One of the most common mistakes people make when they try to get back with your ex is acting desperate and needy. And we all know how looking desperate and needy can hurt your chances of getting your ex back.
Today, we will focus on how to help you get back with your ex without you looking desperate and needy. And I will cover the following points in this post:
- Desperate & Needy Behaviors You Are Guilty Of
- Why People Act Desperate And Needy After Breakup
- How To Avoid Looking Desperate And Needy
Common Desperate And Needy Behaviors
Crying, Begging And Pleading
Are you guilty of crying, begging and pleading with your ex not to break up with you? If yes, you are not alone.
In fact, it is a natural reaction for most people when their ex tell them that the relationship is over and they are leaving. It is their way of trying to stop the pain they are feeling when someone whom they love reject or abandon them. And the only way they know at that moment is to beg and plead with their ex, hoping that it might soften their ex’s stance and change their mind about the breakup.
I would say that it rarely works, especially your ex is the type of person who is stubborn and firm once he has made up his mind.
Even if it works in the occasional cases, it is most likely that your ex takes you back out of pity and guilt. And it is only a matter of time that your ex would break up with you again because your begging and pleading only delays the inevitable breakup and it never deals with all your relationship problems.
Begging and pleading are unattractive in the eyes of your ex. It does nothing but shows your ex how strong an emotional influence they have on you. Now, they know they can take you back any time if they want to and it simply takes away the urgency of getting back with you. And, you don’t want that.
If you have made the mistake of begging, don’t panic. It doesn’t mean that your chances of getting back with your ex are reduced to zero. It simply means that it might take a little longer to repair the damage done.
Texting And Calling Incessantly
Another common desperate behavior after breakup is that you can’t help but call and text your ex nonstop. Maybe you are trying to apologise. Maybe you are trying to let them know that you miss them and you still love them. Maybe you just want to hear a response from them, so it makes you feel like that they are still in your life.
If you put yourself in your ex’s shoes for a while, how do you think you would feel if you keep receiving text messages or calls from someone whom you don’t want to be together with? You would feel annoyed, right? When you feel annoyed by someone, it just makes you want to stay further away from that person.
And you need to understand one thing. When you just started dating your ex, it is true that your ex couldn’t wait to hear from you. Even if you would text or call your ex for hours straight, your ex would be comfortable with it. The reason is simple. Attraction.
But right now the situation has changed.The attraction is gone. You have become the ex. Texting or calling your ex incessantly might push your ex away to the extent that they will simply ignore you or even block you.
Writing Your Ex A Love Letter
Sometimes you feel that you have so much to say to your ex that you think writing him or her a love letter would be a good idea. Inside the letter, you poured your heart out and asked for another chance. Sounds like a good plan in your head, right?
Unfortunately, it almost never works out if not making things worse for you.
Sending a long love letter by itself is a desperate act. You need to understand that laying your heart on the line is not going to magically re-ignite your ex’s feelings towards you. Instead, it only shows that you are still devastated by the breakup and desperately want to get back with your ex.
And how will your ex react after receiving your love letter?
Your ex will have his/ her guard up whenever you try to reach out because your ex knows you are trying to get him or her back. And you don’t want this to happen.
Buying Your Ex Expensive Gifts
Some of my readers go as far as buying expensive gifts to please your ex, hoping that their ex would change their mind and take them back. When we are desperate, we cannot think logically and make irrational decisions. Love cannot be bought. And your ex won’t come back to you simply because you shower them with expensive gifts that they have wanted for a long time.
In your mind, you might be thinking like this: if I send my ex nice gifts, my ex will be happy and touched when he or she receives it. My ex will know that how much I love him or her and then regret leaving me.
You can picture this scenario in your head over and over again, but in reality it never happens.
Yes, we all like gifts, especially expensive gifts. But, if you have not been in contact with your ex, then sending him or her a gift out of blue can be very suspicious or even creepy. If you have been in contact with your ex, then buying a gift for your ex will probably be interpreted as you desperately trying to win him or her back.
A lot of people are guilty of drunk dialing their ex. If you have done it, you are not alone.
You went out partying with friends but all that was on your mind was your ex. You had one too many drinks and the effect of acohol kicked in. The next thing you know is that you drunk dialed your ex at 3am.
First of all, drunk dialing makes you look completely desperate and pathetic.
Secondly, what do you think your ex would think of you?
Your ex would probably think that you were still affected by the breakup very much and you are an emotional wreck.
Sleep with your ex
Women tend to make the fatal mistake of sleeping with their ex boyfriends because they naively think that having sex with their ex will make their ex want to get back together.
Yes, men love sex. When you two were together, you might successfully use sex as a weapon to make your ex boyfriend do what you want him to do.
But right now, things have changed. First, you have given your ex control over you when you became the girl throwing yourself at him. Secondly, you let your ex boyfriend have a taste of what it is like to have sex without strings attached. It will only make your ex boyfriend want to be friends with benefits with you and nothing more.
So, don’t put yourself in a position where your ex boyfriend can easily take advantage of your emotional vulnerability and use you for sex.
Why People Become Desperate And Needy After Breakup?
Before we go on to talk about how to avoid looking desperate and needy, I feel that it is important that we understand the reason why people become desperate and needy after breakup.
A Sense of Loss of Security, Love And Happiness
If you depend on your relationship (or your ex) to feel a sense of security, love and happiness, you will inevitably feel devastated when the relationship comes to an end.
Did you ever think to yourself that you will never be able to find anyone like your ex again?
Did you ever think to yourself that you will never be able to love again?
Did you ever think to yourself that you will never be happy again?
Did you ever think to yourself that you will probably die alone?
This is especially true when you revolve your whole life around your ex. It is the overwhelming sense of loss of security, love and happiness caused by the breakup that propels you to do anything to get it back. That is why we see people exhibit all kinds of desperate behaviors such as begging and stalking.
Addicted To Your Ex (And Your Relationship)
When you were in a relationship with your ex, your ex became an integral part of your life. You talked to your ex every day. You saw each other every day. You went out together with friends on weekends. Your ex was always there to help whenever you had a problem. After breakup, all these disappeared. Without doubt, you will feel pain and you will feel lost.
Let me tell you one of my readers’ story. This reader’s ex boyfriend used to call her every day without fail around lunch time to remind her to take medication for her gastric problem. Her ex boyfriend would also prepare breakfast for her in the morning before she woke up. These are just two out of many other sweet things her ex boyfriend did for her throughout the relationship.
When the guy broke up with her, she was devastated and she couldn’t stop crying. And she kept on repeating all her stories to her friends almost every day and told them that she was never going to find another guy like him.
This is a classic example of addiction to love and benefits of the relationship. When something you are addicted to is taken away from you, you will feel pain and your mind will tell you to do anything to get it back and stop the pain.
How To Avoid Looking Desperate And Needy
Put Yourself Before Your Ex And Your Relationship
You need to learn to put yourself at the center of your life instead of your ex. The fact that your whole life revolves around your ex and your relationship is the very reason why you are experiencing so much pain and often taking desperate measures to get your ex back.
Another problem that comes with centering your life around your ex is that you will find yourself become more and more needy. You might not notice it, but your ex might be feeling smothered by your constant need for attention and affection.
My advice is that you need to build a life filled with fun and meaningful activities and surrounded by closed friends and family, not just your ex and your relationship. Even when your ex is not around, you can still enjoy yourself without him or her. That way, your ex and your relationship is not your sole source of happiness and security. When that happens, your neediness level will go down significantly.
And when you feel like you don’t need your ex, naturally you will be more assured of yourself and more confident about yourself. Compare this version of yourself with the needy and desperate you. It is obvious that your ex will be drawn to the former and will be turned off by the latter.
Make Your Ex Think It Is His Or Her Idea To Get Back Together
If you have already done a few desperate things to get your ex back, there is no need to panic. What is important is that you realize that it is not going to help you and that you should refrain yourself from exhibiting all the desperate behaviors I talked about above.
We all have the need to stay consistent with our decision. The same can be said about your ex. That is why your ex is resisting to get back with you because they need to be consistent with their decision to break up.
So, what should you do?
You need to make your ex think that it is his or her decision to want to get back with you.
Why should you do that? Because if your ex thinks it is his or her decision to give the relationship another try, your ex will genuinely want to put in effort to make it work this time around.
How do you get your ex to think it is his or her decision to want to get back together?
The answer is emotional influence.
You have seen how much emotional influence your ex has on you and how that made you do stupid and crazy things to get your ex back.
So, how can you use the power of emotional influence to help you reconcile with your ex?
First, we need to lower your ex’s resistance towards you. Then, we need to make your ex re-associate good feelings with talking to you and make him or her addicted to talking to you. So, when you pull back even a little bit, imagine how that will make your ex feel?
Remember, we all want what we cannot have and we all fear losing things that make us feel good and happy.
Now, inside your head, you must be wondering how to make your ex associate good feelings with talking to you?
- ” Hey What’s up? ”
- ” Yo ”
- ” How are you doing? ”
- ” What have you been up to? ”
- ” How was work? ”
It is better not sending your ex any text messages than sending him or her those boring text messages.
To make your ex re-associate good feelings with talking to you, you need to make the conversation enjoyable and engaging. Below is a classic example of non-engaging text conversation.
Before you text your ex, think about what your ex will think when he or she sees your text. Will it make your ex want to reply? Or will it put a smile on your ex’s face? Or will it make your ex feel good?
Know Your Self-Worth And Make Your Ex Realize How Lucky It Will Be To Have You
When you feel rejected by your ex, the inner voice inside your head is probably telling you that you are not good enough and you are not worthy.
If you listen to these destructive inner voice and believe what it is telling you, you will actually act on it instead of challenging it.
So, you need to be conscious of what your inner voice is telling you and stop the negative thoughts from taking control of your life.
Remember that rejection doesn’t mean that you are not good enough. It just means that your ex fails to notice what you have to offer. Your ex doesn’t determine your self-worth. You determine your self-worth. Failing to know your true value is the very reason why many of you become so desperate after breakup.
You can choose to feel worthless for the rest of your life. You can choose to improve yourself and make your ex regret leaving you.