live along and sort his head but we can still be together and he can lean on me but he says no, that he can’t be in a relationship at the mo. Maybe in afew weeks or months if we are meant to be we will come back together stronger than ever. We both cried. I didn’t beg.
I hugged him and said I hoped he found his happiness and that I would miss my best friend. **Note – the physically side of the relationship never dwindled.
I walked away and was in bits. I have NOT contacted him since that Thursday night (6 days ago) as I thought I didn’t want rejection and have learned harsh lessons in my younger relationships (I’m 31 now).
However, 2 days ago I was out with my cousin and got home at 1 am and checked my emails (as normal). I had gotten a mail from him (ex) 4 hours earlier (830pm) with no text just a youtube video on how to learn a language in 6 months – he knows I’ve been teaching myself spanish the past while. I DID NOT reply but was very upset and confused by it. He hasn’t contacted since.
I miss him like crazy but I’m finding it so hard to move on. We had planned to move to Canada next year but sadly I will be making this move alone
Lona says
My bf just dumped me a couple weeks ago saying he’s not ready for a relationship. I was shocked because a week earlier he seemed completely invested in me. Then he seemed to be a little off the past week, being slightly less physically affectionate (but there were others around a lot of the time and he’s always been weird about PDA) and giving somewhat questionable reasons not to plan to get together or to leave early (after about an hour and a half). But other than that, nothing out of the ordinary; we met up with about the same frequency, we still messaged constantly with him occasionally initiating and always maintaining convos throughout the day, asking questions about me and my life, saying “good night”, etc. He was always sweet to me and listened to me in person too. So how could he have lost interest/gotten bored SO FAST? My only other theory is that we’re both very young and the family member he’s VERY CLOSE TO/HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY seemed to be pressuring him not to get committed to anyone yet. We never fought or anything. Any other thoughts?
Madeline says
My boyfriend and I have been been together for 3.5 years of which the last year has been long-distance. Our relationship hasn’t always been perfect but we discussed marriage and me moving last summer. Then he started a new “job” and things have gone downhill since then but I won’t go into details here (that’s a post for another day!). Please believe when I say that I know 100% there is not another woman.
The last time I saw him was 3 months ago. When we’re together, he’s drunk in love. Can’t get enough of me. Doesn’t want to let me go. When we’re apart, communication is difficult.
The last time I spoke to him was exactly 5 weeks ago on a Thursday. It was a normal phone conversation. I texted him twice later that night with no response. I called the next day and left a voicemail. I sent two emails over the next few days. Finally on Monday, he sent me a text saying he has received my texts and will call later that night. He did not.
I’m growing increasingly frustrated because I have no clue what’s going on. On Christmas Eve, he sends me a text saying, “Sorry I’m such a loser. Merry Christmas Eve.” Nothing on Christmas. Nothing on New Year’s. I text him a few days after the new year wishing him a good 2015. He replies and says thank you and he’s going to bed. I try to text and call the following week. I tell him I refuse to accept the silent treatment as a method of breaking up and that I need closure. He responds with, “I’m not giving you the silent treatment. I don’t know what to say.” I try to call. No answer. A few days later, he texts me asking if I’m working. I tell him I won’t get off until 9pm. He says he will see if I’m still up after he gets off work. He doesn’t.
In the past when this has happened (3 weeks of no communication), he was shocked that I assumed we were broken up. He says we would have a proper conversation if we ever came to the decision.
At this point, I’m paralyzed. I’m trying to move forward as best as I can with so many questions. I feel betrayed. The pragmatic side of me knows this is complete bull and I deserve better. The foolish romantic in me wants to hop on a plane. I’m not a one-night stand to be faded out!
John says
Well me and my ex broke up 3 months ago. Everything was going great no major arguments, our families were happy we were together and constantly asking when we would see each other, we had even planned for a life together once we finished our careers. I have to note we had been friends for about 5 years prior to this. 3 months ago she decided she didn’t want anything serious at the moment but we could remain friends. As weeks went by communication was less and less, I asked her what I did wrong but she said I didn’t but couldn’t even look at me as she told me. Would it be wrong to ask one of her family members as to what went wrong, not get them involved or anything just to calm my thoughts. These past months have been the worst, I lost interest in everything practically.
Stef says
I’ve been having a bit of trouble figuring this one out myself lately so am trying to get some advice on LS. I am aware the conclusions might be glaringly obvious but as they say it’s always best to get a 3rd party POV, even for validation purposes!
So I was seeing this guy for about 2 months – he initially came on very strong, chased me hard for about a month before that and asked me to be his GF after 1-2 weeks of dating, told all his extended family about me and wanted us to be exclusive. One month into the relationship began the typical signs: he works in hospitality and was very busy with work over Christmas/NYE period, he didn’t text me or call me half as much, seems to have lost interest etc. etc.
I felt very neglected as since getting together, I seemed to put in most of the relationship effort. I told him this and he kept apologizing and said he hopes the busy schedule will die down in Feb/March. However I still felt a change in his general attitude towards the relationship and decided to call it quits (to prevent getting anymore attached).
He then apologised for not giving everything he wanted to, said he understands and said he never wanted this and hopes we can reconnect in the future/potentially revisit the relationship in Feb/March. Initially I tried to go NC after the break up as I still had feelings but after 2 days he said he was upset about the break up and the NC and wanted to at least talk as friends. So I agreed.
The problem now lies here: as soon as I agreed, he has not really talked to me since as a “friend”, and is still acting like he did before the break up i.e. not acting interested/ not replying my texts (when he texted me first!), not giving me much attention, sounding cold and distant.
He said he still has feelings for me and likes me very much which is why he wanted to carry on as “friends”, and will figure us out once he has more time – but his actions just speak otherwise and I have a gut feeling he is seeing other girls as well. I am so frustrated and want to just gather some opinions on what he is thinking exactly so I can move on easier/with more clarity?
elina says
My fiancé left me for another woman, moved in with her and has blocked me from all contact and social sites. He doesn’t call or try to reach out. I still love him and want him back and my son misses his so much. I don’t know what to do all I do is cry and physically feel sick.
Louise Hadley says
Hi, every guy goes through this phase where they feel lost and they feel uncertain about future. This is so especially for guys who are about to graduate college or just graduated college. It is going to be a completely new stage in their life. They face the pressure of finding a job and figuring out what they want in life. What I advise you to do is that you keep in touch with him and be there for him when he needs someone to support him and encourage him. I can tell he has feelings for you but the timing might not be right for him to think about relationships and stuff. What you can do is not push him into getting back together just yet. Give him some space and time to sort out things:) I think you will have some good news coming your way in no time:) Stay positive!
Mercy says
My ex and I broke up 4 months ago. We had been together for almost 2 years. I stayed with him when he went to study abroad for 8 months and even visited him for three weeks when he was there. We were in love at first site, inseparable and always in tune with each other. I went on vacations with his family, and was always by his side even when he was far away. He came home after being in Europe and changed. He wouldn’t talk to me, he wouldn’t want to see each other as frequently. He was afraid for his future, it is our last semester of college and he felt he needed a job.
After we broke up, I did not contact him. He called me a week after to see how I was doing, sent me a 9 page email at 3 am on Halloween telling me how he felt pressured by me and the world and that is why we broke up. I responded that I hope he would find himself and I would always care. Early December he asked if we could get coffee when he returned to school in January. I said yes and we went. We talked like old times, laughing and smiling. It was all small talk until I said I was surprised he contacted me. He teared up and looked away, not answering the question. We parted ways soon after. He sent me a text that evening saying it was great to see me. That was 4 days ago and I am so confused as to what he wanted from this. I want him back in my life but only if he wants the same. Any advice is nice.
April says
me and this guy met in November. We were going on dates, and we had sex. he got out of a 7 year relationship a month before. In the beginning he even said “but I’d like to be with you aside from the sex is what you fail to realize” He texted me every day, told me he likes me a lot and I’m not just sex. We would hang out without having sex. He talked about meeting parents and maybe taking me to his best friend’s wedding in May. one day he was acting distant and I went crazy texting him 50 times. he told me he was done. we went a week without talking and then we grabbed lunch 2 weeks ago. he paid, and we didnt have sex.* he then told me he’s not looking for a relationship. I asked him if there were feelings and he said “I did have feelings” and he said “Idk what I want and I dont want to lead you on.” Then I asked if this was my fault and he said “it definitely isnt you” then this past thurs we had sex and got lunch after. A week ago I asked him if he wanted to have sex. he said “can’t have class” then I said “when can you” he said “idk shay in class can’t talk” then I asked if he still wanted to have sex in general, and he didn’t answer. Hours later I apologized for asking and he said “it’s ok babe.” It’s been a week havent heard from him. Did he ever have any feelings for me? Or was he just using me for sex?
winson says
My gal broke up at Christmas by text saying distance was too great. We were recently engaged. She won’t answer the phone. Her mother told me not to give up on her. After 2 weeks she text me saying to call her and come see her when divorce is final. (Divorce is been going on over 15 months due to wife not agreeing to settlement. Wife and I do not live in the same area of state). Fiancé and I use to talk every day now nothing. Later same day she text me “I love you” but no contact last 3 days. What’s up? We’re both 58. Should I give up?
Julie says
My Fiance and I have been together 3 years, but have known each other for over 10. We have lived together for 1.5yrs along with my 8 year old son. About 5 months ago my dad became ill and has recently passed, my fiancé was also in a critical car accident and almost died, we experienced a lot of stress and seemed to argue more than we ever had before. In Feb. after a small argument he decided to move out, he went and stayed at an extended stay hotel, during that time I found out he had a female friend who he was talking to, I was understanding she was just a friend. During this time we put kept in touch, he spent time with my son, April 2nd we started counseling and he wanted to come home. We talked everything out, he agreed not to speak to the female friend again and ended that friendship over the phone in front of me. Everything seemed great and back to our family life, then April 12th we had a normal morning, he kissed us bye and we left for work and school. He even text me abt 10am and said he hoped I was having a good day and he loved me. Then when I called him about noon I was blocked from calling his phone, I then realized he had taken his phone off our joint account. I went home and walked in the house and he had moved out again, taken everything, didn’t leave a note, I wasn’t able to call him, text, I was blocked on email and facebook. I was left heartbroken, confussed and had to explain this to my son when he got home from school. 2 days later I was told that he put a picture on facebook of this “friend” and said they were in a relationship. I have heard he moved in with her now. It’s been 3 weeks and I haven’t heard anything or been able to contact him at all. He hasn’t even spoke to my son, who he always treated as his own. I cry everyday and I can’t figure out how to get past the hurt. This was so out of character for him, he was always into family, church, honesty.
Jessisa says
I am going through a similar situation, my daughter loved my ex of 3 years like a father. He left me in a similar way. I really wish this pain would just go away……
kirsten says
My exboyfriend is a Marine stationed a few hours away. For the first few months, he was chasing me but I was scared of my strong feelings for him so I pushed him away quite a bit. He finally earned my trust and we spent the next 6 months in a wonderful relationship. He wanted to get married before his next deployment (in 6 months) but I wanted to wait until I could transfer colleges and said when he gets back we can. He seemed OK with that answer.
Then 1 fateful night… we had a great few days together. Went to a party one night where his best friend’s wife brought her best friend who happened to be my BF’s exgirlfriend from out of state. They broke up over a year ago while he was deployed. She kept coming on to him and every other male there but he pushed her away. Later, we got in a disagreement and she swooped in to “talk” to him. They spoke in private (but thats all that happened). I got upset and refused to speak to him when he got back. I left upset and told him I didn’t want to see him again.
The next day he wouldn’t talk to me and deleted me from all social media. A few days later I hear that he and his ex were getting back together.
He tried to talk to me several times to see if I was OK but I was on NC. After 7 weeks of NC he discovered something bad happened to me so he sent me a text. We texted as friends for several days just like old times and then he disappeared. I sent him 1 text and he didn’t respond so I haven’t tried again in 3 weeks.
I’m driving myself crazy wanting him back in my life. His friends have told me that he was happier with me and they don’t recognize him now but he won’t talk to them about whats going on. They think he is back with her b/c she wants to get married now and he is scared to deploy without someone committed to him back home, so he is settling for her. I think its his PTSD talking!
tina says
I am 5 weeks out of a 2.5 year relationship with the man whotold me I was “the one.” We met in college, and he told me he loved me after 2months. From that point on, he told me I was “the one,” he’d never felt thisway about anyone before. We talked marriage and future, we were making plans.There was no question — we were going to get married.
Throughout our relationship, around the 3 months, though, I noticed some things just ‘weren’t right.’ He would give me the silent treatment, twist my words, everything became MY fault. This pattern of highsand lows would continue throughout the whole relationship. You can view previousposts of mine for specifics, but I just overall got the feeling that in hiseyes, HE was more important than me, and our relationship fell last in his listof priorities. He flat out told me, “I don’t have a ring on this finger, anduntil I do, softball and hunting are top priority and you can fall wherever you fit in.”
But yet, at the same time, he was still being very nice at times, we still had good days together, he still told me he loved me, and stilltalked future. But he did NOT treat me well a lot of the time, either. He would belittle me, tell me I was too demanding for wanting something as simple asspending a weekend with him. ANY argument we had was automatically my fault, that I’m too “needy, unappreciative.” When I knew I was not.
He out of the blue broke up with me about 5 weeks ago claiming that I stressed him out too much, and we just needed a break “until we were both less stressed.”
Then, a week later his story changed. He said that he brok eup with me because he is a very selfish and proud person. And that he is too selfish to be in a relationship with anyone. That it was not my fault, it was his
Then, another week later, it turned into “I thought you were the one, but something in the back of my mind is telling me you’re not. I can’t put my finger on it.” Left me once again crying in my driveway, with tears inhis eyes, telling me, “I have a lot of thinking to do.” I took it as maybe hewas having second thoughts about the breakup.
A week later, after no contact, I saw him tagged in a Facebook picture with a girl at a bar. I, stupidly, flipped out and confronted him, and told him that if it’s over, he should tell me. He said, “ok it’s over.”Our conversation consisted of him telling me the old line “you’re a great girl. I don’t regret the time we spent together, I enjoyed it. You will find the right one for you and someone who will treat you better than I did. You’re just not the one for me.”
But yet, when I ask him WHY I’m not the one anymore, he says “I don’t know why
We texted last night after 2 weeks of no contact. He is still seeing this girl, and the weird thing is, I’m seeing another guy. But Istill want my ex back. He answered some questions of mine. He finally told me, “I had been having doubts for awhile, but I just kept telling myself that ourrelationship made sense because we have similar goals and I did enjoy spendingtime with you. But eventually the fact that I didn’t feel you were the one anymore outweighed it just ‘making sense.’
As far as the new girl, he informed me all they’ve done is kiss & are taking it slow. He said he randomly kissed girls in the barsabout a week after we broke up (I mean really?) and he felt nothing, but heclaims he “feels something” with this new girl – after two weeks
He claims that he KNOWS I will never be the one, that it’s done forever. Which, I don’t know how you can predict your feelings in the future
He admitted that looking back he treated me like crap, and that he is sorry. And he is going to take these mistakes and apply the lessons learned to future relationships. Ok, so I got to be the ‘guinea pig’ who stuck it out with him for 2.5 years in the name of love, and other girls will get to benefit from it? I asked why he didn’t want to apply these things to make ME happy, and he says it’s because I’m not “the one” anymore.
And here’s the next kicker. He said, “you’re still a friend and you know me better than anyone, and I would still like for us to be friends.” Really?!? And he says that he doesn’t think his new girl would have a problem with us still talking and hanging out. Ok, first of all, why would he even want to still see and talk to me? Is this just another control tactic, or is he not over me despite what he says?
pam says
My babydaddy and bf of five years left me and had been trying to break things off with me for awhile i dont know if its because im not as niave as i was when we first met , or if i cut my hair off,or because of having his two kids i gained weight and im not the size 5/6 i once was, whatever the reason he always said things to make me feel little or not up to par. We constantly argued and fought and i always wondered how i could love someone who treats me so bad, he lead me on when i found out about this new girl he was seeing i was giving birth to our second child, his son and he’s been seeing this girl ever since he compared me to her saying how shes so different and they have no problems.. we even had a brief love triangle goin on for a minute until i grew tired of feeling alone when he was with her n i started to feel i deserved better so now we aren’t speakin at all and he’s still seeing this girl he doesn’t come around n makes no effort to see his kids but texted me one day and said he hopes i let him see them as if im intentionally keeping them from him, he’s never been the greatest dad to the kids anyway so maybe thats why.. Im hurt by the way things turned out for me especially because of becoming a mom at 16 and the father of my kids leaving me for another girl i wreck my brain trying to figure out if its something wrong with me because at times im not the easiest to get along with and i do say things i shouldnt at times but is that enough to leave the mother of your kids high and dry barely making end meet? I confided in this guy and shared with him things my own family doesnt know i gave him my trust i took him back time and time again and like the drop of a dime he’s gone..
Kate says
I was with my boyfriend for 3.5 years, for 1.5 of those it was a long distance relationship as I have been at university, 4 hours away from where we live. Although it was difficult, we both coped very well with the distance – we saw each other every other week and skyped/texted every day.
In September, my boyfriend started a new full-time job (he was at university the previous year, during my first year away). Things again were difficult, but we managed and realized how much we loved each other.
However, two weeks ago my boyfriend unexpectedly told me he no longer felt he was in love with me, that things had changed for him and he didn’t feel the same anymore. This came as a huge shock to me, I was home for Christmas and everything seemed fine. He told me these feelings started around three months ago (November time), but he thought they would get better and they didn’t. But it was his birthday the following week, and although we sort of broke up/sort of didn’t, we agreed to wait and see how that weekend would go, when I could come home.
Anyway, I went back for the weekend. Friday night was awful – I tried to force him to make a decision about what he wanted to do, and he said he didn’t know. His mind kept changing every minute. In the end I tried to leave his car but he wouldn’t let me, he pulled me back and wouldn’t let me go. After a very emotional evening we both decided to make the most of the weekend and enjoy it, as it was his birthday. And it was lovely.
I left to come back to uni on the Monday. We both agreed we would talk more regularly, see how things go, and he said he started to feel better about us. But the whole situation got much worse on Wednesday, when I saw in his inbox a load of emails from a girl he worked with. They were telling each other they missed each other, adored each other and couldn’t wait to kiss each other, they were arranging plans for Valentines day and he was telling her his heart swells when he thinks of her – heartbreaking. Turns out this had been going on since the two weeks he told me he lost the love for me.
I confronted him about the emails asking him whether he was ever going to tell me. He said he knew it was going to be over between us, but he didn’t want me to ever know he liked another girl whilst he was with me, so wasn’t going to say. I was so angry with him, for lying, cheating – I did not expect that from him at all. I also asked about her on his birthday weekend, as I saw he was sending her a lot of messages then on his phone – but I couldn’t see what they were. I asked him if he had feelings for her and he said no, that ‘she was just going through a lot of trouble and she was a good friend so what else could he do?’ — why didn’t he tell me he liked her then??
I spoke to some people and was advised to send him a goodbye message, to get the closure I need. It was such a nice message; I told him how I didn’t blame him, the situation was completely against us, I could not give him what he needed whilst I was away, so of course it was going to be inevitable. And he replied saying he was really going to miss me, and he still loved me even if it’s not in the way I want it to be, and also that he really didn’t want to lose me in his life so hoped we could be friends in the future. We called for a short time after and we were both in tears, it was horrible. It felt like it wasn’t right for us to break up, I am unsure whether he knew he was making the right decision. I asked him if it’s definitely what he wants, and his response was “I think so, it’s best, for now”.
So anyway we hung up, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I really wonder what was going through his head with this other girl – has he really got over me that quickly and is falling for her? He was working with her for months so could that have made feelings grow? Or is she just a rebound for him? Was he really going to end it with me, or did he feel like it had to be that way just because I found the emails? Was he wanting to try for us?
Part of me really finds it hard to believe that if he knew he was going to dump me, he wouldn’t have found it so difficult that Friday in the car. If he knew he could have finished it so easily, I gave him so many chances to be honest and he wasn’t.
It is also so hard to stop the contact, we spoke for every day for 3.5 years, but I am staying strong.
may says
It’s obvious I’ve been struggling with my break up that happened about 2 months ago and I’ve been NC for about a month now. Things are getting a bit easier, but I still feel like I’m not making much progress because of all the questions I have for my ex (that I obviously can’t ask because I’m in NC).
Long story short, my ex and I were in a relationship for 1.5 years and our relationship started kinda rocky because he was still going on prom with his ex (even though he didn’t tell me this) so he still had contact with her and I had to find out on my own.
On his prom night, we were together for about 3-4 months and he ended up cheating on me with her and lied about it until he finally told me weeks later.
Silly me, I took him back.
Things were great until I got to University and I cheated on him also, but I told him the minute after it happened (it didn’t last long, conscience got to me). He was mad and acted out very immaturely on social media but he eventually took me back.
When we came home from school for Christmas break (December), he acted like everything was fine until late February, early March (he went back to school, I stayed home for school) he became very distant but I stuck around because I thought things would eventually get better but he eventually broke up with me and told me he was talking to his ex again.
He once again acted out very immaturely on social media and called me mean names and basically told all of Twitter what I did to him (but of course not what he did to me). Absolutely humiliating.
Do you think the whole time we were together he still loved his ex or my cheating kinda forced him to go back to her? He never speaks about his mistake of cheating or him lying to me and telling me WE were going on prom but he ended up going with her.
I don’t know what to make of this and this question won’t leave my head. I feel like such a fool for cheating and also a fool for taking him back after he cheated in the very beginning. I know I’m young and am still learning, but this is bothering me because he was my first boyfriend, I just got so caught up in the college life.
Anonymous says
i had a problem with my wife 3 months ago she was having an affair with a friend of mine that happens to be my best friend, i was so sad that i never knew what to do
Louise Hadley says
Hi there,
really sorry to hear what happened to you. Stay strong and you will get through this!