Before we talk about how to get your ex back, we need to understand why your ex resists getting back together even though that seems like the most logical thing to do and also he tells you that he still thinks about you? The reason is ….”Consistency”.
Because he has made a decision, he has to act in consistence with his decision. In Dr Robert Cialdini’s book, he mentioned: ”Social psychology research suggests that taking even a small action creates commitment in us to the position that action represents, and that we will thereafter want to appear to behave in ways that are consistent with that position to both ourselves and others.”
As human beings, subconsciously we tell ourselves to be consistent with our decisions, so that we won’t look like crazy. Because when inconsistency(dissonance) is experienced, we will get stressed psychologically and also experience mental discomfort.
So he could tell you completely illogical reasons for not getting back together with you even though he still loves you and wants to be together.
Some of the reasons he might give:
“I just don’t think it will work”
“I think we are better off being friends”
”You can find someone better than me..”
But in reality, the only thing that is stopping him from getting back with you is ” CONSISTENCY’. His subconscious mind is making up all these reasons because it wants him to stick to the decision made earlier on.
It will also create a defense mechanism for him that makes it hard to let you get through to him.
So, how to overcome this ” consistency ” problem?
Getting through the defenses is something that isย very important while interacting with your ex.
Believe it or not, your ex was hurt with the breakup.ย And he might be expecting you to try to get back with him.
As a result of this, he has created a defenseย mechanism to protect himself from getting hurt again and to protect his consistency.
He will be nice to you. (Although that’s not always the case).ย He will try to make you feel better when you talk to him.
But he will put his defenses up as soon asย you talk about getting back together.
Like I mentioned before, these defenses are meantย to protect the consistency of their decision.
If they break up with you and then get back togetherย the next day, wouldn’t they look crazy to the world?
And you should respect their consistency.
The best seducers in the history of the world neverย made it obvious that they are the ones seducing their victim.
In fact, in most cases the victim thought they were seducing them.
It was brilliant.
The moment, you ask your ex to get back togetherย you make it obvious what you want. And they put up their defenses that very moment.
On the other hand, if you let it be your ex’s ideaย to get back together, then their defenses will not interfere.
How do you do that?
You rebuild the attraction. By taking one small stepย at a time.
The process of getting back togetherย with your ex is just a few basics of psychology combinedย with some advanced practical techniques.
WW says
My boyfriend of almost 6 years broke up with me because he said he was unhappy and had been unhappy for quite some time. It is hard for me to believe that since he was satisfied in the bedroom and he seemed happy to see me when I was home from school. We started dating in high school and went to college together. We both pursued careers in the medical field. He has not gotten into the med school of his choice and I have gotten into the nursing school of my choice. He said to me that he is sure of his decision to end things with me and that he wants me to move on and live my life. He lied to me and to himself for so long it is hard for me to believe what he says.
The way he ended things was awful. He came to visit me, took me out to lunch, got intimate with me 3 times, and then said he was unhappy. Talk about tasteless. He gave me false hope by letting this relationship go on for so long. Why did he stay in it if he was that unhappy? It does not really make any sense to me.
I said to him that no one can be sure of anything since I thought that we weren’t going to break up and look what happened. He said he felt that I manipulated him into staying into the relationship. Maybe I did do that and for that I told him I’m sorry and that I am working on that. He won’t tell me how he feels about me and he says that he wishes me well but doesn’t care about me. He just seems so sure of his decision and his future but no one is sure of their future. I don’t know what I’m going to eat for lunch today so how I am supposed to know what I want in a relationship?
He told me to quit hanging out to hope and I said you don’t know me very well because I am an optimistic person. He has been selfish, will not contact me (which is fine for now), and it seems to me that he is keeping me at arms length thinking that he can make a decision about our relationship whenever he want but he can’t because I cannot continue in this much pain. When I said that to him, he said that is why he will not respond to the texts I send every few weeks, because he doesn’t want to keep me at arms length.
How do I get him back?
BB says
Hey I saw ur comment on getting ur ex back site?…I m going through the same problem…can u plz help me out…did u get him back? Or r u living ur life without him? Plz help me in this situation..I don’t know the either way ..it is really hard for me..plz help..plz
Tanaya says
Hi I’m in the same situation. How is it working for the two of you?
aanchal says
Hi.
My boyfriend broke up with me on 17dec 2015. Ours was a 20 mnth relationship from april 2014. I used to visit him almost evryday til oct 2015. And then he got a job for which he had to travel alot. Before that everything was going perfect. Even on the day he broke up, he said all good things about us. He always said he want to marry me, have kids with me..
N he broke up with me saying he cant take it anymore.. Its alot of pressure on him.. I txt him alot.. My family n financial matters depresses him.. He cant handle all this..
I understand he has a travelling job n he wants to make big in his life.. Bt i dnt understand wht has pushed him so far..
Aftr he broke up with him.. He blocked my no. On his phone.. He blocked me on whatsapp.. Unfriended me on facebook..
I asked his friends to convince him to talk to me..
I asked his younger sister who is a frienThat day he said that he wants to stay single n never be in any relationship..he wants to enjoy his life..
I thought of nt cntcting him then..
17 jan 2016 was his bday..i called n wished him.. He said thank u love u bye..
Then on 23 jan 2016 i met his uncle n aunt who he is close to.. Told them abt this situation.. They called him on work n told him to sort this situation..
He called n abused me for talking to his family n disconnected..
I really love him.. I want him in my life.. I want evrything to be nrml..
Please help me.. I did all the mistakes i shouldnt have done.. Is there any hope.. Please reply asap
Shelby says
Idk what my situation is, my ex broke up with me two weeks ago and he says he’s happier without me but at first he said we were just on a breAk then at work he said there wasn’t gonna be a second chance. He randomly called me today to tell me our job would be closed tomorrow??? Like my manager would call me anyway. I asked to hangout with him and he said he didn’t wanna hurt anyone I think he might’ve found someone he says “he talks to a lot of people”
Nicole says
My ex broke up with me 5 days ago. During our entire relationship everything was perfect, never argued, never fought, we always had fun together. I adored this guy.. so much so that I lost my precious v-card to him, which has left me severely emotionally attached.
Then, on the day he dumped me, I was PMSing and having viscious mood swings. We were texting, and he was being nice and talking about college. He said he might be leaving to go to a college in a different state at the end of the sem. So I said (on text), “well that puts a deadline on our relationship.”
We got into this whole conversation about how it was hard to him to keep up with our relationship because he was always working and such. Then he said, “Nicole I really do love you and if we ever do break up we will still be best friends and we’ll still hang out all the time.”
I asked if we could talk about this in person and he said yeah, go over to his house at 5:30.
Couple hours later he texts me and asks what time I’m coming. And me, being all moody and pissy, reply, “you said 5:30…” and he said, “yeah that’s cool”
I read that the complete wrong way. In my hormonal little brain, that was the sassiest thing ever. So I said, “I’ll just go to Emily’s house if your gonna be a bitch tonight.”
So he said, “Since I’m such a little bitch then you don’t have to worry anymore. I had fun while it lasted. Have a wonderful life. Goodbye.”
I called him immediately. No answer. I texted him, apologizing, calling again 6 times like a little psycho. Nothing.
I started bawling my eyes out. It felt like my heart dropped to the floor. He texted me a little while later telling me he’d “call after he ate”.. I never got a call. Later that night he asked, “What are you doing?” In reality, me and my friends were taking shots of the Jack Daniels that I got him for his birthday. But instead of telling him that, I told him to call me when he was ready to talk.
Still no call but I only texted him once the night after the break up to ask if this is what he really wanted and I apologized again. No response. I was drunk, so when he didn’t reply I texted him again and compared him to my best friends ex-boyfriend whom we all despise, because I knew that would hurt his feelings. Next morning he made it FBO.
4 days after this, I didn’t contact him or anything. But I ran into his friend Conner who is living with him temporarily. I asked him if my ex has said anything about the break up and he said no, he hasn’t. I made the mistake of asking him to make my ex drunk enough call me that night. Instead, Conner calls my ex in front of me and tells him that I’m not sure if we’re really over or not. My ex replies: “I haven’t talked to her in 4 days. It’s over and done with.”
I gave Conner the rest of the Jack Daniels, who brought it to my ex’s house and told him he got it from me. I don’t know how that went.. probably bad.
My ex has also started smoking weed again he quit while we were dating because he knew I didn’t like it and I wouldn’t date him if he did. So I think he’s doing it out of spite, like giving me the middle finger just to piss me off.
Did he break up with me over text because he was looking for a way out of our relationship? Is there a chance he will call me eventually? Or is it really over? Why am I being ignored so harshly?
Patricia says
The man I loved and committed 3 years of my life to 6 weeks ago shattered my world by splitting up with me because of silly arguments and I moved back to my mums, we are still in contact and on good terms and speak daily about what we have been up to but he doesn’t realize how much it breaks my heart but I couldnt bear to not speak to him. In a weak moment last week ive asked if we will be back together at some point and hes said he doesn’t no, in that same weak moment I put an emotional status on my Facebook.
Seeing my upset status a guy from school who I used to crush on contacted me and said he knows how it feels and we had a long long chat and he offered me company just to chill and take my mind off things. Very, very undecidably I took up the offer and spent the day with the guy, it was a bit awkward since we hadnt seen each other in 10 years and I was thinking wth am i doing i just want my ex but by the end of the day we started getting along really well and having a laugh and I actually managed to forget my ex for a few hours (the first time in weeks). Me and this guy are just friends but he has children so I wouldnt want to get into anything serious with him but i felt very attracted to him (surely this is also a good sign of getting over him!?) But since that day he hasnt really contacted me which im a little bothered by but im just happy that surely im starting to recover?!
But saying that I still love and miss my ex desperately & if my ex wanted to try again I would be back there in a second so Im not quite quite sure whats going on with me
jasmine says
Me and this guy were dating for a couple months and really liked eachother. We were about to be official, until he broke it off with me because he’s depressed. He’s not in a happy place right now, and he doesn’t think he could be in a commitment when he cant make himself happy. I respected his decision, and he wanted to be friends. He said he could be with me in the future with the right mind and I said good, I don’t want you to write us off, to which he said I’m not. It’s been almost two months, and he’ll still text me every week or two. He doesn’t believe in god and I do, so if he texts me, he’ll try to start an argument on why god isn’t real.
Anyways, last week, he got mad at me for liking his friends instagram photos. We like eachothers posts whenever their uploaded, and he said he wouldn’t expect that from me, but he would expect it from his friend. I told him that if I was the one who dumped him, I would understand why he would be upset, but he doesn’t have anything to worry about. He said “that’s just rude, I ended it for reasons other than not liking you anymore.” I read the text wrong, and said ” you ended it with me because you didn’t like me anymore? He said ” no I just said that, I got to go. I’m driving” I said alright I read it wrong. I really thought he didn’t want to get into it, which is why he said bye.
He uploaded a selfie yesterday and the caption was “I’m a worn out man” and this girl commented and said oh are you worn out from Jennie? And tagged her. I’m assuming he’s seeing her. WHY ELSE would he be “worn out” from a girl. He texted me tonight and sent me a picture of a Facebook status about someone else posting why they didn’t believe in god because their friend died. I didnt answer and I don’t think I will. He’ll randomly text me things, and if it’s not about god, it’s just to say what’s up. He doesn’t carry out the conversation, ask me how I am, etc. I don’t know if he’s bored, or he still has feelings for me. I think it’s cute how he keeps in touch because it shows he wants to be friends, but I obviously want to be more. I just don’t want to be played with. I hate playing games. He’s clearly seeing someone else, so why does he text me? I don’t know what to do. I still hope that he’ll come back, but I know I need to move on. Should I keep NC?
Fel says
My ex broke up with me a month ago today.. I am currently in no contact and haven’t spoken to him for 2 weeks. I did not plead or beg when we broke up, I did say it wasn’t what I wanted but I think he knew that. We spoke only to get things back. He did say he was worried he was making a mistake but he’ll just have to deal with it. I just said it was hes choice. On the last day we spoke he returned my things, he called and I answered, I said I was going away for the weekend and he asked where, I said he doesn’t really need to know and he got mad. He called when he got to my house a few times but I was in the shower, when I got out I seen the calls and he said your stuff is at the door and I said thanks, wish you all the best. He called back and I answered, it was just a messy convo n he hung up after getting mad, he tried to call twice more, but I just ignored as he was making me more upset. His response was add as many girls as he could on facebook. I tried to contact him a week later twice, one to say I’d like to be friends as that is what he asked, but I would just need time. No reply. The next day I asked if its what he really wants. No reply. So I started no contact n nothing, I’m at day 15.
Almost a week ago my cousin is a friend of his and asked him if we were over for good. He said I don’t know about for good but for a while at least.
Does this mean anything or should I just give up hope? So confused..
elizabeth says
I’ve found myself in a situation where the guy I was recently dating is overwhelmed with some pretty serious stress in his life as well as the progression of our relationship and has sincerely asked for a break. I am aware of the psychology of why men withdraw emotionally and need to isolate when sorting through things opposite of women who tend to bond when stressed. I also know there can be hormonal factors at play here. Knowing this and the stresses he is under, I know it has nothing to do with me and although it doesn’t make it hurt any less, I know it’s not personal. I’ve respected his wishes to leave him be and leave him to do what he needs to do to take care of himself and sort things out. I’ve also wished him well knowing there’s always a chance that he may decide not to return. In our last contact he asked me to give him a month or two to see if things will change for him. It’s going on 2 weeks NC. I feel part of the withdrawal has to do with our relationship progressing rapidly in a short amount of time. I think both of us were surprised by the intensity of our feelings right off the bat while he was also trying to take care of other things in his life. We are both in our early 40’s and had very open and honest communication from the start. So, although I am doing the best I can to cope since this came on sudenly and to a pretty abrupt halt, I have accepted I cannot force anything and as much as every ounce of me wants to wait for his return I know I must move on and can only hope for the best. With all that being said, I am really curious especially having read through many posts here with similar situations, how many of you guys have withdrew emotionally from a relationship early on and not due to any real difficulties in the relationship itself but because of stress, fear or doubt and actually returns to continue a successful relationship? The withdrawal part seems common enough but I don’t often hear about those that come back and if they do how long does it typically take for a man to realize this?
sabrina says
My bf (27) and I (25) broke up last week and now I find myself second-guessing the break up that I initiated.
We were dating for 6 months. The first couple of months were amazing but since February, I felt as if he had stopped trying to put in any effort into the relationship. He works 6 days week and lives in NYC so I would come in every Saturday, rain, shine, or blizzard to see him from South Jersey. I didn’t mind but in the 6 months, he only came to see me 2 times. It was just hurtful that he couldn’t be bothered more. Even when I’d come to see him, he would include his friends half of the time and we would never get to spend any time alone.
I never felt secure in the relationship as in, he never made me feel like I was important or special to him. Towards the end, he wouldn’t even hold me hand, kiss me, or show any affection unless I initiated it. We fought about this 3 or 4 times and he said he’s just not a romantic person and so I said that I would be willing to compromise and he would try a little harder. However, it never happened. I can’t even remember the last time he had complimented me or said I miss you to me.
Last weekend was his birthday and so I surprised him by going into the city 3 days in a row and planning the entire birthday weekend for him. The night we were out celebrating with his friends, he acted like I wasn’t even there. I felt so ****ty that I tried so hard to make his weekend special and he couldn’t even say once how happy he was that I was there or show it through his actions. I left that night and let him go out with his friends. We fought about it and he said he wanted a break. I just couldn’t keep compromising anymore…so I told him we should break up. I want to be with someone who wants to be with me as badly as I want to be with him-someone who will fight for me. He didn’t once say, “lets try to work this out” that night.
I know I did the right thing, so why am I feeling so miserable right now? I feel like i’ve made a mistake and maybe I should have tried more…I loved him and I didn’t feel loved or cared about in return and yet I still miss him.
Is that normal to feel after a break up? It feels like my heart has sunk into my stomach and I will never love again. I guess I’m just looking for some support through this time….I just want to be okay..
Elle says
I experienced pretty much the similar situation. Please let me know what you did about it.
Benjamin says
. In june of 2012 i confronted my very long term gf as she had been acting cold towards me for a few months. I knew something was wrong as she had not shown me any affection yet we were still having good sex , so i avoided confronting her earlier as i felt she wouldnt be having sex with me if things were bad. I should add it was often her that initiated the sex.
Anyway, after 23 years of an affectionate and passionate relationship i could no longer handle the lack of affection and asked her one evening what was wrong. She then told me what i feared the most, that she was no longer in love with me. She said she loved me and cared for me, but over the past year she had realised she didn’t love me anymore.
Obviously i was devastated to hear this and we discussed all evening why. The basic reason is she had grown fed up of my lack of attention to her and the fact i had become reliant on her for all my emotional needs over recent years, whereas i never supported her in the same way. This is all true, i am quite self absorbed and do rely on her for a lot.
She also got new friends 3 or 4 years ago who she uses as her support network now rather than me. She said she realised she was getting little back from the relationship, other than a friend and good sex. This may be enough for some women she said but she needed a strong man who would support her.
Eventually, i persuaded her to give us another go. She wanted to have a trial separation but it terrified me the thought of her leaving. So she stayed but told me i had to try and woo her back, without giving me clues as to how. I thought she meant more wining and dining, which i proceeded to do over the coming months.
Although we continued to have sex over the next few months it was always initiated by me and always when we were a bit drunk after a night out. The affection from her never returned, other than the sex. No touching, kissing or loving emails etc as she used to send me.
Eventually in November 2012 i confronted her again about how she felt. She told me nothing had changed for her, and said i should move into the spare bedrooms she could no longer share a bed with someone she didn’t feel anything for.
That night was the worst of my life and the next day i told her i would move to my mums, which is what she wanted.
Then i did the most stupid thing i could and after two weeks of constantly texting and calling her, i moved back home and into the spare room, where for the next month we had the most awkward and emotional time, as we led separate lives and i had to watch her go out on xmas parties without me and even cooked our own meals. Every day i cried and begged her not to leave me, which i now know just makes it more likely she will.
On 22 December she did just that. We agreed to be friends but of course over the last 6 weeks i have continued to push her with my outbursts, to the point that although she originally wanted to see how she felt she now cannot stand me and has told me there is no chance she is coming back. She will block my number if i continue to text her.
Yesterday i enforced a no contact rule on myself to allow myself the time to heal. Ridiculously i still hope we may reconcile. There is no one else, we were best friends for23 years and we had good sex right up till october. She wants to live life for herself now. She is 40 and has been with me since 17, but i know its not about other men, although that will happen eventually.
phil says
I am in the military and i am currently lving in the UK. i was dating this girl for almost 1.5 years but after Christmas she said that we needed to split up. the reason was because she didnt think she could move away from her family and she kept getting UTI’s. now at first i understood where she was coming fomr with her getting ill all the time and now being able to move so i showed her all the options that there where for us to stay in the UK as long as possible and possibly never moving away. we both talked about getting married and starting a family together thats why i took this entire thing as a surprise. now i did go in spurts of NC with here for a few days at a time. then one friday about 2 weeks ago i called her and we had a few conversations that evening. nothing really about getting back together. then on the Sunday following she text me saying she did some thinking and we talked all day just flirting back and for for the next few days. she was pulling out all the pet names calling me baby and just straight flirting with me saying she wanted to get together one night for a little. but on thursday she started getting a little distant saying that i was trying to talk to her to much. now she txt me friday morning and that evening i went out with some friends and did a bit of thinking. i txted her saying that i think we need to have a serious talk about a few things. she asked what and i told her wondering what had happened for her to stop wanting to see me. and that was the last thing i heard from her. i tried calling a few times and emailed her twice and a few txts but im not getting any response i may have come on a little strong asking her to talk. so then after about a week of not hearing back from her i stopped by just to see how she was and she told me that i was coming on way to strong and not giving her the space that she needed. and now she just flat out wont talk or respond to me. i know i did all the wrong things after we broke up and i think i kinda screwed up on that aspect. i did write her an email this morning apologizing for how i have acted and that i was focusing on the wrong things and that i will give her the space she needs. she has admitted to me that she misses me and loves me. but i dont really know what to do here. i mean i am trying to move on but i think im still to in love with her. like i have gone on a few dates but i just keep thinking about her. im wondering if i ruined any chance of her coming back to me….. we have been split up for about 6 weeks now
lilly says
I’m a 21 year old female and still in love with my first love. Here’s my story in a nutshell – We first met when I was 15 (my second to last year of high school)I’d just moved to a new school after a nightmare at my last one.I’d only just realised I liked girls, and she was the first girl to show
me the affections of what I’d been shown from guys before.I was a little scared at first, played it cool, but she chased me.I eventually began falling for her and started to feel something I’d never felt for anyone I’d been with before. I knew I was falling in love with her, and very quickly. Our relationship was a whirlwind. Intense, passionate, we were inseperable for a long time. Of course as all couples do, we had our ups and downs.
However the ups always made up for the downs. After being together for two years she decided to call it a day. I remember it so clearly. It was completely out of the blue. It was the end of the Summer holidays, I’d been away for a few weeks, and when I returned she sat me down and told me she
wanted to break up. I remember her telling me that it could work out between us again one day, but not for a long time. Three weeks after we broke up I found out she was with another girl. However that didn’t last. 5 months after that we hooked up. Then we were in contact on and off for two years before we saw one another again. Nothing has happened between us sexually since Valentines Day 2010 but we still have a connection. She blows hot and cold with me a lot. Sometimes when I see her she’ll be really happy and loving towards me, then other times a lot colder and unsure. I’m going out of my mind trying to figure out what she feels for me. I know she still cares because she could’ve cut me out of her life completely a long time ago, but she hasn’t.
She’s currently studying out of the country but we’re in contact at least a few times a month, and I always see her when she returns home.
She’s currently in a relationship and has been with numerous people since me. (I have only been in two other relationships since her) I know for a fact that I will ALWAYS love and want her. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like my life is stuck in standstill and I’m just here waiting in the
hope that she’ll come back to me. She knows exactly how I feel. She’s told me a few times recently that she has no idea what will
happen in her life. I wish I could just let her go and forget about her, but that’s not an option. I know I would be making the biggest mistake of my life if I let her go completely. I would be so unhappy throughout the rest of my life by not having her a part of it in some form. I have to be content with being just friends with her for now. I just don’t know if she’ll ever come back to me, and I don’t know what to do. I will never not love her, so I don’t know the answer. If anyone has any advice please share!
Jason says
met this girl she is something really special I believe. I known her for probably almost two years we been together for a while and we both shared things we have not told anyone about. So when I was ready to ask her out her friends ruined it for me and accused me of things I never done. So since her friends did not want me to see us together they forced a guy on her she did not like and they started dating. It completely devastated me or smashed whatever piece of my heart that I had left. I just couldn’t take it, it was destroying me. Usually I would get over it but I could not because the first time in my life I fell in love and genuinely care about her. What made it worst was the person she was dating was my coworker who was lazy and do absolutely nothing. Not only that he spit on the job I have the most passion for; which ticks me off. So I did reckless things and pissed her off and put our friendship at risk. I just did not understand why she would cast me away. The guy broke up with her and kept hurting her constantly and she still want to be with him. She was wicked depress but yet I never left her side and I took care of her every time she was drunk so she won’t get hurt because I love her. She knows how I feel about her yet she just want to be friends. It’s tearing me apart calming she can’t find a good guy yet there’s one standing right in front of her.
XAVIER says
So I am going to try to be concise as possible. Me and my ex dated for 4 months and she dumped me at the end of August. I lingered around like a jackass texting, calling, trying to reconcile the situation. We remained friends which was a huge mistake on my part. October we had a falling out but we were able to reconcile respectfully and decided to mutually go NC.
I remained in NC until November 12th when I ran into her at the gym. I saw her and decided to approach her as I felt it was the mature thing to do. She seemed surprised and even thrown off when I came up to her. I kept the conversation short, asked her how she was doing, how her family was, and then said I had to go continue my workout. I did not linger around more than 30 seconds as I did not want the situation to get awkward.
I went home felt like **** for the next few days as old feelings started to creep up. Fought through all that and just continued going NC. Fast forward to last Friday. I was walking into the gym and she was leaving, we both made eye contact from 30-40 feet out so we both knew there was no way of avoiding each other without saying hi. She said hi first and I casually said hi and she asked how I was doing and I replied good how about you? I did all that without stopping and making minimal eye contact. I probably came off as an ******* and it wasn’t my intentions but my defenses are up so high that it was just my natural reaction.
Then today I saw her in the gym with the corner of my eye but tried to make it obvious and just went about my workout. I know she saw me at one point because she put her hoody on and moved to a different machine away from me. I don’t know if I pissed her off by not saying hi or if she was trying to avoid me but my mentality was that I am the dumpee and I have no reason to come up and acknowledge you when I already did that once.
Went home and felt like crap again. I did get a good workout in so I guess that is something to be happy about. I am having a tough time dealing with this situation. I am obviously not over the situation and wish I had made more progress. I guess I need your guy’s insight on this situation and what to do in the future run-ins or what not to do?
Marianne says
me and this guy met in November. We were going on dates, and we had sex. he got out of a 7 year relationship a month before. In the beginning he even said “but I’d like to be with you aside from the sex is what you fail to realize” He texted me every day, told me he likes me a lot and I’m not just sex. We would hang out without having sex. He talked about meeting parents and maybe taking me to his best friend’s wedding in May. one day he was acting distant and I went crazy texting him 50 times. he told me he was done. we went a week without talking and then we grabbed lunch 2 weeks ago. he paid, and we didnt have sex.* he then told me he’s not looking for a relationship. I asked him if there were feelings and he said “I did have feelings” and he said “Idk what I want and I dont want to lead you on.” Then I asked if this was my fault and he said “it definitely isnt you” then this past thurs we had sex and got lunch after. A week ago I asked him if he wanted to have sex. he said “can’t have class” then I said “when can you” he said “idk shay in class can’t talk” then I asked if he still wanted to have sex in general, and he didn’t answer. Hours later I apologized for asking and he said “it’s ok babe.” It’s been a week havent heard from him.
1. Did he ever have any feelings for me? Or was he just using me for sex?
2. Does he not wanna be with me because I messed up or was he never looking for a relationship to begin with?
3. If I messed up with my texting, why did he hang out with me after that?
Dickson says
I have been dating this girl for a year and a half now. I fell madly in love with her as so did she. We always had a great time together and just love being around each other. We became very close and open/comfortable with each other.
The problem is we have been fighting a lot recently. I do not handle her going out so well with her friends. I understand every now and then is perfectly normal but I am just not okay with the Vegas trips and the club/bar scene her friends always go to. They tend to flirt and give off that vibe even though they are all taken. The girl I am seeing swears to me that she never once went out looking for other guys or anything like that. We have just fought so much over it recently that it really hurt her and I. I want to compromise on it some how and make it work. She says I am the only thing she is certain of in the future. We were going to break up but instead decided to take a break. So she can figure out how to handle everything and to see if we are good for each other.
We set a time frame of 2 weeks with NC and then we will see each other after that. She swears she has no intentions of meeting anyone else. That is not what she wants out of this. She wants space to figure it out if we will work together and are ready in the same place for a happy relationship.
I am going crazy I know what I want and that is her.
Cheryl says
i’d been dating this guy for about a year and a half. things were rough at times (fights, yelling, and at one point some physical abuse) but we’d overcome that and things were mostly ok. i know he really loves me and i really love him. but we have both been going through some tough circumstances with work and whatnot and the stress of it ultimately ended up breaking us up.
it was a bad second “break-up.” i ultimately got very frustrated and yelled at him one night by forcing him to stay in the car by driving us out somewhere very far. that night, he said that things could be ok. but the next day, he told me that he didn’t want me to contact him, that he’d put a restraining order against me if i did. so i stopped communicating with him.
then, he texted me a few days later, saying that he appreciated me not texting and that we’re still friends and that he’d see me after i came back from my 2 month stint for work outside of where we both lived. he said that i’m not a bad person. that we’re incompatible at this point in our lives.
that text from him opened up a new can of worms and i began texting him to ask him what’s going on. he said that i’m in need of personal growth before we could even consider another try. that i’m just unhappy and that’s why i’m mean to him. he blames me for the problems, but really, it’s the both of us..it’s not just me that’s yelling at him. he’s not very happy with him current situation in life either and i think that’s why he takes things out on me. i try to be patient and calm, but i blow up when i can’t handle the stress.
anyway, i texted him daily since that day to just keep things positive and check up on how he’s doing and he’d respond, even though they might not be in depth responses. it helped me stay sane. then today (i’ve moved and it’s been about two and a half weeks since our fight) he tells me that he doesn’t want to hear from me; that he doesn’t see the need to communicate with me because he ends up being a crutch and it doesn’t better him.
then he says that i have 3 months to think about things and we would revisit to see if things work. that if trying again even merits a try. that i could send a letter to him when i’m finishing up at the end of june and we could see what happens. then he ends with “i know you are a good person.”
as you can probably tell by now, i’m very devastated. i want so badly for this relationship to work and i know it’s been toxic at times, but i know we are compatible.
this “break” had happened before earlier in the year. it was because of the same sort of problems (basically him telling me that i needed to be happier) so he took some time off from mebut he told me we could email each other so we did, but this time, he didn’t want to hear from me at all…
so do you think we have a chance at us again? this guy just is different than other people i’ve dated in that i feel a huge void now that he’s gone. most of the time, i can be heartbroken and walk away, but he is so important to me. partly because he was around when life was so hard for me and i treated him poorly, but he stuck with me. i think that says a lot about how much he cares for me. i know this sounds stupid but i really don’t think i will find anyone else that cares for me as much as he does. and don’t really want to find anyone else.
also, i really need advice on ways i could try to keep my mind off this and being more independent and happy. i realize i shouldn’t do things for other people and i should do it for myself, but i’d really like to prove that i’ve made progress in self-growth. i’m in a place where i know very few people (2 to be exact) and have little to no emotional and psychological support
Howard says
So im 4 weeks post break up and I tried everything to get her back. She said she didnt want to close the book on us yet after the break up and not to treat her like a stranger. After the break up she went out of town for a week to be with her family I called and texted her and she ignored me the entire time and blocked me from facebook. So I went NC for a bit and then texted her when she got back home she finally responded as in like she never ignored me for a week. We have been texting back and forth the past couple of days nothing special. She is still very guarded and cold hearted towards me. I asked her to dinner last night she said she already had plans then I asked her to dinner for today she said she is gonna be busy all day today she then writes maybe sometime next week we can feed our bellys. I then write back k sounds good. At about 1030 at night she calls me when im already in bed and we talked for 45 minutes until I ended the convo since I had to get up early for work and I ended it on a good note. Her calling me was really odd cuz I havent spoken to her on the phone since the day of the break up. Ive tried to call her but she never answered. She then sends me a text if I get done early tomorrow we can go to dinner if not tomorrow then monday we will for sure. She hasnt texted or called me at all today. I find this situation very odd. Any ideas anyone?
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How long does it take to get an ex girlfriend back? says
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