How do you get your ex to stop ignoring you?
Why is your ex ignoring you in the first place?
Will you ever hear from your ex again?
Should you write a letter to your ex?
Should you just let your ex go and hope your ex comes back to you?
These are some of the most common questions I get every day.
” I shot her a casual text. No response. I waited another two weeks and then tried another casual text. Still no response. ”
”I went over her house during the first week but she would not answer the door.
It hurt really bad, but I accepted it, sent a text apologizing for coming over unannounced and went no contact.
I had a moment of weakness 3 months later and texted her “how are you? I hope everything is well”.
But that was ignored. I sent 5 more messages throughout the year (birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.).
Nothing excessive or sappy, just wishing her well and seeing if she was open to communication.
I would get short responses and eventually ignored. ”
”Her initiating contact only to ignore me just seems so cruel. ”
”I sent him an emotional message asking how he can just see me as a hookup after what we had and that I was done.
He didn’t bother replying. I stupidly sent another message asking if he’d got my message and he ignored me again.
He’s now also blocked me off everything. ”
”He did not want to contact me for 6 months to a year.
It was then him messaged me on one of the few networks I still go on, asking me how I was doing.
I thought he wanted nothing to do with me for about a year or more?
He then texted me, saying he couldn’t stand it and wanted to talk to me, and see how I was doing.
In short, we texted over the past few days, and now he won’t even text or really acknowledge me on the social networks. ”
Maybe you can resonate with some of my coaching clients’ experiences.
If you are also going through something similar…
I understand you must have felt confused and maybe even angry that your ex ignores you completely.
Especially after telling you that he wants to stay friends and still cares about you after a breakup…
Or after initiating contact with you first after a period of no contact.
First, you need to know that silence itself is an answer.
Understanding why your ex is ignoring can help you deal with it better.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Your Ex Wants A Clean Breakup
One of the possible reasons your ex is ignoring you completely or trying to cut you out of their life is, that your ex wants a clean breakup.
Staying in contact doesn’t help your ex get over you andĀ move on.
It might even make them want to change their mind about the breakup.
So, they just completely cut off all communications.
In fact, many of the people I surveyed on this topic mentioned that they would not want to be friends with their ex.
The reason is that they would not want to bring any emotional baggage from their past relationships into their future relationships.
Then, why would your ex tell you that they would want to stay as friends after the breakup?
One of the reasons could be that they were not being honest with you during the breakup.
Your ex was just saying that to be nice and to avoid any unpleasant situation.
If this is the case, instead of guessing why your ex does this to you, you could ask them to be honest with you.
But be warned, make sure that you can handle the truth.
And do not get upset or angry if your ex says something you don’t want to hear or even if you think it’s untrue.
The last thing you want is to get into a quarrel with them and jeopardize your chances further to reunite with them.
Your Ex Has A New Relationship
If your ex has someone new, it then easily explains why your ex suddenly ignores you.
Try to put yourself in your ex’s shoes.
If you started seeing someone else, you might also avoid all contact with your ex out of respect for your new partner.
There are signs that you could tell that your ex is dating someone new again if you know where to look.
For example, there might be “flirty” messages between your ex and someone of the opposite sex on your ex’s Twitter /Facebook…
Or there might be photos tagged of your ex hanging out with someone of the opposite sex.
If you and your ex have friends in common, it will also be easy to find out whether your ex is in a new relationship by indirectly asking your mutual friend.
If it is true that your ex has started seeing someone else and is ignoring you…
I understand that you must feel pretty upset and also find it very hard to accept at first.
You might even be tempted to find someone new just to make your ex jealous.
It can take some time for you to come to terms with the fact that your ex is with someone else.
But you need to know that this is not the end of the world.
And that doesn’t mean that your chances of getting your ex back are zero.
When your ex jumps into a new relationship shortly after the breakup, chances are it is just a rebound.
I have written a blog post on how to get your ex-boyfriend back if he is dating another girl.
Here, you will find what you should and should not do when your ex is with someone new.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Your Ex Feels Smothered By Your Constant Texting And Calling
One of the biggest mistakes you could possibly make when it comes to getting your ex back is that you turn into a texting gnat…
Or you keep calling and leaving multiple voice mails (maybe you are even guilty of drunk calling your ex in the middle of the night).
This is the surest way of getting your ex to run even further away from you.
Let’s first talk about why you want to contact your ex in the first place.
Often, when we are hurting inside and feeling emotional after a breakup…
We try to reach out to our ex to ease our pain or we try to find out if there is any hope in salvaging the relationship.
A reply, albeit a short one, from our ex can make us feel much better.
However, when our text messages or calls go unanswered…
We will keep trying as if the more texts we send, the more likely we will get a response.
You might even justify your actions by telling yourself that you are entitled to an answer or closure from your ex.
But on the contrary, you are suffocating your ex with a flood of text messages or calls.
This will only make your ex never want to answer your calls and reply to your messages…
And can also let them dread the sound of the phone ringing thinking it might be you.
This is because your ex knows that you will inevitably want to talk about the relationship again…
And you want to hear them say something that would make you feel better or give you some hope.
So, if you are texting or calling your ex too much…
Ignoring you is just an easy way for your ex to avoid their discomfort.
But you might be wondering…
“Doesn’t my ex me at all?”
Now, I know that it really hurts to be ignored.
I also understand how much you want to hear back from your ex because you miss them and you can’t stop thinking about them.
But, think again.
Do you really want your ex to see that you are desperate and needy?
I doubt so.
That should be the last thing you want your ex to think of you as.
So, what should you do?
You should leave your ex alone for a while because constantly contacting them is only doing more harm than help.
And yes, you are pushing them even further away from you by making them annoyed with all your contact attempts.
It is tough to do, I know.
So, you need to stay strong and resist the urge to contact them.
By giving your ex time and space, you significantly increase your chances of getting them to talk to you again when you reach out in the right way and at the right time.
Your Ex Still Loves You
While this scenario is unlikely, it’s certainly still possible.
Even after a relationship ends, two people who have been together for a long time can still care about each other.
If your ex is ignoring you after the breakup…
Deep down your ex might still love you and it just pretending to be over you.
But they’re probably confused and conflicted with their emotions at this point.
It could be because of their work, personal issues or something else that your ex has never spoken about that is preventing them from reaching out to you.
Staying in contact might be very hard for your ex if they were the ones that initiated the breakup.
If you were to keep in touch, it might renew their guilt and also make them question their decision about the breakup.
So, to avoid that, your ex might choose no contact as their way to heal and move on.
If that is your case, ignoring you is not about you, but about them.
They still have feelings for you but are afraid that if they start talking to you…
Those feelings will grow stronger and make it more difficult for them to let you go.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You Any More
Your ex may be ignoring you because of something you did that hurt them terribly.
For example, you might have:
- Cheated on your ex…
- Lied to your ex too many times…
- Accused your ex of something they never did…
- Said something to them that they feel resentful for…
- Done something that they cannot forgive…
- Or anything that made them feel really hurt.
If you’ve done any of the above, you don’t want to blame your ex for ignoring you.
That’s because they are probably still very mad at what you did to them.
So what should you do in this situation?
Admitting your mistake and apologizing to your ex is a good start.
Take it easy if your apology ( via text or email or voice mail) is ignored by your ex.
It is normal that your ex is still upset and not ready to talk to you yet.
Just give your ex some time to cool down.
If you cheated on your ex-boyfriend and you are trying to get him back…
I have written an in-depth post on this situation – You can read it here >>
What Do You Do To Get Your Ex To Stop Ignoring You?
Silence itself is the answer.
If your ex is ignoring you, it is just a sign from your ex that they need more time and space…
And they’re most likely not ready to talk to you yet.
At this point, you want to start using the No Contact Rule.
By constantly trying to contact them, you are pressurizing them to speak to you.
And when they get annoyed (which they will if you continue to contact them)…
They could even become more convinced that the decision to break up was right in the first place.
So, how do you get your ex attention in a positive way where they won’t see you as annoying?
You should probably realize by now how desperate your ex has made you by ignoring you.
Now, imagine what your ex might feel if you suddenly start ignoring them?
While it’s a bit counterintuitive…
What I’m suggesting is that you stop trying to get them to talk to you for some time.
By doing so, you show your ex that you don’t need them. (Neediness is a very unattractive trait to both guys and girls.)
Also, when your ex notices that you are not trying to reconnect…
It will change their attitude completely and will lower their defenses against you.
What this means is that at a future time, after a certain period of no contact…
Your ex will most likely be more willing to answer your calls or reply to your texts.
That’s because they know that you most likely will not be smothering them with questions about your relationship with them.
Of course, at the right time, you should re-initiate contact with your ex if your ex has not already contacted you first.
When you try to reach out to your ex again…
You need to do it in a way where you pique your ex’s interest and get them to engage in a conversation with you.
Here, I have put together a very useful guide on the right way to text your ex.
Your Next Step
Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?
You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:
And Iāve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:
And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.
But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.
So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not:
Anonymous says
My Heart is a very fragile thing so i never let anyone get close too it but this one girl who i loved that said we would be together forever is cheating and ignoring me after saying we can still be friends not much friends i think Her name is Lesslie Hermandez Olvera if you see her say the juggalos dont love ya anymore
Jazzy says
So I was broken up with about 3 weeks ago but my ex keeps contacting me and I havenāt been reaching out to me. Just replying to his messages. But once I reply sometimes he full ignores me. I donāt know what Iām doing wrong I donāt bring up our relationship. I just respond as normal as I could. Then iāll See him on Instagram or twitter posting things but still has not responded to my messages. Also when he reaches out to me it always seems so monotone. Iām not sure, but I didnāt ask for us to stay in contact. So what am I suppose to do here?
Nye says
My ex boyfriend just recently dumped me right after the second day of school. (I had just turned 21 as Well, and he was already 21.) The night before he actually broke up with me, I was talking to him about what was going on in my family life. I was just venting, and then all of a sudden he tries to send me to a therapist. I got upset because I just wanted to vent to him. He told me how stubborn I was, and that sometimes he doesn’t know how to help me. I told him that if our relationship was more committed then I would take that option. He took that part, and basically started to try to break up with me. Mind you, we have been together for 3 years. I got angry and refused to break up with him. He agreed. The next day he didn’t text me until later on that night. He was texting me like everything was Okay, and they all of a sudden he calls me and tells me that it was over. I tried to call him for the first few days and I didn’t get any response, but I wish you the best. And he has not contacted me since then. There is more details to this, but I’m so confused. One minute he would tell me how much he loved me, and that I was an incredible woman, and how jealous he was of my drive in life . Then when I mention being able to commit to each other more, he backs out of the relationship. If this was six months, I can accept this a little better, but it’s been 3 years. I’m not sure what was really going on. I know he doesn’t want to commit to me, but I feel like it’s more to it.
Lisa says
How did this pan out for you Adrian?
My nephew is going through an almost identical dilemma. I just wondered if you got back together?
Emily Harrington says
I’ve been with my boyfriend for 5 years. I found out that my boyfriend was in an emotional affair with a woman who is married. I found text messages on his phone, he was hanging out with the woman, and kept sneaking off to go be with her, so i got upset, i could not endure, i tried to do everything to please him but it got worst, one day he left the house and never came back, i tried reaching him but no way i could reach him, before the woman came into the picture we were very happy and wanted to be husband and wife, the heart break destroyed me.
Sue says
This happened to me a month ago!!! I feel your pain and in such a mess š
Riya says
If ur ex bf/gf ignores let him/her go because if they truely loved u or loves u, they can’t able to ignore u., in the same way u can’t able to ignore their behaviour. I know some people will disagree with my point but believe me if u will still chasing them and keep finding ur answers of why they ignore u or behave this way, u will like killing urself. because they will never gave your answers and when even if you will get them the time u were chasing them will haunt u.
and if u will not got them (whose chances are 99%) and u will try to move on those memories (your chasing time like your messages his ignorance) will again haunt u., and getting over from that will take time longer than ever. So it’s just like killing urself, ur self confidence, ur attitude, everything.
So I request each and every person who r reading this if anybody ignores you, no matter how much u loves him/her or loved him/her please don’t chase him/her. If u really loves him/her just pray to God. If they will be correct person for u, God will let them back in your life in any way. But don’t waste ur own time and don’t let anyone to break u and ur self confidence.
JUST LOVE YOURSELF
Reba says
My ex of 4 years broke up with me unexpectedly , after ignoring me for a week he called to tell me it was over and that we’re just different people now. I suspect that alcohol use has something to do with this (he has been drinking more and more). I waited a month and then sent him a text saying i see my mistakes and apologize , and that i love and miss him. He never responded. How can someone just cut you out like that after so long?
Tony says
I have a girlfriend who has issues with accusing me of cheating I really and truly love her and Iam only committed to her I care deeply about her more then anything in this world she is my heart
bill says
My thinking on an ex girlfriend that immediately get into a relationship after brake up:
If you where good to her and for her, you dated for over a year, and it was in no way an abusive relationship, there where not trust issues and she dumped you with no memorable event that would explain it…If she does not have the decency to give you anything but has some crap reason that does not add up then she is a coward and not someone you will have a happily ever after with or she thinks the grass is greener.
this behavior is difficult to swallow. Where you wasting your time and she is showing you should have never trusted her in the first place? If she truly cared about you she would have told you what the problem she was having with the relationship is and/or made some attempts to fix it. .. What she tells you could hurt you to know, but does it really hurt any more than guessing what went wrong? Hopefully you where fiends as well as lovers and friend should be honest with each other. How could you improve yourself, if not to save this relationship, but to not repeat this mistake in future relationships? So why can’t she tell you…she is a Coward…. she is not saving your feeling she is saving her pain (emphasize HER). BTW I hate coward.
Sorry ex girlfriend the foundation of all relationship (intimate of other) should be built on truth, trust and respect… and should also end on the same note. If you tell me the honest truth I might not like it but I’ll respect you for it. If she initiating the break up no matter how difficult for her, she needs to be honest with who she is devastating (unless he was abusive a cheater, etc.).,, then I’d guess she would have no problem telling him where to go. The ex girlfriend’s inability to provide a well thought out reason for the break up and just giving a straight answer tells me she is hiding something. If she just can’t face her ex with the truth in person, then break up in person with little explanation, and follow up with letter with the details. Anything short of full disclosure can only lead to suspicion that she has done something that would be too painful for her (emphasis for HER) to tell you… What could that be: I’m not alone in saying guessing is more painful than just knowing and you might have hope… If the reason for leaving is she found someone new, she feels like an ass, and she should FINISH ONE THING BEFORE MOVING ON….. and okay we are even I feel like an ass too, but now I can break it off clean and have no doubts that I have lost something good that could be fixed in time. I don’t have to feel guilty that I can’t to be friendly. I don’t have to feel guilty if I go on a date two weeks later….and I don’t have give another thought to possibility of getting back once she has had some space…. that ship has sailed.
Anger is a part of breakup… leave me wonder for 4-6 weeks then I find out you are all to quickly in another mans arms…angry for another 4-6 week…. tell me right off the bad. I I’m hurt I’m angry but over it in half the time.
further more lets just say she has some sort of emotional strain, needs space and time to reflect on what she really wants… If she can share this with you at break up. then what’s going to happen if you do reconnect…. I am not going to be okay with leaving it be because I can trust her. a lie of omission is still a lie.
Hugh says
My partner of two months broke up with me via email on Friday afternoon, he said after he was here the weekend prior that he loved me and would never hurt me then Monday night he was fine texting me loving messages then on Tuesday I heard nothing I had been helping a friend of mine and posted something on Facebook, then I get a message saying I seen what you posted grow up and I said I’m guessing you don’t love me he replied not when you post things like that , then we spoke that night he apologised and said I love you then messaged the following morning as normal with hope you feel better and I love you then the silence started again and the email I received on Friday saying he couldn’t do it anymore it wasn’t working because of his issues and I needed to let him go , it was nothing I had done but he didn’t think it would work and said I thought I loved you enough to do it then goodbye
Roesitha says
I left my boy friend cos he cheated on me so much , flirted to all girls and he gave me so many lies when we were in relationship,every i caught him after he cheated on me then he asked me to give him a chance to fix our relationship, i did give him chances many times but he didnt use that chances to change his manner to be better but he did worse, more cheated on me , more lies he gave to me and more flirted to all girls on social media and real life ..my patience has limitation, then i left him without words cos i think if i say i want to break up then he will use the same way cry and beg me to give him other chances so i chose to leave him without words, now already 3 weeks i broke up and i ignored him in every his emails and calls, i didnt response at all but he is still sending emails to me till today.
Mio says
Give him a chance a man in general speaking needs a time to realize how much he loves his girl friend . Its just about time
Good luck
Rahul L Ravat says
excellent article!! especially on the point of ‘Your Ex Still Loves You’ & What Do You Do To Get Your Ex To Stop Ignoring You?
thank you so much for the article! it really applied to me…i feel like there is so much clarity now from all that hurt and confusion since the break up
Ashe says
I was looking at the reasons for why an ex wouldn’t want to talk to you anymore. In my case? Things could be easily remedied. It’s a long story but, accusing them of emotional cheating via FB when you see them hopping on and off all day (which was supposed to be work–at home as a musician) and when they are talking to you on the phone always at 11:30p? They are still checking FB for “articles”? Not to mention, not wanting to divulge details because they are “boring” and they kept doing it for 9 months with a different reason every time? This is in my case. If I have apologized and they chose to ignore it? You could just be dealing with someone who simply wants to punish you. And make you grovel. Make you pay and suffer. People like that aren’t that upset about accusations. People like that only want to control you.
I was in a long distance relationship and really? I think it is just easier to ignore someone online or text. I think some people choose to throw the blame at the other person in a long distance relationship because it’s easier to say that instead of “I’m sorry too.”
coolio says
My ex left me because she said she no longer loves me but i know this is 100% false and have a suspicion someone has gotten into her ear I will never stop loving her even if she moves on i still wont, Trust me.. I have been in long term relationships before but she from all i have loved the most, Pray for me if anyone is reading this!!
CleaverCat94 says
Hey, I went thru something like this too. Have u gotten any updates? I would really like to know š
Sam says
This sounds familiar. I hope it works out for you. Positive vibes being sent.
guest says
I hope you got back together if not then I hope you are happy
brenda says
My ex broke up with me i acted crazy cause he took my dog but i was trying to get him back i got my dog back and havent seen or heard from him since he broke up with men over the phone i was told he cheated on me im just wondering i haven’t tried to contact him since nor has he me we were together almost 2years you think he will try and contact me eventually
Maria says
I have the following situation.
I had just got into college and I meet two guys there. One of them, D, before the other, K.
D and I started flirting until we kissed one evening. The next day, he came over to where I had class and kissed me. Later on that day, a girl told me he was flirting with her and a few others. I believed her, despite not knowing her much. That day I kissed K, too, who was in 11-month ongoing relationship.
By the end of the week, K had broken up with the girl and I had told D about what had happened.
Long story short, I am now dating K and hurting over D, who does not want to be friends. He told me he loved me, called me beautiful and would hang out with me if I asked (as friends) while I was starting my relationship. I miss D, as a friend.
We never dated but he has made me feel bad about what I did, told me he lied when he said he loved me and even started ignoring me because his friends told him to. They think of me as a bitch and even consider my boyfriend guilty for “stealing” me from D.
D and I have had horrible discussions. The last thing he told me was that he didn’t want to be my friend because of what we had, how uncomfortable he is around my boyfriend and his friends’ influence. He has bad-mouthed me and talked to me about an other girl with no reason whatsoever (out of the blue after another week of ignoring me).
It makes no sense to me and I don’t know what to do. I have started ignoring him, too, but it breaks my heart to lose him as a friend and I see him constantly.
arthur says
There was this girl who i knew for over a year, and at the end of it, I finally asked her out, it was the greatest three months of my life ( honestly). Then one day she just wants to be friends. She says that I have done nothing wrong and that her reason is JUST that she wants to be friends, I tried talking about it with her a few times and I found out her dad had passed that summer when we were together ( although we were both away on vacation at the time). After that i immediately stopped asking about it, then I found out that she is now with someone else. I had trouble handling it, so i had a long phone call with her to work things out. The call went well but I remembered that i didn’t quite get everything off my chest. So i try to talk how I felt about the break-up so that we would both see what the other sees about it, ( because the phone call I mostly wanted to know what she thought). I guess I also wanted to believe that there may be a chance someday in the future, thinking she’d say maybe. instead she thought I was still stuck about it. It’s been over a month and she gets out of her own way to ignore me.
How do I apologize and if the relationship she’s in doesn’t work out, get her back?
Jack Ryan says
As I am personally going through a break up, like many I find myself often getting sidetracked online onto “how to move on” or “love hurts” forums.
I see so many of these sites promoting “Win your Ex Back in X Number of Days”.
As heartbroken as I am, I think personally taking the position that you have to, or should try to “Win” your Ex back is not a healthy way to neither recovery nor reconciliation.
First, you shouldnt have to, or be expected to, “Win” anyone.
Your Ex is not a prize. Healing, whether on our own or so be it you get back together, should focus on yourself, not trying to impress.
Dont kid yourself. We are who we are. Old habits die hard. Our goal should be to find, and be with, someone who likes us for who we are.
If you screwed up, apologize. Then its up to them. Its not a game. Going that route will only deflate your self esteem, ego, and once back in should you “Win” – give it six months and youll be right back to the person you were, breakup looming.
Do your best to try and be happy… Confident… Love yourself. That will attract happy, confident people who are capable of loving and accepting that everyone has flaws.
As many people who are love hurt and miserable… Just as many if not more are equally if not more miserable in a relationship.
Think about it.
Anonymous says
My ex and i were friends for a while, but she cut me off because she got sick of me sending her messages about how much i missed us together. Looking back I am ashamed at how childish I acted. It’s been a year and she still won’t talk to me save a polite greeting. I am scared to initiate contact with her again because of how needy and desperate I was and I don’t want her to think I still am. Any advice on how to go about dealing with this would be great. Thank you.
Harrea says
Hey, so this is my problem. My ex boyfriend asked for a 1month break but during the break i constantly texted him telling him i love him etc. And by the wnd of the month he said that we aren’t compatible and he feels miserable, trapped and unhappy. He said we would make great friends together and we broke up cause he wanted to. So now i ignored him for a month. After ignoring him for a month i sent him a message, saying ” hey how are you? I found the winnie the pooh you gave me and it made me smile”. After 6 or 8 hours he didn’t replied so i sent him another text saying ” can i ask you something? I know that your avoiding me and i understand but i wanna be friends and i hope someday you’d want that too but pls dont hate me”. I feel desperate and stupid for sending that text. What should I do now. It also amazes me that he didn’t blocked me on skype yet but he doesn’t reply to my messages even when he is online. I’m sincerely asking for your help and
Michelle says
My ex dumped me just over 2 months ago. I didn’t see it coming and was completely heartbroken, he’s the only guy I’ve ever loved. (He’s 18, I’m 19). When he dumped me he said it was because he felt the initial spark we had was gone and he didn’t want a relationship anymore. I asked him a few times if that was it, if we were done for good and he kept saying that he didn’t know, that if he wanted a relationship in a few months then maybe we could get back together, but he didn’t want to say “maybe someday” and get my hopes up. He said we could still be friends. Did I mention I also work with him? Only on weekends though.
Anyway, even though he said we could be friends we just blanked each other at work. (He was fine with me until he thought I went on a date with someone else and then boom, he just blanked me). There was a staff party about a month after we broke up and we both went. I decided I would just blank him and enjoy myself for the first time since the breakup which is exactly what I did. He came up to me a couple of times, told me he was drunk and that I looked good and asked about this guy I was with. Lets call this other guy D for now.
When he asked about D I just said he’s a really nice guy and that he works on my department and then I just walked away. Me and D got pretty drunk and ended up kissing in front of my ex. Right after I realised what I had done and left the party.
The following Friday me and my ex went to the cinema to see a movie. I decided to ask him because I was sick of it being awkward between us and I only intended for us to go as friends. When we were watching the movie he started flirting with me and continued to do so all night. We went to get food after the movie and he started asking about my friends, especially the guys and he asked about D. He also said “so, I heard you found someone new”. I was so shocked when he said this I just said “what?!” and then he covered what he said with a joke. I didn’t answer any of his questions with a straight answer because he didn’t ask me straight up. It was like he was trying to ask without making it too obvious that he was bothered about who I hang out with and what I do in my spare time. After food he flirted with me even more and then we ended up kissing, and I mean a proper kiss. He texts me later on saying he really enjoyed out night together and he was sorry about the kiss. He said it shouldn’t have happened. I responded by calling him a kid who didn’t know what he wanted and I couldn’t wait around for him anymore. I told him I could do so much better and thanked him for proving that to me. His response was that he didn’t want a relationship but that doesn’t stop him from being attracted to me. This is when I went into no contact. I blocked him on Facebook and cut off all contact.
The following day at work I had to work with D (he works on my department so I can’t avoid him). It wasn’t awkward at all. We just always have a laugh and a joke together and just get on really well, nothing more. Anyway my ex was giving us dirty looks that day and he kept rolling his eyes at us.
I managed to complete the 30 day no contact period. During this time I had been working to boost my confidence, I even went out on a few dates. I made it clear to my ex that there are plenty of guys who want to go out with me, someone from work even asked me out right in front of his friend! However during the NC period D kept telling me that my ex and his friend kept looking at me. I thought he was just imagining it or something until during the last weekend of NC I decided for once I would pay attention to what my ex was doing. I caught him 3 times looking at me, and everytime I caught him he looked away immediately. What makes things more interesting is D went into the stockroom near the end of the shift on the same weekend and my ex’s friend nodded in D’s direction. D was really confused until he walked in a little further and saw my ex stood there. That suggests to me that my ex and his friend have been talking about me and D, and since the kiss happened a month before this they have probably been doing it for weeks.
I contacted my ex last night, just a simple text. I made it funny and just asked him how he was and I got no response. I was so sure he would respond, even if it was negative. Any ideas as to why he ignored it? It seems to me like he still cares with his behaviour at work and the fact he got jealous but then he didn’t respond. I’m just so confused :S
Sam says
I met this girl in college class. We kept things friendly until the end of the semester and hung out off and on for a couple months afterward. Then I decided that I liked her and asked her out. Things moved very quickly after that and within half a week we were fooling around together on my bed. We did not have sex but it was pretty far. I’m also a virgin while she has had sex many times. I did not date her for the possibility of sex, I dated because I liked her. We had gotten to know each other pretty well through class so I think that’s why things moved quicker than expected. Also when we first started dating I told her how old I was and that I was 30 while she’s 19. She said that the age did not bother her at all. Then after fooling around she ignored me for a couple days and then told me via text that she could not do this anymore because I was too old and her parents would not approve. We stayed in touch via Facebook and texting for about a month and half afterward, then she got another boyfriend less than two weeks later. While we were dating, she had told me she was going out of town to see a male friend and although i didn’t like this, we weren’t dating all that long and she told me i could trust her. I don’t know if this is the guy she’s dating now or not but my gut thinks so. Soon after she became “Facebook official”, She started to not talk to me as much. Then she started ignoring me altogether. I wrote her an angry letter but never sent it because i know that would only validate her dumping me and was more for me to vent my frustration. I’m convinced though that she dumped me for this other guy but have no proof. So I just deleted her number and unfriended her on Facebook. I did do something that I regret and that is that i sent a quick three sentence letter telling her that i hope she has a great life ahead of her and she has a wonderful heart (even though I didn’t think this while i wrote it) and that i’d see her around. I didn’t get a response but I still miss her. I know we didn’t date that long and she doesn’t owe me anything. It’s been one week of NC as of today. I know that I’m better off because the age difference may not have been the real reason, but she wasn’t mature enough for me and she didn’t respect me enough because she broke up with me via text and jumped in this other relationship real quick. I just wish she would miss me or make contact but i know logically that won’t likely happen. It’s still just hard right now.
Anonymous says
Can I just be your gf?
Bella says
My ex dumped me just over 2 months ago. I didn’t see it coming and was completely heartbroken, he’s the only guy I’ve ever loved. (He’s 18, I’m 19). When he dumped me he said it was because he felt the initial spark we had was gone and he didn’t want a relationship anymore. I asked him a few times if that was it, if we were done for good and he kept saying that he didn’t know, that if he wanted a relationship in a few months then maybe we could get back together, but he didn’t want to say “maybe someday” and get my hopes up. He said we could still be friends. Did I mention I also work with him? Only on weekends though.
Anyway, even though he said we could be friends we just blanked each other at work. (He was fine with me until he thought I went on a date with someone else and then boom, he just blanked me). There was a staff party about a month after we broke up and we both went. I decided I would just blank him and enjoy myself for the first time since the breakup which is exactly what I did. He came up to me a couple of times, told me he was drunk and that I looked good and asked about this guy I was with. Lets call this other guy D for now.
When he asked about D I just said he’s a really nice guy and that he works on my department and then I just walked away. Me and D got pretty drunk and ended up kissing in front of my ex. Right after I realised what I had done and left the party.
The following Friday me and my ex went to the cinema to see a movie. I decided to ask him because I was sick of it being awkward between us and I only intended for us to go as friends. When we were watching the movie he started flirting with me and continued to do so all night. We went to get food after the movie and he started asking about my friends, especially the guys and he asked about D. He also said “so, I heard you found someone new”. I was so shocked when he said this I just said “what?!” and then he covered what he said with a joke. I didn’t answer any of his questions with a straight answer because he didn’t ask me straight up. It was like he was trying to ask without making it too obvious that he was bothered about who I hang out with and what I do in my spare time. After food he flirted with me even more and then we ended up kissing, and I mean a proper kiss. He texts me later on saying he really enjoyed out night together and he was sorry about the kiss. He said it shouldn’t have happened. I responded by calling him a kid who didn’t know what he wanted and I couldn’t wait around for him anymore. I told him I could do so much better and thanked him for proving that to me. His response was that he didn’t want a relationship but that doesn’t stop him from being attracted to me. This is when I went into no contact. I blocked him on Facebook and cut off all contact.
The following day at work I had to work with D (he works on my department so I can’t avoid him). It wasn’t awkward at all. We just always have a laugh and a joke together and just get on really well, nothing more. Anyway my ex was giving us dirty looks that day and he kept rolling his eyes at us.
I managed to complete the 30 day no contact period. During this time I had been working to boost my confidence, I even went out on a few dates. I made it clear to my ex that there are plenty of guys who want to go out with me, someone from work even asked me out right in front of his friend! However during the NC period D kept telling me that my ex and his friend kept looking at me. I thought he was just imagining it or something until during the last weekend of NC I decided for once I would pay attention to what my ex was doing. I caught him 3 times looking at me, and everytime I caught him he looked away immediately. What makes things more interesting is D went into the stockroom near the end of the shift on the same weekend and my ex’s friend nodded in D’s direction. D was really confused until he walked in a little further and saw my ex stood there. That suggests to me that my ex and his friend have been talking about me and D, and since the kiss happened a month before this they have probably been doing it for weeks.
I contacted my ex last night, just a simple text. I made it funny and just asked him how he was and I got no response. I was so sure he would respond, even if it was negative. Any ideas as to why he ignored it? It seems to me like he still cares with his behaviour at work and the fact he got jealous but then he didn’t respond. I’m just so confused :S
Kimbery says
During the past sixth months, I recently reconnected with a guy I met a guy online two years ago, and we fell head-over-heels for each other. We have a ton of similarities, and our personalities are extremely compatible. So much so, that heās even dropped that āMā word a few times. Even all of his friends admitted that it was ādifferent with meā. It was a long distance thing, but we were so connected. This man and I were bestfriends, and we knew it. We talked about things that weāve never spoken about with others. I planned a visit to go see him (he only lives a state away), and the visit was incredible, so I decided to take the plunge to go and live with him. I met his family and all of his friends, and they all loved me. Heād always tell me that itās never been like that with any of his other girlfriends. We even had the romantic hug-eachother-and-cry scene in the airport when I left.
Fastforward seven days after I left, (the week after I left went completely fine), we get in a small tiff because weād both been having hard weeks. He starts getting distant after going to a friendās wedding the next day, and so I confront him the next day, asking him whatās up and why heās been acting distant. He tells me that heās been āhaving a hard time with the distanceā, so I ask him what happened to our plans to move in together. He tells me, āThatās a really big step, honestly. Almost like marriageā, and then says, ādunno. Iām really just not feelinā itā, and after I told him I understood how he was feeling. He told me that he needed to be alone, so I asked him if he meant for awhile or forever. He said he didnāt know, and removed our relationship status from social media. A week later, after not speaking with him, his best friend contacts me and tells me to reach out to him, saying that his feelings for me were very strong. I text him, asking how heās been doing, no response. His best friend tells me two days later, āitās definitely over for goodā, wouldnāt tell me why, and that āi know it doesnāt seem like it, but he really does care. **** just changedā. I know he didnāt meet a new girl, either. Its been two weeks, and Iāve still not heard from him.
I just need help understanding how someone could do such a complete 180 overnight like that and cut me out of their life completely. Our connection was so ****ing strong. He even drove me two hours away to meet his family. Is it possible that he was just infatuated? Did he get cold feet and run away from the committment? Do you think heāll regret it? How long do you think it will take? Do you think heād come around? I know not to wait around for him, I just want to try and understand the situation so I can cope a little better. I really thought he was the one, and it seemed so mutual. We just clicked, even if we wouldnāt say the āLā word yet, but we both definitely agreed we felt it. Any insight would be so appreciated.
I feel dumb for forgiving him for being such a dick, I just really feel like heās the one, even though Iāve been through a few relatively long term relationships.
Dana says
This situation is so close to mine that it hurts to read. Long distance, talking about marriage, everything fine, then over the course of 2 days just… gone. And I don’t know why.
I’d love to hear how it ended up.
Jade says
I had something very similar happen to me. Overnight he just was gone.
How did it work out?
Dushanth says
Mam I gt cheated by a girl bt I want her in my life bcz i love her so much. She had a guy n I too know abt it bt still we gt into a relationship n nw she lft me. She’s say she want to Mary dat guy, n wt I found was she z a flirter too.
adrian says
Where do I start? This is the toughest thing I’ve ever had to go through. So my girlfriend and I got engaged last year on June 22nd. But she went on holiday in April this year for three weeks and although we were in constant communication with with one another and missed each other a lot, her mind started to wander. Basically every little doubt she had about me erupted once she returned. Upon her return she said she wanted to call off the wedding because we’re not right for each other, because our thinking is different. This has always been true since day one but it never got in the way of us loving one another.
Whilst the details are more complex than that I will narrow it down to the key thinking behind her decision – I’m 28 now but I have not been able to hold down a regular job. I accept that, but here in England there isn’t much going and that’s despite me holding a Journalism and Media degree. She was concerned that she’d be the one providing for us in the relationship when I have never ever made her feel that way in our time together. Her second complaint was more legitimate in that I’ve been taking driving lessons on and off since 2009 but still haven’t passed. She said that despite multiple talks with me about how embarrassing it is for me that her fiancĆ© and her mother are always driving me around everywhere and I don’t have a car. I agree with this, I got lazy and should have passed sooner. When I went to ask for her hand in marriage last year I took my family there in a taxi and then my younger cousin dropped us all off home in multiple visits. That looked really bad which I see now, but I shrugged it off to her when she mentioned it. It should have been my wake-up call but I didn’t pay attention. Forget getting a car for my fiancĆ©, I should have got one for my parents to take them places because my mum is disabled and my dad is retired and now 55.
Finally, her last complaint was against my anger. Now I will stress that I have NEVER sworn at my ex or raised my hand on her and I never would, but I do have a temper and rather than struggle to control it I just choose not to control it. I have made her cry on occasions by shouting at her. I have a bad habit of not listening properly to what she has to say sometimes and jumping to conclusions. I can be very opinionated and this has often clouded my judgement, especially when it came to giving her advice on important issues. I would sometimes make the mistake of telling her what I think is right in my situation rather than hers.
So yeah, whilst the whole situation is more complex than that this is the main part. She said she gave up on me after standing by me all these years and seeing such slow progress. I completely agree with that and have already begun making big changes, but it seems like her mind is made up. I did no contact for around 28 days. it was her birthday in mid May so I did send her a birthday card that made her cry but she thanked me for. When she met up to break up with me at the end of April she couldn’t stop crying. I was holding her hand and she had to force it away. I’ve never seen her cry like that.
I know there is still something there. I know, or rather want to believe that she will take me back if I can rectify my negligent behaviour and attitude but it’s proving hard to re-connect with her. I wrote her a massive 16 page hand-written letter on Friday last week explaining and apologising for my failures, that I’m on my way to becoming a respectable man, one that she can be proud of and be happy with her. She text me saying that it was nice to hear me admit my faults and ended the text with “I wish you the best of luck with the future.”
I’m scared to death that that means no matter how good I get it her mind is made up. We were each other’s firsts in everything, first love, first kiss – everything. It was always a source of pride for us. We were the hapiest people alive on our engagement ceremony. The wedding hall was booked – all these things tell me that I knew I was doing something right or we wouldn’t have lasted nearly 8 years and committed to those things. But it’s proving really hard re-connecting with her. I gave her a month of time and space before sending her that letter. No contact at all. I’ve sent her a couple of light hearted text messages over the past few days but haven’t received a response. Idon’t know what to do but I really can’t lose her. I know I messed up and have taken massive steps towards fixing that. I’ve passed my driving theory and have booked a test in for July, I have a job interview coming up for a bank which I hope to ace and I have been working hard on my anger issues. I haven’t stood still. She said she gave up on me but I can’t give up on her. Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated