So, what’s the best way to contact your ex after no contact for quite some time?
I would recommend texting over calling because when you text your ex, you have time to think about what to say.
There’s no need to reply immediately, and you can think of different types of responses and choose the best one.
But if you were to speak to your ex over calls, you would have to be very clear about what you should or should not say on the spot.
If you were to say the wrong thing, then it could get your ex to feel negative towards you and push him/her away.
Also with texting, you don’t have to worry about any moments of silence when both of you run out of things to say to each other.
But over a phone call, those moments of silence can get pretty awkward.
Furthermore, when you hear your ex’s voice over the phone, you might start feeling emotional and risk sounding needy or desperate for your ex.
Saying one wrong thing over the phone can easily jeopardise your chances of getting back with your ex.
So if you still have strong feelings for your ex, all the more you should be texting your ex instead of calling him/her.
That’s because with texting, the chances of you saying the wrong thing will definitely be lower than if you were to talk over the phone with your ex.
Remember, you want to always THINK before you talk.
That’s why the only time when you should make the phone call is when you’re able to manage your mindset and emotions well, and you’re confident that you know what to say to your ex.
Remember the 4 rules that I mentioned above and follow them when you text your ex.
That way, I am certain that you will be on the right path to rebuilding the connection with your ex.
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What To Text Your Ex
One of the biggest challenges that you might face when texting your ex is what to say to your ex, and also how to keep the conversation going.
Sometimes, you can tell that your ex is not interested in replying to your texts if your ex just gives you short replies.
So how do you deal with this situation?
If you sense that your ex is losing interest in continuing the conversation, you should just quickly cut the conversation short.
By keeping the conversation going, you will only risk making your ex feel annoyed.
Below is a collection of bad examples of texts that you should NOT use:
As you can tell, if you do send any of the above texts to your ex, chances are that your ex will feel even more negative towards you.
And that’s the complete opposite of what you want your ex to feel towards you.
So what types of texts should you send to your ex instead?
The 5 Different Types Of Text Messages
There are 5 different types of text messages that you can use to help you get your ex back.
Each type of text message serves a unique purpose.
It should be used as part of your plan to salvage your relationship with your ex and get your ex to view the relationship as something worth fighting for.
Text Messages That Help Start A Conversation With Your Ex
This type of text message helps you get a conversation started with your ex after you haven’t talked to each other for a while.
Warning: You shouldn’t put a lot of pressure on your ex to reply to your text message because your ex might not be ready to start talking again.
Forcing your ex to respond to your messages might push your ex further away and make your ex dread receiving your text messages.
But let’s not forget our goal which is to start a conversation.
So, the right way to do it is to write text messages in a way that can allow your ex to respond if your ex wants to.
As this is the first contact after you have successfully followed the “No Contact Rule“, your ex will definitely be wondering about your purpose for texting him/her.
So, you wouldn’t want to be very forward and don’t give your ex the clue that you want him/her back just yet.
A big NO-NO is to ask about your ex’s dating status.
Also, don’t ask your ex out for coffee or lunch yet!
Text Message Example #1:
“I am headed out to XXX this weekend. It reminds me of the crazy trip we did.”
Text Message Example #2:
“I just came across a picture of us inside the hurricane simulator booth at the mall. Always makes me laugh. It made me think of you for the first time in a while. I hope you are doing great.”
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Text Messages That Put Positive Thoughts And Memories In Your Ex’s Mind
We want to use this type of text message to bring back the good memories in your ex’s mind and make your ex start thinking about all the fun things you two have done together.
This is vital to help win your ex back because you are essentially letting your ex relive the good old times when your relationship was fun, flirtatious and exciting.
So, you need to use personal experience to customize your text message.
Text Message Example #1:
“Ha. Remember the time when we were in XXX and we ended up wearing those stupid bear suits. I just found a picture. Oddly enough, you actually look good in that panda suit haha!”
Text Message Example #2:
“Hey, don’t mean to trouble you, but wanted to ask you whether you remembered the name of the restaurant with the best lamb shank that we went to on your 28th birthday?”
Text Messages That Boost Intimacy With Your Ex
You can use this type of message especially when you know that your ex is going through some tough times.
It shows that you are always there for your ex and you are always on their side.
It brings the two of you instantly closer.
Text Message Example #3:
“Hey, I was thinking that you might be really stressed about your exam next week. Thought I’d just drop you a message of encouragement. I know you will do great :)”
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Text Messages That Create Positive Jealousy In Your Ex
It is tricky to use this type of text message because if you are using it wrong, you might mess things up.
I want to emphasize the words “positive jealousy”.
This type of text message will show that you are okay with the breakup and you are out meeting new people and not sitting at home and crying your eyes out.
The rationale is that you will become more attractive and desirable when your ex experiences a tinge of jealousy that comes from knowing that other people find you attractive post-breakup.
This tactic is called social proof which can be very powerful IF used correctly.
When other people find you attractive and fun, your ex is more likely to see you the same way as well.
However, you need to be subtle in your text message.
All you need to do is to hint that you are out with someone and had a good time, and your ex’s mind will take care of the rest by filling in the details.
This type of message can mess with your ex’s mind without him/her realizing it.
Text Message Example #4:
“Hey! I just saw XYZ( A Romance Movie) with a friend. You should see it because it’s really good. I think you would like it too!”
Text Messages That Turn Your Ex On
You only use this type of message when you are sure that things with your ex are getting better in the right direction.
The timing needs to be right because you wouldn’t want to get into bed with your ex only to find out that your ex feels that it might have been a big mistake the next morning.
Text Message Example #5:
“Hey, do you remember that ABC brand cologne/perfume that you always wear when we go out? I happen to passby someone that had that on and it still kind turned me on LOL.”
Text Messages To “Test The Waters”
If you haven’t been in contact with your ex for a very long time and you’re not sure how your ex might respond if you reach out to him/her…
Then you might want to use this type of message to just get a feel of how open your ex might be to communicating with you at the moment.
So the way to “test the waters” is to ask for advice of some sort.
But you don’t want to ask for any type of advice.
You only want to ask for advice where you know your ex has a keen interest in the topic, or that your ex has a lot of knowledge of.
For example, if your ex is good at playing golf, then you can ask for advice in this area.
Text Message Example #6:
“Hey, how are you? Anyways, don’t mean to bother but was wondering if I could get your advice on golfing – Recently I started to pick up golf and kind of got really into it, but there are certain things I still struggle with. Since you’re the only person I know who plays golf, would it be okay if I asked you a few quick questions on this? Thanks!”
Most of the time, your ex would be happy to give you advice because this is your ex’s interest, and by asking your ex for advice, it lets your ex feel important and smart!
And we all love to feel important and smart.
So by asking your ex for advice, it can also lead to your ex feeling positive towards you.
And it’s a great way to create a good first impression after a period of having No Contact.
Now, if you’re not sure what your ex’s interests are, then the other way you can ask for advice is around what your ex has done with you before.
For example, if your ex had been the one helping to file your tax returns when you were both together, you could reach out to him to ask for advice on this.
Text Message Example #7:
“Hey, how are you? Anyways, don’t mean to bother but was wondering if I could get your advice on filing tax return. I didn’t want to trouble you and tried to do it on my own at first, but I got stuck at a few areas. If it’s not too much trouble, would it be okay if I asked you a few questions on this? I’d be happy to pay you for your time for helping me out as well. Thanks!”
So in this message, you are letting your ex know that you didn’t automatically reach out to your ex without first trying it yourself.
When you let your ex know this, your ex will know that you’re not taking him/her for granted.
Many times, part of the reason why a relationship fails is that both parties in the relationship took each other for granted.
So when you let your ex know that you respect his/her time, and you’re even willing to pay your ex for helping you…
Not only does it incentivise your ex to help you (and keep the conversation going with you), but it also lets your ex feel a change in you compared to before.
This can possibly lead to further communication with your ex from here onwards as well.
And that can eventually lead your ex to reconsider the relationship again!
Your Next Step
Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?
You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:
And I’ve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:
And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.
But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.
So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not:
Before you decide to be friends with your ex boyfriend, try not to remember any old memories in which you were romantically involved so as to not give him any wrong signals.
I was in a relationship with a guy who suffers with depression we had our ups and dwn i started txting an ex over a year ago it stopped 5 mnth after he my bf found out and we gt through it we drifted apart bout 4 mnth ago but was txting he wanted me bk 2 week ago told me he misses me etc i spoke to him on phone 2 week ago he said we need to talk so i arranged to go out sat he never turned up then txt me saying he dnt want to be with me thats when i started hounding him txt messages phone calls which in en he blocked me he came ova a week ago to talk he clamed up woundnt talk to me told me i was pushing him away hes got things in his head agen bout me txting my ex i miss him so much dnt know what to do started 30 day no contact i am in such a state at minute
Me and my boyfriend broke up 2 days ago. We were together for almost a year and then he broke up with me. He broke up with me because he said he is too young to be in a relationship. It did hurt a lot to hear that and of course I am hurting very bad as a result.
He’s 18 and I’m 19, so I guess it is young enough to be in a relationship. The day after he broke up with me, he texted me saying he felt sorry that he’s ruined my life and that if I ever need anything I could text/ring him. Of course I replied and said I just basically missed him. We texted for a bit and I asked him how he felt and he said his head was all over the place. He said he wanted to get back with me but he would feel like the way he broke up with me, would happen again. He also said he loved me, missed me and missed what we had, etc. This made me feel a bit happy knowing despite he ended things, he felt the same way. He then said he would need a few extra days to properly decide his decision. I couldn’t hack thinking of how many days it could be..
He could of went out on a night out in those days, kissed another girl or something. So I wanted him to properly decide his decision before he did this. 2 days after we broke up, I went to his house to give him back his stuff (bad idea I know!), I just wanted to see him so bad and wanted to know his final decision. I knew it wasn’t going to be good and it wasn’t. He didn’t want to get with me.
I was just so hurt and broken hearted, felt empty.. it’s such an un bearable pain I’m going through. When I went home obviously I texted him saying don’t hate me I still love you I just wanted to do a nice thing he said he didn’t hate me and then I texted him something saying I made things harder for myself and then he didn’t reply. I then texted him again a while later and said can I ring you it’s important. I rang him and said I think you need to give it some more thought if I did mean something to me and he got annoyed and said you need to accept it, stop texting and ringing me. So that was the end of that it’s been a few hours since I’ve spoken to him. I can’t stop thinking of him, the thoughts of him going off with another girl so soon is killing me so much.
I can understand that he’s too young to be in a relationship and that he’s not ready. He also said he wanted to experience having sex with other girls on his “lads holiday”. I was the first girl he was properly involved with, first relationship, first girl he had sex with. On the other hand, I have experienced having sex with other boys before I was with him, this was also my first relationship.
I just want to know how would I try and get him back. Would the no contact rule for a month work..? Then what, the texts like sudicing, nostalgia, etc. Please someone help I just cannot bear being without him.
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I left my fiance a few months ago because I felt like I started seeing a part of him (his temper) that I didn’t think I could deal with. Before our relationship got too serious his sister told me he had a temper.
√Once time progressed I saw his temper as he became jealous and/or angry with me and others about things I didn’t feel warranted that magnitude of anger… After that I observed his responses to other people as well. His father even mentioned (during one of their disagreements) that he didn’t know why his son gets so mad. I found myself as an unofficial mediator that day for them but my fiance got offended by me trying to keep the peace(trying to tell him how to respond to his father…?) The next day he told me he contacted his dad to pretty much apologize(which he did lots of early in the relationship).
√He apologized a lot to me at first,then he just started blowing up or walking away and shutting down,saying thats how he deals with things.
After all that:
√I still think about him and cannot seem to get over a certain sadness. I miss him.
√ Yes I have more peace, but why am i still missing him?
√We’ve contacted each other only a few times since the breakup. Recently he called me after 10:00 pm to chat since I was going away to work out of town. I missed his call so i called him back about an hour& 1/2 later. He called again to wish me happy birthday Early in the a.m. I picked up and the convo was nice. He’s pulled back tho now. Deliberately I feel…or moved on… Whatever the case,I don’t know how to deal with my feelings.I want to contact him but I don’t know if I should. I’m in paint from missing him and not having the guts to tell him. I’ve gone out with one other guys since then and even worked a lot,still he stays on my mind.
The guy I have been dating since January has just up and left me without goodbye or a word I’m so heartbroken as (I’m 29, he’s 30) in all my years I’ve never found anyone I connect with, have fun with or get support from. I’ll try and keep this short but I’ll give you some of our back ground..
Met in January (almost 8 months together)
He’s in the military and was posted in my town for the last 6 years. He is divorced and has two kids. I have none. I’m currently a student and work two part time jobs. We have been together everyday since we met. He leaves on weekends to visit his kids but we stayed in constant contact when he was with them
No, I don’t think he was cheating as we spent way too much time together and he wouldn’t have had time or space to do so. He was the most caring man, I knew he loved me by how he treated me. Always opened my doors, cooked for me bought me gifts, pushed my school life and loved my friends and family.
Now here’s the thing..
He was posted back to his hometown almost two weeks ago to stay indefinitely. Now first week he moved we were fine, but one day I asked him if he wanted to eat dinner with my mom (we discussed this before he left and he had no issue) and he told me “we weren’t at that part in our relationship, when parents get involved it’s a huge deal” I responded that he should forget I mentioned it and that him saying that informs me of a lot. He responded “oh come on! You should know we aren’t at that level” I won’t lie I was kinda upset so I didn’t respond. Now is been 5 days.. He hasn’t text me to see if I’m alive or anything. And I haven’t text him because if he called it quits I don’t want to give him the satisfaction of going looking for him..
Maybe I’m overthinking everything though and should text him and see if he’s alive or just call it a lose and move on?
I just don’t understand how you can forget someone you spent almost a year of your life with so easy…
He was my best friend, I feel like someone has ripped out my insides
I got involved with somebody that I work with. We both still work at the same company together. We really were never together in a relationship. We just had a fling that lasted about a year and a half but my feelings for her were obviously much deeper than her feelings for me. She is now dating somebody for the past month. It really has destroyed me for some reason. Even though me and her were never in a relationship, we did have sex a couple of times and were intimate with each other on a few other times. We would talk to each other every single day during and after work and see each other outside of work once in a while. She said from the beginning that nothing serious could happen between us. Not only because we work together but also because there is a bit of an age and life situation difference between us. I am 35 never been married no kids. She is 44 divorced and has two kids. Obviously we are both in totally different stages in our lives but her age honestly never bothered me at all. What of course initially drew me to her was her physical appearance. We worked together for 4 years before anything intimate happened between us. I always found her to be extremely attractive but knew that she was married at the time and never even thought of trying to talk to her on a personal level. But then one day she sent me a text about a work issue and we just started texting back-and-forth from then on and it went from there. I really did enjoy the situation that we had together. I knew that I could not be with her in a serious relationship but at the same time I knew that if one day she found someone that I would be hurt. She even told me once that if she did start dating somebody she wouldn’t tell me because she knew that I would be hurt. So here we are today, she is in a month old relationship with some guy who is 50 years old I am alone and feeling completely miserable over the whole situation. I was even in Hawaii last week and all I did was think about her and wish she was there. She sent me a text message while I was there on her own out of the blue to see how I was doing and that mere act of hers made me feel like the happiest man on earth. I asked her if she wanted a present from Hawaii, and I was expecting her to say no but surprisingly she said yes I would love one surprise me. And then we started texting back-and-forth the way we used to for a little bit that day. That made me feel really good. But as soon as I got back yesterday I wanted to talk to her but she told me she could not because she was going to her “friends” House and she was not sure when she will be home. Only today did I find out that it was this guy whose house she went to.
How do you get over somebody that you work with? Obviously NC is impossible in this situation. Luckily for me, she works out in the field (not literally in a field btw) and I work in the office. So I really only see her about once a week if that. But….. I still do have to communicate with her several times a day every day either by phone or by text for work.
It was stupid of me to get into this situation in the first place but it started out with me thinking with the wrong head and then those feelings gradually made there way up to my heart and now I feel heartbroken. I know I said that in the beginning I really didn’t feel like I could have anything serious with this girl but now that I am feeling so heartbroken and miserable about her dating someone else….. If she would call me right now and tell me she would give me a chance for something real between us….I would definitely take it.
Anyone else here been involved with a coworker before and when it ended you were still working together? I would love for others to share their experiences in this matter or perspectives or just advice on how I move past this.
I`ve been in a 2 year and a half relationship with my boyfriend. He and i shared a very special connection, we went through so much together, like, for real… I got cancer after a few months we started dating, and he was still by my side, when i recovered we went on a two month trip around australia… We made so many things together, things that neither of us has ever done before with other people.
We loved each other very much, i´m pretty sure of it. But… The problem is we always fight over the dumbest things! Like being jealous (my fault most of the time, i admit it. But both of us are). Lately, we’ve been having very stupid fights like every week!
Four days ago, we were having an argument again, and this time he started telling me that he didn’t know if we were both going in the same direction, because he didn’t see me fighting for what i wanted in life, and he wants someone who can walk by his side and not behind him (he’s almost done with college, has a job and has a football career… and me, well… im still in college, but thats all i do for now)…
And he said to me that because of all of that free time that i have, im always searching for something to fight with him… After that, we kept arguing and well… i broke up with him, because honestly, i felt like he was so tired of me.
Yesterday we spoke, and i asked him if he still loved me like before, if this is because of me or because there was someone else and if he’s been thinking all these things a long time ago.
He said he still loved me, that his feeling hasn’t changed a bit, that there was absolutely no one else, but that he needed time for himself, because he was feeling like he spent most of the time worrying about me, feeling like he had to guide me or something (i do not agree to that, because i honestly never asked him to guide me or to leave any of his activities for me)… And that he was way too tired of all the fights, he couldn’t handle it anymore, so thats why he exploded and realized he needed time for himself, to fix his own issues, achieve his goals and that he would seek for help on a psychologist because he felt lost, and that he needed someone to tell him what to do right now and that he didn’t know if this break up was going to be permanent or if it was going to be temporary. He also told me that i should focus on college right now, and use this ¨free¨ time to do that, but that he didn’t mean that i should stop thinking about him or he would stop thinking about me, because i was always on his mind
So, honestly, that hit me hard. Because i realized how much those fights have wasted our relationship, and i feel terrible because i feel like lately, all fights started because of me.
I told him that it was okay if he wanted his time, if he needed to do his own things and stuff… And that if anything changes in his feelings towards me, please tell me even if its going to be hard for me
He just said that he would tell me, that he would never play with me, and that he wouldn’t have me hanging there for a year or months, that he wouldn’t do that to me. He also told me to calm down and not take things so drastically, because he didn’t know what to do yet…
I swear im very sad, i spent the whole day crying and my eyes look like two red awful balls right now
I just want to know what to expect now… Im scared, because i think that after this feelings can totally change. And i know that our relationship had some issues… And im thinking that maybe he will be happier without me.
What should i expect? should i be prepared for a complete break up?
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I split up with my ex 2 weeks ago. We lived together, and the breakup was very civilized and I helped him back everything and we’ve been very friendly to one another.
I should say – I initiated the breakup. I have depression issues/self esteem/anxiety issues that I just felt like I wasn’t able to work through while I was with him, and that I needed to focus on just me for awhile. I do love him w/all my heart though and I struggled with feelings of sadness after the split.
He had left some things at my place and came by to pick them up (after two weeks) last night. I could tell he was nervous, and I admit I was nervous also. We were kind of chit chatting and I don’t know why I asked this, but I just had to. I asked him “do you still think about me sometimes?” And he said yes, and that sometimes he wants to tag me in a funny post he’ll see on Facebook but he was afraid it would be a weird thing to do. I said that was okay, and got kind of teary eyed and admitted I thought of him sometimes too and it’s been somewhat difficult to get used to.
This is where I need help. I don’t know what to make of his responses and I don’t want to look too much into them, so I’ll leave it open for your interpretation. Here’s our conversation:
Me: I’m sorry for getting emotional and I’m sorry if I made it weird for you.
Him: Don’t be sorry I’m just a little awkward at the moment and I’m sorry for that
Me:Why are u awkward?
Him:Because idk what to say and act haha haven’t had a break up where we would talk and not hate each other. Its still very strange and surreal for me for some reason
Me: it is for me too. Do u still have any sort of feelings for me? You won’t hurt my feelings, I promise, I just want to know :/
Him: A little I still care about you and worry about you and think about you
Me: I still have some feelings for you, too.
And then we both got busy as I had a friend come over and he went to the gym. What he said is so straight forward yet so confusing. Help anyone??
T. Karutz says
It means he still cares about you and thinks and it you but doesn’t want you to know how much because he doesn’t want to get rejected.