One of the most common questions asked by my readers is why their ex ignores them and what they should do.
” I shot her a casual text. No response. I waited another two weeks and then tried another casual text. Still no response. ”
”I went over her house during the first week but she would not answer the door. It hurt really bad, but I accepted it, sent a text apologizing for coming over unannounced and went no contact. I had a moment of weakness 3 months later and texted her “how are you? I hope everything is well”. But that was ignored. I sent 5 more messages throughout the year (birthday, thanksgiving, Christmas, etc.). Nothing excessive or sappy, just wishing her well and seeing if she was open to communication. I would get short responses and eventually ignored. ”
”Her initiating contact only to ignore me just seems so cruel. ”
”I sent him an emotional message asking how he can just see me as a hookup after what we had and that I was done. He didn’t bother replying. I stupidly sent another message asking if he’d got my message and he ignored me again. He’s now also blocked me off everything. ”
”He did not want to contact me for 6 months to a year. It was then him messaged me on one of the few networks I still go on, asking me how I was doing. I thought he wanted nothing to do with me for about a year or more? He then texted me, saying he couldn’t stand it and wanted to talk to me, and see how I was doing. In short, we texted over the past few days, and now he won’t even text or really acknowledge me on the social networks. ”
Maybe you can resonate with some of my readers’ experience.
If you are also going through something similar, I understand you must have felt confused and maybe angry when your ex ignores you completely, especially after telling you that he wants to stay friends and still cares about you after breakup or after initiating contact with you first after a period of no contact.
First, you need to know that silence itself is an answer.
Understanding why your ex is ignoring can help you deal with it better.
Your Ex Wants A Clean Breakup
One of the possible reasons your ex is ignoring you completely or trying to cut you out of their life is, that your ex wants a clean breakup. Staying in contact doesn’t help your ex get over and move on. It might even make them want to change their mind about the breakup. So, they just completely cut off all communications.
In fact, many of the people who I surveyed on this topic mentioned that they would not want to be friends with their ex. The reason is that they would not want to bring any emotional baggage from their past relationships into their future relationships.
Then, why would your ex tell you that they would want to stay as friends after breakup?
One of the reasons could be that they were not being honest with you during the breakup. Your ex was just saying that to be nice and to avoid any unpleasant situation. If this is the case, instead of guessing why your ex does this to you, you could ask them to be honest with you.
But be warned, make sure that you are able to handle the truth and do not get upset or angry if your ex says something you don’t want to hear or even if you think it’s untrue.
The last thing you want is to get into a quarrel with them and jeopardize your chances further to reunite with them.
Your Ex Has A New Relationship
If your ex has met someone new, it then easily explains why he/she suddenly ignores you. Try to put yourself in your ex’s shoes. If you started seeing someone else, you might also avoid all contact with your ex out of respect for your new girlfriend/boyfriend.
There are signs that you could tell that your ex is dating someone new again if you know where to look.
For example, there might be “flirty” messages between your ex and someone of the opposite sex on your ex’s twitter /Facebook or there might be photos tagged of your ex hanging out with someone of the opposite sex. If you and your ex have friends in common, it will also be easy to find out whether your ex is in a new relationship by asking your mutual friend in an indirect way.
If it is true that your ex has started seeing someone else and is ignoring you, I understand that you must feel pretty upset and also find it very hard to accept at first.
It can take some time for you to come to terms with the fact that your ex is with someone else, but you need to know that this is not the end of the world and it doesn’t mean that your chances getting your ex back are close to zero. When your ex jumps into a new relationship shortly after breakup, chances are it is just a rebound.
I have written a blog post on how to get your ex boyfriend back if he is dating another girl. Here, you will find what you should and should not do when your ex is with someone new.
Your Ex Feels Smothered By Your Constant Texting And Calling
One of the biggest mistakes you could possibly make when it comes to getting your ex back is that you turn into a texting gnat or you keep calling and leaving multiple voice mails (maybe you are even guilty of drunk calling your ex in the middle of the night).
This is the surest way of getting your ex to run even further away from you.
Let’s first talk about why you want to contact your ex in the first place. Often, when we are hurting inside and feeling emotional after a breakup, we try to reach out to our ex to ease our pain or we try to find out if there is any hope in salvaging the relationship. A reply, albeit a short one, from our ex can make us feel much better.
However, when our text messages or calls go unanswered, we will keep trying as if the more texts we send, the more likely we will get a response. You might even justify your own actions by telling yourself that you are entitled to an answer or closure from your ex.
But on the contrary, you are actually suffocating your ex with a flood of text messages or calls. This will only make your ex never want to answer your calls, reply to your messages and will probably even dread the sound of the phone ringing thinking it might be you.
This is because your ex knows that you will inevitably want to talk about the relationship again and you want to hear them say something that would make you feel better or give you some hope.
So, if you are texting or calling your ex too much, ignoring you is just an easy way for your ex to avoid their own discomfort.
Now, I know that it really hurts to be ignored. I also understand how much you want to hear back from your ex because you miss them and you can’t stop thinking about them.
But, think clearly again. Do you really want your ex to see that you are desperate and needy? I doubt so. That should be the last thing you want your ex to think of you as.
So, what should you do?
You should leave your ex alone for a while because actually constantly contacting them is only doing more harm than help. And yes, you are pushing them even further away from you by making them annoyed with all your contact attempts.
It is tough to do, I know. So, you need to stay strong and resist the urge to contact them. By giving your ex time and space, you significantly increase your chances of getting them to talk to you again when you reach out in the right way and at the right time.
Your Ex Still Loves You
This possibility is a bit low but not unlikely.
Even after a relationship ended, two people who have been together for a long time possibly still care about each other. If your ex is ignoring you after breakup, deep down they might still love you, but they’re probably confused at this moment.
It could be because of their work, personal issues or something else that your ex have never spoken about that is preventing them from reaching out to you.
Staying in contact might be very hard for your ex if they were the one that initiated the breakup. If you were to keep in touch, it might renew their guilt and also make them question their decision about the breakup. So, in order to avoid that, your ex might choose no contact as their way to heal and move on.
If that is your case, ignoring you is not about you, but about them. They still have feelings for you but are afraid that if they start talking to you, those feelings will grow stronger and make it more difficult for them to let you go.
Your Ex Doesn’t Want To Talk To You Any More
It is possible that your ex is ignoring you because of something you did that hurt them terribly. Here are some of the common cases:
- You cheated on your ex.
- You lied to your ex too many times.
- You have accused your ex of something they never did.
First, you cannot blame your ex for ignoring you because they are probably still very mad at what you did to them.
So what should you do in this situation?
Admitting your mistake and apologizing to your ex is a good start. Take it easy if your apology ( via text or email or voice mail) is ignored by your ex. It is normal that your ex is still upset and not ready to talk to you yet. Just give your ex some time to cool down.
What Do You Do To Get Your Ex To Stop Ignoring You?
Silence itself is the answer.
If your ex is ignoring you, it is just a sign from your ex that they need more time and space and they’re most likely not ready to talk to you yet.
By constantly trying to contact them, you are pressurizing them to speak to you. And when they get annoyed (which they will if you continue to contact them), they could even become more convinced that the decision to break up was right in the first place.
So, how do you get your ex attention in a positive way where they won’t see you as annoying?
You should probably realize by now how desperate your ex has made you by ignoring you. Now, imagine what your ex might feel if you suddenly start ignoring them?
It’s a bit counterintuitive I know, but what I am suggesting here is that you stop trying to get them to talk to you for a certain period of time. By doing so, you show your ex that you don’t need them. (Neediness is a very unattractive trait to both guys and girls.) Also, when your ex notices that you are not trying to reconnect, it will change their attitude completely and will lower their defenses against you.
What this means is that at a future time, after a certain period of no contact, your ex will most likely be more willing to answer your calls or reply your text, because they know that you most likely will not be smothering them with questions about your relationship with them.
Of course, at the right time, you should re-initiate contact with your ex if your ex has not already contacted you first. When you try to reach out to your ex again, you need to do it in a way where you pique your ex’s interest and get them to engage into a conversation with you.
Here, I have put together a very useful guide on the right way to text your ex.