What is considered cheating? Of course, sleeping with someone other than your boyfriend is considered cheating. However, does a tipsy kiss with a guy friend count as cheating?
What about a flirty message/tweet or a text? These are all non-sexual indiscretion, and a lot of guys still consider it as cheating.
More suspicious boyfriends will jump to conclusion that you have had sex with the third party when they find out these indiscretions. This makes the case more complicated because trust has been broken and it is going to be difficult to make your boyfriend believe what you say even if you are telling the truth.
Today’s Technology Makes Cheating Easier
It is very clear that advance in technology has made cheating easier and also made it more tempting to cheat. With Facebook, texting, Tinder and dating/cheating websites, relationship needs to be a lot stronger to withstand the test of temptation. These days, majority of affairs start online and develop into a physical relationship over time.
Boyfriends’ Reaction After Being Cheated On
Without any doubt, all guys will be furious when they find out that their girlfriends have cheated on them. They not only feel angry at you, but they also feel extremely hurt by what you did.
Some choose to break up with their girlfriend right away. Some break up with their girlfriends shortly after because it is hard for them to get over the betrayal and pretend everything is back to normal again.
Almost all guys decide to end the relationship. However, that is not to say that no one has been able to rekindle their love after going through a rough patch. I have seen quite a number of couples getting back together after one party cheated on the other, but I have to admit that it takes time and it also depends on your unique situation.
Why Do Girlfriends/Wives Cheat?
Scenario 1: Feeling Lonely In A Long Distance Relationship
It has happened to my friends. If you do not have very strong self-control, it is very easy to succumb to temptation especially when you are feeling lonely and vulnerable and your boyfriend is thousands miles away. However, this is no excuse to cheat.
Scenario 2: Boyfriend Cheated First
One of my girl friends found out her boyfriend cheated on her with another lady after going through his chat history. She confronted him, and he admitted to the affair.
Devastated, she wanted to break up with him, but he begged her to stay and promised never to do it again. She still loved him very much but she still couldn’t really forgive him for hurting her this way.
During that time, one of her ex boyfriends contacted her and she went out with him. One thing led to another. She slept with him. She says it is her way of getting over her boyfriend’s betrayal. Her boyfriend never found out about her affair. Two years later, they are engaged.
This is a rare case. I am not sharing this for you to follow her example. I don’t agree with what my girl friend did. Two cheating people do not lead to a happy relationship. A happy and lasting relationship should be always based on trust and respect.
Scenario 3: Boyfriend Is Always Busy With Work
Some of my readers wrote to me that they cheated on their boyfriend because their boyfriends are always busy at work. They hardly see their boyfriends, so they go out partying with single girl friends and get hit on by guys at the club. You know what happens after that.
Scenario 4: Having Relationship Problems With Boyfriend
There are always fights and arguments with your boyfriend. Along the way, you met a new guy and you kind of like this new guy. So, you decided to take a break with your boyfriend and see what happens with the new guy.
Scenario 5: Cheating With A Co-Worker
We all know how it goes down. You’re staying at the office until midnight to finish an important project, ordering takeout, and bonding over the fact that you have no life. Once you open up to the coworker about office-related issues,the lines of your relationship become blurred.
He’ll make you feel better and make you feel sexy and attractive because he’ll listen to you attentively and flatter you. As you both start to share other life stresses—about your relationship, your arguments, and so on—then before you know it, it becomes an emotional affair.
Some Kinds of Cheating Are Sort Of Allowed
Based on a poll with my readers, I find out that about half of them think that there are justifiable reasons to cheat, whether driven by unhappiness in a relationship or if the infidelity occurs with a celebrity crush.
Surprisingly, the most accepted reason for cheating was to get back at your partner who cheated first. Since when do two cheating people make a happy relationship?
Things Your Ex Boyfriend Might Look At Before He Decides To Take You Back
1.Was It A One-time Thing?
So, your boyfriend would definitely want to know if this is just a one time indiscretion or a long term affair. If it is a long term affair, it means you have feelings for the third party and it is only just a moment of weakness. It is going to be harder to get your boyfriend back.
2. Did You Tell Your Boyfriend Or He Found Out Himself?
If your boyfriend found out about the affair through friends or by going through your phone messages, the sting of betrayal will be much worse than if you told him first.
3. Does Your Boyfriend Still See A Future With You?
That really depends on how much your boyfriend loves you and how important you are in his life. However, this is not your get-out-of-jail-free card for cheating. It is wrong to cheat. It is also wrong to take your boyfriend for granted.
It is going to be your loss if your boyfriend, who loves you more than any other guy you have met, gives up on you and the relationship because of your repeated betrayal. If your boyfriend gives you a second chance, do ensure that you truly cherish him this time.
4. Will Your Boyfriend Truly Be Able To Forgive You?
Here comes the most important part. If your boyfriend himself doesn’t truly believe that he can look past it and start afresh with you, it is going to be difficult to have a lasting relationship even if you two get back together.
This is because there will be times when he will feel paranoid that you are cheating with someone else again. So, building trust with your boyfriend is a MUST.
How To Regain Trust
So, you have lost your credibility and your boyfriend’s trust. The good news for you is that trust can be rebuilt and the relationship can be salvaged. The not so good news is that it is not going to be easy and it is going to take a lot of time, work and patience.
When you try to rebuild trust with your boyfriend, it means you must show that you are really sorry for what you did and really understand what your boyfriend has gone through and has felt. Also, you must show that you are willing to change and work hard on winning their trust back. Your boyfriend needs to see a lot of proof that you’re trustworthy , honest and reliable before they decide to trust you again.
It is going to take patience, courage, strength and commitment for both of you to get through this.
Some Useful Tips:
• Remember that regaining trust is the same as regaining credibility. So, make sure that you keep your words when it comes to the most trivial things. If you say that you are going to call tonight, you make sure you will call tonight. If you say that you will be home by 7pm for dinner, you will be home by 7pm for dinner.
• Give your partner space and time to process what has happened and to heal. You should prepare yourself for a lot of questioning , a lot of judgement and a lot of yelling. It is the only way for them to vent their feelings and deal with the hurt and betrayal. When faced with this, you need to stay strong and keep apologizing and be understanding.
• Accept the fact that everything will NOT go back to normal right away. It will take a long time. Sometimes, it might feel like that you are moving two steps forward and three steps back. One minute, it looks like your boyfriend has forgiven you and everything is okay. The next minute, your boyfriend starts to bring up your affair and gives you the cold shoulder. So, it is important for you to be mentally prepared for this when you go through the inevitable setbacks and obstacles along the way. If you think your relationship is worth saving, then it is worth your effort and patience to pull through.
• Reflect on your actions and poor judgement and take responsibility for it. Go to the root cause why you cheated and figure out what you can do to make sure it will never happen again.
• No lies, not even white lies. Don’t have the slight hope that he will never find out you lied. If he did find out, you would lose him forever.
• Show Affection for your boyfriend on a daily basis. Pay Attention to your boyfriend on a daily basis. Practice appreciation on a daily basis. Show your boyfriend how much you love him in big and small ways.
• When the relationship feels like it’s stuck and struggling, make sure you do this: Lean in, look your partner in the eye, take deep breaths and say these words: “I love you. You are the one I want. I am really sorry for the pain I caused you and us. It feels scary right now, but we’ll get through this.”
Been with BF for 4 years. Rocky relationship at times. He has bipolar and does not take his meds regularly. Only when he wants a good night sleep. Does not work, receives benefits because of his bipolar and has been sectioned under mental health act 3 times. spends all his days betting on horseracing and playing online poker.
met him online, i had been out of a proper relationship for 4 years ( ex husband abused my children so I had been nervous to try again) so I thought I was ready. He had been separated from his wife for 7 months. He seemed perfect at the time. Very caring and gentle listened to me and sympathetic to my past. He told me about his mental health, ie he had been sectioned twice at this time. But said he was well now.
Saw each other often, spent weekends at each others places. I work and looked forward to seeing him when i was off. Met each others children and families.
Both said we loved each other after a while.
I went away on holiday alone 6 months into relationship and I had a one night stand with someone i have known for many years. I was flattered by the attention and foolishly let it happen. I came home and lied at first as i felt so bad and was scared. I admitted it a short time later. We were both very upset , he forgave me and we moved on.
I felt resentful when I couldn’t see him after work- he lives 20 miles away. I liked to phone and spend a long time on the phone if i couldn’t see him. He did not like that as he said it stopped him doing what he wanted to do. He did tell me and I tried to not stay on the phone, but we still did.
I felt very neglected for months and stupidly I contacted the previous guy and had another internet fling. He found out again and i realised how much i really love him. He tried to forgive me again and I thought we would be ok. But it was too much to ask I suppose. We went on for a further 6 months but to be honest did not see each other much.
The distance between us grew and i knew the relationship was failing. But I thought if we could just get to another holiday we could talk.
He hacked into my computer when i went on holiday. Trying to find evidence of cheating and thats where he found evidence of the 2nd infidelity.
When i returned he was sectioned for a 3rd time as he had been obsessed and did not sleep.
He snooped through all my house when I left him here when I went to work.
I came home from work one lunchtime and he was horrid. He was laying on my bed with the computer and he asked me if i did requests. He asked me to sit on his d**k and let him do it. I was upset and crying, my self esteem shot to pieces and I did as he asked, crying all the time. When he finished I got dressed and went back to work feeling violated.
2 weeks ago ( when my next holiday from work started) he told me that he needs to end the relationship or have a month off to sort himself out. It came like a stab in the heart. He had told his daughters about my infidelities and also his mother. His mother was ok, she had done it herself. His daughters said they thought he should dump me.
I went home and cried and cried. Took myself to bed for 3 days. Hardly eaten much for 2 weeks and have lost about 8 lbs. Had a counselling session and a session with a life coach. Felt better after these.
I had booked our first foreign holiday but luckily only for 4 nights. Its in 6 weeks. I have asked him if he would still go because he says he is my friend, and loves me, but not IN LOVE with me.
I am supposed to be NC but it has taken 2 weeks before I can get my head round it, only started today. He says we can be friends but we are not a couple and wont ever be. I pestered him some more, and he sounded like he may give it a chance later. I hoped that we could be friends and hope love might develop later as i know what my problem is.
I don’t communicate properly ( not the best communicator- but then neither is he)
I play mind games
I am clingy ( I do like to be near him, or hear him)
Take things personally
I have been working on myself with regards to my flaws.
I would appreciate other peoples thoughts. There is more to write. I know I really messed up. I love him dearly and would not cheat again. But I don’t really think we are right for each other because of his lifestyle and the way his day is structured and his outlook. I don’t think I could ever really fit in. But I cant help loving him.
Did he come back
Hey girl I’m going through the same thing rn, what ended up happening ?
I need advise, 2 weeks ago my boyfriend and I went out with a mutual friend of ours. I had a couple of drinks and enjoyed my night. Long story short, I was told that I kissed a guy and my boyfriend saw this. I have no recollection of this happening. I was also told by my boyfriend the next day that I was crying in the bathroom and was mad at him for I do not know why. He explained that I left the club ran away from him, eventually returned and kiss a random dude. I am not using alcohol as an excuse, but I truly do not remember any of this happening. I have asked my now ex boyfriend to come witness a polygraph test to prove that I’m not lying but he has refused to talk to me. He blocked me and does not answer any of my call. I’ve known him for six years and we have been together for 10months. I’ve never cheated on him or even thought of it. I have made the biggest mistake of my life and really want him back. But he does not want to talk to me.
Okay so me and my ex split about 2 months ago, and we haven’t spoke since. He got in a rebound relationship which seems to have cooled down since. Either way I’m pretty much over him. I’m happy with my life & no stress of a love life, I’m just focussing on me.
Either way I still have the habit of checking his social media every once in a while just to see how he is. First of all the first status that struck me was ‘sometimes you have to say **** it and let whatever will be, will be.’ He used to say that a lot when we split, but I didn’t put much thought into it as it could be to do with his new relationship.
Then the other one that struck me was ‘in desperate need of finding my balls.’ I didn’t really think much of this one just as I thought it could be to do with his new relationship or anything until today.
He put a picture up of the festival we went together with our friends with the title saying ‘take me back now.’ At this point out relationship was at it’s best and I have a lot of found memories off it, which include him. Surely if he was thinking of this time in his life his thoughts would include me. It stunned me to be honest as I tend to avoid thinking off it, because of the good memories I shared with him and it’s sad to think that they are just memories now.