Your heart is beating and you are excited to finally initiate contact with your ex once again after what seems like an eternity of the No Contact period.
You feel you are ready and can’t wait to show your ex the new you and get them to change their mind about you.
If you had been reading lots of articles online on this topic, I’m sure you probably must have followed the advice of going at least 30 days without any contact with your ex.
If you had done this, you should most likely be in a very good place right now mentally and emotionally.
Are You Really Ready To Contact Your Ex?
Here’s a quick 5 questions test to determine if you are ready to initiate contact with you ex again:
- You still feel emotional towards your ex and you miss your ex so badly that you want them back as quick as possible.
- You feel that if the longer you wait, the more you will lose your chances to get your ex back.
- You immediately check your ex’s social media accounts to see whether your ex is with someone new.
- When you realise that your ex is with someone new, your heart starts to feel better and you start to feel emotional again.
- You tell yourself that to get your ex back, you have to confess you love to them and you’re ready to tell them how you have changed and verbalise that you are no longer the same person he/she broke up with.
If you answered all “No” to the above, congratulations! You are now ready to initiate contact with your ex!
But if you have even a single “Yes”, then it’s time to go back into No Contact and work on yourselves again, because you MUST be emotionally detached if you want to get your ex back.
Because when you are emotionally detached, then can you execute the necessary tactics to get your ex back.
To get your ex back is very psychological and very counterintuitive. So if you can’t have a grip of your emotions, then chances are that your ex might say or do things to cause you to be emotional and upon hearing that, you might say or do things to jeopardise your chances of getting back with your ex.
Why You Should Never Initiate Contact With Your Ex If You’re Not Ready
Many of my clients that I have helped, all want to do just one thing: Learn exactly what to say to get their ex to get back with them.
There is a huge flaw here because to get your ex back, it is not merely as simple as to use “clever” words to get your ex to say “Please get back with me!”. If it were that simple, everyone would have easily gotten back with their ex in the first place.
Some people think that to get their ex back, they would have to “trick” or “manipulate” them into getting them to come back to you. But in my years of experience, such methods rarely work, and if they do work, chances are they will be facing a break up in a few short months, if not weeks again.
Because the fundamental reason for the relationship being strong is not there. And that is why it’s important to solve those underlying issues that got you to your break up in the first place, before initiating contact with your ex.
So it’s not what words or tactics you will use to get your ex back, but rather how you have changed the core of you that will let you be able to execute the necessary tactics to get your ex back.
Before You Initiate Contact With Your Ex
Before you actually want to initiate contact with your ex, there are a few things that you want to really take note of and that is how to handle “what ifs” situations when you contact your ex.
As much as we all love for the process to be really simple where you reach out to say a simple “Hi!” to your ex and your ex replies warmly and enthusiastically with “Nice to hear from you again! How have you been? Want to catch up?”, chances are you will rarely, if ever, encounter such a scenario.
Depending on your situation, chances are that you will be faced with animosity, indifference or just plainly get ignored most of the time. If you had left the break up on friendly terms then you would most likely have an easier time reconnecting with your ex again.
So with these in mind, you will have to go in well prepared. That means you will need to know how to respond for what your ex might say to you.
Now, everyone’s situation will be slightly different and the way you left the break up would be different as well. However, there are certain things that you may pop up if you initiate contact with your ex again like them being with someone else, saying nasty words to you, or just don’t reply you.
So what I will do with my clients is to do a little “role play” to get them thinking of how they can prepare themselves for contact.
So what you want to do is prepare yourself in case your ex says one of the following to you:
- “I’m already with someone else. You should move on and find someone too.”
- “Stop contacting me.”
- “I don’t love you anymore so please stay out of my life.”
- “I’m willing to have sex with you only but no relationship.”
- “I’m getting married soon.”
- “Why do you have to always wreck my life?”
- They just plainly ignore you.
For each of the above, how will you react to them? What will you say?
These are scenarios that have happened with my clients and it’s important that you too be prepared for such scenarios.
And if you know how to handle these scenarios well, then you will have a very good chance of getting your ex back, even if they say all the harsh and nasty words to you.
People Change Their Minds All The Time
Think about the time when you first got together with your ex. Chances are that you two probably said really sweet and loving words to each other like “I will always love you”, “I will never leave you” or other sweet words to show how much they love you.
But what happened in the end? You two still broke up.
The reason is because people change their minds all the time depending on the NEW experiences that they have.
Think about it – chances are that you’ve broken some promises or changed your mind on many things before.
At that point of time, you were probably certain that you would keep that promise or that you will never change your mind right?
But then NEW experiences came in and made you change your mind. So same thing with your ex. As long as you give them NEW experiences to help them change their perception of you, you can still change their mind and get back with your ex!
Ways To Initiate Contact With Your Ex
There are a few ways to initiate contact with your ex and by far the best method will be by text.
The Excuse Tactic:
With this tactic, you will basically be messaging your ex as a form of “excuse” to reach out to them. For example, and Excuse Tactic will go something like this:
“Hey [Ex’s Name], sorry to trouble you but do you remember the famous Greek restaurant’s name by the side of Lygon Street? I’m trying to find that restaurant by I just can’t seem to find it anywhere! If you could help, I’d be grateful thanks!”
The idea here is to reach out to your ex to ask a simple questions as a “feeler” to see if your ex is still responsive to you.
The Advice Tactic:
With this tactic, you will be seeking the advice of your ex in an area where he/she is really good at. So for example if your ex is really good at tennis, you want to ask for advice along this area. So for example:
“Hey [Ex’s Name], sorry to trouble you but I need a little help in something if you don’t mind! I’ve got a niece that wants to take up tennis professionally and was hoping to get some advice from you if you’re fine with it!”
With this message, you are appealing to the “ego” of your ex. Everyone loves to give advice and opinion and this will be perfect if your ex is really good at something and likes giving advice.
The “Let’s Be Friends” Tactic:
With this tactic you’re essentially trying to tell your ex to let bygones be bygones and that you won’t want to feel like you’re enemies with anyone, so you’re hoping to be friends with your ex. So for example:
“Hey [Ex’s Name], how have you been? Recently I’ve been giving much thought and reflecting on myself and realised that I haven’t actually been the best girlfriend/boyfriend for you! And while I know we had our ups and down, I was wondering if you’d be like to be friends again. I feel that life is too short to be enemies with anyone and I’m sure I’d be a great friend for you!”
For this tactic, your intention is to lower the guard of your ex because if your ex still thinks that you want him/her back, he/she might become very defensive still. But when you approach from the standpoint of being friends, chances are that your ex will lower their guard, and that’s when you can slowly with your way back into your ex’s heart again.
As I always say, being friends first is the “backdoor” to your ex’s heart. We all start as friends first so if you want to get your ex back, then you can consider using this tactic!