With social media becoming an integral part of our life these days, how can you take advantage of it to get back with your ex?
And how can you use social media to get your ex to reach out to you?
And how can you ultimately get your ex to come back to you?
Let’s get into the details…
If you want to have any chance at all of getting back with your ex successfully, there are certain things that you should NEVER do on your Facebook (Click Here for specific Facebook Tactics to get your ex back) or Twitter account after your breakup:
1. Don’t change your relationship status from ”in a relationship” to “single” status.
This is very important.
By changing your relationship status, it will be letting all your friends know that you two just broke up and attract a lot of unwanted comments and questions.
You do NOT need that!
However, I am not saying that just leave it unchanged even after your ex has publicly changed their relationship on Facebook.
There is an option on Facebook that allows you to hide your relationship status.
Please check that little box that says “hide your relationship status”.
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2. Don’t post sad love quotes or anything that shows you are upset over your breakup.
I get it that you are still feeling sad and depressed over your recent breakup or even if your breakup was years ago.
But, that is not an excuse for you to post sad love quotes or any post that says that you are still hurting from your breakup and still miss your ex.
I know what you might be thinking right now: if my ex sees that I am hurt and sad, he/she will feel guilty and contact me and maybe he/she will take me back.
Unfortunately, that can’t be further from the truth.
Your ex might feel sorry for you, but your ex will not take you back because of your sad posts.
It serves no purpose other than showing your ex that you are still not over him/her and you are weak and looking for sympathy.
Are you guilty of doing the same?
3. Don’t talk bad about your ex on social media platforms.
It doesn’t do any good if you are serious about getting your ex back.
You have to stand firm and show that you are mature about this.
There are many people who try to get their ex jealous by posting a status on their social media like:
“I’m so glad my ex is gone. I can now freely date whoever I want!”
Or…
“My new lover is 10x better than you know who!”
Not only will this NOT get your ex jealous, but it can also in fact get your ex to feel even more negative towards you.
When a relationship doesn’t work out, don’t just blame it on the other party for the relationship’s failure.
You should also reflect on yourself.
Did you try to work on your relationship and make efforts to communicate with your partners and figure out what went wrong and how to fix it?
If you could start all over again, is there anything you would have done differently?
Maybe spend more time with your partner…
Maybe create small romantic surprises for each other once in a while or maybe just simply tell each other that you love him/her every morning.
It’s much better to stop blaming your ex (even if your ex left you for someone new) and start finding out what was the problem.
Then think about what you can do to improve before you try to get back with your ex.
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4. Don’t stalk your ex on social media.
Are you checking your ex’s status update every five minutes?
Are you checking if your ex is online on Skype every day?
Or are you checking out what new friends your ex just added and trying to find out everything about this new friend of the opposite sex because you are worried that they might steal your ex away from you?
If so, this could drive your ex further away and possibly even jeopardize your chances of getting back with them.
Here’s why:
When you start to find out obsessively what your ex is doing every day, it will make you paranoid.
You will start to think of all the reasons in your head why your ex broke up with you.
This will lead you to want to justify the “real reason” why your ex broke up with you.
And if you start to get desperate, you might start to demand answers from your ex, or even write a letter to your ex to get answers.
And this will pressure your ex and make him/her want to avoid you even more.
5. Don’t excessively comment or like any of your ex’s posts or photos.
That just shows you are desperate and you are not coping very well with your breakup.
You don’t want to show that side of you to your ex ever if you are thinking about getting your ex back.
So, what is the right thing to do with social media if you want to get your ex back?
1. Exercise and buy some new clothes.
Make yourself look good!
Change your profile picture to show the attractive and confident side of you.
It is very good to start going to the gym and lose some of the weight you have been wanting to get rid of for a long time ago.
It will not only help make you more fit but also help you stay energetic and positive.
Get a new hairstyle and a new outfit and bring the sexiness out of you.
2. Go out and have fun with your friends.
Take a lot of photos and post them.
That will show your ex that you are doing well after the breakup and you are the same fun-loving person your ex fell in love with.
It also serves another purpose.
Seeing these photos might bring back a lot of good memories and fun times your ex had with you and thus make your ex miss you.
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3. Meet new people and go on a few dates.
Again post lots and lots of photos of you having fun.
Maybe some photos of you with your dates having a good time.
A healthy amount of jealousy might be of some help in getting back with your ex.
Remember, whether it is a guy or a girl, we get jealous very easily.
It might even prompt your ex to contact you very soon.
However, if your ex does contact you, you must be fully prepared for the call and not sound needy or desperate.
4. Post positive status updates and funny stuff you recently came across.
Nothing negative, even if you find yourself really missing your ex and feeling horrible.
Please don’t share with the whole world.
Just keep it to yourself.
No one finds negative people attractive.
5. Time to focus on your passion again.
When you were dating, your life mostly revolved around just your partner and you started doing fewer things that you were passionate about or completely stopped doing it.
Now is the time to start focusing on yourself and the things that you love to do.
Post photos or status updates about it.
When your ex sees it, your ex might be reminded of the person they first felt attracted to.
Your Next Step
Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?
You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:
And I’ve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:
And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.
But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.
So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not:
Jeremy says
Good Work on relationship advice as well as a good post. Thumbs up to the author
Lois says
Its been 1 nd half years now since i dated this guy then suddenly he stopped calling me i tried to call him too coz i quess he was busy with other things but no avail my thoughts was he has blocked my line then abt 3months ago he called me we both talked,laughed over silly questions n answers and jokes as well. Be4 that there was no other relationship btn us coz he called for a break up so we were friends coz he asked for it,everything was his intention n decision , fine without loosing permanently i accepted every decision that he makes
Now a time came that i started missing him more n more then this friend of him proposes to me at first i ignored his proposal lately i thought of it n i knew definitely it gonna work so i accepted the proposal one day we had a conversation n this guy asked me what happened btn me n my ex i told him nothing he asked me his name n i mentioned it one thing was he didn’t know i was dating his friend but i knew he was my exboy’s friend so he went to my ex n ask if he knows me coz he thought i was telling lies.
Infact i have never received an early(I mean call in the early morning) call from my ex ever since we became friends so i hurriedly picked up the call then the questions followed .
” did u know someone called this n i said yes then i asked him why he said nothing i asked again are u sure he replied yes ” I was so desperate to hear what he could have said coz he is a type of guy who find it difficult to complain abt this n comments making n others but since he insist on saying nothing i said okay if u say so, a month later he called n ask if i can make up on meeting him i said no problem we fixed the time n everything from there he started calling me by his friend’s name so i thought of calling him to figure out something n hei he asked me if i want to know why he called for the break up i said yes so he started ” u were nt having time for me n again we have nt been giving me chance to do whatever that he wanna do but trust me we both were having fun times past but i accepted it all n he started talking abt his new girl i kept quite n listened to him coz i knew he was up to something .
Now he just confesses that he love me but saying i love you is nothing much better i thought now my problem is i want him to forget abt the new girl n get back to me permanently.
Guia da Reconquista Perfeira says
I never thought to do that. I’m going crazy and I do not know what else to do. I’m very passionate. I’ll try.
mandy says
I’ve been dating a wonderful man for the past 9 months. I fell in love with this person and I always believed that no matter what happened, that he would never intentionally hurt my feelings. Unfortunately this was not to be, and he recently dumped me in a humilating way that hurt my feelings beyond belief. It was as though he became a different person! I’m still in love with him but i know that he is not right for me and that he will continue to hurt me if I try to go back to him. What can I do to take this pain away and to forget how much he hurt me? I want to move on but its so difficult. I can’t concentrate or focus on anything.
Mitch says
If you truly love him and he loves you then maybe after you’ve spent some apart and you still have those feelings you need to talk to him. Sometimes relationships need time to grow and mature. People get hurt all the time by others but if you two can mend the issues together then you will have something amazing. Life isn’t life without love.
jane says
We broke up yesterday. My ex boyfriend and I have been together 4 years and for two years it was a long distance relationship. It was difficult when we started the relationship because we were both separated. I finally got my marriage annuled after 2 years (we don’t have divorce in my country) and was waiting for him to fix his end. Since early 2015 he has changed, not calling much, etc etc Finally I found out he has a new girlfriend, 2 months now. It’s painful. We had marriage plans and somewhere along the way his plans changed (which was why there was no move to have his marriage annuled) and he didn’t tell me.
It seems he has always thought that we would never get together because of our jobs (we’re both professionals and have established jobs in different places), or because of other problems in our lives. And so he found another woman where he is now. He tells me it isn’t serious but the damage has been done. He chose her over me. He just gave up. He tells me he is sorry for hurting me and he sent me a message today saying that it may sound strange or untrue but he will never stop loving me. I know I’m a chump if I believe that, but it’s so hard to let go because I still love him. Though we had a relationship with lots of complications, we really did love each other and had great times.
After the talk we hugged and cried in each other’s arms. I’m so sad that it’s over. I miss him so much. I don’t know if I can resist it if he sends me text messages or would call me in the future. I believe that we are good friends too, but I don’t think I can deal with any communication with him as yet. It hurts too much. Please give me advice.
richard says
you should give up on him and go with the new guy your with or let him off andtell him whats up dont be a mean other people have issues as well
Angie says
Its been a month since I split up from my boyfriend and i miss spending my time with so much. We started off as friends over a year ago and one thing led to another as they sometimes do. As he has 2 boys I never really saw him the week he had they boys and I used to spend alot of my time with him when the boys were at there Mums just as friends. As things progressed we started going out more, but the problem being I work with him and no one at work knew, so it became awkward where I didnt want people knowing about us. I loved being with him, but ever since we have split up I hardly see him and I am finding this very hard to cope with. We are still freinds but when we have spent sometime together we have fooled about and things could of got a little more heated. I have really tried to be strong but last night he was the one to be making comments and have wondering hands which in the end I had to say no. We had such a good time I have come home tonite after seeing him at work and I am very sad because we had such a good laugh last night I want things to be the same they were. Any ideas what could be going on in his head??
Amanda says
It has been over 2 weeks now…I can’t seem to function normally still…I am down 12 pounds…and I can’t focus at work at all. I drag myself out every night with friends but I just end up looking and feeling miserable the whole night out. I was/am so in love with my ex. Like with nobody I have ever been with before. I seriously thought he was “the one”…Never had I thought that of other ex’s. He said he fell in love with me the second month we were going out…I didn’t realize I was in love with him until the 5th month and then everything fell apart at the 7th month when he said his feelings weren’t as strong as they were. He said he waited for my feelings to get stronger for so long and he suppressed his and all that time of suppressing his strong feelings caused him to lose it. He said he thinks the world of me and doesn’t think he will find anyone with such a good heart. He thinks it was all bad timing…that if we both were to meet now we would probably get married in a year. But when we met he wanted more and I didn’t. Then I did and he doesn’t!! Can someone really fall in love with someone after 2 months and then fall out of love a few months later? I don’t understand any of this. Two days before we broke up he was still talking marriage and took me to look at a place he wanted to buy. He hasn’t called me..we last spoke over a week ago and he said he is “very hopeful” for us for the future. But I feel I need an answer now either way on what he wants to do. I have no closure and I can’t keep going on wondering if he will call and then just be upset when he never does.
Please somebody tell me what makes a guy do this???
Joel says
My now ex and I met on a dating website and initially talked for a few months on and off for awhile. Then we started to hangout and everything was going great, I asked her out she said yes we had amazing times together in the month and a half we dated. Both of us had been single for awhile and made sure that we were both emotionally ready to put ourselves in this position. When I told her that I felt really strongly about her she reciprocated these feelings and told me she was in love with me too and had been waiting to say it. I went on vacation recently for ten days to California, talking to her literally everyday non stop, with both texting and phone calls. She would tell me how much she missed me and how she loved me to death and we would talk through the night about our days, our pasts and where we were going from here. She even would break down and tell me how much she loves and how I’m amazing and that I am all she needs because she knows what an amazing guy I am for her. She was very sexual as well, telling me all sorts of things she would want to do to me when I come home and how she missed me so much.
The day I got back there was all this pent up energy and we had previously discussed about sex in vivid detail, and I wanted to make sure with her that we were both ready which was very scary for both of us because of our relationship pasts. I got to her apartment and she was all over me bringing me into the bedroom and making out with me and taking off her clothes. In the end we didn’t have the time to have sex because her father was coming back to her apartment which she just got for school after moving out of her mother’s house. We were scheduled that day to go to a family cookout of hers that was down the street and proceeded to get ready to go. When we were there things were great I adored her family and I was so thankful that I had found someone who not only loved my family but I loved hers. She suddenly pulled me to the side and said to me in a quite exasperated tone that she felt that the relationship ” didn’t give her the intensity that she felt she would feel up to this point” and that she” trusts herself to know where her heart lies and that she felt it would be the best to tell me now because it was bothering her.”
I was incredibly shocked, literally an hour before she was all over me and telling me how she couldn’t wait to have sex with me later that night. And an hour later she was in tears saying how sorry she was and how awful she felt to be breaking my heart, and proceeded to drive me home. Apart from feeling humiliated by being ushered away in front of her family I felt heartsick because it made no sense to me. She cried the whole way to my house telling me how sick she feels with what she’s just told me and everything and how she still loves me and cares for me but this is the best thing in the long run. She claimed that she wouldn’t blame me for hating her or never talking to me again and all that stuff that makes you feel even worse.
Today we talked on the phone and I told her I understand her decision and I wish to god I had been given a chance to make things right and work through any self doubt she may have had because to be honest it didn’t line up with all the honesty and signals the entire week before and the day of. She told me that we both need time to heal and that she misses me too but she will always have love for me and care for me and that I should give her a week or so to get settled in at school before she contacts me again to see how we’re both doing.
I feel absolutely devastated even though I know it will pass in time, but I miss her and I miss having her as my friend to talk to and tell about my day and wake up to with her texts and everything that us both feel safe. I just want some understanding and to know if there’s any chance of salvaging feelings.
Nicholas says
My long story short:
-Dated a girl for 2 and a half years.
-All was well until she admitted into having a crush with another guy a year into our relationship
-Things went downhill as her talking to this guy made me super protective (which she didnt like )
-Had many arguments but always forgave each other in the mornings
-She breaks up with me out of the blue
-She dates the other guy 2 weeks later
-I begin crying, pleading and begging her back for two months
-She said to leave her alone and became VERY harsh and bitter towards me
-Decided to stop begging and go no contact (exactly a week ago)
Basically, I have ignored her 5 times (she asked if I wanted some of my stuff back)
But today, exactly a week since I last contacted her , she texted me at around 5 am telling me that she misses talking to me and that she had a dream about me and that she feels really bad for hurting me.
The text is as follows:
“Hey! I miss talking to you no matter how mad you make me and how annoyed I get of you sometimes I miss talking to you!!”
&
“And I really miss talking to you, you’ve done nothing to me and I feel like I’m gonna cry cuz I’m so stupid”
&
“Idk why I break relationships with people so harshly.. First Ahtziri, then you. I know it’s wrong to hurt someone like Ive done, but I really don’t know how to say goodbye. I just had a dream about you both and now I’m
In a ****ty mood because why do I do that to people I care about.. I thought it would be easier to just break all ties with you because im going to college and I thought it would be easier to break ties with Ahtziri because we went to diff schools but truth is I miss you both”
If you were wondering, “Ahtziri” used to be her best friend until a big fight broke them apart.
I still love her very much. And I am trying everything to get her back.
But I do not want to mess up as much as I already did (begged for 2 months) & all of a sudden went no contact after she told me to leave her alone.
I know that I shouldnt get my hopes up considering that text might just be out of sympathy and not a message that she wants me back.
I dont know what to do. Do I respond short n sweet? Or do I continue NC?
Jacqueline says
my ex boyfriend and I dated for a year. He broke up with me the first time 3 months ago due to me getting into depression from failing my major (bright side, I got myself back into school studying a different major though.) I went LC, basically just talked to his friends about him, begged to him, chased after him and once I sent him a letter that I was moving on, a day later– he called 20+ times and begged. I gave in, told him my trust decreased and that if we both want this to work– we need to both make effort. He made a promise.
Unfortunately, I became more insecure and trust issues increased. There was no cheating involved, rather I had resentment over him breaking up with me and I took him back so easily. Nonetheless, we also fought weekly about silly things: my jealousy, overthinking, I know I’m so stupid. I feel like every fight I started, he escalated and it’s all my fault.
The second break up occurred when I was taking him to a surprise trip to celebrate our anniversary (he didn’t even want to go because something happened with his family that he didn’t want to tell me). I calmly expressed my concerns that he hasn’t been putting effort, which made me feel neglected and tired. I also noticed since that first break up I started impressing him more, doing more things for him to like me, which I think pushed him away…. Anyway, 4 days ago we got into a huge fight as he thought I was insulting him that he was being lazy, and wanted to avoid conflict. However, I wanted to make a compromise. We didn’t but we calmed down, made up, and I thought we forgave each other.
The next day, we were still both upset but he was still texting me I love you, how was your day, checking up on me as usual and then later on– minutes before I had to go back to work, called me, crying that he couldn’t take it anymore, it’s not me that it’s his fault entirely this time– last time that it was my fault, this time it’s all on him. This time I didn’t beg (I was too ashamed), choked up a bit (I couldn’t cry in front of my coworkers or customers), and just said “It’s okay… It’s okay… I have to go.”
After work I texted him that he should never again break up with someone on the phone again or during work, that I’m 10% angry and 90% heartbroken, how it’s my fault because I’m too insecure, depressed and should’ve just kept my feelings inside, or talked about it to my counselor (yes I go to therapy for my depression and anxiety) to avoid fights with him.
I guess now I’m just coping… I feel so ashamed, stupid that I gave him another chance. I keep blaming myself. I should’ve not been so jealous or insecure or overthought or anxious. I don’t know. I know the break up is still fresh (3 days ago), I haven’t texted/called him, immediately blocked him and his friends on all social media networks since the day he broke up with me.
He hasn’t reached out… and I feel so disrespected. I thought our relationship was special and I thought he was my best friend, but the way he ended things…. I feel so worthless…
shikha says
Listen you should not be depressed because when u live your life like you ever not live with him drives him crazy….. And this makes him to think completely this about you …..just try this n go out with your friends….. Show him your those sides that he never saw….show your bestest colours……. I know inside you’re dying but you should to be happy…..try to Live your life without him… If he do then why you can’t.. if he’s the right person…. 100%he’ll back…..if no then God saves you that you’re not going in wrong hands……girls are angels so we should live like that….good luck
audrey says
My girlfriend of 4 years & I broke up about 6-7 months ago. We still contacted each other & hung out during this time but we both tried seeing other people. At first it was easy to start getting over her but a couple weeks ago my world started to crumble when she told me how she had sex with someone else & she likes him. When she talks about him she gets the same glow I saw when we first started dating & by the tone of her voice you can tell she love her new situation & the idea of being with him. I know what you’re thinking.. “This guy is so selfish, he started seeing other people too..” I have found someone I like as well but it doesn’t feel right & I want my ex back more than anything.
Since she told me this information our friendship has been very weird because I’ve been telling her my feelings & explaining how I want to get back together. It hasn’t gone well at all.. She has told me she wants to just be friends multiple times, she doesn’t care about us anymore, & that she loves me but “not like that”. I still text her everyday but I have not been so pushy about getting back together. She responds but she’s not completely into the conversation & it just seems she is answering to be nice & not hurt my feelings when I would rather she just tell me to give her space so it didn’t lead me on.
I don’t want to give up on getting her back because I know things can be better. I just don’t know what to do to get her back. I can’t give her space because then she will get over me even more & like this new guy even more. I’m f’ed & this sucks.
Danielle says
My bf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We have had an on and off relationship for years and he always breaks up with me for stupid reasons and within months comes back. He says things like..there’s something wrong with him. He loves me. Etc. And when we break up he always sounds 100 adament this can never work and is absolutely over…
Anyway this time he is all over facebook. Hes put pictures up with another girl who i had a problem with during the relationship. Hes planning trips. Etc. So my question is why? Hes admitted before when we break up he acts fine even though hes not. But this time he seems to be going overboard with the im fine show. Dont get it.
Jes says
I had a tough day yesterday. I cried, I felt that my ex was the only one who I could have an intimate and close relationship, regardless of how much he deceived me.
So I unblocked him. From Facebook, phone, and one online dating site.
Turns out the minute I unblocked him, he changed his profile pic and deleted some other pics from his online dating profile.
I was just wondering if maybe this was a weird coincidence (him changing his profile pics etc) or it was maybe intentional.
Either way. I’m 11 weeks no contact, and it’s all been said from my side. The reason I blocked him and went no contact back in March is because he said he wasn’t in love with me and that I could start seeing other people if I’d wanted to.
Amanda says
My boyfriend and I of 4 years broke up 3 weeks ago, he left me because he was going on holiday for the summer with his friends basically is how I feel because I wasn’t really given much of a reason off him. We hadn’t spoken since but after that accident with those people on their j1s made me think of him so I texted him and just said I hope he’s doing well and safe. He replied saying he was thinking of me that day too and he was making plenty of conversation and asking when I’d be coming to America, then he kept saying that he’d like to see me when I fly over and that we should meet up for a drink and I kept saying I don’t think that would be best and I doubt it but we’ll see since its 7 weeks away. And he was like well I really hope so because I’d like to see you and fingers crossed. Like what does that mean? Does he miss me? Do you think he might be regretting it? Or is he just trying to keep our break up civil and not on bad terms? He’s been watching all my snapchat stories and when he heard I kissed someone else he was adamant as to who it was and if I slept with him (which I didn’t of course) and he immediately went. Out the night after apparently and just kissed the first person he could (close knit group of friends is how I know all this). I don’t get it is he jealous does he miss me? I’m moving on but obviously I still care for him he was sure a huge part of my life. Plus he’s been lurking on me obviously because he mentioned how he knows I’m doing a gym transformation when barely anyone knows about it. I’m seriously confused. Any advice would be great!
eliz says
My boyfriend and I had been together for 18 months when he split up with me. He is an ’emotionally unavailable’ man with a very complex relationship with his mother which ultimately drove us apart. I knew something was wrong a few weeks before it happened so after confronting him he said he felt like he couldn’t give me what I wanted (moving in, marriage kids etc) and that it didn’t feel right. He said it hurt him so much as he loved me and care so deeply for me and that he had never felt this way before about anyone (I am his first serious girlfriend – we are also both in our late twenties). I let him go and have had very little contact him with him since.
I knew this issue with his mum was always going to impact on our relationship. She used to tell him how jealous she was of me, that I was enjoying his company and experiencing lovely times with him (holidays, days out etc.) She made him feel like he was being ‘unfaithful’ to her by loving me (seriously the amount of psychology around this type of relationship is so damaging to him and ultimately to me). This isn’t something i knew I could even attempt to resolve so I therefore had no choice but to wave the white flag.
The other ‘issue’ he had was that I had talked about our having children. The problem with this is that I don’t actually want children. I was deeply ashamed of this truth and didnt tell him for the followiing reasons a. he wouldnt believe me if I told him as he’d think I’d be saying it to get him back and b. my not wanting a baby is contrary to my personality and character so I found it unnatural not to want one. Also I thought the issue here is his mum not the baby thing so i didnt feel an impending need to convince him of this.
Yesterday I decided to write to him and in the letter include two things.
1. My reasons and an explanation as to why i didnt want children
2. To tell him more than anything in the world i want him to move on and have a happy fulfilled life with another partner (one day). In the letter I enclosed an article which almost could have been written for us. It talks about the man controlled by his mother and the affect this has on his relationships with other women. I pulled a few examples from my experience with him and from things that he had told me about his mum – it just fit perfectly.
I also made it clear in the letter my objective wasn’t a plee for us to get back together however at the end I summed up my feelings which in essence where that I loved and still love him more than I can ever express. I told him he is a beautiful person and that I was eternally grateful for the time we spent together.
i posted the letter so it’ll be with him tomorrrow.
i now want to know three things:
1. Will he respond knowing my position on children as it was such a sore point for him?
2. How will this make him feel?
3. Do we ever have a chance to get back together?
Please, I really need some insight here, I’m hurting like I never would have thought possible..
Rachel says
My bf and I got back together 2 months ago and its been great. I broke up with him because he wasn’t giving me his all. He came back and finally told me he loved me and he realized how he was acting was wrong. He told me he is lucky to have me and he needs me. He has also pulled away from me last summer because he said he needed to do that but realized he messed up.
He has been having major business issues where he could potentially lose 5 years of work that he has put in towards a project. His deals arent going through and he has been very depressed over that. The worse part of it all, his business partner is his own DAD and his dad is the one causing this. That is whyy he is really upset, because it’s his own Dad. He cried to me last week BUT this week he changed. He told me on Wednsday night that he wasn’t in the mood to talk (bceause during the day a deal that was supposed to go through didn’t). I told him he was hurting my feelings by doing that and next day he did not contact me at all! Its not like him. On Friday I texted him and said that I dont know hwta I did to him for him to act this way and that he needs to talk to me because I am trying. He explained that the deal wasn’t going through like he thought and it dejected him for a few days. I then said I am trying my best to help you and make you feel good but you made me feel sick to my stomach by not contacting me. I also said that I am here for him always and I loved him. He said I love you too and thats it. On Saturday ( we always get together on the weekend, its been our regular thing) He FINALLY texted me in the evening saying ” sorry feel like being alone right now” He was very cold and short and didnt say anything to make me feel like its not me. I texted him today saying ” Thinking of you. Missing and love you”. He hasnt replied all day. I am going to leave it alone for a few days BUT how long do I wait? I cant wait forever for him to reach out. I respect his decision but he also cant leave me hanging. I feel like he will be breaking up with me or something. I told him i am there and I loved him and I havent bothered him much and will not connect with him again.
Its hard for me to understand how you can tell someone you love them and call them to vent or cry and then next day BOOM, you dont even have the heart to say ” I am sorry I love you please give me some space. All i got was ” Sorry I want to be alone”
I am very sad and cant get my mind off him and scared he will pull away like last year. The only difference this time is he said he loved me and that I am the only thing make shim happy. he also said he feel WAY DIFFERENT for me than last year. So i am hoping this is just a time issue for us…
Lisa says
My bf and best friend of almost 6.5 years says one day that he has decided to join the military. Considering the idea hadn’t come up in years, I was totally take back.. I cried when he told me. Once we talked he said “maybe the depression will stop now.” Over the next two days he was very nervous and depressed. My first instinct was that he was scared about making this big life decision since he had previously said he was afraid to die. He then continued to tell me that the thought of marriage made him uncomfortable (his father cheated when he was younger) and he cant give me what I want. That I deserve better. I’m a big fantasizer so I think my previous talks about “when we get married i want to elope” “look we should live there” scared him into thinking the future is NOW. I tried to tell him that marriage isn’t my end goal..that being in a happy relationship is. At times he seemed fine once I’d say this and then others he just seemed a wreck. Then after those two days of lots of crying and talking on both of our parts, he takes me home one night and I just knew. He said he couldn’t handle a relationship and he couldn’t give me what I wanted. I tried to ask what was going on and he just said i don’t know why im doing this i just need to do this and I need to be alone. I’ve always thought I’d be alone. I said so that’s it I’ve lost my best friend? and he said I’ve just lost my life. And he continued to say “I had it all, I had it all.” I didn’t know how to respond so I left.
We have always had a seemingly happy/ very rational relationship. I am not an aggressive person, so if something bothers me, i simply say it, never with anger. He on the other hand had difficulty but ultimately I could tell when I did something wrong and tried to talk about it with him.
Anyways. 4 days later he texts me saying he thinks he’s a pathological liar and that theres things he lied about and that I’m the complete package, that I deserve someone who wont lie to me.He plans to see a therapist. I simply responded saying I hope he finds what he’s looking for and I wish him the best. I couldn’t bring myself to question anything because I didn’t want to seem pathetic. I unfollowed him on all social media and delete some pictures of him because in that instant I felt so devastated and embarrassed.
Continued no contact with him. I talked with his brother who is one of my best friends and he said that my ex just seemed completely detached from his emotions and he hadn’t talked about it. The brother gathered all my things together because my ex hadn’t done yet.
So its officially over two weeks since the breakup. I’ve gone through so many emotions.. is he suffering from depression and wants to be in his black hole? has he lied about loving me all these years? was there someone else?
Before the original military talk, everything was normal. Looking back I’d say maybe we were in a bit of a rut- im trying to figure out what career path to take- he is out of school, waiting for his masters program to start in fall. Up until the day he dumped me he continued to be nice/ buy me things/ text me daily etc etc
He texted me last night saying he thinks he exaggerated calling himself a pathological liar. that he has a hard time saying what hes feeling. that he thinks he simply grew out of the relationship- not because he didn’t want to be with me or that he wasnt happy in our relationship but that he didnt want to be with anyone. he said he thinks he developed these feelings from holding stuff in and not expressing his feelings. he said he seriously loved and still does love me. that unfortunately all this could have been avoided if he shared his feelings. he said again he was going to talk to a therapist but that the guilt of what hes done to me will be around for the rest of his life.
all of this still left me very confused… he out grew the relationship, okay. I admit we needed this,we were very codependent and i now know I need to focus on improving myself. but in my head- why can’t we develop a new relationship? why can’t we love each other/ work through this all while focusing on improving ourselves. I’m a very open person and really try to work with whats in front of me.
I responded asking if he would be willing to text me for a bit no pressure. -with the thought that id finally ask questions like what sorts of things were you not sharing? etc. but then i realized he’s on vacation and figured id keep things light and later when the time was right talk about the serious stuff. We talked last night just about his trip- he responded to everything i said except the last text (which i assumed he fell asleep) then i texted him in the morning saying i hope he has a nice day with family. he responded for a bit and then stopped. This obviously left me feeling horrible when he stopped responding. I wanted to keep things light to try to show him I was fine. but now i just don’t even know if responding at all was right. he still has in a relationship and “girlfriend” on his bio on twitter.. I know it’s probably because he doesn’t want to hurt me more but i still keep looking..
I keep battling myself on every little thing. I want him to know how i feel but i know it will appear desperate. I want to talk to him more even just casually because i miss him so much. sometimes i know what the right thing is to do but then i battle myself all over again. In this time I have turned to my God and I really try to remember that it’s all in his plan.. but my anxiety just comes over me and i have a complete melt down. any words of advice?
sandra says
My boyfriend told me he wasn’t sure if he still wanted to be with me and that he needed time to think things over. I suggested NC but he wanted to keep talking. Since that one conversation, he hasn’t contacted me and it’s been 4 days…
On social media, our pictures and relationship status are still up.
Will he contact me again? Or will everything gradually disappear? This is so frustrating because he didn’t even give me a good reason.
cynthian says
My boyfriend and I have been getting into little arguments which then later escalate. A lot of which are my fault but I never thought I would lose him because we are in love. He told me yesterday that he loves me but is done. That the fights keep hurting him too much. I can’t believe I hurt him like that and would love nothing more than another chance to prove to him and myself that I will cut out my insecurities that I’ve brought into this relationship. It wasn’t until I lost him that my eyes really opened in what I was doing. I asked for another chance and he said he cannot do that right now. I asked if he is done with my forever and he said he doesn’t know what will happen down the road but right now he needs space. I’m lost, confused, heart broken. I feel like it’s all my fault and I don’t want to lose him. What can I do?
Luke says
I’m in the exact same predicament, I felt that this person was the “one”. After a few stupid arguments caused by me not controlling my drinking and blacking out. We went on holiday in September and she said that I had pulled her hair. I was thrown back and hurt that I could not remember. She acted fine for about 2 weeks after, then one day text me saying she couldn’t forget. I went to seek counselling for my drinking behaviour and started changing my ways radically. After about another 2 weeks of trying to get her back she said she couldn’t do it anymore. I was absolutely heartbroken, I only regret not sorting things out prior and maybe talking instead of becoming comfortable. I still feel so much pain and anger because I was the one who messed it up. Even tho she said she wants me and loves me she said she can’t do it. My head is a complete wreck I had been saving up for an engagement ring I honestly thought she would be my wife. It’s now been a week of no contact after I have tried to explain myself, am I right in thinking that her decision is final? Can’t honestly see myself giving up no matter what other people tell me, If she loves me so much she would learn to forgive. I’m in limbo atm and very low, but you have to be strong and any little bit of strength you have to keep your chin up.
Mark says
I dated a girl for four years. We met when she was 20, and I was 26 (24 and 30 now). Despite our age difference, we got along really well. Despite her young age, culturally (TV, movies, life) she is very mature and articulate – she calls herself a 40 year old woman in a 20 year old body. Emotionally, she is very immature. She has always struggled with her weight, has trouble talking to people, etc. She is also a huge Debbie Downer, and finds the negative in almost everything. She always speaks of moving away to a different city because she hates living here.
We moved very fast. We fell in love by talking to each other every day while she was away on a month long family vacation, so we were in love before we even kissed or had sex. The comfort level was instant. She was a virgin before we dated, I wasn’t, and that was something that always bothered her – that may come into play later.
We moved in with each other about eight months into the relationship, and lived together for about two years. She decided to go back to school (about an hour away) to finish her degree, something she was always planning to do since I met her, and we moved to separate places (another apartment for me, on campus for her) about a year ago, continuing the relationship.
Our relationship has always had ups and downs, especially on her end. Any substantial argument would push her to breakup mode, and she “broke up” with me about four different times. I put that in quotes as we would get “back together” within a week or so each time. She is definitely a “flight” in a Fight or Flight situation. Her mother (40 years old but acts 18) does the same thing with her boyfriend, so I feel like it rubbed off on my ex as a behavior. Emotionally, she can only handle so much, and if I don’t concede, she does off the deep end.
My ex had no working vehicle until recently (yes, for FOUR years), so I had to drive out to see her at college. Of course, I didn’t see her enough, according to her (always negative). That was a prevailing factor in our relationship – I wasn’t doing enough. She is very needy and constantly needs emotional stimulation, likely due to her self esteem issues. She would regularly asked me if I had stopped loving her, simply because I hadn’t TOLD her that in a day or so. My feeling was, after three plus years, she should know how much I feel and care and shouldn’t need to be reassured. My “lack of effort” (considering she couldn’t come to me with no car, I think it’s unfair to say I wasn’t trying enough) led to another breakup in the spring of this year….and another reconciliation about a week later.
She moved back into town over the summer (hates the college town), and again broke up with me during the summer, saying we felt more like friends than boyfriend and girlfriend. Again, she wasn’t getting enough emotional stimulation – it wasn’t like I was neglecting her. A friend of mine said I could have “lived inside her bra” and it wouldn’t have made a difference.
Assuming this is yet another temporary breakup, I let it sit for a while, and didn’t allow myself to get upset over it. A month passed. We hung out a few times, but I made a point to not try to be romantic. The feelings were there for both sides, and we still talked almost every day, but there was no “can we get back together?” moment from her. I wasn’t going to let her keep doing it again, and again, and again, you know? But, I underestimated her ability to find someone else, too. She was always the “no one is ever interested in me/hits on me” type.
She FINALLY got a working vehicle as she had to have one for school (a huge deal for her) and went back to school in August, driving herself to classes (same school) each day. She has also lost 70 pounds, which is fantastic as well.
Here’s where it all turns……
A week into classes, she is asked out by a guy a year younger than her. I’m sure she wasn’t the first, no would she have been the last girl he tried it with. She had just met him the first day of classes. Someone hits on her, and she jumps. They go out (remember, she has a car now), go back to his place, have sex, and she has been regularly seeing him and staying with him ever since. I find out about a week into this new “relationship”, (she didn’t tell me) and I am floored. I thought we were still in “breakup” mode for about the fifth time, and I’m flabbergasted that she has not only started dating someone else, but is sleeping with him immediately. She was NOT that kind of girl (easy), yet how can I determine that when I was her only boyfriend and partner before? Even though she technically didn’t cheat on me, it feels like she did.
I told her I love her and want her back, but no dice. She’s still in the honeymoon phase with the new guy. Thus, I start dating another girl, and my ex immediately breaks down and says we cannot talk anymore, it’s too hard for her to see me with someone else. She is also upset that I just found someone so quickly. But she is doing the same thing. We agree to take a break. No contact for about a week. She changes her Facebook photo to her and him (relationship is two weeks old at this point). I cave and reach out just to say hello, and she responds, and we start talking like we always have, but with our significant others hovering over like an elephant in the room. My ex keeps dropping hints about how she misses me, will sometimes say she wants to hang out, wants me there with her, etc. But she still goes to see the new guy, keeps staying with him, sleeping with him, all of that. Of course it drives me nuts, and she knows it. And she knows I’m seeing someone, and it drives HER nuts.
The relationship with the new guy is centered around the classes they have together. She stays the night when they have a late class, and occasionally sees him outside of their schedule. She comes back to town and works during the weekends, he has come to her twice, she has stayed with him about two dozen times. Apparently, they won’t have any classes together after December, so let’s see if the relationship changes.
According to her, new guy doesn’t call or text much, and she has to ask him to do things. She starts confiding in me that she doesn’t know if it’s going to work out with him, that she doesn’t like his lack of effort (remember, she is used to me being there daily). She also tells me about issues they are having in the bedroom (his) that frustrate her. I’m bothered, because she broke up with me for the same reasons (not the sexual one, ha, but lack of effort, not enough time together, etc). I tell her to sit down and talk to him about these things, but she says she isn’t comfortable with him yet. But….she’s comfortable with me. I feel like a security blanket. She also doesn’t tell the new guy about her weight loss, saying “I don’t want him to imagine me as a fat girl.”
I break up with my girl (definition of a rebound if there ever was one) and the next day (coincidence?), my ex has the sit down with the new boyfriend. He tells her he is falling in love with her, and now my ex feels “guilty” for talking to me while this new guy is falling for her (jury is still out on if he truly is – after all, she is giving him everything he wants and I doubt she says “no” that often to him). She says she is not falling for him…..yet. Considering how much she complains about him to me, I’m not surprised. Last week, I went on another date with a different girl, a girl I’ve known even before my ex, and my ex is furious, accuses me of liking the new girl all along, and to never speak to her again. I send her an e-mail that my door is always open if she needs to talk (probably a mistake), and that was a day ago, and she hasn’t responded.
It’s all such a mess. I feel like my ex’s behavior is completely absurd, considering how she broke up with me, started seeing and sleeping with someone else, and then gets mad at me for trying to date as well, as if the only thing I’m supposed to do is sit there and be miserable until she is single again. She will calm down and start talking to me again (saying I’m the only person on earth she feels completely comfortable with), but still sees her new guy, who she complains about to me. Any girl I see drives her insane. I also feel hurt that she is seeing a guy who (my opinion) poses no real future for her, and is doing the same things that caused her to break up with me, and is seemingly getting a free pass on all of it. And it has only been a MONTH, not four years.
I think the hardest thing for me to understand in all of this is how she, the insecure, quiet girl with only one boyfriend and sexual partner (me), can so easily jump into bed with another guy without even knowing him. And then continue that “relationship” and put a label on it. I mean, the girl I’m seeing now, we have gone on three dates and not even kissed yet (she is the same kind of shy type). Is my ex acting out? Why does she continue to see a guy she has so many issues with? Granted, she would have issues with ANYTHING, but still.
I’m not looking for reconciliation, but I do miss talking to her. I guess I just want to understand her behavior. She obviously isn’t over me, so why is she seeing and constantly staying with this new guy, and bend over backwards for him? I wouldn’t be able to do it so easily, and I don’t have the self-esteem issues that she does. What bugs me the most is that she acts like this is all so natural (“He asked ME out, I wasn’t looking for this….this is how it works! You date someone and it turns into something more as you get to know them!”)….but when you read this, does it seem that simple? Am I correct in thinking that it won’t last with this guy? Is she trying to get over me? I can’t imagine that she is seriously thinking about being with this guy long term. He shares a “filthy” apartment (her words) with two other guys, has no job, drives his dad’s car…..but she is with him and his place instead of me ($40k a year job, my own place, etc)?
My current approach is to just let it sit….even if that means through the end of the semester, when the relationship with the new guy will change (no more classes together). But of course I want to reach out to her, but feel that I will get a “we can’t talk anymore” response. But she has said that before, and I know she wants to talk to me, and isn’t over me, too.
Eh? I just wish some psychiatrist would just sit me down and explain why she is behaving this way. That’s what I want more than anything – to understand – because she is giving me such a spun version of what she is doing and feeling. She is extremely perceptive, and sees through a lot of crap, yet she is defending everything she is doing right now. She is just doing whatever necessary to maintain what she has with this guy, and I don’t know why.
Ashley says
my boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up. We had a great time together (at least I thought so) and I’m extremely confused so I just think writing this down and talking it out would help me. During the course of our time together, he frequently talked about me converting and I know he viewed the relationship as a serious one with all of the potential to become extremely serious in the future. He always spoke about our future together and about future plans with me included in general. We had a long distance relationship the first 3 or 4 months, because I was away finishing my last semester of college. However, every time I got to come home for break we would spend as much time together as possible, and throughout my stay at school, he called me every single day whenever he cold and we were always in constant communication via text or phone call. He was the first to say I love you 2 months in, and was my first love and boyfriend. When I finally graduated a month ago and moved back home for good, we were both extremely excited that I wouldn’t be going away again and would be back to stay. Things were great and we spent an amazing day in the city as son as I got back home, meeting his sister for lunch and going shopping. However, the next day began our biggest fight to date. It was over the stupidest reason ever: the fact that while he had a plan post college, I was still trying to figure out mine. He told me I needed to get a head on my shoulders, and was pretty cold about it, telling me he expected to see progress on me forming a plan and taking action to prove I was truly serious. He is the type to not say what is bothering him at first and takes a bit to get over an argument but I kno exactly when something is wrong. So, after we fought, we kept fighting over it for about 3 or 4 days and I feared we would break up all because I hadn’t figured out a career plan yet. I found myself doing tons of research in order to prove to him I was serious. However, I also realized this is not how a boyfriend should act. I had only graduated a week ago, and it actually was fine that I didn’t have anything figured out yet; many people don’t as soon as they graduate. For him to push his beliefs on me was a parent thing, and I knew that as a boyfriend he should have supported me and not made me feel worse when I was already going through a hard time. For that 3 or 4 days, I was an emotional wreck thinking things would end all because of my failure to have a career plan at the moment. He also said some extremely hurtful things during the arguments and was so short, I wondered if this was the same person id spent so much time with who constantly planned for the future with us and told me he loved me and was so affectionate. We went back to normal for the rest of that week, hanging out together (even with his family). I left for a cruise the next week, but beforehand he told me how upset he was that we wouldn’t even be able to communicate for an entire week. When I got back home last week, I turned my phone on to a text from him saying how upset he had been that I hadn’t been home, and how much he really missed me a lot. The second I got back home, I texted to him, to which he called asking if I wanted to go to his softball game and out to dinner the same day. We spent a great day together, had a romantic dinner and went out afterward. Someone he knew was asking us both how we met and about the relationship, and his responses included how he obviously had been waiting to date someone like me and how I was the person to take his mind off his first heartbreak years before. He said that if I converted for him (which I told him I would if things got serious enough) I would get everything. I look at that say as a blessing from God as our last great day together. The next day I had a meeting with a physical therapy department head, something I had been looking into. Basically, the head told me my GPA was lower than it should be and that I should look at less competitive programs. I took it with a grain of salt- I had been shot down, but this was only the first step. I was making progress by doing research and scheduling meetings. When my boyfriend picked me up from the meeting and I told him, he was very quiet. He even said it seemed as if I was in a worse position than before since I’d been shot down, which didn’t make sense to me since it was only a first step and I had more research to do and many more options to explore. I immediately realized this must have gotten him annoyed again, but when he texted me like normal a few min after dropping me off, I figured I was wrong. Later that night, he wasn’t talking as much and I realized he must have been thinking about the meeting. I texted him before bed and he didn’t respond, which rarely ever happened since he had always been so good about checking in and being in contact all the time. The next morning, he dropped off my laptop that I needed and I asked hm if he was annoyed to which he said it’s whatever (clearly that’s a yes). He was acting weird again, and that night I texted him asking what the issue was. He told me he had a lot going on and basically that he needed time. Obviously I was confused but angry as well. He told me he needed time and when I asked to meet in person to discuss it, he told me he couldn’t because he needed to think. He texted me the next afternoon, saying he would “let me know by tomorrow most likely”. When I didn’t answer for a few minutes, he texted back “you’re not even gunna answer me?” And “you not answering will make it worse FYI”. To me, it was clear I needed to stop letting him have this control over me. I told him that if he didn’t know right then and there if he wanted to try and work on things and be supportive of me instead of acting like a parent, he would know already and didn’t have to take another day to think. Long story short, he said so maybe it’s not right, that he had so much going on (which is true, but he always did, I just was no longer a priority) and that this wasn’t the right time. I ended things, although it was like he was urging me to. I never for a second even now would doubt that he loves me, but I don’t understand how things changed so fast all because of my lack of having a plan when he knew I was working on it. It’s been 4 days, and although I was devastated at first and upset, I’ve been getting better when I realize that he had extremely immature thinking and gave up on something really great for th me dumbest reason. When we ended, he told me he didn’t want to lose me out of his life completely and even that he was scared I’d say bad things about him. Was that really his biggest concern at the moment? We had just broken up! After it ended, I was the first to change my relationship status on Facebook, and was devastated by the thought that I might never hear from him again. I wasn’t ready for friendship talk. All I wanted was to text him paragraphs of the flaws I now realized but I still love him obviously and don’t know how I’d react having him back in life. 2 days after the breakup, he snapchatted both my sister and I a picture of him and his friend out that read “we out here.” Clearly, this is the first communication we had had since our breakup and it was for lack of a better term, a dick move. Why personally send that to your brand new ex? I opened it and didn’t respond. A few hours later, I’m sure after some drinking, he texted me. His texts read “I hope you’re not as mad at me as I think you are.” Then, “hope to be friends once things calm down.” And then 2 minutes later, “if you answered me I’ll leave you alone.” All I wanted to do was speak to him, but I felt better automatically knowing the ball was now in my court. He had broken first. I didn’t reply, and he must have been shocked. The next morning, he deleted me off Instagram, and untagged pictures on Facebook although we were still friends. By night time however, he had deleted me on Facebook also. I understand that if this was what he had to do to move forward, it was a good thing. Plus it was not healthy for me to be checking up on his page constantly either. I feel like the mature one right now, and would like to give it a few weeks of moving on before reaching out at the possibility of being on good terms. I would never want to be on bad terms with a person I loved so much just last week. Any thoughts on this? I understand now how controlling he was and how his actions made no sense, but the thought of him moving on and being with someone else right now kills me. Am I doing what should be done right now by leaving his texts? I know it must eat at him that I never responded but I have nothing to lose anymore. Sorry for how long this thread is, but I really felt I needed to get this all out there. I would appreciate any input or advice. Sadly, I love him and am unsure that if he came back, I wouldn’t turn him away. Anything is appreciated!
Nat says
My ex boyfriend and I broke up about three and a half months ago. Basically he still was in love with me but didn’t want to be in a relationship and felt strained due to living with his family/work/wanted alone time. Within the past three months we have met up about three times for sex.
The last time we met up was last Friday evening (6 days ago – at that point we had been NC for 5 weeks). I texted him how he was doing, he responded right away really positively. I said my friend had got admitted to the hospital so I had no plans tonight (true – I was honest just bored and texted him it didn’t mean much to me). He then pretty much asked if he could join me as he had no plans that evening as well. He seemed really happy and came over within ten minutes. Anyways, we went to dinner together and had some drinks as well. We talked and had a great conversation. I mentioned how I have been on some dates, but nothing came of it. He mentioned he went on one date with a girl in the past week we both went to uni with but that he didn’t want to date her at this time. He said that the whole time he went to coffee with her he was comparing her to me and thought of me after. Afterwards, he said she invited him to her condo and they made out and she tried to go further but he felt awkward and stopped it. He said that he has wanted to text me in the past 5 weeks but didn’t want to intrude on my life and has stopped himself from contacting me.
Through the conversation I mentioned I wanted to go to Greece or California for my vacation time in August as it was good for someone solo. He mentioned that we should go on vacation together, and do what we had planned before the break up. After dinner we went to a bar/club and drank a bit more and played some ping pong/danced. He came over to my place afterwards and he spent the night. I briefly remember he told me he loved me that night, but we were both drunk so I didn’t think much of it. The morning after he took me to breakfast and we went for a walk in the park together. He was holding my hand and holding my back as we walked. I mentioned how I wanted to go to the zoo and he said “I’ll take you to the zoo.”
He dropped me off at home and I said thank you for the nice time and for breakfast, and he said “I will be at the cafe all day if you want to join later.” I told him that he was acting a bit strange and that I had a nice time with him, and would talk to him later. This was Saturday morning.
Yesterday at like 8:15am I got a text from him asking if I would like to go to the zoo with him this Saturday or Sunday, and I told him that would be nice. He was quite excited and was positive in his messages.
I’m just not sure about what his intentions are. I am at the point where I am over the break up and I enjoy his company, still care about him a lot but it doesn’t pain me to think that we would never get back together. He is the one that broke up with me and said he didn’t want a relationship, used me for sex once or twice and watched me cry in his arms. Now it appears the tables have turned?… Maybe he sees me moving on and enjoying my life and that is attractive to him.
What do you guys think?
George says
Quick brief background: So my partner of 2 years broke up with me and went back to her ex straight away. I really loved the girl and gave her my heart and everything I had. The way I really found out she together with her ex was seeing them post pictures of each other straight away, which really hurts.
I have been NC for 5 days. I am thinking about breaking NC and calling her. I never got the chance to yell at her or tell her how much this hurts me or what she has done. I want her to know all this and to make her feel bad for hurting me like this and want to tell her she messed up a good thing with me.
Do you guys think this is a good idea? I feel like I have a lot I want to vent out to her.
joyce says
I’ve been NC for a while now, but today for some reason I feel like breaking NC. I don’t know why or what I’d say but I’m really struggling with the idea of just being her ex – it’s sort of really upsetting me and I don’t know how to deal with that feeling I feel like we knew each other so well that she MUST have feelings for me… I still can’t believe this. It’s been almost three whole months since the break up and I’m still in this stage
Timothy says
It’s been 3+ months since she left me for someone else and im doing ALOT better than i was in the beginning. The physical symptoms of a breakup have completely gone.
However everyday, for periods of time, i find myself obsessivly thinking about our past relationship and her new relationship with this new guy.
In my mind, this new guy and her have the most amazing relationship of all time. In my mind she constantly compares all of the negative aspects of our relationship to her new shiny one. In my mind, i am a loser and this guy is a king (in her eyes).
Is this normal after being rejected and left for someone else?
I dont really know why i should care, but i do. Sometimes you just want to know that there is something they miss about you.
If i can get past this – i will be completely over this relationship and ready to meet someone new.
If anyone could shed any light on my words, or maybe offer a similar story, would appreciate!
olivia says
I recently went through a separation/divorce with my husband of 25 years. Things had been bad for a while and the separation/divorce was my idea. A few months later a younger man at work found out about my situation and started flirting with me. To be clear: this happened after and had no bearing on the divorce. I was really hesitant at first because of my situation and because the guy was a lot younger than me. I am 43, he is 26. When he first started flirting he thought I was 30. I told him the truth but it only seem to make him more interested!
Anyway, this flirting went on for 10 months. During this time we text each other almost everyday. We talked at work every opportunity we could and hung out outside of work about once or twice a month. We shared personal information and even kept each other informed of our schedules. We hugged and even spent the night together once (nothing happened except a little cuddling). During this time we became pretty close.
A few months ago he got a new job. I was upset that we wouldn’t be working together but knew he was miserable and wanted him to be happy. I knew we would only be working together a few more months but wasn’t too worried because he was finally hinting that he wanted to date me and hinting about me being his girlfriend. He started to do really caring things and was showing that he was falling for me. I was happy despite the age difference because I had fallen hard for him too. This was a big deal because he had warned me he was an “emotionally closed off” person but I could see how much he was into me.
Well, a few weeks before his last day he suddenly stopped texting. It was weird but he was still staring at me at work, approaching me and talking about future plans so I didn’t push the issue. I did start to get a sense that he was trying to detach from me. I decided to test the waters and ask about us spending time together. He tried to joke and avoid my questions. When I pushed he got irritated with me and I ended up turning and walking away. Shortly after he found me and started smiling and joking with me to clear the air. I was so confused during this time. Felt like I was walking on egg shells.
His last week he came to me and had a short 5 min conversation. Generic stuff like talking about his new job and his upcoming vacation. I was trying to figure out if he was saying bye or not. He didn’t say anything that sounded like bye but he also didn’t talk about future plans. I didn’t see him much the rest of the week and did not see him at all his last day there. I kept trying to figure out if we were done or not since there was no formal goodbye, etc.
It has now been over a month since he last text me and over 2 weeks since I last saw him or talked to him. I am not contacting him due to his weird behavior the last few weeks at work and the feeling I got that he was pulling away. I figure the best thing I can do is give him space and not chase him. I do feel like its over and he will not contact me again. I’m so confused because he was so consistent the whole 10 months and was so into me. He had really stepped things up and we had gotten really close the last few months before he left. I found out today he had told other coworkers bye, had hugged them and had even written a few heartfelt letters. I am so hurt because we were so close and I didn’t get a goodbye, a hug, a text or nothing! He basically just turned around and walked away. I miss him so much and am basically depressed. I can’t hardly eat or sleep and don’t want to do anything. I don’t understand what happened. Any advice or insight would be much appreciated. Thanks!
ken says
I won’t go into the details of the breakup, but basically my ex of 2.5 years ended it two weeks ago saying she wanted space, time on her own etc…I accepted it and haven’t contacted her since. However…
…I re-joined Facebook last week after not being on it for about a year and literally a minute after commenting on a few things of friends I get a text from her saying she hopes I’m ok and if I’d transferred the money I owed her. I sent a text back saying I’d do it next week and then she responded with a nice happy message saying thanks and that she’d send send some tickets of mine over to me and that she’d spoken to a friend of mine as well. I replied with a ‘thank you’ and that’s it.
Then, today, I joined Tinder. I knew she’d been on it a week or so as a mate spotted her on there and as she works locally to me it was inevitable she’d see me on it….again I receive a message asking about the money. I responded to say I’d do it by Friday, but this time no happy message back! Coincidence?!
I’m not stupid enough to read into this at all, but it does make me laugh a bit that the two times she spots me on things she messages me!
myla says
About a month-and-a-half ago, my ex-boyfriend broke up with me. I was his first girlfriend (we dated for over a year) but I had dated before (we are both 22). He was bawling when he broke up with me and told me that it was the last thing he wanted to do, which I believe. He felt like there was just something missing/the spark was missing. He wanted us to continue being friends and even talked about hanging out when he moved to my area (he is now living in my city).
Since then there has been some correspondence, with contact being initiated by each of us 50/50. I finally had to tell him that I needed time to heal and that I just wasn’t ready to resume a friendship. He said to contact him if, and when, I was ready.
So here is my dilemma…I know our relationship wasn’t perfect and neither was he. He was stubborn, loud, opinionated, a bit socially awkward, somewhat controlling (falls under the opinionated), seemed to be scared of serious commitment (although his family believed in settling down at an older age), and immature. However, he was also very intelligent, loved to travel and go do things with me, compassionate, positive, extremely supportive, a hard worker and held an excellent job, and my best friend. Despite the negative traits I mentioned before, he was, and is, a very good person.
What I’m scared of is never finding someone who can top him – someone as supportive, hard-working, and compassionate as him. While he says he didn’t see a future with me, I know he did truly love me. Part of me also hopes one day he regrets his decision, although I do want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. I’m just sad right now and I miss my best friend. I’m also scared of being friends with him…but I posted about that another time and I think that if that is going to happen, it only will in time.
So please…can anyone help me take him off the pedestal? He was just by far the best boyfriend I have ever had (no offense to the other exes, they were great too). He just topped it, although I know our relationship wasn’t perfect.
Fiona says
I need your help. I am desperate at this point. My story is very very long. But to cut to the chase my bf of almost 4 years broke up with me about a little over a month ago. It literally came out of nowhere- smacked me right in the face. I couldn’t breathe, literally felt like the air was knocked out of me. He told me that he had been having doubts for a little less than a year but he couldn’t find the courage to tell me. He told me he tried to tell himself he wasn’t going to give up and that I was the one for him but more time took over and he just couldn’t live with the doubts anymore. It scared him that I was so sure he was the one for me. Keep in mind I was his first long term relationship and first true love. Our relationship was a bliss and we became best friends. We shared everything with each other. Nobody knows him the way I do and vice versa– so cliche I know but in all honesty it is the truth. We were so madly in love with one another. We were there for each other through it all- community college, university, depression, parental problems.. etc. Recently, the past year I brought up moving out and marriage. I was already looking at places and looking at furniture (yeah I know I took it really far but I was just so excited!!) I have a feeling he got cold feet and ran. The night he broke up with me he said that he loved me but didn’t know if he was IN love with me.. which is crazy to me because he was literally head over heels for me .. he also said how he cares so much about me and just wants me to be happy.. he said he will always be there for me and hopefully we can be friends.. (in my head I was calming myself because I so badly wanted to take a stick and beat him with it). I felt friendzoned– the worst! I then asked him why he wants me to be with other guys and he said “I don’t want you to be with anyone else!! and the day I do I am going to be extremely jealous! But I want you to be happy and right now I can’t make you happy.”
Anyway, he said he just wanted to be single and free! He wanted his independence. He felt like our relationship got to deep in the comfort zone and we let life get in the way as well as we forgot who we were as individuals (which is true, that I will admit). However, I laughed about the comfort thing because in my opinion I find it special when you can be comfortable with your partner but I guess to him it was a bad sign. He also said that he wants to be in the honeymoon stage forever, which I also laughed because I guess that shows how inexperienced he is. Everyone has told him time and time again that it is called a phase for a reason but he wants to figure it out himself. He asks my best girlfriend how I am doing and he tells her he misses me so much but he couldn’t live with the doubts. OH! and he also has told me along with our friends that just because we aren’t together now that doesn’t mean that we can’t be together in the future… he is just trying to figure things out and find out what his heart wants. The night he broke up with me I asked him straight up if he was going to date other people and he said (taking a deep breath) yes I want to date other people about 2 weeks later he is dating this girl (I found out from a friend) and he told him that she is like me in many ways.. and also that there are many things he likes about her but also many things he doesn’t… My ex sent my friend a text the other day that said “I miss her and sometimes wonder if I should have given it another try but idk if i miss her friendship and not our relationship.. all the small things we used to do and say!”.. I have been in NC with him for 16 days (some days I feel like caving but I tell myself that I need to have pride and respect myself and that usually does the trick for me as a woman to not cave and text him).
During our break up, which went on for a couple days because first we had a break which was what caught me off guard and then it lead couple days later to the breakup because he just couldn’t lie to himself anymore, it was so hard for him to let go but he had to do it.. breaking up is what he “needed to do”. I never saw him cry so much in my life. He bottles up his emotions and so being with him for 4 years I probably saw him cry 2-3 times but during our breakup, probably like 10 times. It was very emotional for both of us. He copes by playing sad depressing love songs on his guitar like “Dreaming with a broken heart” by John Mayer and he told me 16 days ago that he learned “Hold Back the River” by James Bay and “Mess is Mine” by Vance Joy. All these really conflicting signs. We made love twice while being broken up (only in the very beginning– I know, I know big no no!! But I couldn’t resist ) However we did and he told me that it was so perfect and magical! and it made him second guess his decision and he even asked me to go to dinner with him the next night.. but as soon as he left my house all those feelings and doubts came rushing back to him and he sent me a text saying we can’t have dinner until he takes the time he needs. When he was with me he was so happy and wanted to stay but as soon as he left the thoughts came back to him that breaking up is what needs to happen… he said he doesn’t want to have doubts… he wants to know! I think at the end of our relationship we got lazy and started taking each other for granted and the expression is right, you don’t know what you had until it is gone. I wish I could have a second chance to do things right because I feel bad but the same token he could have done things differently too. We just expected things from each other but the same time being his first, unfortunately, came with a price to pay! He is a helpless romantic and wants a love like a romantic book, little does he know that almost all romance novels end in tragedy.
Now, I am trying to remember if I covered all the important parts because I want the best advice possible, but I think I covered the main bases… oh, his parents don’t have the best marriage so that scares him because he doesn’t want to have a marriage like theirs and it worries him. Idk literally we were each others worlds. We talked all the time, saw each other very often and we were just so happy to just stay at home and watch movies. The night he broke up with me I asked if I could give him one last kiss goodbye and we did and I asked if he felt anything and he said “of course I do. You are so extremely gorgeous and I am still very sexually attracted to you.” So I know his feelings for me are still there.. he tells his guy friends he still loves me… It just hurts that I haven’t heard from him in 16 days lol LIKE SERIOUSLY?? We used to talk everyday.. it is so crazy how these things happen to the best of us especially when we think we found the right one only to realize several years later that they may not be…. I just feel like he gave up on us completely…. Could 4 years possibly have meant nothing?
Does this sound like a case of G.I.G.S to you?
michelle says
My ex boyfriend broke up with me roughly 1 /2 months ago. We did previously break up about a year ago, but worked out our differences and gave it a go. This time around, it worked out very well, except he began the same patterns as he did before. Blaming me for everything, never being home, etc; He moved out of my house about 5 months ago. He believed we were better off dating and living apart. I wasn’t happy with the decision, but since then, I’ve understood and respected his decision. I went through hell when he broke up with me. Always hurts worse the second time around.
When he came back into my life about 2 weeks after moving out, he slowly started coming around more. Yet he would make promises that he would do this or that and never really did it. He would always blame me because of my behavior. And yes, I may very well agree that I still held resentment that I gave my all and he continued his patterns in our relationship. He would stay the night with me, come over for dinner. This was all slow progress. He would ask to take showers at my place because the place he was staying was very dirty and he hated it. He was slowly leaving his clothes at my place again, including some belongings. He would always make excuses when he didn’t come over. Or, he wouldn’t let me know what was going on at all. He just left me hanging when we had plans. He officially broke it off with me in April, that was it. He didn’t want anything to do with me. In fact, he hated me. We got into a big argument that night he broke it off. After having to deal with cops, his friends giving me dirty looks and basically feeling alienated in my own town I live, we exchanged some very hurtful words to each other. I’ve asked him to pick up his mail multiple times. I sent his mother the first set of mail that he wouldn’t grab. I told him I was leaving it on the table on the patio and I wouldn’t be home so that he wouldn’t have to see me. I told him I could send it to his mom if that works better. He replied with “No I want to say hi.” He never showed. Per usual. I’ve been asking him over the course of this week and last week to pick up his stuff. Nothing. Yesterday morning I had had enough. I’ve literally done everything for this guy and have bent over backwards to do anything and everything for him. I won’t get into that, because it will be a novel. Last week he told me “I have nothing. No home. I’m sorry my life is a mess. I’m not responsible.” He chose to leave me and live in a small bedroom in a clubhouse. That wasn’t my fault.
Yesterday, I basically told him that I’m closing the door forever. His mail is being sent back. That I don’t want him back in my life and he needs to leave me alone. He replied with “I’m not ignoring you. I’m just busy. I’m sorry. Can I call you in a bit?” A few seconds after that message, he friended me on Facebook. I was blocked for months, even with us being together. My heart sank and I started crying because I knew that this was bound to be more hurt than good, but I accepted it anyway. I asked him why he wanted to talk to me. He claimed I was crazy, bad mouthed me to his friends, etc; I’m just his past. Why? He told me “Why must you make things more than what they are?” *shrug* I don’t know? I don’t understand any of this. He apologized for everything he did to me, said he forgives me and doesn’t hate me. I told him, “I’m a terrible person, remember? That’s what you called me.” To which he replied, “No you’re not.” And that was that. I have no idea what this means. I don’t know if I’m reading too much into it. I”m entirely confused.
becky says
Long story short, I dated a wonderful guy for a little over a year. I was his first girlfriend but I had dated before (we are both in our early twenties). Early on in our relationship I expressed concerns about getting pregnant which he totally understood. In fact, he even started buying condoms for us to use when we were fooling around (handjobs, etc.). Side note, we were/are both virgins. Halfway through the relationship I told him I was having thoughts about wanting us to have sex, but he never really pressed for it. During the breakup I asked him if it was because we didn’t have sex, but he told me that he had decided at some point not to have sex because we were missing a connection/a spark. I know sometimes he felt like I wasn’t physical/cuddly enough for him, but even a few weeks before we broke up we were very intimate, and actually, didn’t use a condom for fooling around during that time or several other times.
We ended up breaking up because he felt that we were missing the spark. It was awful, and he was crying incredibly hard when he ended it. I actually even had to comfort him. He said he just didn’t see a future with us. I guess what I’m getting at is…do you think my original fear of getting pregnant was silly and it hurt our relationship? We fooled around a lot during our relationship but I know sometimes he felt like it still wasn’t enough. Or do you think it was just genuinely he didn’t feel the spark? Judging by his reaction (the crying, him reaching out to me post-breakup to talk, etc.) I think it was just the spark…but I think I’m in the self-blame game stage.
kate says
I know this is going to sound sketchy because we started dating when we were 14. We made it all through high school, but I never thought we would because we were just kids. Then I thought we would break up and go our separate ways come college, but we decided to try and make it work. He moved 8 hours away from me. We talked every day and I visited him twice when he wasn’t home on breaks. It was hard, but we made it. It was after that first year of college that I realized I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He’s the best friend I ever had and I always had fun with him. We never had a single fight, which I know people say is bad, but I really just never got mad at him. I would tell him if I was annoyed with him about something, but I never had to raise my voice at him. I was so happy and he was too. We even went on a trip to DC together last summer, just the two of us. People said that would be a test to see if we could really stand to be around each other, and only each other, for several days. It was a wonderful experience.
Then the second year of college came around and I visited him twice like normal and he would come home on breaks and we’d hang out. One night in November, the night before he went back to school, I got really sad because he didn’t seem all that into hanging out with me that night. I knew I was going to miss him terribly so it really upset me that he was “tired” and pretty much asked me to leave. I went home and cried and texted him accusing him of not loving me as much as I love him. In hindsight, I should have handled this differently. The next morning, he came to my house before he went back to school. He told me that he thought I did love him more than he loves me, but that’s because I have a bigger heart. He said he was lucky to have me. Then he looked me in the eyes and told me that he needed me. I felt so loved and happy after that.
We made it through the rest of the year just fine and happy. He asked me to move with him when he had to go out of state for his summer internship. I quit my job in my hometown and packed up my stuff. He came home from school the week we were supposed to move. When we saw each other for the first time again, we hugged for a long time like we normally do. I was so happy to have him home and we were talking about how excited we were to move in together. He even said, “We get to wake up next to each other every day!” and held me tight as he said it. Then about four days before we had to move, we found out that the apartment complex we were moving into screwed us over on cost and I didn’t have enough money to help him pay for it. He told me it would be best if I didn’t go. When I told him how sad I was about it, he said that he would be just as sad and lonely as I would be.
The day after we found out I couldn’t move with him anymore, we went up north with our friends. We were having a lot of fun, talking and drinking with everyone. My boyfriend and I were touchy feely all night, holding hands and hugging and kissing. We shared a sleeping bag and went home together the next day. On the way home, I started getting sad again. He dropped me off and didn’t offer to come inside, and I didn’t ask him to even though I really wanted to talk about everything. After he left, I texted him and asked if we could try to figure something out so I could go. He asked to come back over and talk.
We sat in my room and he asked me if I wanted to know the real reason why he wasn’t really interested in talking about finding a way for me to move with him. I said no, of course, out of fear. I asked him if he was breaking up with me and he said no. Then he proceeded to tell me that he “wasn’t feeling it” anymore. Then he told me to my face that he didn’t love me anymore. He said he hadn’t since that November morning when he came to my house. I believed him immediately because I never believed I deserved him.
What’s worse is he was started to like his friend who is a girl that he hangs out with up at school. He said that she helped he realize that he wasn’t happy. I’m not sure what he wasn’t happy about, though. He said that he still found my attractive, that sex was still good, he still had fun hanging out with me, and he still had feelings for me. So what wasn’t he happy about?
Is he just bored? Is he trying to see if he can find something better, and he has grass is green syndrome? Is there anything I can do to make him love me again? Honestly, after thinking about it and ever since I stopped talking to him, I’ve started to find it hard to believe that he doesn’t love me at all. I know he said he didn’t, but is it really true? I’ve made myself stop trying to contact him for 31 days. He hasn’t tried to contact me at all. I think he might actually miss me if he didn’t have that other girl to talk to.
I really just don’t know what to do. I’m in love with him. I have been for so long. I have gone on dates since our break up and surrounded myself with friends and bought all new clothes. I’m trying to distract myself and move on, but I don’t want to move on.
tony says
My fiance of 1year (weve been dating 3 and living together for 2) left me exactly a week ago today. We were in a long distance relationship for 7months before i moved and started working fof her father to be closer to her. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but mostly only good times. The problem came when i was offered an amazing job 2hours away to earn 3times what her father paid me. Thinking of the future, where i could earn enough to give us everything we would ever want, i took the job. This didnt sit well with her. She sees it as she wasnt enough to keep me there and in a drunken stupor( she never drinks) left me after saying some incredibly horrible things. So i packed everything i would need, left the furniture and our cats there and moved. Went NC and within 2 days received a TON of msgs. Everything from how sorry she was for everything she said to anger filled msgs stating that she would never be enough for me. One night she phoned, telling me how rough its been for her the last few days. We’ve started talking the last 3days, but im afraid its hurting me more than actually helping. Shes coming through next weekend so we can sit and talk face ti face. Herein lies my dilemma. I know she misses me, that much she has said and i miss her. we were getting married in a year for gods sake! But im not so sure if she actually regrets leaving me, or just the way it ended. She says she wants to talk, but i musnt expect anything, we must take it from there. Am i correct in thinking i must tell her that im going to be quiet for the next few days and well talk closer to the weekend? Since at the moment it feels as if talking to me is just for her to lessen her guilt.
Edit: just wanted to add that she hasnt changed her fb status. It still says we are engaged and hasnt tried getting rid of anything of mine at our house.
jessica says
My ex boyfriend of a little over a year broke up with me about 2 months ago. We broke up because I was too clingy which caused fights, but he had severe issues as well, such as having anxiety attacks after every fight which caused monumental fights over nothing. Anyway, the REASON for breaking up was a little sudden for me. He came over and said he only saw me as a friend and had no feelings for me. It was a surprise considering just a month before that, he made me a BOOK about how much he loved me. This guy has never had a serious relationship before, and he’s 23 years old and emotionally imbalanced. I found it hard to believe his feelings just up and left after a big fight. But I took it with my head held high and didn’t cry or beg for him back.
Last night, I went out with some friends to a bar. He was there, and that was the first time I saw him there since the break up. He was with his own friends, and I was with mine. I had a guy friend there that was being flirtatious the entire night, and at one point we even shared a small kiss. My other friend noticed that my ex saw, and he was absolutely livid. He had the whole “big eyes, pursed lips” look and even stomped away. I was just confused. This guy has been sleeping with another girl, I’m not sure how often, and she’s engaged and sleeps with several other men as well. I never threw a fit about that, and I’m just confused as to why he would be upset if he broke up with me saying he doesn’t have any feelings. I do miss my ex, and a part of me wants him back so badly, but not who he is now, because I feel as if he isn’t taking this time apart to mature and grow, where as I am trying my best to fix my flaws and grow as a person. Any advice onto why my ex would act like this? It’s hard to believe he meant what he said and that he doesn’t think about me or care at all
Jane says
My fiancé and I had a very stupid fight which ended up in him telling me the following: “This relationship is already so sh*t. I don’t think we should stay in touch anymore. I’m going to shut off my phone and just remember that you’re the worst person I’ve ever met in my life. You ruined me. Congratulations for the life you’ve chosen for yourself, you selfish person.” I stayed silent and didn’t say anything at all. Which infuriated him even more to which he said “of course, you’re gonna stay quiet as usual. Shows how much you care! Go ahead and break off this stupid engagement!” And then he hung up the phone. It’s been two days since the fight and he hasn’t contacted me since. I called him last night in hopes of determining whether we’re actually over or not? But he didn’t pick up.
Lola says
My bf broke up with me about 3 weeks ago. We have had an on and off relationship for years and he always breaks up with me for stupid reasons and within months comes back. He says things like..there’s something wrong with him. He loves me. Etc. And when we break up he always sounds 100 adament this can never work and is absolutely over…
Anyway this time he is all over facebook. Hes put pictures up with another girl who i had a problem with during the relationship. Hes planning trips. Etc. So my question is why? Hes admitted before when we break up he acts fine even though hes not. But this time he seems to be going overboard with the im fine show. Dont get it.
meredith says
My boyfriend of a little over a year and a half broke it off a couple of days ago. We were immensely close, but I could feel a shift in the relationship. Though I could sense it coming, it still feels as if a ton of bricks has hit me, and I am so devastated that I can’t sleep, eat, focus or leave my house. To make matters worse, he lived with me, so everything is a constant reminder of him.
Here is our story:
We met in October of 2013 at a local bar. I’m 28, he’s 24 (so a little younger and pretty immature). I’d say the first 9 months of our relationship were pretty amazing. We did everything together, like camping and concerts and a road trip. We went from partygoers to being perfectly content staying in to order Chinese and watch Netflix.
In July of last year, something pretty big happened while he was drunk, and to make it short, I lost my job as a caregiver because of his actions and how I reacted to him. It was devastating. But I still had him, so I got through it. From there, though, I began to see a different side of him. He is military, and the majority of his friends are single, and LOVE to PARTY. They would literally spend an entire weekend doing nothing but drinking and doing such incredibly stupid things that I worried he would be kicked out of the Army for his actions.
He has shown me a different side to him in regards to alcohol a few months prior, when he got drunk and said a few mean things to me. He was just a crazy binge drinker, and he started to pull away and want to party more on the weekends. I was perfectly fine with this, as I know his work is stressful and he needs to “let loose”. I was apprehensive at first, because I had done the bar scene around here and know how women can be at bars.
This created a lot of friction in our relationship. Before this incident last summer that cost me my job, I was a partier, but I grew out of this phase of my life (due to the incident, being in a serious relationship and just growing older). I admit I am an extremely jealous person because of a prior relationship betrayal and partying. I became accusatory and angry, but I had physical reasons to feel so, not just “in my head”. I was justified. I will never truly know if he cheated while out, but I have some evidence that strongly suggests he did.
Our relationship began to deteriorate slowly, but we were still fine. We began to argue a lot. He changed from being a caring, thoughtful guy to totally taking me for granted. I did everything for him. He stopped doing sweet little things to show me his love, and became cold and distant. By the holidays of last year, we were pretty rocky. On New Year’s Day 2015, I found something pretty devastating in his pocket, and we had a huge fight and he denied cheating. He left a few days later for military training and leave. He came home from that about 45 days later and I noticed a huge change in him. He was distant, didn’t really communicate with me as much as he once did, did not want to engage in sex or even hugs and kisses. I became increasingly angry and desperate to rekindle what we once had. I gave him everything.
A little over a month ago, I lost another job. I was depressed, angry, basically a flood of emotions. He was totally unsupportive. To top it off, I have gained a little weight from stress. I have to wonder if that influenced him at all.
The breakup: Last Friday, he stayed out after work for his usual Friday drinking binge, except he absolutely would not answer any of my texts. I became worried and texted him asking what’s wrong. He had been active on FB so I know he had his phone. I didn’t hear from him for over a day. I was panicked because he had done this before and almost was put into the alcohol program in the Army because of his actions.
He came home at 5:30 pm Saturday and was angry. “You’re not my mother!” “I’m sick of you accusing me of things.” “I don’t have to check in with you.” “I feel so tied down.”
I cried and pleaded with him not to leave. I left the room, came back more cool and collected, and he said he needed a night “to think”. Words ensued, we argued and I kicked him out for the evening. I had NEVER done this. I had always begged him to stay when he threatened to go. I felt confident that he would go to his room at the barracks, think of my strengthened resolve and decide he needed to put some effort into our relationship for once.
He texted me the next morning that he was coming to get his things. He made his relationship status on FB visible to himself only, but still had me as a friend and listed as his gf (I know this because it still showed on my profile as being in a relationship with him). He comes and immediately packs his things. Said no one has ever made him so angry since he has been with me, that he had wanted to leave for a long time and he doesn’t want to be with anyone. He wants to do his own thing. I cried and begged him to stay. He seemed determined to leave, but said he still loves me but feels tied down. He cried a little.
I have been NC since he left. I wonder, does he even care? We were in a very serious relationship, lived together, were inseparable. Then he gets into this partying habit and leaves me.
Do you think he will ever talk to me again? Was there someone else? Did he cheated perhaps and feel guilty? Did I mean anything to him? And why did he seem so conflicted (“I’m done”, then “I just need a break”, and keeping me as his girlfriend on Facebook) to dumping me.
Sorry this was so long. I just need some help here. I feel like the failure of relationship was all my fault. He said the main reason he left was because of my jealousy. I asked him what he would think if I had done some of the things he had done, and he said he would probably be suspicious.
Any input would be valued.
Should I reach out and try to rekindle our relationship, or is it hopeless at this point. He hasn’t tried to talk to me at all. Has he already forgotten about us?
Peter says
Well my situation is I was with this girl for around 18 months. We broke up around 4/5 months ago. I broke up with her due to a doubt in the relationship for me that wouldn’t seem to go away. She was lovely, kind beautiful, caring and would always go out of her way for me, almost submissive. It felt like she was too nice and afraid to show her true personality to me during the 18 months! I felt bored to a degree (I don’t mean this as an attack on her as I still value and care for her).
It came to light towards the dying days of the relationship that she had only been single for 2 weeks prior to us starting dating and also in her previous relationship her ex had cheated on her all the time and made her feel like ****. From the word go it seemed she was obsessed with me…needed me almost but at the same time afraid to be herself and in turn choose just to be submissive and hide her personality like she was afraid I would not like her if she disagreed or wanted something. This became smothering I think.
Anyways during our time together It felt so right at times and she seemed so happy whenever we were together, always telling me I was her world and she had never been so happy, that I was the one, wanted marriage kids etc… While we were going out I broke it off once 6 months before the final dumping (not a nice word I know). But we got back together as I really do love her but it felt like she had no personality as she was afraid to show it (think maybe her ex hurt her so bad she was afraid I would do the same if I saw the real her). During the relationship I was insecure for a period and (maybe two/three months) due to her breaking trust in a rather big way, I wish I had dealt with it better but she shattered my trust and I found it hard to get that back. Although she would do anything for me I feel I did return the favour…planned all our weekends away, always suggesting thing to do, meals out, family trips to mine and tried to encourage her to do things on her own and enjoy time with her friends.
To the crunch point…when I ended things nicely 4/5 months ago and explained why, the doubts that wouldn’t go away about us and how I felt I never got to see the real her etc… She could understand and although it broke both of our hearts we went our separate ways. For the first two months of the break up we kept in contact, had a few dates, sex, some great times and we both had hope…However after a couple of months passed something was still nagging at me that she wasn’t the one, some deep emotional connection wasn’t there. I blamed myself, telling me there was something wrong with me because I couldn’t be 100% about this girl that would do anything for me.
Anyways after this I did not contact her for 10 days/2 weeks. When I did I wanted to exchange things. I was met with a hostility, she seemed angry with me which surprised me and all of a sudden void of any love for me…almost hiding her feelings it felt. This hurt but I could understand she needed that for her to move on. Anyways, the next evening she spoke to me and said she hoped we could get back together and at this point I was missing her like crazy and it might be wrong but I found it comforting and wanted her back too. For the several days that followed she flickered in and out of showing the love she once showed all the time and being really angry with me, getting angry at just the smallest things, taking everything I said the wrong way and jumping down my throat. it was like she was trying to hate me. She said she needs this time to be alone to find herself.
During this time we promised each other we’d let each other know if we moved on (to another person)
Several days later I saw some photo’s on Facebook of her with another boy, nothing intimate. I casually mentioned it to her when we spoke again and she said he’s just her friends friend. Anyways, a little while later I phoned her on a Friday morning to let her know I’d posted her stuff back to her and it would arrive on Monday but someone would need to be in to sign for it. She went mad that I had phoned, getting angry and aggressive. Telling me she hated our relationship (although she spent 18 months telling me how happy she was and how I made her wake up everyday with a smile on her face). she then said I’ve got to go I have to be somewhere with ‘the guy in the photo’. I asked if she was now dating him and if it had started straight after our breakup (she always rebounds quickly), she said no, then put this other chap on the phone and said ask him… This hurt me and the other bloke was startled. So I calmly said, ‘That wasn’t a very nice thing to do’ and put the phone down. Since then I have been in no contact for 4 weeks.
During these 4 weeks I cannot get her off my mind, I do love her and would do anything to see her again. However I have tried hating her but I just can’t lol…I have tried blocking my emotions and I can’t, I have tried dating other girls, beautiful ones with great personalities but it just feels wrong. I feel so lost and with no purpose. Lonely I suppose!
My question is anyways: After being so in love with me during the relationship, not ever a bad word to say. How in the space of 10 days no contact can she have no feelings anymore? Why is she saying she hated the relationship when she loved me sooo much and I never doubted this? Basically why is she acting like she hates me when I never really did anything bad to her? Was I just a rebound after her ex treated her so bad, someone that made her feel good? Do you think her sudden denial/lack of emotion about the break up is because she moved on straight away?
I’m just feeling so confused and I suppose hurt because it feels like what we had was nothing if she is over it so quick (or is she just hiding it/putting her emotions in a box/moved on quickly to avoid breakup hurt) when she was soo happy with me and told me this everyday and I could see it on her face when she smiled when she saw me or how she would run to the door when I knocked or when I would do something for her and she would look like the happiest person alive??
ashley says
My boyfriend got really upset (PISSED) when I questioned him about him spending our rent money (that is due in a few days) on paying someone he owed money to that could wait until after rent. He walked out and didnt come back until wee hrs of the morning. He then started yelling at me (I was asleep) & calling me every name in the book and slamming things everywhere & splashing water on my face.
He said he was moving out & tired of me and kept me awake the remaining wee hours by playing the stereo & yelling at me that I was an as*hole, idiot, c*nt, b*tch, F**k you over & over. He said I am not to talk to him & that he was done. I left in the morning to get out of the house & when I came back, he wasnt here & his clothes and other possessions are still here.
Im really upset myself over this incident. He was really cruel to me and some of the things he said was very hurtful considering I treated him like a King.
I don’t want to deal with it when he comes home as I am sure he will do the same again until he vacates. Any advice on how to handle him & this situation? I don’t have family here & don’t have the finances to stay at a hotel temporarily.
eric says
I’m 31, she’s 26, we met in September 2013, moved in together in August 2014, and have had what I consider to be quite a healthy relationship. Sure we’ve had a few disagreements and arguments like every couple, and there have been challenges in getting her to open up to me emotionally which we’ve worked on, but the rest of the relationship has been littered with fun moments and security and happiness at home. That was frequently communicated to one another as recently as Thursday.
And then Friday arrived. I got home from work and she sat me down for an emotional conversation, and said the pressure of us living together was too much, she didn’t know if she was happy or as happy as she should be, and she missed the earlier parts of our relationship where we did more stuff too. I told her I missed that too, but I felt like with her being stressed over work and family (grandparents dying recently) she was often too tired and drained to do much, so that wasn’t a fair criticism.
It just seems she let a whole load of things build up, and now she’s gone to stay at her mum’s for ‘maybe a week’ to take the ‘space to work out what she wants as her mind right now is full of worries and fear’.
I’ve not contacted her since Sunday and won’t until I hear from her. I’ve let her know where I stand – and that I feel if she isn’t happy with things she needs to let me know rather than misleading me, whilst offering some suggestions as to what we do.
I am incredibly frustrated though, and feel incredibly lonely/upset.
Why didn’t she communicate better?
What can I do now?
ella says
my ex boyfriend finally texted me 3 days ago after being broken up for almost a month and NC for 3 weeks.. this break up has been the hardest for me because this man I love to death and care very deeply. His reasoning on breaking up was that he needed space and wanted to be alone, he had so much stress and pressure on him (work wise, family wise, self wise) that he couldn’t handle hurting me or confusing me with his chaotic life.
Few days after he broke up he did contact me and said he was nothing without me but he just needed space to figure out what he wanted with his life, he wanted to fix it all himself and didn’t want me to help him (I offered) but said he was put in that situation that he would fix it himself.
Once again, 3 days ago he texted me after not speaking for 3 weeks, he started off with “hey hope everything’s going well” of course i got excited and and instantly got butterflies in my stomach, 20 minutes later I replied with “yes, im fine thank you I hope you’re feeling better” he says a little but still stressed out like crazy but does miss me very much.
He then ask me to take me out to dinner sometime this week, and of course I reply with a yes. But is it a good idea?, I was actually starting to heal those 3 weeks but I was constantly thinking about him 24/7. was the invite more of a just friends type of thing? or maybe his way of wanting to explain everything?
btw the text didn’t last long, after I said yes. I stopped replying. I also don’t want him to think “he still has me” in a way.
Danielle says
My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. We fought over petty things, and his anxiety kicked in. He started getting anxiety attacks with every fight. We had one slightly larger than average fight and he dumped me saying he had no feelings for me and only saw me as a friend. It’s a little hard to believe that because he never gave me any warning, and he’s a social outcast and he’s highly emotionally unbalanced. He’s 23 and never had a girlfriend for more than 4 weeks. I stuck around for 13 months. Anyway. He hung out with a mutual friend, and out of the blue he asked about me and how I was doing. I told him I didn’t ever want to see his face again, but he is still assuming I will contact him and said “I don’t know what I’m gonna say when she contacts me!” He’s going out with friends and showing no signs of sorrow. If he’s over me romantically, why would he go around asking about how I’m doing?
I guess I should mention that right before the breakup, we took a break for about 5 days so we can get our minds together. We had a big fight that his parents were involved with since they overheard. Over those 5 days, he never said he loved me when I told him I loved him. But he seemed slightly optimistic we could work out. But he came down 5 days after we decided for a break and told me he doesn’t see me romantically anymore. When we broke up, I asked him if we could meet up in 2 months and see how we feel. He agreed, but then later that night went to his friend and told her space wont change anything. When he met up with a mutual friend and asked about me a week or so, he said that even though he knows I told him I dont want to see him ever again, that he doesn’t know what he will say when I contact him in two months. I dont know if he’s holding onto those two months, but I don’t plan on ever contacting him.
One mutual friend asked my ex’s closest friend how he is doing, and he said he is doing “great” and that he thinks I’m pathetic for thinking we ever have a chance. My ex is running off and currently sleeping with an old booty call that is ENGAGED, and my ex drinks more now than when he did when I was with him. I hear stories all the time of how drunk he gets, and he seems to be wanting so much attention from his friends over the smallest situations. It’s hard to believe he already moved on so quickly, and all of this just seems desperate to bury me, which leads me to believe he still thinks about me and cares about me, but he has just convinced himself he doesn’t.
It’s been 2 months since we broke up, and he still doesn’t show any sign of missing me or anything. I’m not sure if he still thinks I’m going to eventually contact him, but a part of me is taking his habit of drinking every other day and sleeping with an engaged girl as a sign he is subconsciously trying to bury me. I don’t know if 2 months is too soon for someone as stubborn as him to realize he misses me.
emmanuelle says
I was dating this great girl for the past 10 months. In that time we had a great relationship, No jealousy, very little fighting, good communication, all that a mature relationship should be. We travel together, and always had a full weekend of activities. Her friends and family all seemed to really like me and many of her friends would pull me aside and tell me how much this girl loved me. About 3 weeks ago, she caught me off guard and said she wasn’t happy and need space. The next day I was pretty upset and sent her an email while at work because she was all I could think about, where I pretty much said something along the lines about all the different things about her that I love and how relationships are something you grow together by learning from mistakes and becoming stronger together, probably a mistake on my part to do that since I was an emotional wrecked at the time, but I at least made it known how I felt about her so I don’t regret it. She told me that was sweet, but that I know how she feels about me and to not contact her again. I called her a few days later on Sunday morning but she didn’t answer. I dropped her stuff off at her apartment about a week later, cause I need all that remind me of her out of sight and out of my mind. Since then we haven’t been in contact. A few days ago she texted a mutual friend to make sure I wasn’t at a bar for happy hour after work that she was going to go to. I’m doing my best to move on since she hasn’t given me any sign that she still cares for me at all, but I miss her and do think that we were really good together. This weekend she is going out of town with a couple that we know and there 2 kids, I was suppose to go too but that was before we broke up. I’m thinking about reaching out to her again, is this a bad idea? If she still cared she would of made some sort of effort to talk to me in the past 3 weeks of no contact? Good Idea or Lost cause and let her go?
John Richmond says
The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our wedding for another man..,When i called her she never picked up my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from engaged to Single…when i went to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..I lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life
jenny says
I was previously in a long relationship (9 years) with a really lovely guy called John, he broke up with me in May last year. The very (very) short story is that John broke up with me 3 times during our relationship for various reasons (stress, depression and having never been with anyone else). Each break up I was left devastated. He was the person I saw myself growing old with, he was my best friend.
We were potentially going to get back together back in August but he kept flip flopping on me and couldn’t seem to make his mind up – in his words he wanted to be sure that he wanted to be with me and that he wouldn’t break up with me again.
During this time I had been meeting up with Adam, someone I’ve known for years (a family friend). I eventually realised that I liked Adam in September. I told John that we wouldn’t be getting back together. Adam and I started dating, John realised that he wanted to get back with me but at this point I had already made my mind up.
It’s now been 8 months, Adam is wonderful and I love him (I too was surprised by how quickly). However, during this time John has said he would still like to get back together. He’s explained that it was the depression that caused the third break up and now he’s better and found better ways to manage his stress he realises what a mistake he’s made. He’s asked me multiple times to reconsider or to think about it. Each time I’ve said I can’t as I don’t want to give any false hope. But of course I think about it, how can I not? The trouble is while I know I must love John I almost feel numb about the whole situation. I honestly don’t know how I feel.
I feel guilty because I love Adam but thoughts cross my mind like ‘am I making the right decision / what ifs’. It doesn’t feel fair to Adam. I do miss John, he was my best friend and I miss that friendship. However, when I think about us romantically I feel numb and I don’t know what that means.
I just feel very confused by my thoughts and feelings. How can you not know how you feel!?
Lilly says
My boyfriend and I were in a LDR for 2.5 years. We were so good together. We fought occasionally, but not more than most couples. We were each other’s best friend and did everything together. We loved each other’s families too and we were just such a great match. 9 months ago, we moved in together. I became “too clingy” because I was in a new state and that pushed him away. He was no longer happy. He had always said how he feels we are meant to be, though. We broke up about 2 months ago.
The only problem was, until I found my own place, I lived with him for about 2 weeks after the breakup. He has said numerous times that I’m his best friend, and he’s mine, and he loves me so much. Just last week he called me saying how much he misses me, he hates not talking to me everyday, but obviously it doesn’t matter since we are still not together and his words aren’t backed by his actions. He even invited me over. I said no I do not think that is a good idea. But I told him I missed him too. We were sort of talking and he kept saying “if it’s true love, we’ll come back to each other one day” and how he was thinking that now that I have my own place 20 minutes from him, we’ll get the chance to date that we never got to have (since we went from a LDR to living together), but he doesn’t want to jump into things right away since we’ll slip back into our old habits.
Then Sunday he was being offstandish to me and kept saying how he wants space, so I left him alone. It’s Day 3 of NC and I feel sick to my stomach. Yesterday, I found out that he became Facebook friends with his ex. They dated in high school and he was in a horrible car accident then, and she didn’t even visit him in the hospital. He told me before how much that bothered him. They texted a few times during our relationship and he said how they’ve always just been friends and reassured me that he’s not interested in her. Well, now they’re FB friends which tells me they probably text each other, too. I’m probably over-thinking things as usual but I am just so nervous that now they’re going to start something. She also lives two hours away from him so he would have to be in a LDR with her, whereas I’m only 20 minutes away. I want to text him so badly but I know that will only push him away more.
Laura says
I met a man online a little more than a month ago. When we first met, we learned that we shared similar past – childhood, marriage, divorce, and on-and-off relationship with ex with borderline personality. We could relate to each other and had a great conversation, but I felt little to no physical connection. So, I told him I was not interested.
He asked me if I liked our conversation and very politely how he could have done anything differently. His attitude was the opposite of my ex who was never willing to do anything for our relationship. So, I gave him another try. Another great date with great conversation. He was a perfect gentleman and a great listener. I started finding him attractive and figured my initial reaction had to do with being still mentally and physically attracted to my ex.
We started seeing each other a lot. We were both busy with work, but spent most of the weekends together, plus Thursday and Friday often. He texted all throughout the day. He was always sweet and said the right thing. I always dated my opposite in the past, but it was amazing to date someone who was very similar to me. Another virgo. I loved his attentiveness, gentle personality, sweetness, and CLEAN house. I really started believing in love again and fell really hard for him.
We started talking about taking trips outside America — we are both expats although I am now American and he just earned his green card. He even took a test after the third week and we went exclusive. He was so nice about it too and made an appt with a doctor right away. He also bought me an expensive electric toothbrush because he realized mine was broken.
I felt lucky and could not believe I met such an amazing person, my soulmate online. Last Sat, I had to come home to hang out with my friends. After we said a good bye, he went to a grocery shopping. He ran into his ex gf. They broke up two months before we met. He periodically brought up how awful his ex was and how nice I was in comparison to her. The next day, he said he did not feel too good after running into his ex. He was SICK for two weeks. The first week, I think he was really sick, but afterwards, I think it had to do with his depression. He was unmotivated and had low energy. If it had to do with his low energy, I would have been totally fine with him staying home and us doing separate things, but he said he felt guilty about not doing much due to his energy and ruining my day.
Apparently, this was one of the big issues with his ex. Giving him always a guilt trip. So, I told him I was fine just hanging out and making him dinner. That I just wanted to see him. He said he missed me too, but felt too bad to hang out. None of this made sense to me. I was not his ex, yet he was projecting his past relationship to ours. So, I told her our text was getting a bit unhealthy and made me uncomfortable. Honestly, it felt manipulative and reminded me of my ex – HOT AND COLD.
We usually exchanged texts all day, but we did not communicate on that day. The next day, I contacted him to see how he was feeling. We started talking about his ex and reaction afterwards. He said he felt OBLIGATION and PRESSURED to see me. I asked him if he still wanted to see me. And he replied that he WAS NOT SURE.
I felt like he was breaking up with me via text, so I called. We spoke and he said he felt EMBARRASSED and sad. I told him not to feel that way. I felt sad for him because I was single after a very difficult breakup and knew how he was feeling. It was clear he was no longer interested in seeing me. I could not believe it.
I went over to his house “to pick up my stuff”. He had a bag of my stuff when I rang the door and closed the door. Again, I could not believe it. After more than a month of CONSTANT sweetness….so I rang the bell again and went inside.
His ex wife cheated on him and got preggy. After that exp, he came to America and met his ex gf who was also apparently horrible to him. He is seeing a counselor once a week. He cried and said he FELT pressured. He said he felt very loved by me, but did not want to get into another relationship to please someone and to make the other person happy. Because eventually I would be unhappy if he was not feeling it. He said he was not sure if he could ever be in a relationship.
That was last Monday. I saw him again on the same online dating site. With new photos and update to his description. I could not believe it. How should I process this situation? If anything, I always felt he liked me more. He was all over me. Why sudden change? Please share your thought and help me understand this situation better. Did we move too fast?
lucy says
No contact 12 weeks now. Strict no contact (blocked everywhere, iPhone, what’s sap, Facebook, one dating site)
I’m feeling really sad and I miss him. I want to see a picture of him. I’m about to google his nick name. I have a strong urge to do this.
I decided to post here instead, and write here what I’m feeling, in hopes this urges will go away.
Our last conversation , back in April, he said he wasn’t in love with me. There was no indication he wanted to pursue any relationship with me at that moment. Moreover, he encouraged me to see other men, to date other men. On top of all this, I have a strong feeling he was seeing other women besides me.
That night I blocked him and tried to move on. I was doing moderately ok but two weeks ago I started to cry again everyday and to have this strange feeling ill never be over him, that he’ll be my shadow forever, a dark spot in my heart.
Then I thought, if I’m not going to forget about him, why don’t I see his pictures online?
ella says
3 weeks of no contact since he broke up with me over a text message. Struggling so much at how much he is blanking me, feeling like I’ve lost my right arm and after everything we have been through, through the years I find it so hard how he can be so hurtful and like he doesn’t care. Not sure how to deal with my feelings somedays. Suffering with bad dreams which doesn’t help as lack of sleep is making me more emotional. Any tips and advice
Marry says
We are seniors in college and graduate in 4 weeks. We dated 6 months. We started out really happy though he was worried because it’s senior year, he had 2 relationships in college that didn’t work out. He was worried because he has anxiety and depression and has this thing where he wants to make people happy to his own detriment, or that’s what he claimed.
We were happy through our spring break trip together, though he is pretty critical – he’s a neat freak and would call me dirty or disgusting sometimes even though I’m pretty organized. He also locked me out of his room one time because he didn’t like something I said. However, he was also really caring, wouldn’t have sex with me once when he thought I was too drunk, told me how much he cared about me and wanted me to be happy and be able to tell him everything I was upset about, planned stuff to do together, etc.
At the beginning of APril, he told me he doesn’t see this being long term and that when he goes out he looks at other girls and feels like he’s single but still dating someone but doesn’t want an open relationship because those hurt people. I agreed in the sense that I’m religious and he’s not and he was annoying me during our trip because I noticed at this point that he spends all his free time watching tv (including while at school) and we weren’t having the deep conversations I wanted to have.
HE later apologized for hurting my feelings and that it made things weird between us and spent two weeks telling me how much I meant to him and how much he cared about me, wanted to spend time with me, was happy being with me, etc.
But then he got sick with a cold/fever for like 2 weeks and kept complaining about being sick, wanting me to take care of him, asking me to bring stuff over, being depressed, refused o go to the doctor, skipped classes, etc. I was studying for the MCAT and felt really burdened and like I didn’t really even have a boyfriend anymore. He kept apologizing for his issues, for being sick, thanking me for taking care of him. I remember him saying “I like you more because you take care of me,” which was obviously a bad reason and I fel like he wanted a mother.
HE got better, but he snapped at me for not understanding something he said right away on the Monday when he started feeling better since he had misexplained something and said “God, it’s so hard tp explain things to you!” He later apologized for projecting his feelings onto me. We were hapy for another couple of days. Then we went to his friend’s birthday party. He drank too much and spent a lot of time with me but also kept touching another girl’s back. He said she was cute when we left, and when we were going home (he was kind of drunk and zig zagging), he blamed me for not looking out for him, for letting him drink too much, said I was bad at taking care of people, told me to shut up.
He didn’t really apologize other than thanking me for not slapping him for being rude, and when I tried to talk to him about it the next day he apologized but then blamed me for it, saying he was upset because I had supposedly “encouraged him to drink” to compensate for my not drinking. That wasn’t true at all, ane he was blaming me for his actions. He also interrogated me about how i got back from my friend’s house that night, where I stopped on the way, why, etc.
I was gone the whole weekend (this happened a Friday night) so we didn’t get to spend any time together. I had a bad week the following week because I had my period, midterms, lots of work, was worried about recommendation letters, etc. So I was coming over to his place pretty late (11:30) to sleep. I kind of joked around and laughed with him before bed just to get some relief from the stress.
I didn’t let him know i was stressed because he had said before things like “We can’t both be sad,” or told me it upset him that I was worried about getting into med school when I do so much volunteering and he doesn’t do as much. He has a low GPA and he’s worried about finding jobs, still doesn’t have one. He also started making fun for me for not knowing a medical abbreviation and stuff like that during this week. But he was also rolling oer in the night and really tenderly touching me and I was confused.
On Thursday he wanted to get dinner but I couldn’t make it since he asked at like 5. Thursday night we were laying in bed and he asked to get dinner Friday. When we got dinner Friday, he told me he didn’t think he could be in this relationship anymore, we weren’t growing together, the religion thing (I’m religious and he doesn’t really think deeply about it), this relationship was stressing him out a lot (he had been saying he wasn’t doing well that week, bit his nails way down… actually he usually said he wasn’t doing well througout our relationship because he has a bunch of issues IMO) and that was it. He told me to let him know if I wanted to talk.
I haven’t reached out to talk, I’ve noticed from his online activity he’s online kind of randomly throughout the night. What I”m curious about too is he used to rarely post snap stories but he’s posted two since we’ve broken up that I haven’t clicked on/ “viewed” but I could tell was him taking a walk around campus and another was a video game. Is he maybe reaching out for my attention? (or attention in general, he doesn’t have many friends here). He also has issues trusting people but told me he trusts me.
I’m still struggling to make sense of this. On one hand, I agree with him that we’re not long term compatible. On the other, I’m realizing how poorly he was treating me and how he seemed like he wanted other girls, and I don’t know what to make of that or whether to label him as abusive or whether he was just frustrated with me and taking his frustrations out because he didn’t want to be with me. I always thought he end of our relationship would be a discussion and instead he just did this. I’m not sure if it has to do with his control issues or him being kinda depressed and erratic or what. It’s also sad that HE broke up with ME after he was being kind of mean and I didn’t stand up for myself and I took care of him for a while when he was sick and clingy and whiny.
I keep feeling like I could have been more honest about my feelings or done something differently. I also keep wondering what he’s doing, whether he feels freed, wants to enjoy the single life, stuff like that. I know we weren’t compatible but we didn’t even talk about it and he made a snap decision when we were both stressed (which I guess was easier to cut it off then and he felt in control). Can someone please just help me understand and process this better?
lucy says
The man I love and who was the first person I ever connected with on a deep level broke up with me 8 weeks ago. An upcoming work move meant we would have had to move in together and he didn’t feel ready to take things to the next level (even though I did) and among other things said we need to find happiness in ourselves before in other people.
He seemed unsure and greatly saddened by his decision when he came over to break it off, unusual for him as he is usually fairly detached. He said he’s never been as close to anyone as with me and kinda seemed annoyed at himself.
We were together for a year, our relationship founded on mutual respect, friendship, similar values etc. The first few months were amazing, the rest not so much. Looking back I think the infatuation period wore off for him and he started being more his detached self, not putting much effort in, no more dates, compliments, plans for the future, anything to bring us closer together etc but while still loving me. It was frustrating because all I could think of was how amazing our connection used to be, but I loved him enough to adjust to the dynamic.
A couple weeks after the breakup I moved interstate to be with family due to being in a dead end job-wise. He texted wishing me luck, I responded in a similar manner. A couple nights later I caved and texted him saying I missed him a lot and that I didn’t know why this had happened to us. He replied saying he didn’t know either and that he was sorry but didn’t know what to say. I didn’t reply.
It has now been 6 weeks since that conversation, during which neither of us has contacted the other. I miss him a huge amount but have sensed it would be a bad idea to attempt to contact him before I am healed, although if he contacted me I would reply.
I’m a believer in ‘what is meant to be will be’ but our initial connection was so strong that I’m really struggling to fully let go.
Should I try to contact him?
Is it possible that since this is the only relationship I’ve been in so far I think he’s “The One” based on the amazing connection we had in the first few months, but in reality every relationship is like that at the start and what we had was nothing special?
(Also… he broke up with me a couple of months prior to this for the same reasons but the same night changed his mind asked me back and wanted to plan moving in together. If he changes his mind once maybe it will happen twice? Although going in the same vein if he dumps me twice maybe he’ll dump me three times LOL)
Really over thinking about this. Please advise!
Milind Monica says
I have been with my girlfriend ” HJ ” for over a year. She’s 22 and I’m the first guy she slept with.
We had the most amazing few months but I was stupid – when we met I told her I was 27 and really I was 30.
She found out my real age and broke up with me; I didn’t hear from her for a month and I wrote her a letter each 3 days and she got in touch; she said she was mad but she still loved me and to never lie to her again. Her parents were lovely and said I was good for their daughter; just don’t mess up again.
Since we got back together, things are even better- I guess I’m more at ease as not worried of getting found out and we have been so happy- we even went away with our parents now they could finally meet! We have been back together just over 2 months. It was our anniversary last week and we hired a boat and went to the river , HJ said she would never want to lose me and she gave me a lovely card.
Now HJ lives with her mum and step dad. Her father left when she was a baby and she’s always wanted to find him , ask why he left . I know a bit about this as I was adopted and she asked for help so I managed to find him and get his address. I said we could write a letter to him, do whatever pace she wanted. She was thankful she finally knew a bit about him ( even his house from the outside ) but this was yesterday . She went very quiet and off last night and I figured it was about her dad.
Today she asked me to pick her up from work – if we could drive by his house and then we would visit the zoo tomorrow after staying at my place.
She was very quiet when I picked her up and on the drive I tried to talk to her , tell her that she could open up to me but she wasn’t having any of it. She took a call from her cousin ( who doesn’t like me because I lied about my age ) and got back in the car crying.
I asked what was wrong and she said nothing; she wanted to go another day with her cousin. I was driving back and she asked me to take her home and not back to my place for the zoo. She cried again and said she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with me anymore; that she couldn’t get over the broken trust and she just wants to be friends. I was shocked. Things were great 2 days ago and she even asked me to come away with her on vacation with her parents his summer and gave me a lovely card saying ” she is nothing without me ”
I drove her home and she cried and said its best if I leave her alone for a few days. She took off the relationship status on Facebook and I’ve just driven home. I’m so upset. Things have been great, I know her and she’s been so so happy.
Maybe her dad stuff has brought up emotions , maybe her cousin was on her case, I don’t know. I figured I’ll leave her alone for a few days but I just can’t make sense of it.
Ray says
I’m 20 she’s 18. We have been together almost 2 years, she left me 2 weeks ago and immediately went into a new relationship with someone completely opposite of me. At first I couldn’t do NC, I even met her twice. I finally tried to get it through to her yesterday, I told her face to face that I don’t want to see, talk, or hear from her again. She just broke down and started crying, telling me she couldn’t beleive she won’t see me again …… I’ve almost finished day 1 of NC. What is her problem crying like that?? Her actual words were…. “if my new boyfriend dumps me I’ll be all alone” that’s made me so angry
nick says
So i dated a girl for about 1 year, she pushed the relationship really fast, I could feel she was closed off a little emotionally.
First 6 months was beautiful, but then suddenly things start going wrong.. She started contacting her ex.. of course I was frustrated
about that, we started quarreling more often.. we broke up for one month but then she came back, says she misses me and so.. okay, things were
good for a while. On New Year, i was introduced to her family, they were happy about us, and wished all good things to us..
After 3 days, i get sms from her.. She said that she actually doesn’t love me and we need to break up, but she wants be friends with me..
I was shocked about what happened, i really loved her, and unfortunately still love her..
Last week, i saw on facebook that she and her ex are both at vacation together.. Looks like they together again, and i am nothing more than a rebound guy..
I feel so bad, and i can’t move on, just cant.. i need some advice..
angie says
It had been two months since the break up.
Well the other night I did it, only to explain I had his stuff if he still wants it etc. And that we’ll sort a day to exchange belongings. All civil. He was grateful for me veing so willing to sort items. And we’ve been bouncing days off each other but nothing else.
The truth is that we haven’t seen each other since the break up. And I haven’t mentioned anything to do with it. He probably assumes im over it completely and hence being so matter of fact about his things.
Honestly I would like to meet him mutually just to talk and see if theres anything there now we’ve both had time apart. Either that or a chance to say how I feel about things. To say that i feel better, have grown from the breakup, feel perspective was given on the situ we were in but the residual feelings still harbour some hope for reconciliation. But im not sure if expressing stuff is selfish. And I don’t want to drop all that on exchanging of belongings so should I email thoughts.
Is it worth a dumpee putting such efforts in knowing that it could back fire.
Or leave it as a ‘but what if’ situ.
To live in some form of hope or having complete closure if they say no.
Is the only thing to lose is the last remains of hope for it?
Louise Hadley says
Hi, If you are looking for reconciliation, then you need to do it properly, otherwise it might backfire and kill your chances of getting back with your ex. First of all, never ever email him or message him that you miss him and want him back and still love him very much. That Does Not get him back. That is just wishful thinking and delusion on your part because you are expecting him to feel the same way as you do. If that were true, he wouldn’t have ended the relationship. So, go no contact for a while. If he wants his stuff back, he will initiate contact. In the meantime, just pull yourself together and work on your self-confidence:)
Eich gee says
Hello everyone. Ive been with my ex bf for 2.5yrs but we broke up for some reason i cant really tell. Here’s what happened, we’re both raised in thailand, someone in his family died so he had to go back to thailand for 2 weeks, he got very upset because of what happened. He was not even able to file for his leave at work in the right process.. When he came back here in US, i know he was still grieving so i just didnt care for the bad attitude hes showing, the next day after he got back we had a huge fight. I ask him to take me to work and he did. Before i get off the car i was asking for a kiss like what he will usually do before goin to work but he acted like he doesnt wanna give me one. So then before i clock in to work i message him on messenger saying that i f*cking hate his attitude i called him b*tch and i said he’s an *sshole for treating me this way and he knows that i cant go to work if hes acting that way and then i wished for him to die. And he just replied “im done with you, let’s go separate ways” so i realized it was my fault. I went too far for all ive said, i then said sorry right away and went back home 3hrs before my shift ends to just beg for him because i know it was something serious. I started crying and pleading. I know he’s problematic about his job too, he almost got fired because of abandoning the job for 2 weeks so i know thats one of the factors why he’s very mad. And then that day too he told our family that we’re done and never getting me back because im such a bad person. He’s acting like he doesnt know me for 2.5yrs. I dunno. I just feel like im dead . At first i thought he only needed some time to think about stuff but Its now been 37days since he left. I begged him for 8straight days and gives the same answer that he’s tired of me and i have to move on. I decided to leave the house 8days after our fight because i know to myself that he’s decided about all these and me begging and pleading so many times isnt gonna do any good but will just push him away even further. But why would he get my name tattooed in his arm 4days before the big fight? I know he loves me but everyone that i told my story to has been saying that there’s something bigger problem than my attitude.. there’s prolly 3rd party or stuff like that. im confused. He unfollow me on ig but still friends with fb. He seems to be moving on now with his life while i wanna isolate myself bcos i dont want him to see that im enjoying life without him. Im very hurt. Every single day im feeling like sh*t. I cant accept that fact that he’s never coming back. Im indenial. We we’re planning to get married on october but i guess its not happening anymore. Last time i texted him was 18days ago. He’s very cold like what i expected..called him 27 times no answer so i told him im not going to force him this time and just wanted to hear how he was. 2 hrs after he replied saying he’s fine. I brought up about our relationship he said he doesnt wanna think about that stuff right now he’s giving his 100% to his job because he just got it back so i said ok i understand, and since then i never bother him again. People be telling me to move on and they’re convinced that he’s never coming back but i dont know him like this. Before, he will just hug and kiss once i say sorry but i cant accept that this time is different. He wants me to change and i cant just do that. I mean if he really loves me he will accept who/how i am.. but i think he had enough of my bad attitude. And i take all the blame for what happened and promised to change myself just to make him stay.I still love him though. Im feeling the same amount of pain everyday. Im trying my best to move forward but its just not that easy and i didnt see this coming. We were so much inlove to one another. I cant unlove him that easy. I still want him back so bad eventhough im so hurt. I checked his fb just now. He posted pictures with other girls and his cousin, he seems to be enjoying it already. Please someone give me good advice. Thanks for reading
jimmy says
I shall get straight to the point, I was in a long term relationship which ended recently. It ended because of an argument the argument started because I couldn’t tell my partner that I was unhappy with my job were it was going or was not going. There was plans for me to move in with her and I was not sure that was for me.
I found the unhappiness with job and some other things in life rather consuming. It affected our relationship I felt, after the argument I told my partner how all this had been building up and affecting my ability to feel any thing positive.
My partner said she felt that what I was saying was not what was happening, She also said that she couldn’t keep falling out or dealing with my lack of emotional consistency.
Recently my sudden realisation is that I don’t want to be with any one else, that what I had with her was great and that I should focus on that and to hell with any thing else.
I recently told her exactly how I felt, her response was that if we were to get back together it would be because she feels bad and that this would not be the right reason.
Recently I found out that she’s joined an online dateing site looking for some one new, I’m not sure what else I can do, I sent flowers to her work and said how I feel. I feel sort of over a barrel almost with the dateing site thing we have barely split up two weeks ago. Would further pursuit of her drive her away?
mike says
I have changed so much over the last 3 months since my bu, I live more freeley (which I’m not too sure if that’s a good thing yet) and calm. My ex would always say that because i was stressed about my job it stressed her out. I am not sure if i should even bother with trying to reach out, but feel like i will finally be at peace if she sees how different I am. I don’t have that longing for her like i used to but there is still that mental block that keeps me from moving on…
Jonas says
So my girlfriend and I had been going out for four months and everything was great. We had our small arguments but we always got over them and forgave each other. We hadn’t seen each other for 3 weeks due to her family the last 3 weeks. I was always busy at work and she always had to take care of her sister’s kids. We talked on the phone every night. We saw each other a lot before those 3 weeks and were very physical and things weren’t very stressful at all. 2 weeks ago we started to get stressed but we were still making it. This past Sunday we got into a large argument and then in the heat of the moment on monday night i broke up with her. We texted till 1:30 in the morning though talking about why we were so mad at each other and still told each other we loved and cared for each other a lot and wanted things to still workout between us. Tuesday morning we talked about our problems some more and figured out what we needed to work on. She agreed she understood what happened cause sometimes she lets her anger get in the way too and clouds up her judgement. Everything seemed fine and we continued to talk for hours and then she just quit texting me. That was Tuesday night. I didn’t think I would ever heard back from her but today at midnight she called me exactly then and told me happy birthday very cheerfully and said she wanted to be the very first person to tell it to me. I asked if she wanted to talk and she said yeah and we talked for an hour. Is there still hope?
We were each other’s firsts. We never felt the love we had for one another with anyone else. We truly care about each other. We were both very comfortable with one another. We were even talking in about moving in together cause we just knew we were perfect for each other. Now I feel like there is no way back but on the other hand I feel like everything will work out since she is still communicating with me and made sure that she called me exactly at midnight to say happy birthday and talk to me for an hour. We laughed, and it felt like we were fine. I dunno what to do anymore…I want her back so bad. I know I just need to give her time and space though. Cause she said she would call me again and we would talk again soon.
Monica says
My child’s father/non committal live in boyfriend and I have been together for 7 years. Six months ago he started having a lot of panic attacks, at the time he was unemployed and feeling depressed about life. He began seeing a therapist and they put him on SSRI medication.
About 2 months after he started taking it, his panic attacks were almost non existent. I was relived and so was he, and he had just got hired at a new job. We were both happy. But about a month before he became employed, things between us started getting bad. Not just regular bickering, then make up sex like usual, but he was refraining from having sex with me. I’d offer him oral and he’d say no. He was detaching from me. I could feel it. He said it was probably because of the medication he was taking which is known to decrease feelings of love and affection and lower libido. He said he didn’t want to stop taking the medication though, because it was helping his anxiety tremendously. I understood and thought of coping with my new sexless life, when him and I were always at each other raring to go on a sexy romp. He has always been a very horny guy and I’ve always been active with him, so for me this was depressing.
After he started working, he began going through a very immature phase. He wanted a new car, a tattoo, to separate our joint checking account and get his own, even though we were living together, and wanting to go out with his friends at least once a week drinking. I was really upset about but thought it would pass.
About a month after he started working, I was doing laundry and found a condom in his pocket. Stupidly, I confronted him right away. At first he said it was for me, since I wanted another child and he didn’t. THEN he “confessed”. He said he used one for oral from an escort and this one was left over. He said he had a “lapse in judgement” and that he came before she could go down on him.
Weeks went by and all the while he was still being distant and going out with his friends drinking, not coming home until the next morning. I told him I wanted to see his call log and text history and he refused, keeping his phone locked and taking it in the bathroom with him. He was putting me through so much pain and not even remorseful, telling me half-hearted sorrys and to “let it go” already. Then when I told him he couldn’t use MY car to go out with his friends anymore he got angry and said he was unhappy with me and wanted to end it. He’s remained with his choice until today. But after he said that, he kept telling me he is moving out, yet not moving a thing. Then when he was asleep in bed the other day, I took his wallet and locked myself in the bathroom to investigate. Everything looked normal, all his time slips for work were in there, all was normal, check in times, check out times, break times. I began to feel a little relief. Then I looked in a deep pocket and what do I find? 3 “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms. I again, stupidly confronted him right away but this time he was angry. I told him if it was one time with a hooker why did he have 3 more?!?? he insisted THESE were for me this time, and that he really didn’t want to get me pregnant again. I told him he was an idiot because we had sex 3 times after that and we hasn’t used a condom. Also, he HATES wearing condoms. He did suggest it before we had sex though, which leads me to think that these MIGHT have been for me but I just don’t know. Before we had sex he would say,”we should use a condom.” And I would say no. BUT he never mentioned that he HAD THEM.
Then he admitted that there WAS NO HOOKER, and that a girl from work, before he changed locations, had showed him “body language” and asked him out to a bar. He said he bought that first condom for her “just in case anything happened.” But that he “didn’t” end up having sex with her because she was “sleazy” because she had admitted to dating a black guy before.
So according to him, the first condom was never used, the last 3 were for me. I have no PROOF he cheated, but I can feel it in my bones. I am going crazy because I don’t know who it could be. He swears up and down he isn’t seeing anyone and calls me on all his breaks, comes straight home after work too. All his time in/time out receipts match up and sound right, so I know he hasn’t been skipping work or clicking out late or early. I’m just so pissed. He says he isn’t in love with me anymore and that he doesn’t want to try because ill never trust him again, and he’s right, but of course I still LOVE him. It’s awful. He’s been part of my life since I was 17 years old. He was my best friend, my family. He was NEVER like this before and just like that he flipped and my whole world came crashing down. I told him I will surrender all hope for reconciliation if he would just tell me the 100% TRUTH and he says he has. He’s sticking to what he said. But I don’t believe him.
I need closure, this is such a big loss for me. I’m not just losing a boyfriend, I’m losing the hope I had to marry him, have another child and a home together and to grow old with him. He’s throwing my dreams away.
To pour salt on a wound, he called me and told me he has begun the enlistment process into US Army. I thought he was lying but then he brought me the paper and business card from the recruiting office. I am so lost.
peter says
I was with my gf for 5 and a half years, we live together and have done pretty much without problems for most of the relationship. We moved in together very quickly.
Things were all good until a few months back when I (stupidly) refused to go to a family wedding down the country with her. This left her having to explain to family etc why I wasn’t there. I know this was wrong and I apologised afterwards but it’s like it just didn’t recover from there.
We recently had a couple of periods of trying to make things work and then all of a sudden she said that she does not love me anymore and it’s over!
I am really struggling with this, I can eat, sleep or think!
Lucy says
My ex-boyfriend and I have been together for a little more than seven months and he broke up with me 2 days ago. He called me and told me he thought things couldn’t work between us anymore. I was really shocked, I never saw it coming. Two weeks ago, he told me he needed space for a few days because he needed to figure things out in his life. He felt like he was seeking happiness from outside sources when it should come from his own self. I told him I understood, that I loved him and respected his need for space. During those few days, he still sent me snap chats saying “Good night beautiful <3" and stuff like that so I didn't worry much about him leaving me. After 4 days he wanted us to talk so he came over, we sat on my porch and he explained what went through his head during those 4 days. He told me he learned that his ex-girlfriend (they've been together for 2 years) was going out with one of his good friend from high school and it really hurt him. He talked with them both. He finally came to the conclusion that he didn't want to end up alone like his mother (his parents divorced when he was 3). He told me he wanted to be with me and that he loved me. I invited him in and we spent the night together. This happened on a friday night. We also spent time together on sunday night, monday night, saturday night, sunday night and almost the whole day together on monday (the day he broke up with me). He was acting his usual funny, out going lovy-dovy self. 3 days before the break up, we were facetiming, each of us laying on our bed, talking about christmas and stuff related to the future. He kept calling me cute names and I felt really in love with him. You know those moments when you realize how much you love the other person? That was one of those moments. To get back to the actual break up, I was devastated. He told me that during the break, he asked his ex to get back together. He had a lot of questions running through his head and needed to talk to his old high school friends to find what made him this depressed about himself. While he was asking her questions, this thought came through his head. Then, I asked him if he really loved me or if it was just a way to feel less alone, since we met a month and a half after he left his ex. He told me he did love me a lot but at some point he just couldn't do so anymore. He realized this when he came back from a trip to France in August. He thought his feelings could come back so that's why he stayed with me. He told me he did believe what he was saying when he told me he loved me during this period. His feelings were just not as strong as they used to be. I'm really hurt right now and it's tough for me because he was my first boyfriend. I'm going to take some time to focus on myself and my own happiness. So now the question is , do you guys think there's any chance we could get back together in a month or two if I still have feelings for him then? He brings me a lot of happiness and we really have the same vision of life. I am not ready to let him go yet. I think we were meant to be together. He often told me he wasn't happy with his ex because he felt like she didn't really love him. Then he would told me he was very lucky to have me and that he wanted us to be together for a long time. We had projects. We wanted to go back to France together. I remeber while he was over there, he told me it kinda made him sad that he was living one of the happiest moment of his life without the most important person in his life, which was me
Jason says
my girlfriend broke up with me last April and I cant seem to forget about her.we met At the place I work at and instantly fell for each other.she started dating her best friend last December right before Christmas.she also has anger issues and gets mad easily.
jayden says
I am meeting with my ex tomorrow to talk about whats gone on between us.
How do i approach this without sounding like “mr nice guy” or a “whiteknight” and make her want me.
Background to us if you hadnt read any prior thread, or more detail if you have:
August i found out my ex had been cheating on me (2 year relationship), we broke it off. About 2 days later i started chatting to another girl and we hit it off straight away, she had only been f*** buddies with guys before really, she had relationships of half a year or so but they always ended up f-ing her over.
I was happy with this girl and we moved far too fast, got together officially 2 weeks after leaving my ex. When we first got together we had fun together, we would go out, have our own mates we would bring each other to different nights out with respective mates. During this time i was commuting 200 miles daily and returning home so could see her if i was bored.
Then about 3 weeks ago i moved out to my work, i could see her on a weekend, she worked saturdays so id see her fri and sat night and sunday but she has her own friends aswell who work saturdays and want to go out girly nights on a saturday night etc so i got clingy and must have seemed obsessive, wanting to see her and being angry when she wanted a girly night.
I was stressed with the move, being away from anyone i knew and starting in a new company and became resentful over stuff we used to do but not anymorw, such as going out clubbing etc, we went out and i went off on one tired and sat out all night on the side while she stayed and had fun dancing with my mates.
I could tell she started to become unhappy about us and i thought to overturn that was to show her more affection and pedalstool her, she turned more unaffectionate and stopped talking to me texting me and wanting to spend time and go out with me.
I had a stressful day on monday and snapped and had a massive go at her how shes a terrible gf etc and i want someone who wanted someone who treats me how i treat them, then she said she thinks shes to young for me,i want to settle down and she wants to go out party and have fun etc. Which is frustrating because that is who i am, im 22 i dont want to settle with kids and family etc, i want a gf i can have fun with which she was exactly. I flipped and gave her an ultimatum and said i wouldnt give her time to think what she wanted, its stay with me or leave me as im not waiting for her to think about it – not like me at all to be like this, all the stress has just built up and i took it out on her. Obviously she chose to leave at that kind of pressured choice.
But i text her earlier, last time i saw her was a week ago where i took her for a trip to scotland for a few days, she said thankyou and she will see me when im home from work. Im home tomorrow and text saying “meet me tomorrow after work and we get your preg test sorted out the way and talk about us, 14 year olds break up over text” …her reply “Okay I did say that but you said you didn’t want to see me again but yeah that’s fine”
lucas says
My gf and I would have little arguments on a monthly basis.
Sometimes, it was about stuff I had to work on, like my maturity; other times, she was just being moody, and would apologize for the outbursts.
She’d always tell me stuff and was honest with me, like if someone made a move on her, or she felt uncomfortable with stuff. She was a good communicator of her feelings and addressing them to me. I never really communicated much b/c I didn’t have much to complain about or nothing worth getting into an argument over.
She said grew tired of my immaturity, and although she thanked for me everything else I did, she felt unsatisfied with the things she specifically asked me to work on, in which I did not do enough to improve in.
She also admitted having feelings for someone else, and told me the night after she realized it. And after going back and forth on what I thought was unfair of her to inflict that emotional damage to me, and her saying some harsh stuff and saying it was because I didn’t do enough to change the little things (I admittedly could have improved on easily, specifically my maturity), we mutually decided to split on a Friday, and work on ourselves, although I emphasized I still wanted her, even as friends, because I felt partially responsible for her falling out of love with me.
We actually went back and forth the next day, Saturday, but at the end of the day, she wanted to stay separate.
I still felt like it was unfair, although I felt guilty of losing her. Anyway…
She calls me 2 days later, says she slept with the coworker she told me she had feelings for, and admitted everything she complained about wasn’t fair and that I was right, and was crying because she realized she was wrong after the sex, and that she acted on impulse, and basically begged me to take her back.
Should I have done so? Probably not, after everything that happened.
But.
I said I’d giver her a chance.
Has anyone ever come into this situation? Almost like cheating? Or completely is?
How does it feel to have an emotional attachment to someone after something like that? What do you think of it?
michelle says
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 4 months. He is 10 years older than me (I’m 32), has been divorced for 4 years, and has children from that marriage whom he sees every other weekend.
He didn’t tell me about the children part until we’d been together for about 2 weeks – when he did I was shocked, but really liked him, and decided to see if it could work anyway.
We have been very close – he works near my home and visits almost every day (I work from home). Every morning we call to say hello, and every night we talk on the phone for an hour or two before bed. Up until this past month he has come over on the weekends and we’ve spent time together.
He doesn’t want me to meet his children. I also haven’t been introduced to any of his family, but he wanted to go and visit mine, and stops by when he knows my mom is at my place.
I don’t try to stop him seeing his children, and always say it’s no problem that he spends time with them, and calls them all the time. I genuinely don’t mind.
We’ve had a few disagreements so far.
He asked weeks ago if he could join me for Thanksgiving dinner at my parents’ house. I said yes, and it was settled. Last Thursday he asked again, and said that he had Monday free – would that be okay? I told him that it would be great.
The plan was for me to go there on Sunday, sleep over, and he would drive out on Monday. We’d spend the day there, and then he would drive me home Monday night since we both had work today.
On Saturday morning I sent him our usual good morning text message before I started work. He didn’t respond to the text for about 2 hours. When he did he said that instead of staying over Saturday night as we had planned, he would visit for a short while and then go home. The night before he had asked me to call him on my first break, so I did that. He told me that he was just stepping into the washroom, and would call me back in a minute. He called back over an hour later. I missed the call since I was working, but called him back 5 minutes later as soon as I was able. No answer.
He called me 15 minutes later, and told me that he had been talking to him mom, and good news! She was making a turkey on Monday, and he was going over to have some. I was shocked. I really didn’t know what to say. So it took me a moment to think of something to say, and in the meantime he jumped in and asked what the problem was. I told him that I was confused, because I thought that we would be spending Monday together, and I had already told my mom he would be joining us. He became upset, and told me that he had only said he would maybe visit on Monday, and that I was putting words in his mouth, and he didn’t know what was wrong with me. He said we’d have to talk about it later …. and hung up!
By 6 pm Saturday hadn’t heard from him, and since he had been going to visit I sent him a simple text msg “Please don’t come over tonight”.
I haven’t heard from him since.
I don’t know what’s going on, but feel like he doesn’t care, doesn’t really want to spent time with me, and that I’ve been dumped for a few mouthfuls of dead bird.
Leo says
I am on week 3 of NC and have definitely had many struggles along the way. I am 27 and she is 21. We have been together for two+ years. I am currently getting a start to my professional career and she is graduating this semester from college. She has never really lived on her own and is still living with her mother. What lead to the breakup was her blindsiding me with the idea that she was thinking of moving to New York City (a long ways away from our current city).
I was dumbfounded by this suggestion of hers but didn’t really make much of a fuss about it. The next day she requested that we take a 3 week break because we have a lot to figure out. Unfortunately I couldn’t last but a week and demanded a meeting with her. At that meeting… she once and for all broke up with me. She said she wasn’t sure at this time that she sees a future with me and basically needs space.
I’ve struggled with the fact that I never once did anything to hurt her feelings and professed my love to her everyday through both actions and words. I know I would do whatever it takes to make her life better… even if that does mean letting her go. I understand that she is about to enter a new world (after college), but I don’t think her world and mine are all that different. Personally, I still feel like I am in the same lost limbo that I was when I graduated college.
Through reading these boards I have tried to accept the fact that she broke up with me, she voluntarily took me out of her life, and if she felt the same way about us as I did, she would contact me. All that said, I still find it hard to not hold on to what we had and think tomorrow will be the day she calls.
One last note. In about two weeks is the birthday of her best friend that passed away. I was wanting to give her flowers and a thoughtful card to let her know I am sentimentally thinking of her. This would technically break NC… good idea or bad?
Fred says
My ex and I broke up in the first week of October. The first week I grilled her asking many questions and got little answers. We had just bought a house together, and had closed on it literally 3 weeks before she said it was over.
So the second week after the breakup it set in. I was very confused as everything seemed to be going as planned. Cleaning the house, painting and purchasing items LITERALLY 4 days before the breakup. With the confusion anxiety was chewing my insides up. So like the upset guy I was, I got really down and contacted her twice explaining how messed up our situation was now and that I had put all this work into getting a place for her, her daughter and I. I never blamed her for anything, I never screamed at her. I basically told her how upset I was that I was losing her and her daughter and all of the plans I had been working on over the past 2 months. This was going to be the first time she moved out of her mother’s house, and we were totally going to move in and do the family thing like every other normal couple we know.
So the third week came. By now I’m moved into the house and celebrating my 31st birthday with my close family in the home. She sent me a birthday text, as did her mother. I texted her mom “thank you” and did not text my ex back. So on Monday after my birthday she texts me while at work, btw we work at the same place. She texts once “how are you?”, then “are you ok?”. Now mind you I deliberately ignored her text the previous day, and she knew I was at work. Basically she knew I was ok but was just checking in on me. So I finally tell her I can’t talk while I’m at work and I would call her on my break.
I talked to her for my whole lunch break. I explained how much I love her and her daughter and that this was the biggest decision and best one I thought I ever made. Until this conversation she had shelled up and not spoken to anyone (she lives with her mom and didn’t know I replied to her mom’s birthday text?) and was very cold and stern with me, but this time she finally broke down and cried hard. I suggested a break would have been better than a breakup towards the end of the conversation and she said she would talk to me later.
This is where my question comes in. It’s been 15 days of NC. I would like some advice on HOW to contact her, and WHEN I should contact her. I was planning on possibly this Sunday, which would make it 20 days. I know that people say NC is “time for you to move on, get over her/him, never talk to them again, you can never be friends” and other things I disagree with. I have taken time, I’ve found myself and I find myself happy as I am on my own. I just feel things could be better if we went through with our plans on being together. I still love her, and I honestly feel she got cold feet and made a mistake. I want to give HER a second chance. I just fear that if I prolong the NC she may think I am mad at her and want nothing to do with her. I know she hasn’t contacted me because she is scared to because she knows how big the breakup was, how much was at stake and what she walked away from. I honestly feel she thinks she made a snap decision and wants to come back, but she probably feels she has done too much damage to our relationship and to me. And BTW she is in NO hurry to get her down payment back and still has items I purchased at her mother’s house that I had asked for her to return. She knows when I work, and her mother still has a set of keys to the house that I asked to be returned and yet she has still not returned my things and the keys. All she has to do is open the garage, throw the items in there and lock the door with the keys inside. If she can’t muster up the courage to do it, her mother would do it for her! Why is she not returning my things?
Daisy says
A little over a month ago my boyfriend of 4 years decided he ‘doesn’t know what he wants, but he knows it’s not THIS’ meaning of course “me and him”. I could feel something wasn’t right for only the weekend before it happened, and it wouldn’t have happened if I hadn’t strongly encouraged him to talk about his feelings, because I could tell something was troubling him and really wanted him to try talk about it (worth noting our relationship had just turned long distance). I handled it really well when it happened, part of me was prepared for the worst so to speak, and I didn’t get upset in front of him, which even led him to asking me twice “are you sure you’re taking this seriously?!” He contacted me 4 days after sending me the songs of a band I showed him and who we both really liked, I replied happily but probably a bit too enthusiastically looking back! He replied again, but this time I decided to leave it because no specific questions were asked in his reply and I didn’t see the point in giving the satisfaction of an answer at that point! A little over 2 weeks later, he messaged me asking how things were going. When I received the message I felt so upset, confused, I had no idea what to say or do so I just left it. 2days after I decided to unfriend him on Facebook to try stop myself from looking into his life, and also him into mine (this happened one week ago) it wasn’t an ’emotional’ decision when I did this, I felt quite calm really because I felt like it was the right move to make for my own sanity! I felt hopeful about the fact that right now it’s not possible for us to be friends, it’d be far too difficult, but that in the future we could perhaps be lucky enough to build up a friendship again from scratch, once this whole thing has blown over!
So that’s the background to the situation, but my question or worry at the moment is that I’m obviously implementing a No Contact rule on my part by having not replied to him and de friended him on FB etc, but I’m worried now that I should have given him a heads up beforehand just saying something like ‘I’d appreciate having some time to take space etc’, because now it’s effectively like I’ve disappeared a bit, and while part of me wanted him to feel the shock of realising wow she’s really not in my life anymore after 4 wonderful years by doing this, I’m worrying that he’ll presume I’m either mad at him, being weird about things, or not wanting anything to do with him ever again etc. when really I’m just taking the space to let things settle and heal of course!
What should I do? Should I just leave things as they are, or send him a message now saying ‘things have been really busy lately (they honestly have been as I’ve just started a new teaching job) but I just wanted to let you know that I’m just taking the space to bla bla bla? I’m conscious of not jeopardising any future friendship I have with him.
Mary says
My guy and I got into a huge fight this past weekend. I 100% admit I went typical girl crazy and called him some bad messed up things. He blocked me on all social media and ignores my texts. He told my BFF he was “never interested in me that way” and “just wants to move on”. He denied texting me all day everyday sending me cute messages, videos etc. Yesterday he unblocked me as well as deleted pics of girls he thought were “hot” as a “woman crush” on instagram. I never said it bothered me but he did it anyway. He told my BFF he unblocked me and that he “still wasn’t ready to add me” and “maybe in a year we can laugh about this”. told my BFF who he didn’t delete until she made him, that he wants nothing to do with me. He said he never had feelings for me and denied sending me cute texts that he “felt bad for me” and “it’s rude not to reply she’s always texting me first”. It’s totally BULL. He finally opened up in a text about sharing his feelings before the fight so I’m guessing He’s just mad right? I don’t get it. He said he needs to cool down. Still not talking to me but I am assuming because he deleted this one girls pic he is trying to make a truce with me. Originally, he told me he was upset I liked a photo of the girls but then told my friend the real reason he was upset is because of what I said. Since I know he is mad and lying to my friend about what has happened in our relationship, Im not sure if he knows he’s going to come around or not. He keeps saying “i don’t want to hurt her I want to move on” and he “just wants to calm down”. We never had ANY issues at ALL until this fight and really get along great. Honest to Got. I am assuming he is hurt by what I said. I apologized via text and even sent a letter (which he prob didn’t get yet). Any advice? Im so confused. We’ve never fought like this and he told me “his first instinct is to run away” but he’s still not talking to me…
Selena says
It’s been three weeks since the breakup, and it’s been tough. I took a last minute trip to Europe a week ago with my cousin and a friend. After posting a picture on Instagram, my ex immediately texted me saying “heyy” I replied and we exchanged texts for a bit. He texted me twice on Christmas, I didn’t respond to them till later because I had no WiFi. The next day he tried joking around with me, but I kept it short with him. He then went off on me telling me how rude I am towards him and how he’s over it. I then explained how it was difficult for me to speak with him because I am still getting over it and hurting. He wrote a long message back still pretty angry saying that he was hurting too. He is getting really jealous about what I am doing and who I am with. I am torn on what to do. I do miss him and want it to work out, but at the same time keeping in touch with him hurts me if there is no hope.
Christie says
Me (27F) and my ex (32M) broke up 4 months ago. We were in a pretty serious relationship (1.5 years) and about to move in together. I was a very good girlfriend to him and din’t really do anything to make him dislike me. We had communication problems which led to our BU. We broke up mutually but a few days later I exchanged my mind and texted him to work things out. He resisted, I didn’t beg or do anything embarrassing and nothing came from that. After reading about tactics to get an ex back I decided to try the whole “reverse rejection” strategy so I sent him a message agreeing with the decision, wishing him the best, and told him that maybe we could be friends someday. We immediately went to almost NC we only communicated about exchanging our belongings. We were still friends on FB so I would post up pictures of my outings with my friends so I wouldn’t seem miserable-although I was.
During the time were broken up I worked on myself…a lot. I was in pretty good shape but now I am in phenomenal shape. I run about 30 miles a week. I am about to graduate (I’m am a mechanical engineer), I’ve changed my hair and my clothes. I am fairly attractive and guys do ask me out constantly. I knew he would come back one day and i wanted to make sure I was doing my best when he did. He seems to have let himself go a little. He used to work-out all the time and he doesn’t anymore.
Now, it’s been 4 months, and he wanted to “catch-up” so we got together and hung out for almost 4 hours. It was really fun. He mentioned that he wants to be friends and continue hanging out. What I am wondering is, how likely is it that he just wants to be friends?? I know it’s hard to know his motives but what are your opinions on the matter?
lucy says
1) We dated for 4 months, got to know each other over the course of a year
2) We’re teens
3) His reason for dumping me was that he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, but he said that we could still be friends
4) He seemed VERY INTO ME until one week prior to the break up, when he was a little less physically affectionate and didn’t see me quite as often (but that could be because of parental intervention–see 9).
5) Up until MINUTES before the break up he texted me ALL throughout the day (as he always did after we started dating) asking about my opinions, interests, what I was up to, giving me updates about his life, saying good night, etc.
6) I was recovering from surgery… so maybe he just texted all the time because he felt bad for me? We discussed many other things beyond how I was recovering though
7) He bought me flowers about a week before the break up due to my injury
8) He always kept up with doing me little favors/being a gentleman
9) One of his parents (who he is VERY close to/who he allows to control nearly his ENTIRE life) made it clear they did not like him dating. They wouldn’t allow us to be completely alone together.
10) He is very passive and aims to please his parents first and foremost
11) I was his first gf. As far as I know he hasn’t dated in the months since.
12) I said I couldn’t be friends for a while because I didn’t trust him. He sent the last text saying he was sorry, and neither one of us has initiated contact since.
13) After, he didn’t help me with my injury, but acted like a polite stranger up until last month. Now, he acts like I don’t exist.
14) I’ve actively avoided him, making sure he was uninvited from a gathering of mutual friends.
Why do you think he broke up with me? Did he lose attraction? Did his parent make him? Was he truly just not ready? Please be honest. Thank you!
Chan says
Me and my girlfriend were together for nearly 5 years, she was 14 when we met and is nearly 19 now, she loved me instantly, but I had just gotten out a 2 year relationship, I couldn’t tell if I was in love or not, 4 years passed and she still loved me completely, I started gettin out my shell from my previous relationship and started to make more of an effort in terms of going out to dinner and meeting her parents, she always moaned I didn’t meet them but I was so nervous and didn’t want to commit as I would be destroyed if his relationship like the last ended. As we was both young we never really went out together as we had no money, it was more just seeing her alot and coming over my house. She was in a job she hated, and started to become more independent. She stilled love me completely and told me everyday and started talking about the future together. She wanted me to be married to her in the future and to get engaged soon. I told her I needed time as I was in uni at this point and just started meeting her family and stuff, I came
Home for Christmas holiday and she left her job, we spent everyday together going to the gym and spending time together in my house, we did go out for dinner in the month I was back too, she was really happy. She applied for a new job and got it, everything was starting to get really good, she kept telling me how happy she was. Holiday was over and she started her job she got, she met loads of friends and got a social life. She took me to uni and spent the weekend, it was great and same as usual, talking about the future and enjoying time together. She left as she had work and went back
HOme to northampton , (my uni was in luton) things started to get wierd… She wouldn’t talk a lot and went out with her friends, she then contacted me and said she don’t know if she’s “in love” with me anymore, it was a massive shock as there was nothing pointing to this. She left me and wanted a break to figure things out, he continued to party and enjoy her new job, and I couldn’t be kept waiting, so I traveled to northampton on the train and gave her flowers and talked. She said she does think we have a future but she don’t know how to feel or what to do right now. She even said things like ” imagining anyone with you or with me other than us makes me sick” and to give her space. I went back to uni and carried on texting her asking for a answer. I said I can’t wait any longer and I want to move on and she said ” babe… Just give me some time…” Next few days I carried on asking and she finally said she don’t love me or want to be with me. Before she said this she said I was being selfish and not giving her the time she wanted. So now it’s over… She acts like she doesn’t care and carrys on having friends over and partying. She told my friend that I didn’t give her enough love and we didn’t do exciting things like dinner and going out and she wants that life now. She said the romantic things I did now was “to little to late” I’m so lost and feel empty…. I didn’t do nothing romantic and loving hardly as I was addicted to my computer and lazy… I just wished she gave me the second chance I wanted to how her how much I love her and experience her new social life and friends together… I made the biggest mistake of my life… We haven’t talked now from the time she told me she doesn’t want to be with me anymore. She said she’ll miss me forever.. I dunno what to do…
katrina says
We have been broken up for over a year now and he has gone from wanting to be friends, to absolutely no contact 3 times now. We are currently talking again and have been for about a month. Things have changed a lot since we last talk 4 months ago, my mom passed away and I know he’s been going through a lot of changes as well. Things genuinely feel different this time, but I don’t know if it’s good or bad. I just got home from hanging out with him and things were kind of weird. There is still like this little spark between us, we have so much fun when we’re hanging out and it’s like momentarily we stepped back in time. We are both still attracted to each other and things got a bit inappropriate and we ended up kissing and stuff but we quickly put an end to it before it got to far. He told me he hasn’t been with anyone else since we broke up which sounds like a good thing, but then he said something that made it sound like he just wants to be single so now I’m not so sure.
It’s like in some ways things are better than the last time we talked, and in others they are worse. I just don’t know what to do or how to act around him. After the kissing I got a bit upset and we both agreed that this visit wouldn’t count, we would have a do-over sometime during the Christmas break. He also said that he wanted to communicate more and he is going to try to call me more often.
I want him back, I just don’t know if I have a shot anymore. I feel like if I were to just be friends with him things could eventually lead to us dating – we have that much of a connection when we hangout I can see it leading back to that – but I find myself getting frustrated and trying to push for more, faster. There is also the fact that in the past any time he started to get close to me again he would away and stops talking, which is one of my main fears.
elizabeth says
My (now) ex and I were together for 1 and a half years and broke up a little over 3 weeks ago.
We had a happy relationship for the first year and the last 6 months were truly testing, however, I was more than willing to work on whatever issues we were having. Since both our final year of university started, we were finding it a little difficult to balance spending time with each other and concentrate on our work. I was always the one who would initiate spending time with each other and even talking to each other! I felt like I was the only one who was putting in the effort (even throwing him a surprise birthday party tho weeks beforehand) and by the end, I was sick of it. We had a fight (over FaceTime!) and this time, I didn’t care and had the intention of breaking up with him as I know I deserve somebody who WANTS to see/speak to me rather than sees it as a chore. Anyways, two days after that fight, I text him saying we had to meet up as soon as possible (he probably had an inkling that I was going to end it), he then replied…and he broke up with me via text.
He cited reasons such as he had to concentrate on his studies now and can’t be in a relationship right now and that we were just too different as people. I lost a whole load of respect for him purely for the way he did it and I suppose it still confuses me now that he could just do that to me, considering he would always call me the love of his life and all that nonsense!
I am friends with his sister and spoke to her shortly after it happened and ‘coincidentally’ I received a text from him two days after I spoke to her (about a week after we broke up) apologising for how he did it, how he’s tried to be respectful of me since (which his social media begs to differ) and thanking me for the time we spent together. Although this all sounds alright, the message was full of him talking about himself and pretty much not considering how I would feel about all this, he even tried to justify the initial ‘break up text’.
I didn’t reply to the apology text as I see no point, he also said that he would erase my number and all memory of me as that’s best for him right now. And yesterday I have seen that he’s blocked me on twitter, I found this funny more than anything else seeing as we weren’t following each other anyway!
The more I think about it, the more I realise I am better off and that I am able to walk away from this relationship with no regrets regarding the way I treated him or how much I did for him. Did I mention that I lent him my old phone to borrow before we broke up? So essentially, he broke up with me using my phone! It really is laughable.
Overall, I know I will be fine and as the days pass, I am feeling better. But, do you think he will ever realise what he’s lost in me? Or perhaps regret letting me go?
morgan says
My fiance recently broke up with me after being together for 3 years. We met in college and hit it off right away. We had actually known each other 7 years previous to meeting again. I asked her out and she told me she couldn’t date because her dad wouldn’t allow her. She was the sweetest, smartest, most pure person I had ever met. I fell for her hard even though I wasn’t in a place to date, but I knew I couldn’t pass up on her. We finally got together and her dad kicked her out of his place. She found a roommate, because I was living at my mom’s at the time, but that didn’t last long at the roommates. She ended up moving into the spare room at my mom’s house. At this point we were only together 3 months. (if you want to know more about this part, feel free to ask, lets just say cops got involved).
5 months into our relationship she was diagnosed with herpes. I was her first everything. And I was destroyed. I became severely depressed and pushed her away. The first 5 months were great. I wanted to be everything for her. Her dad told her no one would love her and she wasn’t much of anything. I made her feel different. After I had hurt her. I couldn’t do anything. I barely had a job. Went to school full time. She had a part time job and went to school as well. We didn’t have much time to date. The rest of the time, I would sleep. Also, the relationship previous to her I was with a girl that used me to get pregnant. So every month I was paranoid she was pregnant. Even though we always protected ourselves. I was just extremely paranoid. I would get angry at her. Even though it wasn’t her fault. She told me how “it must be nice to mess around.” This freaked me out, so I told her if she wanted to, fine. As long as I knew about it. I even then kind of pushed her to do it. Because I felt like I had nothing to offer her. I had nothing. After hurting her, I felt like I couldn’t even offer her that. What did I have? So I pushed her to…”do something” with my best friend. I figured, he wouldn’t try to take her from me, and he knows what this is about. At first she told me she wanted to, but when he was around she would say no. Finally they did. I won’t go into detail about that. It went on for awhile and I told her no more. I couldn’t handle it. But it didn’t stop there. They continued behind my back. I can’t even be mad at her for that. I didn’t know they continued until she told me 2 years later.
We got a place together. Things were looking up. But she still seemed to want to…experience things. So she ended up…with my best friends wife. Yea, crazy. So they are no longer friends. We kind of tried an open relationship. I don’t even know why. I was out of my mind. I was so far depressed for so long I wasn’t thinking at all. I found out that she was never really open with me. And I never got to really know her. All of her interests or anything. Oh and she always thought that I was trying to control her. In a way, I see why she thinks that. But I never consciously thought that. She told me she wanted to leave long ago but she had no where to go and she hoped things would just get better. They never did. Neither one of us were ever able to get to that place. Our whole relationship was tough. Nothing ever came easy. But we always fought to make it work.
After she left me, 3 weeks later she started dating another one of my friends. She told me she still wanted to be friends. I tried to help her, cause she had no car. And tried to just be a friend. But her new bf started getting upset. But she would still ask me for help anyway. I found out he never really wanted her anyway, she was just a game to him. And they are no longer together. I still love her and want her. I extremely messed up. I am no longer the person I was when I was with her. Even in 4 short months. I love her more than anything. Oh and the herpes thing is very messed up. Come to find out it was only type 1. Not type 2. It’s a long story. But not as bad as we thought it was. I can’t get over it. We haven’t talked in 2 weeks. I want her. But she wants nothing to do with me after her now most recent ex told her as long as I’m in her life she will never have a successful relationship. I wish I knew what to do to have an opportunity for her to fall in love with me all over again. She says she still does but its different now. Help?
Andy says
So about a year ago around November, this girl and I started talking and hanging out a lot. Pretty soon watching movies turned into cuddling and kissing and finally like a week before we left for break we had sex a few times. I was sort of into this girl but she told me she wasn’t looking for a relationship. Over break, we kept in touch, texted a bit, nothing too special. 3 days before she comes back from break, she tells me that there is a guy from back home she’s known for a while and she has strong feelings for even though they won’t be in a relationship, and so she wants to cut things off with me. Fine with me.
Fast-forward to September 2014. I see this girl again. We talked a bit and she told me (not out of the blue, the conversation was leading up to this) that she mostly liked me because I liked her. I don’t know why I cared, but I did, so I texted her later on to ask if this whole “I like you because you like me” thing meant she wasn’t physically attracted to me or just that she didn’t like me. After a bit of deterrent responses she told me she thought I was cute but my personality “seemed annoying” and that she wasn’t looking for a relationship.
I don’t like this girl nor do I want to get back together with her, but for some reason I can’t stop thinking about whether or not she really found me physically attractive even in the slightest. The only reason I’m posting about this is because these thoughts are ruining my relationship with someone I’m seeing now, and distracting me from more important things. Most of my friends whom I’ve talked to about this say that she probably did think I was cute but just used me for attention/sex. It seems logical to me, but for some reason I can’t really “accept it” I guess, because I still keep wondering.
I guess what I’m asking is: what was this girl doing with me and how did she really feel about my physically and emotionally? Was she at least physically attracted to me? Was it that she thought something would happen but found out she didn’t really have a connection with me? Was she just using me for sex? I don’t know and that’s why I’m asking. Part of me says that she must have thought I was cute because most girls don’t have sex with guys they aren’t at least a bit physically attracted to, even if she just wanted someone to have sex with, it would still be awkward to do it with someone she wasn’t physically into, and so she probably wouldn’t have done it a second time. The other part of me says that she was lying about what she said in the text message just to get me off her case. I don’t know, but I really need advice because I’ve been thinking about this for the last 4 months. It’s ruined my academic career last semester as well a relationship I’m pursuing with a different girl. I guess I care because of low self-esteem/lack of confidence, but also because I never found closure with this girl and I don’t know why she did what she did. I know I shouldn’t care but I do. And if she was just using me why couldn’t she have just told me immediately instead of just avoiding the question?
christina says
My BF and i have been childhood sweethearts for 6 years. Through our relationship, we have a lot of ups and downs. A lot of the times I’ve been really childish and have tried breaking off with him only to want him back in the end. He was definitely more in love with me than i was with him. We were in a long distance relationship and Im in my final year of undergraduate studies in Australia.
He broke up w me 6 months ago. It is a long time ago but the pain def still stick w me. It wasnt the fact that he did it but how he did it. So, he shut off his phone for a month. (i wasnt able to get through his phone because his phone was shut). I finally got him to call him via emailing him. And he told me it was over. Over the next few weeks, i’ve called and smsed him like a crazy woman, telling him to give us another chance. He would tell me he would call me later but there would be no calls from him. Until one fine day, he emailed me telling him he’s in US for an exchange for 2 months. I was devastated. Because prior to our breakup, i had no clue from him whatsoever but his supposed plan to go for exchange. Obviously I felt betrayed.
I created a fake account to follow him and found all his new GIRL friends he made. And i was so devastated. But he would drunk text me one night, telling me of his PREVIOUS undying love for me and a few months down the road he would complain of having migraines and how much he is still angry at me. And i would catch him commenting on his friend’s selfies, saying how gorgeous she was. SERIOUSLY, i dont understand what in the world he wants. He had already told me he fell out of love with me anyway. One minute he taunts me, one minute its like he is enjoying his SINGLE life, which he obviously knows i dont know. He was the one who left me. And even said he wants to be friends. And when i asked him why… he would say WHY NOT. Which obviously isnt a good enough reason.
I’ve been trying to find someone who can shed me some insight into my complex breakup. I really hope if any of you have been or have done this to your ex to please tell me what is going on. Because honestly, i feel betrayed and cheated but somehow stupidly, i still want to be with him.
Rose says
I was in a LDR for 1 and a half years and it all ended 5 days ago. This was my first relationship ever, the first guy I fell in love with and I’m just so lost. It hurts so much that sometimes I can’t even understand everything I am feeling.
We met online but then things evolved and we met face to face and after a few months spending some time together (never more than a day at each time) we decided to start dating. I just know that I was really in love with him and I imagined spending my life with him. I’ve had a lot of family issues and we talked about that. He was always so supportive and sweet to me. He understood me and gave me strenght not to crumble down. Our relationship was so honest and truthful. We talked about everything without any problem, we discussed the good and bad things in the relationship, how we could improve them and so on. The distance sucked but we skyped every day and that made us feel close and connected to each other.
He was an only child and still living with his mother but he had a lot of freedom, he could go anywhere anytime he wanted. I’m also still living with my parents and even though I’m 22 (he was 21) I never had the freedom that he had. A lot of times he asked me if I wanted to go spend a weekend with him somewhere but I couldn’t go because my parents wouldn’t let me spend a weekend alone with him. I grew apart from my parents and my sister while I was with him because I felt like they were hurting my relationship and didn’t respect my freedom. My now ex-boyfriend said he understood but I knew deep down he was just frustrated with it all.
8 months after we started dating he said he felt like the distance was making it hard for him to focus on me. It was like he pushed me to the back of his mind when we spent more than 2 or 3 weeks without seeing each other. He said it was like there was something, a ‘click’ missing and he started doubting his own feelings for me. I was heartbroken and told him that even though we didn’t see each other every day I still felt close to him and that the distance didn’t stop me from thinking about him everyday. I told him to think about it very seriously because I wasn’t going to allow him to treat me as his personal doll with whom he could do anything he wanted. On the next day, he came to me, hugged me and said it had been just a temporary feeling and that it would never happen again. He said he felt that ‘click’ right when he hugged me. I decided to give him another chance because it didn’t make sense to me to end things at the first setback.
After that we agreed that we would try to be together at least once a week and so we did. Things were great and back to normal with us talking about everything and just being each other’s best friends. He even told me some times he was more and more convinced I was the ‘one’, the woman of his dreams and that he wanted to stay with me forever. Obviously, I was completely ecstatic about it and I felt whole and complete whenever I was with him.
Until a few days ago we had a conversation on skype and he told me again that he was having a hard time focusing on me, due to the distance. He would show up late on skype without telling me anything (when he had always done it) because he wouldn’t even realize time was passing by (which meant he didn’t even think about me to tell me something about showing up late). He said that he felt like there was no ‘click’ anymore and that he didn’t know if he could handle being in a LDR for many more years. He told me he couldn’t fulfill what I demanded from the relationship and said that maybe his heart just wasn’t in it as mine was. Once again, he started doubting his own feelings for me. I knew right there that there was no turning back and that I couldn’t disrespect myself and stay in a relationship where I was only loved part-time.
I told him to come see me on the next day because the next step couldn’t be taken through skype. So he came and we agreed it was for the best to end things. He said that he was sure that if I were there with him all the time he would be able to focus on me as I wanted him to and that he would have that ‘click’ he felt it was missing. He said there was just no chemistry and that killed me. It was just so abrupt and shocking. If one week ago somebody had told me this would happen I would laugh at them. It was so unexpected. And that hurts even more.
Things ended in a very civilized way. We even hugged each other and wished the best to one another. But right now I’m just angry and frustrated. I once visited him unexpectedly when the day before we had been talking I realized he was in a pretty ****ty place so I went there and surprised him to see if he cheered up. He never did the same thing for me. He said he missed me but he never once got in the train and came to me. I invited him to spend some days at my countryhouse and he did. After days pleading my parents, they let me go spend a weekend with his uncles. I did everything I could and I basically dedicated my life to him while we were together and he never did the same thing for me. And this hurts like hell, the feeling that you did everything you could but that still wasn’t enough.
I feel like he never really loved me and never really accepted who I was and my baggage, that my freedom wasn’t the freedom that he had. And I’m so pissed off because if he truly loved me I don’t think distance would have mattered if his heart was in the right place. He was just too self-absorbed and selfish to think about what he wanted and he wasn’t able to adapt to reality. He wasn’t able to do that, not even for me.
And does this hurt. He was the first guy I kissed, the first guy I did sexual things with, the first guy I had intense feelings for and having my heart broken this way is just so painful. I feel completely alone in this world. I don’t have many friends and the ones I have I only talk to them once or twice in a month because they’re very busy. My parents try to control my every move and I just don’t have enough money and can’t even find a job to get my independence. Because I felt so lonely, I lived for this guy. Talking to him was always the best part of my days and I thought about him in everything that I did. I stopped living for myself and started living for him, with him being that safe place that I had to go to. And I knew that was wrong of me to do but I couldn’t help it. I don’t even know if I was codependent or not but it hurts very much. I feel abandoned and alone, like I don’t even know myself and who I am.
People tell me I have to move on but I feel like that’s trying to walk with just one leg. He was a great part of my life and now all of that is just… gone.
I feel so depressed and lost I’ve even started having suicidal thoughts. I won’t do it because I know how that would kill my family, especially my sister. But if I were all alone, I could see myself doing it.
I’ve resisted the urge to talk to him ever since we ended things but his birthday is in a few days and I had already ordered his gift so I asked for his address on the day we ended the relationship and told him he’d receive something because I had already bought it and didn’t want to keep it. I’ve written a little story about us and how I feel and I’m thinking about sending it to him, together with the gift, but I’m not sure what to do.
william says
I started seeing this girl around April or so, we hit it off had tons in common same as most other people on here.
Now things became physical, it was clear we weren’t just “friends” anymore. She did send up a few red flags so I tried to not become overly attached and played it cool, but we got along great and had a lot of fun together.
She would never acknowledge us as an item, told me not to fall in love her because she was scared. Again I realize these were flags so I never let myself get overly attached, but again we had tuns of fun together and it was definitely real.
Fast forward to two weeks ago, she had been going through a rough patch in her life and it started driving me away a little. After about a week of barely any contact she decided we should go back to just being friends. I pretty much felt the same way at this point.
Here’s what I’m not sure about. We met up to talk and she said it was 100% on her, that she is scared of every possible scenario that could come from us being together: hurting me etc. I believe her, she has always been honest about everything. She cried the whole time and told me how important I was in her life, while I played everything the right way on my end. She even told me she loved me and that she messed up on the not acknowledging us as an item thing, held my hand kissed me etc. She wants to keep the door open for the future, but just needs to figure out her own life right now.
It hasn’t completely devastated me like my last breakup did (4 years), but it still stings and I miss her. I just think there was a lot of possible potential there. She wants to stay in contact and see what happens. I’m conflicted because we were great together and could maybe see it going somewhere in the future. She feels the same way. Should I just go complete NC? It certainly stings and I miss her in my life but I think potential false hopes may be weighing on me.
Any advice would be great!
Christian says
I was with my ex for 3 years (we have been broken up for 6 months) and we have a 1 yr old daughter together. She has been contacting me the past week about 2 different incidents. She always begins by saying she doesn’t really care, she just heard something and wanted to know if it was true. The first incident was about her friend. I have been casually talking to and conversing with one of her friends lately, and apparently the friend told someone else she likes talking to me and I’m nice, but she wasn’t sure what to do since she’s friends with my baby’s mom. She found out about this, and said she didn’t care at all, but just couldn’t believe I would try to talk to this friend in particular because she didn’t think ME of all people would. Btw, she thinks her friend is dumb and she’s aware that I’m highly intelligent, so she was trying to hint at that.
The second incident she has messaged me about multiple times. This time it’s about another one of my ex’s. She was always jealous of this ex during our relationship and even made me delete any and all Facebook photos with her, and even began an argument with her before and followed her on all social media. So anyways me and my first ex have been pretty flirty and talking often, and my baby mom is saying things like she isn’t attracted to me anymore and really doesn’t care, but says things like that’s so fake of me and how our whole relationship must of been a lie and all that stuff. And saying it’s disrespectful to her as the mother of my child. Although she was the one that began lying at the end of our relationship and was very insecure, which pushed me away. But how can she say she isn’t attracted to me anymore or doesn’t care about me, but then be so worried about what else I’m doing? When SHE has done some VERY disrespectful things and betrayed me in a way I don’t even think most can fathom. So how does this make any sense?
peter says
i’ve been a no nonsense introvert type of person for the past 10 years of my life(i’m 21 right now). Since i’ve been brought up in a military school, i’m kinda more disciplined and mature than other people of my age, and I didn’t know a thing about relationship, coz i had not been in any, though I’ve had 2 flings but the girls approached me and started it, anyways when I was like 18, She met me at a wedding(She was 15), but she looked much mature than 15, like she had a model like stature and stood 5’10 and was beautiful and confident.I’m not a bad looking guy either.
Ladies often compliment me that I look good, i’m not lying(I’m 6’4 and have an athletic built), but i’m not a player coz I treat ladies respectfully and I used to believe in long term relationships. Anyways, she approached me to ask something about the directions to the hallway, and we just happened to talk and we had a long interesting conversation, she introduced me to her mom and everyone, later we exchanged bb pins and numbers. From that night onwards she used to chat with me all the time on bbm, I just realized that we have many things in common and she was mature, so one day she just told me that i know its good that we’ve met and known each other long enough now but we should go no furthur than being friends, coz she was dumped by a guy earlier and she doesn’t believe in that bull**** anymore.
I was cool with that(since she is only 15 and i’m 18), she did admit that she had a huge crush on me, we became good friends, hung out together very often, but that just kept on growing and it was much more than that, when she had problems with her parents, I used to support her, she started I love yoing all the time and so i replied it as well but used to mention, we’re just friends. I moved to the city college after that and we used to chat less then, she often complained that i’m not interested in her and i’m just friendzoning her(i wasnt even aware of the term at that time, I was but didn’t know it was worst than hell).
But it wasn’t like that, since i’ve only got few friends, i have no reason to ignore her. this just went on, An year later her parents got tranferred and she got into a new school and new life, earlier she said she misses everyhing and the new school peers are hostile towards her so i used to comfort her by talking to her all night long, Anyways, sometime later she got well acquainted and had a lot of friends, her opinions kept on changing about everything in life, she stopped talking to me for a while and when we just started she told me she’s seeing someone, I was kinda humiliated and askd how could you, i love you and all, she then said, you shouldnt have said that, we were just friends and you just ruined everything, she admitted about a year ago that she likes me but now she said, when have I ever?
I never liked you and kept on lying about everything. after that I told my friends about all that, they just hugged me and empathized with me, they said our bro just died in action in the friendzone. My life became hell after that for a coupla months, i never used to drink or smoke earlier but the folowing month, i smoked a lotta weed and guzzeled heavily. I just asked her why, she said coz you’re a nice guy. after sometime i eventually got over all that but i lost a lotta friends and did bad at college, everyone around me started avoiding me coz they thought I was acting very wierd, and being aggressive all the time, eventually i got sober and got over all that as well.
6 months later she chatted up and said, she siad dont ignore me, i miss you n all that crap and just when i thought that it all began, she started ignoring me again, my friends say that i was too gentle with her, i should’ve acted like a player, so now what should I do, talk to her again or not(its been almost 3 years and I still can get over her), and its also coz i’m a loner and its hard for me to get a life right now,
is she gonna come back? Please reply me women, where have I gone wrong? What should I do?
Sarah says
My ex left me 2 months ago in a text message. At the time, he asked for time and space. Stupidly, I didn’t know that meant it was over, and that we wouldn’t be speaking again. I guess closure is a stupid idea now. He’s a drunk, so whatever he said would’ve been selfish and nonsensical anyway. BUT, I’m such a nice person. I did everything I could to take care of him. Maybe that was my downfall…but after 7 years, he leaves me in a TEXT MESSAGE? Are you kidding me? In my wildest dreams, I never could’ve seen things go down this way. I’m not some skanky girl who did him wrong! I don’t get it. He cut me off like I was some terrible person who was wrecking his life! If he didn’t want to be with me, that’s his choice. I can deal with that…but to leave me high and dry like this? I’ll never understand it. My best friend’s dad, who was basically a second father to me, died…no phone call. Christmas and New Year’s came and went. It’s like I was out of sight, out of mind. Like I said, if he didn’t want to be with me, that’s fine. It’s his choice. BUT, where’s the respect? I’m not some piece of garbage. I guess he’s not who I thought he was. I shouldn’t forget to mention that we were together for 5 years, broke up, and then 5 years later he came back full of bs and apologies about how he’d messed everything up. Why come back? I was over it!! I think that’s part of why this is so hard to accept. He came back for me. So why the hell am I in this position now? Maybe this is the worst choice I’ve ever made. I don’t know. Guess I’m just venting. Any advice?
jenny says
Hi, my boyfriend & I just split up after a year of dating. At first it was the most amazing relationship I’ve ever been in and he treated me so well. However we started arguing in the last few months about really silly things and this lead to my boyfriend breaking things off as he said they did not feel the same. Even though we were arguing there was still lots of occasions where we felt completely normal and he agreed this. We spent one last night together after the split & moved out the next day. He told me that its for the best etc etc and I should focus on my career and other things. I asked if theres any chance of reconciliation and he said he doesn’t know. He works offshore and has asked that we do not speak for at least the month he is away. What does this mean? Is he trying to move on asap or does he just need time to think? I just want to know if we will ever get back together as it’s tormenting me. I don’t know wether to delete him and his friends off Facebook, instagram, snapchat, & maybe block his number but I don’t know if that is too drastic. I just can’t deal with seeing statuses and photos etc from him. When I left he was crying and said ‘goodbye… for now’. I just don’t know if he’s being genuine. He was really nice about the whole thing but I know he wouldn’t be nasty to me like that. Just need advice. Should I hang in there for a while to see if he will get back to me after a month of no contact? Or should I cut him off completely and move on? Thanks
elizabeth says
Ok so me and my ex just broke up at the weekend. We was going ok, but towards then end it was getting complicated but we knew it would be ok after a few weeks when everything calmed down.
However on the Wednesday we spoke and he thought I was trying to end it. So on the Thursday we went for a meal and he was joking oh I can’t believe you was going to end it blah blah. Just mucking around.
Then on the Friday I went out with mates, got drunk and said what day are we meeting on the weekend? He didn’t reply so I text back saying as we haven’t picked i’m gonna go on a bar crawl I won’t be able to see you this weekend but I’ll ring you tomorrow. The next day he text me saying he has been thinking about us for a while and he wants to be on his own as it’s not going anywhere. I just responded with ok but please delete my number. My first question is, if he was thinking about it for a while why didnt he end it on the Wednesday when he thought I was going to?
Later that day he sent me a funny video and we spoke about the video and that was the end of the convo. Then today I sent him a message because a comedian we like tickets have gone out sale. So I just messaged saying I know I asked you to delete my number but thought if let you know blah blah. He has read it but not replied. I really miss him, do you think he sent that text to see what I would say? Should I send him a message saying I miss him and want to give this relationship another chance?
jennifer says
My ex dumped me so cruelly 6 weeks before our wedding date 6 months ago. We had been together for 7 years. After 2 months I found something in the flat which confused me. He had been learning another language from English into Finish and there were some intimate writings.
I didn’t think anything of it but afterwards through work collegues ( we work for the same company) I found out he had visited Finland twice. So I did suspect he was seeing someone else. And then the last two days it was confirmed. I deleted his number, blocked him on Facebook and blocked him from texting me. A work collegue of mine said he had changed his profile pic on his what’s app to him and his new girlfriend. I felt like a knife was going through me. Up until that point, I thought I was doing ok and then it was confirmed. Now I just can’t stop crying and thinking how so soon he can move on?? His best friend (who I used to be friends with) had spreaded at work that the reason my ex called the wedding off was because he wasn’t getting enough sex. Most work colleagues are disgusted with him and his friend and have supported me but I feel humiliated.
I just wondered 6 months on, is this normal that I am still grieving? He never even text me happy birthday merry Xmas or happy new year. I guess he was with his new girlfriend.
This is my first heart ache and I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.
lisa says
My ex and I broke up February 2012, and haven’t spoke since then, so over 2 years with no contact AT ALL , we aren’t even friends on any social networks. Since then my birthday has passed July 2012 and July 2013. Today is my birthday and this morning I received a text from him with his picture attached saying “Happy Birthday. Hope all is well!” I was caught off guard completely , confused and weirded out by the whole thing. We had a very bad break up and it ended due to trust issues and we both just got sick of it. But before the issues began we were actually very compatible , I’ve never met someone that I enjoyed with as much as I enjoyed being with him, we were happily dating for almost 3 years. I never got over him but knew one day my heart would finally move on when I met the right person but I have been taking my time. Last night ,before I got the text I actually had a dream about him , and it wasn’t a good one. This whole text message has really kinda messed up my thought process , anyone have any ideas why he would contact me? Just a hey happy birthday or could it be more.
Arthur says
Broke up with girlfriend of 3 years about 7 years ago now, i was 27 when we started going out she was couple of years younger.she was my first love. we got on great together but lived quiet a distance apart .my work as farmer ties me down to my home and she was in college at the time ,she qualified with flying colours and moved to another city away from my home town.and we broke up ,reason being she could not see us having a future together with her living away.
anyway fast forward 7 years now and I still think about her all the time, she moved to Australia over a year ago,but it may be only for 2 years which would be up middle of this year, have not talked to her for a good while now but we exchange the odd txt
my question (sorry for taking so long to get to it) is should I try to make contact and see if she has any feelings for me still,i think I cant accept her reason for the original break up still.if she said she did not love me any more I might be able to move on ,
anyways thanks for reading again,hope this makes some sense,
Mitchell says
Quick backround… Was with ex for nearly 2 years, She left me in november and quickly got with her boss from work which lasted a whole 2 weeks.
Now fast forward to march ( NC since end of november ). She messaged me asking if i would like to meet up in which i agreed. It was nice to see her and it went really well, she was her usual self and everything felt natural. As she dropped me off at home she started crying saying she mad a huge mistake leaving me and how she still loved me.
We agreed to meet up again a few days later and were texting during this time, We went for a walk along the beach, we kissed, hugged, flirted and laughed the whole time. She then tells me she thinks we are soulmates and says that i deserve to be treat better than what she did to me and she can’t apologize enough. We agreed we would get back together but take it slow.
We met up a few more times, same things happen but then she had planned to go out with her friend clubbing. I text her the next morning saying hope you had a great night out, I hear nothing back for hours until i get a facebook message off her asking if i knew what email address was connected to her mobile contract cause she accidentally locked her phone and needed to factory reset it. There were no kisses at end of her messages ( she always put them on ) so i asked what was up, she was cold saying i bombarded her with messages ( which i didnt since i only replied when she text me ) and that i should get on with my life and if she wants something to happen between us she will message me!
Turns out she met some 19yr old kid that night clubbing ( she is 24 ). I saw she added him on facebook so i sent her a message saying “i take it you met someone else last night then” to which her reply was ” as if i’d want someone i pulled in town ” Turns out she does want him since they are together now. I can see this blowing up in her face since he lives an hour away and is immature! She is also keeping the relationship a secret from people. I don’t even think she knows i know they are an item.
I messaged her on facebook about a week later saying “i aint waiting around for you so are you done for good?” She seen it and didn’t reply which if i was sure about being done for good i’d just tell them. Anyway i have been NC since the 16th march and neither of us have tried to contact each other. I’m not hurt by it anymore just confused as to how someone can say them things and then just drop them for a kid!
katrina says
We have known eachother for about 15 years. He has always liked me since High School (I was his crush). We found eachother on FaceBook. We started to date for the first time and really hit it off. We were in a serious relationship for about 6 months. He met my kids also. Long story short, I ofter would argue with him about dumb stuff. Finally a week ago he broke up with me. I have been calling him NON-STOP and TEXTING him non-stop for the past few days, asking him to please reconsider and lets work this out. His response is “No, Its over” he said “I love you and miss you alot but we are thru”…. Finally this morning after i sent him, another text he says” STOP texting and calling me”. So i said “ok”.
I have been reading online about the No Contact rule, I guess i have no choice but to try it now. Could it work?.
Paul says
So it’s been 3 months yesterday that the love of my life for 2.5 years decided we needed to go on a break (week later we broke up). To get some facts out of the way, We met sophomore year of college and she was the tall, gorgeous, classy girl next door. We hooked up for about a month and then put gf/bf label on it but we were also each other’s best friend and could always depend on each other for support. We were each other’s first serious relationship. We come from two different backgrounds; I have a very small family and we are about lower-middle class while she is from an extremely large, catholic, conservative family who are all considerably intelligent and easily the 1%. We definitely spent way too much time together but we loved each other’s company and didn’t want to be lonely. The relationship itself was definitely unbalanced; I was the giver and she was the taker. She always felt guilty and selfish about this but I was always so happy making her happy that I thought it worked. I think she didn’t feel like she provided anything in the relationship but she did.
Even though the relationship was great we went on two very short breaks. I think she would get scared and over-analyze things when major events were coming. The first was a couple months before she would leave for a semester abroad and she didn’t want to be hurt being all the way from me. The second was when she was abroad and we did it because we didn’t know how to be independent as we were always skyping and emailing excessively. I even flew out to visit her on Thanksgiving break just because I couldn’t wait that long. Both breaks were her idea. We are about to graduate and her sister is getting married this summer so I think that made her think about our relationship.
We had a great relationship but there were 2 considerable issues. We made each other very lazy as we were quite comfortable just being together. She questioned my ambition and drive all the time which is a fair assessment. The other problem was that I was never completely comfortable with her family. I loved them and they loved me but I was always so nervous being around them because I wanted to impress them. I felt so stupid and poor around them and often I was very quiet. We certainly have different values but her father saw a lot of him in me and felt extremely supportive of our relationship and always trusted me with his daughter. Rightfully so as I was the perfect gentleman and always put her first and never pressured her into anything. Things came to a head last summer though when I went on vacation with her to the beach but she spent the entire time with her family a very little with me. We had a fight and that was the first time I seriously doubted our relationship. I went to lay out on the beach away from her family a little bit and just thought for two hours if I could live like this for the rest of my life. If I could move away from my small tight knit family to live close to hers. I had doubts but I had no question of my love for her and decided she was certainly worth it. I later found out this fight gave her many doubts as well.
Things started to go wrong around at the end of January. The last night we ever went out together we had a bit of miscommunication and ended up at different bars and I yelled at her for not listening to what I wanted to do. She came to the other bar crying, wanting to make things right, wanting me to forgive her. We walked home and she said, “How could you ever love me? I am so crazy!” I walked away from her and she was shocked. I came back and said, “That’s what *********s do. They walk away from problems. I love everything about you even how crazy you are because I am crazy about you!” We made up but the next night but I got a serious case of the flu and missed the entire week of classes. She wanted to take care of me so bad, to be the giver for once but I told her I did not want to risk getting her sick and to be patient and we would be together very soon. She went out with her friends and would always call me to see she was still banished from my room and I always apologized saying yes.
Unfortunately during this time, a good guy friend of hers came into the picture. He was acting differently around her and apparently a lot of people noticed. Her friends told her that he definitely liked her and she should find out what was going on. She asked him and he told her he liked but did not want to ruin things with me and her. She was fine but the next few days she felt incredibly sick and hungover; not from drinking or the flu but from what he had told her. Her friends told her to stop wasting my time and stringing me along. She had no idea what they were talking about and would reply that she was incredibly happy and in love with me. Well the doubts popped back into her head again and her mother told her, “I know you’ve had doubts but never have you sounded so confidently about them”
The first day back that I was healthy she came over. I was so excited to see her and happy to finally be with her again. However, her first question for me was, “Do you see us getting married?” and I said, “Yes of course I would not be dating you this long if I didn’t.” She started to cry and said she didn’t see it happening, that she didn’t see the same spark and happiness her parents shared or her sister and her fiancé shared. I never saw it coming. It was such a shock. She said she was happy but not all the way happy. I begged and pleaded for us to try and work it out and she even called me a couple times but her friends kept getting in the way as they thought it was the best for both of us. A couple days later she snuck out to sleep over my place but it was not the same, we were friends sleeping over not two people in love. The next night she hooked up with the other guy. She felt sick to her stomach at first but discovered she found him attractive and did like him.
A couple of weeks later, I took a stand for myself and demanded my things back. She let me yell at her for instantly starting something new with the other guy and for breaking my heart. But I didn’t feel any better. I still loved her so much. But then she told me that looking back she wasn’t dedicated to the relationship like I was. She then dropped the bomb of, “I think you loved me more than I loved you”
She tried to transition her relationship with me onto this new guy. Her friends thought she was going crazy as that’s all she would talk about is this new guy. Her friends grew to be sick of her and would vent to me and take my side. It felt good she had gone off the deep end but it was only a minor victory. She told me she was acting crazy with this guy and demanding so much attention. She kept saying she ruined things with him.
I saw them kiss once and I sent her a message basically saying how could she do this to me. We met later that week and she said she’d answer any questions I may have to get closure. We would stare at each other’s eyes and she would tear up. She said she still loved me and cared about me and told me how crazy she’s been acting throughout the breakup but it was time for her to be strong and to deal with it and that I should do the same. She even said for me hookup with another girl, that it definitely helps. I told her I really wasn’t attracted to anybody for that to happen.
We got lunch last week. It felt like the old times, with the chemistry there and everything. We caught up on everything we had been doing. But then we dived into the breakup questions. She said the relationship was completely unbalanced and that she really only loved me as a best friend. She said that she saw us getting engaged, then married but then divorced. She said I was very emotional, needy, sentimental, and not assertive enough. She was worried about my ambition and drive. She said we were just not compatible. She even said she thought of another guy during most of our relationship. I felt terrible. She told me her and the guy she left me for decided to slow things down and now it seems like they are happy just hanging out with each other and having fun. I kind of turned the tables on her when I mentioned that her friends said she was going through a rough patch and she instantly became needy. She asked for a hug and said it felt great and wish it lasted longer. Then she wanted to see if I wanted to come in to her house but I declined and felt like I stood up for myself.
She lives so close to me at school and I see her literally everywhere. At the bars I’ll see her with him and they look so happy. I can’t look away and I torture myself. He seems better than me in every way except I think I am nicer and caring and that I care much more about her. I am so depressed. All I want is her back and for her to love me but I know I can’t force that. I keep thinking graduation is the deadline to get her back. I am so torn between moving on and letting her go or moving on to try and get her back. My friends and family are so confused as to why I would ever want her back. I am too. I just wish I knew how to be single and how to make myself happy. I don’t know how to do that. All I know is that it is so hard for me to let go in something I believed in so much.
romeo says
Well I was with my gf for 8 years until she recently found out I was seeing someone else, while still seeing her. I love my girlfriend to death, but over the course of the relationship there were quite a few moments where she would get upset and sort of shut down, and it would ruin days, and weekends (we wouldn’t see each other because of it sometimes).
So after we had this argument one weekend I went out with a friend and we met a couple of girls. My friend exchanged numbers with one girl, while I just said by to the girl I spoke too. That weekend neither me of my gf budged, so neither one of us initiated contact with each other. So my friend told me we should go out as a group, and while I was hoping my gf would contact me so we could be together, that never happened so I decided I was not gonna ruin my weekend, and went out with the other girl as a group, well needless to say me and the other girl really hit it off, but even after that “group date”, I still didn’t ask for her number.
Eventually after about 4-5 days of not talking to my gf, I gave in and contacted her. My gf’s emotions have pretty much dictated our relationship. If she is happy we are happy, if she is upset, then we are not good…it’s that simple.
Me and my gf talked about getting counseling, but she did not want to see me until that happened. I told her you can’t keep breaking up with me and dangling me on a string all the time, just because you get upset so easily. I told her I was going to go out with someone, because it want fair…she said I should, and so it was then that I proceeded to get the other girls number….and I set up a date.
Over the course of about a month I saw the other girl 5 times, while seeing my gf only twice. I wanted to see my gf, but she wasn’t having it unless we found a therapist. I think I should mentioned that our biggest issue was that my gf DUI not like my brothers gf and though she was rude. I didn’t share this same opinion of her, and sort of defended her when my gf would attack her character(not to her face, just to me). I really just didn’t want any problems between the two of them, especially over what I deemed to be petty things.
So back to the story, the day before my gf and I went to our second therapy session, I saw the other girl. Her and her friend came over my place along with my friend, and we hung out. She ended up sleeping over(no sex was involved), she was just tired and her friend and my friend were still downstairs until late still talking, etc.
So the next day, my gf and I had our second session, and it went very well. We also had a great day just in general, it was really really good. The following day my gf found something in my email sent box on my iPad. I sent a picture of the other girls contact info because I deleted her number from my phone since I was hopeful me and my gf were going to get back on the right track. I was already canceling a potential date with the other in the hopes of this. Well my gf decided to call the number in my iPad, and the girl told her everything!
Needless to say my gf was pissed, and couldn’t believe they had been in the same bed like that on consecutive nights.
My gf thinks I’m a liar and a cheater. I did lie about how many times I saw the other girl, I told her it was only once. I said this because I didn’t want her to think I was moving on, I wasn’t. I was the one that wanted to be with my gf the whole time, but she was the one who many times didn’t want to see me. At one of the counseling sessions she even said if I don’t do this, this, and that, then she doesn’t want to be with me. So the reason I even had to entertain seeing the other girl in the first place is because my gf was ready to leave me, over what I thought was such a small deal. And it really made me feel bad, and scared that I was gonna lose the thing I love most in the world. So I thought having a backup plan might ease that pain.
Well needless to say my gf won’t respond to emails, she blocked my number. I really just wanna have a heart to heart talk with her, and if its not meant to be we can go our separate ways. But I can’t even talk to her as she has told my sister she never wants to talk or see me again. And given her strong emotions, and her inability to not focus on the bigger picture, I’m thinking she might actually follow through with this. But on my end it doesn’t feel like I have any real closure, and the truth is I still want to be with her. But I really just want the opportunity to talk with her. Any suggestions on what I can do would be welcome.
Oh I also recently sent her a little poem of what I thought love is, in the context of our relationship. I even put two pics on it, one of her when she was a kid and one of me when I was a kid. But still no response from her
angela says
A little background info..
*Ex and I dated for 5 months, and he broke up with me less than 2 weeks ago
*We argued a lot due to his crazy schedule (he had very limited time for me, but his reasons were all genuine. I did get insecure and disheartened about this.. but i only realise the error in my ways now)
*He broke up with me as he feels i “deserve someone better who can give me the support & time i deserve” and his feelings are “clouded by guilt” due to the stress & hurt him not being around caused me.
*During the break up he also stated he “has feelings for me and always will” and that “if we are meant to be then we will reunite”
After a week of begging, pleading & losing my dignity trying to convince him to try again, he stated it would be naive to try again so soon, when none of our circumstances had changed. I then attempted NC, but my father got extremely ill and ended up in hospital the next day. Due to the seriousness of the situation, i was struggling to cope so i messaged him throughout the week asking if we could talk as i needed support. He didn’t reply to anything I sent.
So i sent one final message saying something along the lines of “so much for us being friends, you know how i feel and i cant chase you forever, when you realise how amazing i am then give me a call, if you want me in your life you can chase me” .. I didn’t expect a response to this, it was more just my final words before starting NC. But a day later he sent me a reply about how he was still extremely emotional about the break up, had tried to move forward but was having difficulty, hadn’t had time to reflect, is an emotional mess and feels even more guilty and those were his reasons as to why he wasn’t there to support me.
DO i even reply to this and what would I say? Keep in mind I am wanting to resolve this and get back together.
Zachery says
I met this girl (22) because shes a friend of my friend’s GF. So we hanged out couple of times and she liked me, so she get my number from a friend and start texting me. After a month of texting (she was chasing me all along) we went out on a party and after dancing together we started kissing in a car and holding hands… After that there were more massages (every day) and i took her out on a first date. We hold hands entire time and kissed couple of times when i get her back home. Then she inveted me in cinema (she was all over me entire movie) and we went for a couple of walks together (like a couple – holding hands, kissing,…) and i can tell she was talking about things we willl do in future together so i thought, she really wants to be mine. After 3 weeks everything started to fell apart. Less and less texting, when went out (alone or friends) she was moody. I fell something is not right. After a month she texted me that she is not sure if she is ready for a sirious relationship (she broke up with a guy 6 months ago, they were together for 3 years). So we talked, and agree we will take things slow but i didnt have any idea whats goin on until i realized she didnt get over her ex (we were at a party where she saw him). After that she started to avoiding time together so i told her she should just tell me if she doesnt want to see me again. She said she liked me (we even agree to have sexual relationship – she was very into it) and want to see me again. I told her i cant be waiting if her ex is a reason we cant have a sirious realtionship (i really really liked her and i was not far away to fall in love with her). She said every month (when shes has period) she gets deppresed becouse of him. So I told her she has time to think about everything and then tell me what she wants for us (we didnt see each other for 2 weeks beacuse she went abroad). After she came back she told me she cant have a boyfrined right now. She didnt want to fool around and just have sex with me either (she said she was into sex as long as she thought we would have something sirious). So i said we cant see each other anymore becouse i cant be just friends with her. When i asked her whats the reason she wont be my GF she said she didnt fall in love with me as a main reason besides she didnt get over her ex. Now Im wondering that i didnt do enough (im 25 and pretty unexpirienced) – and thats the reason why she didnt fall in love with me (we were kissing (tounge) and stuff in the car for couple of times, she also meet all my best friends). I withold sex even tho i know i could bang her in first 2 weeks (she was all over me) but i wanted to take things slow couse i saw her as a GF material and everything seemed so perfect. I had no idea that she has baggage and everthing wil go upside down. It was totaly unexpected – because she was so into me. Even my friends couldnt believe it (we were hanging around together for a mont with her). Did i made a mistake, do you thing sex would change anything or i havent had a chance with her from beginnning because of her ex? Im not beating myslef up becaouse of sex alone but because of a possible relationship we could have if i were more agressive towards that direction.
BETH says
We dated a few months over a year. He’s 17 and I’m 18. He got really busy with his sport and things were getting tougher. He said he wasn’t ready/mature for a relationship and doesn’t know when he will be. We had one or 2 days together a week and he said he thought I’d get mad if he hung with friends on those days instead of me. He never gave me a change to hang with his friends so I don’t like how he said I wasn’t interested in hanging with them. He didn’t like how I didn’t want to hang in groups but I never got alone time with him so the times I did see him, I wanted to just be with him.
He was leaving all summer for a summer job and we agreed a couple months ago we’d stay together. I guess this was the main reason he broke it off because he didn’t want to leave me alone all summer like that. He didn’t tell me this but he told his family that. I don’t think he had the guts to say some stuff to me. He told them he thought I was clingy and high maintenance. Which I and few others think that’s bull because he didn’t know how to be a boyfriend and it just seemed that way on his side. He knew he wasn’t a great bf and he said I deserved more time from someone else. I probably just seemed too much for him because he was busy and stuff.
I miss us and I don’t know if still cares for me and just wanted to break up because of the summer thing. I can’t change him not being ready but I want to change his negative thoughts on me if that played in with the breakup. I went above and beyond for him and he knew that. We both liked each other but I hate this change. How can I make him miss me or at least want to be friends? He said he’ll see what happens on being friends and we’re not talking right now. It’s so awkward. He didn’t say anything to me yesterday when I saw him and I can’t just pretend nothing happened. I’ll see him around and his sister is my best friend. Help?
bill says
Background – we were together for two years we had a great relationship. Did fight much but ex had anxiety issues and mental health issues. We were almost perfect when one day she freaked out and ended it saying she didn’t know what she wanted in life and that she wants the best for me and she cannot provide that now. I think a little gigs!
its been 6 weeks since the break up and I’m really hurting still none of it makes sense. It’s been LC but mainly NC except at times of weakness on my behalf .. I miss her so much I want to be able to talk to her I know she os going through a rough time and pushing me out of her life seemed like the best solution for her ! She messaged me last week saying she missed me and she was sorry. But I havent really heard from her other then that. It just feels so unfinished .. I want my closure so I can move on I feel like she’s avoiding the last talk with me because she doesn’t want me to move on does that make sense ??
ted says
So my Ex girlfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago. She said she still cares about me and shes not ready to close the book on us yet and not to treat her like a stranger. She went out of town to be with her family for a week and during that time I would call her and text her only a few times a day for a couple of days and she would completley ignore me and then she eventually blocked me on facebook. So then I go no contact for 8 days and then I texted her when she got back she responded with like she was never ignoring me. She has been real nice the past couple of days but still cold hearted. She only texts back if I text her first and she never texts me first. Ive been asking to go to dinner she said today she cant she has plans with a couple of her girlfriends then I asked what about tomorrow she said she cant she has a whole bunch of stuff to do then she writes back saying maybe sometime next week we can go somewhere to feed our bellys I then text back k sounds good. Im 29 years old and ive been in a lot of relationships and was even married for 6 years but ive never cared for a girl as much as I care and love her. I feel like she is just playing mind games with me and just stringing me along. I wish she would just be honest and up front with me and just say dont contact me again or no I dont wanna go to dinner with you. She makes me feel like dirt cuz im the one always initiating the conversation and she takes forever to respond. I think she is prolly back with her ex boyfriend cuz they were texting back and forth while we were dating and she was lying to me about it. I just dont know what to do anymore I really wanna go no contact again but its just so hard. I really need some advice a little pep talk or just a little slap in the face and tell me just to man up and move on
lisa says
We were in a long distances relationship. I live in PA and he lives in NYC.
We started talking online through POF last April and meet in July (made it official) and broken up in April.
He talked about how we were going to do this many times since we meet only 3 times AND he was the one doing a lot of effort in the relationship but this is due to my social anxiety. He would get mad and would tell me he saw this relationship more of a friendship and I guess this is what lead to us breaking up cause I kept doing it. He just hated he was the one always calling, always planning just basically holding my hand. I recall him always saying how he was hurt and that if I he were to do it to me, would I like that.
So, I am moving back to NYC this end of May. Crazy! I know, partially cause of him and he said he hopes I am not moving down there cause of him. I confirmed this last month. He was shocked but I am also moving for other reasons as well. I just love the city more then where I live.
Since the break up, I’ve learned so much and oddly became more aware of my anxiety. The breakup put a huge toll on me and I learned so much the whole month. I talked to him last night about the changes in my anxiety and how much when you’re hurt, you become so aware. I feel a whole lot better, like I am in control. He was happy for me truly and really wanted to hear what I wanted to say.
If fixing the long distances and taking more control of my life will this perhaps make him gave us a second chance? We gave each other as much space as possible and we do talk still but limited it so we can heal. As well as taking baby steps and try not to force it. I mean the breakup wasn’t like BAAAAD just some issues we needed to work out.
As for the NO CONTACT. I’ve done it twice, the first time I just ignored him, lied saying my phone was off and he text if I am alive so I text back and he was saying how it was rare not hearing from me in 3 days lol The second time I tried it yesterday which was going to be 2 days not talking to him but I got employee of the month then posted it on FB so he liked it and comment about it then later text me saying congrats.
Felicia says
I was with my boyfriend for about 6 months. We were really happy just dating for a while and as we met online and hadn’t discussed being a proper couple, I kept my online dating profile up. He found out about this in private but never mentioned it to me – just quietly pulled away from me until I had no idea what was going on.
Eventually, we discussed it and he told me it had hurt his feelings, so I took it down. A couple of weeks later, I got sick at a Xmas party and ended up going back to his house to stay the night. A few days later, he broke up with me in the middle of a fight over this, telling me he was too insecure to be with me, that we had moved from dating to being a couple too fast and that he just ‘wasnt feeling it right now’. He then completely stopped speaking to me for about a week, and I texted him to apologise for my behaviour and he admitted that my dating site usage had really upset him. We then stopped all contact again and I started to heal, when he came back and said he missed me loads. We talked regularly for a couple of weeks and then ended up meeting up and getting back together. He told me he was crazy about me, he had never felt this way about any of his previous girlfriends and he wanted to be with me. We were incredibly happy for a while, although I never quite got over the way he just ditched me over Xmas. We had a great 3 months where we spent whole weekends together, made each other breakfast and just generally had an amazing time.
Anyway, at the beginning of March he started to make a bit less effort – we’d have tentative time to see each other set aside and then if I tried to confirm with him, he would avoid the topic completely, and once completely stood me up. He could never ever make plans in advance, and he started to freak out about me accidentally leaving things at his place (like when I would sometimes take my hair out of a ponytail and forget the hairband). I also never met even one of his friends, and he kept me compartmentalised from the rest of his life, which really bothered me.
One Friday night we had tentative plans for Saturday but at 10pm the night before he still hadn’t confirmed the time. I was upset and scared that he was going to cancel, so when he eventually texted me, I ignored it. The next day he asked me where I had been, and I avoided telling him (as I had been at home and was just avoiding his texts). He asked me repeatedly and called me shady and I felt really upset that he didn’t trust me, and we had a big blow up argument about his insecurity again, where a lot of my pent-up frustrations about the relationship came out.
Afterwards, he started pulling away from me and being really distant, saying he was just really busy at work. We ended up barely speaking, and my anxiety got worse and worse – I asked him repeatedly what was wrong but he wouldn’t tell me. Eventually I confronted him about it yesterday and he told me he feels really insecure about me going out, doesn’t see a future with me, we’re too different and he wants his freedom. I was completely knocked for six because he always, always talked about a future, having kids with me and referred to me as his ‘wife’ a number of times. He also did such amazingly sweet things for me, sent me flowers, took me out loads and bought me amazing presents, all of which showed how he felt about me – so I’m so shocked that he could just change his mind because of what was basically one argument. I’m so sad and depressed and don’t feel like I’ll ever be able to move on from this, let alone find somebody else I get on with so well again.
Jessica says
We met in college. He was crazy about me, I thought he was okay. Lol. We stayed friends for three years and started dating 3 months after he split with a girl he was with for four months. We were together for over two years, the last month was hell. We fought constantly, then we made up, about everyday. It got to the point of tears anytime we would be out with friends. We went back and forth ” I can’t do this anymore” but then make up. Finally he blew up, bad. He said he was done and I walked out. I called a week after saying lets work on this, blah blah blah. He said no I thought I made it clear when I broke up with you. After that I went completely silent. Deleted my Facebook, fell off the edge of the earth. Not even a month after he was back with his ex, the one before me that he was with for four months! I was baffled!!! Was I a rebound for him? Then she broke up with him 3 months in and that was that. They fought terribly. So cut to march, see him on the train to the city for st patties. He and his buddy come all the way to our cart to get off they try and get my attention I stare straight and don’t say a word. They end up at the same bar, he tries to walk by saying something and I ignore. All his friends hug me say how much they miss me blah blah. So the next weekend his one buddy won’t come hang out with me and my friend he and her are really close. He says I’m sorry I would love too but he isn’t over it and he’s my best friend I’m sorry. I’m here thinking what te ****?!?! I have not heard a SINGLE WORD from him since the day we broke up. 9 months of NOTHING!!!! Besides his mom texting me a few times and his friends. So I’m sitting here wondering, what is the deal?! I’m so confused!!! Someone have any idea? Am I blind?
Amanda says
So, we did break up once before for a few days. We had been together nearly 2 years. I had never been happier, I would literally do everything I possibly could to try and make him happy. I paid some of his bills, I gave him presents, called him at work, always told him I loved him, spent time with him…. had a lot of sex…. everything seemed great. But I have some emotional issues, I get upset too easy. He broke up with me about a month ago due to this, but said if I went to therapy, and worked on it, he would stay. I did – but my issue has gotten less severe than completely gone.
So fast foward to yesterday. I got upset over something very silly, I did NOT cry as I would in the past, but the fact that I got upset at all apparently was too much for him. He said a BREAK we needed for a week. I was upset but I said OK. Then he went further into why he cancelled seeing me yesterday (I was gonna hang out with him and his friend). I found out he was rushed to the ER early that day as he fainted at work. Turns out he has some medical problems he was unaware of – VERY high blood pressure, and some sort of heart problem that may end up killing him. He did not want to immediately tell me to avoid upsetting me, but I was shocked… he is somebody who is in really good shape, very active, but his dad died young of the same issue and it seems he inherited it.
He told the doctor apparently that he was being very stressed out by a lot of things. (he has issues at home, he has problems with my friends and sonething with ME I didn’t even know). And the doctor told him that if he doesn’t lay off the stress, he is going down the path of having a heart attack.
At this point, he tells me that His mom equates 35% of his stress. His friends %15, work 10% and me… 40%. He said he honestly, for the whole time we were dating, never loved me, and faking his love for me was stressing him out. He said he tried to love me, and he knew from the 2 months mark that he could not see me as more than a friend. Again this has gone on for 2 YEARS. I still love him, I did EVERYTHING for him, and he told me the whole time he was miserable. Whenever we hung out, he was happy to see me leave because he could only handle me in small amounts, and he could never live with me or marry me,
Note that last Saturday, my birthday, we were discussing marriage. We even had unprotected sex (his present to me…) and he wrote on my facebook how I am the ‘best girlfriend ever’ only a few days ago.
This makes no sense to me. I don’t want that to be true. Any of this. He may have a fatal heart condition. He never loved me at all. All of this is too much to take in. I feel like it was my fault for getting whiny yesterday when I shouldn’t of but I didn’t know what he was going through. This is too much. He is not an ******* or anything I think he is going through too much…. i can’t take this myself though….
Serene says
My exboyfriend is a Marine stationed a few hours away. For the first few months, he was chasing me but I was scared of my strong feelings for him so I pushed him away quite a bit. He finally earned my trust and we spent the next 6 months in a wonderful relationship. He wanted to get married before his next deployment (in 6 months) but I wanted to wait until I could transfer colleges and said when he gets back we can. He seemed OK with that answer.
Then 1 fateful night… we had a great few days together. Went to a party one night where his best friend’s wife brought her best friend who happened to be my BF’s exgirlfriend from out of state. They broke up over a year ago while he was deployed. She kept coming on to him and every other male there but he pushed her away. Later, we got in a disagreement and she swooped in to “talk” to him. They spoke in private (but thats all that happened). I got upset and refused to speak to him when he got back. I left upset and told him I didn’t want to see him again.
The next day he wouldn’t talk to me and deleted me from all social media. A few days later I hear that he and his ex were getting back together.
He tried to talk to me several times to see if I was OK but I was on NC. After 7 weeks of NC he discovered something bad happened to me so he sent me a text. We texted as friends for several days just like old times and then he disappeared. I sent him 1 text and he didn’t respond so I haven’t tried again in 3 weeks.
I’m driving myself crazy wanting him back in my life. His friends have told me that he was happier with me and they don’t recognize him now but he won’t talk to them about whats going on. They think he is back with her b/c she wants to get married now and he is scared to deploy without someone committed to him back home, so he is settling for her. I think its his PTSD talking!
sam says
I was in a relationship with a girl, we were both early 20s. She was the first person I every really opened up to, and I guess you can say she was my first love…
But we lived far away from each other(plane), and it would take years before we could have lived together. I was deeply in love, and so was she. But behind the love I had my head getting ripped apart by doubts. If she was the one. If she really had the qualities i was looking for in a girl. If I was ever gonna be truly and lastingly happy with her.
The point is, we were so different. While she want to see the world and wouldnt have mind living in a trailer park. I want a stable and safe economy. While I am very straight when it come alcohol, she wouldnt mind driving after a drink(not saying she would drive wasted). The list goes on.
I just couldn`t do it anymore. My head was filled with worries and doubts all day, every day. I mean, you can help a girl grow/improve. But you cant change who she is. Thats not fair. So I broke it off.
But now I’m such a mess. She was my best friend. The one who could make me laugh and smile. The idea of never seeing her again, never talking to her again, never hearing her voice again. Jesus. Terrible.
So how do u cope with this? Its so painful, and something I´ve never experienced before. We cut of contact, and I guess it needs to stay that way for some time, but its hard.
Amanda says
Text Msg says:
I’m sorry I just got a lot in my mind right now. I have other things going on I need some time to think about I hope you u understand but I just need time on a good trip sorry (he says my name and not the usual “babe”).
Mind you we worked across the street from one another. He is 28 and im 26. We were a couple for a year. Talk everyday morning and night. See each other 3-5 a week considering we work different shifts. I am very close to his family especially his immediate family. I Notice he been busy with work that the calls and txts msgs aren’t frequent especially this past Easter weekend. He wanted me to come down to see his family, but I had other things to do that day. I see him ad his family majority of the time anyways. We talked things out that following day (monday) and I apologized to him and we flirted like usual (which was at work). He called me that night and abruptly got off the phone because his brother who is in the army called and that’s the last I heard o him. Ever since then, he just disappeared.. it’s been 3-4 days and no response to my calls or long txt msgs at all. Nothing! He finally wrote responded with that text msg above!
Been sick ever since, can’t sleep or eat, blindsided and don’t know what the hell is going on. I feel weak and can’t stop texting him and calling him. I cried a good 50 times and head is pounding.
Jeffrey says
We have been dating for about half a year and have been best friends for several years. I constantly had apprehension about us dating for the longest time, but finally chose to try because she convinced me. She is great and is still my best friend. Recently a lot of stressers have come into her life (end of her junior year in college, summer, president of her sorority, etc.) and I haven’t helped the situation. I have a jealous side and I just cant help it, but her need for independence and being friends with her exes brings that side out.
We had a long talk the other day and we laid out pro con list and reasons to break up and reasons to stay together. I know she wanted to break up yesterday, but didn’t want to hurt me. She has asked for space and I am giving it to her now, but I feel miserable. I think it is mainly the aspect that she is also my best friend. I still without a doubt want to be with her though. How do I deal with this feeling? How can I get her to come back to me?
Watson says
I broke up with my girl of 2 and a half years in August..right.after the break up we hada week apart then after that week we were meeting in hotel rooms for sex amd talking via text all the time…well she met a dude while we were doing this and stopped talking to me..well the went on a few dates and nothing ever came of it which by this time it is mid oct. well we start having sex again and we both start catching feelings for one another again just knowing we cant date at the time..well by end of oct.
She meets anothe guy at a BBQ he knocks her off her feet and they hit it off quick so boom im out of the picture. End of Oct. Hurricane Sandy hit Nj I loose everything..she gets a hold of me a few days later wants to pick me up take me shopping get me out..so she does no sex at all she gives me cold shoulder not even a kiss..drops me off tells me she is done with US I met someone else…so we dont talk for a few weeks until about Nov.
I text her just with small talk and tell her im recovering from storm got a new place etc…well by the next week she is at new place having sex..so she is still talking with new guy during this and we tell each other we cant date but the sex is good but tells me shes not ready to be in a relationship with anyone..so we have sex a bunch more and by mid Dec other dude asks her out she says yes and they start dating but she still talking to me in fact took nude pics of herself sent them the day they started dating Ha! So by end of Dec.her and I still talking she is in a relationship and me and her go to NYC for christmas and get a fancy room and have sex the whole time while he is at home..
January sex continues and I start to tell her I am catching feelings again she replies me too but i’m with him now hes a nice guy but you do it,right and all I think about is you when i’m with him..i hang in there Feb comes along and now we are straight falling in love again while she.is dating him…by March things go south with him and her he doesn’t know what she has been doing but she breaks up with him..now at this point I know we still cant be together but I know there is hope for the future she needs to be single a while and I tell her this.
She knows she still comes over every weekend but acts different now she is.bummed all mopey and shes loosing feelings..i can tell shes talking to the new ex again so now end of april/may she got real distant and starts hanging with.him full time barely talks to me she starts telling me we cant talk anymore im in love with him I made a mistake..well I loose it a little freak out how.could your feelings change that quick she.blows me off..few days ago one of her friends disowned her cause she knew.bout her cheating and how she involved her to lie..well this girl tells new ex b/f everything we were doing so I get called and yelled at by her and my girl hates me and tells me she never wants to talk to me again..
I text her.call her doesnt answer me she calls me last night says look he monitors my phone now please dont text or call me we cannot talk…so basically I got dragged.through.this whole thing thinking I.could get my love back and no she.bounces I know I have to work on myself and **** but i want her back what do I do??? P.s this new guy when she met him he was a virgin at 35 years old never had a girl so hes telling her to block my.number and not talk to me if she wants him…what do I do this kid is pathetic for taking her back she should be mine!
lionel says
So there is a long back story to my dilemma. I was dating my roommate who is 30 and I am 31. We start off as just a hookup and feelings developed. When we were just friends she would always talk about how she had been hurt by men in the past and she never wanted to be exclusive until she was married. We date off and on for the past 7 months. She is very christian and had a hard time dating and living with me. We talked about being in public but she was afraid of what her mom would think. We did tell our closest friends but many times we had to act like not a couple. We once agreed to not date until I moved out once the lease was up or she could find someone to take my spot. Well we ended up dating again. She even gave me her V-card. She did feel bad about that but she new it with someone who cared about her. Well about 2 weeks ago she comes to me feeling that we need to stop everything because as she says her body cannot resist me and she is thinking of staying with some friends until I move out. Well a week later she goes to this conference and meets a guy. He lives four hours away and she is already going to spend 4 days with him for his bday and going to a wedding with him later this month. I asked if we were not living together would we still be dating. She says yes. I asked when I move out would we. She states she does not know. She will consider it when the hurt ends and she has had sometime. I asked her what hurt there has been she then stated she does not know. When I asked her about this guy she stated she is just trying to find what she likes and doesn’t like. She even told me I am everything she wants but something is missing. She does not know what it is. Other times she states I was never on her radar to start because I am not her physical type. I am about 20 lbs lighter than she likes. She also told me she felt like she was a hook up only even though I told her how much I liked her and took her out on dates and took care of her after her knee surgery.
Jenny says
I’m 24, soon to be 25, and my ex is 29. We just ended our relationship of over 2 years about 6 days ago. We both lived together and owned dogs. A week ago from yesterday, he brought up breaking up. This had evolved from a discussion I brought up with him about whether or not we should marry. We always discussed marriage but I wanted an honest discussion with him about whether he felt I could be that person for him. Anyway, he said he didn’t want to break up and just wants me to be happy and that he thinks we aren’t ready for marriage now but soon. I told him last Sunday I was so very happy with him and wanted to make things work. The rest of the day was great. On Monday we just spent all day together (I work weekends and he’s a professor) and had such a wonderful day. On Tuesday he woke up wanting to snuggle and seemed super happy. He even started crying a bit and said it was tears of happiness. Than an hour later, he started bawling and saying he wanted to break up. I was in shock and suggested he sleep somewhere else tonight to work out his feelings. But he took EVERYTHING out of the apartment. I freaked out and got very upset, because he started saying how I was cruel and wouldn’t just let him leave. He then got so upset, he lunged at me, grabbed my neck and pushed my body violently into the bathroom. He’s never once did anything like that, and I looked up signs of an abuser and none were in our relationship. I called the cops, and left my place crying. When I came back everything was gone and one of our dogs (we have 2 dogs).
I called him to talk and he was so angry with me. He wouldn’t and still hasn’t apologized for hurting me. Stupidly, I was trying to think of any way this could work. He would write me emails telling me how much he loves me, cares about me but needs his space. He even called me Thursday night and had this sweet conversation, it seemed like everything could be normal. Friday I was feeling better and then I was out in some random city and saw him with another girl. Worse thing, she’s a girl he was talking with online a month ago. She’s married and their conversations were 95% appropriate especially since she seemed to want to work things out with her husband. The other 5% wasn’t sexual or even romantic just saying stuff like “I find myself finding hope in how we connect”. It made me uncomfortable so he immediately stopped talking to her, wrote her saying they couldn’t talk for awhile and defriended her on Facebook and the sad thing is I felt bad. Maybe nothing was going on. So I told him he could friend her again, but he said he didn’t want to. I don’t know if they had sex that night, but they definitely kissed and he confirmed it and denied that they slept together and that he had been drunk. The girl lives states away but was visiting her best friend, who my ex is currently staying with.
I couldn’t stop crying in the phone to him about the lies. A year ago we broke up for a week. I was volunteering in Kenya and it had happened on my birthday. We were meeting in another country and I thought we were still together since we talked like bf/gf. I found out he had slept with someone else during that time. It was devastating but I forgave him, he did all the right things (cutting off contact, letting me check his phone and messages, showing I could trust him again, etc.) The last year seemed really good with normal ups and downs. I did not see this coming!
I know he’s insecure and had anxieties and we were planning to go to couple’s therapy so he could voice these issues. But instead he randomly dumped me, and worse of all he did it in a terrible way. He made me feel secure. He was so nice to me the past month, even bought groceries for when he left to go home for a few weeks. I make more money than him and pay for most of the rent, buy most of the stuff, take us on fun vacations so him taking the time and effort to do something that’s really hard for him meant so much to me. I really felt secure in our relationship and then he just goes ahead and does this to me. He even wont let me see my other dog who I never got to say goodbye to.
I’m in shock and don’t know what to do. I’m trying to accept that he probably never loved me, because if he did, why would he hurt me like this. He just lashed out, physically assaulted me, lied to me and maybe even slept with another woman one day after it ended (knowing he did this last time and it broke my heart). I know we can’t be together even though I so very badly want to be. It’s just so hard. He wont give any explanations for what happened or how he could say 2 days before all this happened that he was so happy and in love with me, to practically tearing my heart out.
Any ideas on what to do? I want closure but he wont give me any. And worse of all he keeps saying he wants us to heal together and reconcile. He still wants me in his life. I feel so foolish and heartbroken, and worse of all I still love him and want him even though I know it’s one of the worse things I could do. I’ve stopped talking to him for 2 days and I broke down and wrote him this heartfelt email. It wasn’t an email complaining or saying I want us back together. I just said I think he has a lot of issues, and that I still love him and know that even if we can’t be friends or in a relationship, I want him to find help for these problems. I feel so confused and shocked and it seems to hit me every hour.
jessica says
So long story short I fell in love with this man online, yes im aware it sounds freaking stupid but it happened regardless. He feel for me too so after years of talking and planning, lots and lots of skyping I finally figured a way to be with him in England as I am in the US. Signed up for school there, got the loans all settled and now about a month due for me to arrive he says he isn’t in love with me anymore :O He promised me the moon, we were gonna buy a house, get married have kids the whole damn thing and everything was going as planned till this epifiayn. Well it’s too late for me I have signed my paperwork and have no choice but to go to england now or destroy my student loans He wants desparatly to stay friends and just wont stop texting me. Im just so broken at this point cause Ive lost my family now, he is the only person I know in the whole country. I don’t know if he is just panicking or if he just played me for a fool and now wants to keep me around as fwb while he plays the field and not commit. I put all my trust in him and now I don’t know what to do! I’ll never be his friend or backup plan just don’t know what he wants from me. Oh btw he broke up with me the day before my birthday to boot and sent me this vid. Dont know if its regret of guilt in his eyes maybe somebody can look at it and tell me. Tell me if im a fool to still believe he is just scared
nathan says
My ex and I were together for 2 years, lived together for a year and a half. I moved across country to be with her and we had such a great connection and so much in common. It was amazing. During the course of living with her, I made some horrible choices. She caught me talking to girls numerous times, saying inappropriate things. I never actually cheated and never would. I believe I just enjoyed the thrill of it. I don’t know if it was the fact that I moved across country and had no one but her and I was seeking more attention or what. Either way, it doesn’t matter, it was wrong. The last time I was caught, she wanted to end the relationship and for me to return home. I quit my job and was packed up and then she changed her mind. This left me unemployed for a couple months which also caused problems. So, basically, I came home to visit over the holidays and while I was here she cancelled my plane ticket back and shipped all of my stuff back. I know I made mistakes but I thought that was pretty low of her to do. Anyways, I tried getting her back for a month and a half then finally just went no contact and have been for two and a half months now. After two weeks of no contact, she called our mutual friend and asked how I was doing and if I had told her anything “interesting” about how I was doing. I left it alone, then around 3 weeks ago, which would make it around the 1 and a half month mark of no contact, she calls our friend and starts talking about me and says she wouldn’t mind talking to me. I have remained in no contact still because I know there’s no point in reaching out. I already attempted to for a month and a half and she told me to leave her alone
roger says
I’ve been going out with my GF for 2.5 years and we have been through a lot, she has supported me a lot and I took her for granted. The first year and a half were amazing and then my parents got divorced and multiple other uncontrollable things made me very depressed and alone. I kept pushing her away.
Now recently after a petty argument (we never really argued I was just distant towards her), she said she wanted to break up. This is my first long term relationship (im 23) and I took it badly pleading with her to take me back and that I will change (which I have done). I bought her flowers and everything.
Ever since she has been talking/texting me but seems distant. We have been going on regular walks twice a week and I get a hug at the end. She is going away for 3 months (To a really remote area – so her getting with somebody isn’t playing too much on my mind yet) and 2 days after she split with me she promised she wouldn’t).
I just don’t know what to do and I am so sorry and have told her so, we had planned our lives out together and everyone thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together (like I did and perhaps was a reason why I took her for granted as I thought she would never leave me).
I have serious exams coming up and cannot concentrate or stop thinking about her and I am desperate to be with her.
nancy says
My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me about 6 weeks ago now, I know our relationship wasn’t perfect as I don’t believe anybody’s is. He was always faithful to me and I too him, it started over an argument about him going out with his mates and coming home at 5am…he didn’t always do this but when he did it really made me angry. He thinks I don’t trust him and ever since that argument he said a “switch” has been flicked and he doesn’t know if he will ever get that back- he can’t be with someone who doesn’t trust him. He said that we are both unhappy and we just don’t work together, the spark has gone and were more like friends.
We live in a rental property together and are in the process of building a house together. I have since moved out of the rental house and have signed the lease over to him. He is now asking me what I want to do with the unbuilt house (he doesn’t want to continue building it, and he wants to just give me my money back that I put into it or buy me out, which will be a lot less than what it would be worth if we were to finish the house and sell it) He said that this is hard enough without being tied together. He wants to sell all the furniture and split it and move out of the rental house as it doesn’t feel right him being there anymore. Im 27 years old and he is 31, it’s like he has gone through an early mid-life crisis, I still don’t even know why he broke up with me really- it was so sudden.
I really don’t know what to do in this situation this is a man that I was supposed to marry and have kids with and now it’s all gone, our dream home- everything!I just can’t believe that after 9 years together he doesn’t even want to try and work it out. This is the hardest thing I have ever gone through in my life and I don’t know how I am going to move on from this, his mind is made up and there’s literally nothing I can do to change it. I rarely message him and when he messages me (usually at the end of the week) it is to ask me things about the house, nothing else. There’s no I miss you’s or just even a simple how are you.
I just don’t understand how you can love someone one week and then the next it’s over. [B]He said he doesn’t know what he wants out of life anymore, he thinks he is supposed to be on his own and he wants me to have every happiness out of life, he just knows for sure now that it’s not with him, the last part of that message was that he will always love me. I miss him and love him so much. I keep thinking of all the times I was a complete bitch to him for no reason, I was selfish in this relationship and I realize this now. He only ever tried to make me happy with everything he did and a lot of the things he did in life he did for me and our future I just didn’t see that at the time and now I’ve ruined it all.
I guess it’s true when they say you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone!
molly says
Met a beautiful boy at work right after I called off a 3 year relationship. Fell fast (many asked if it was a rebound, but it wasn’t) and ended up in a relationship with him a month later. Our relationship was NEVER easy for many reasons including his insane family commitments (he still lives at home and has very strict parents who control a lot of his life), a very busy working schedule and the fact that he lives 200KM away from me for university. Nevertheless, we both agree’d it was worth all the difficulties as we liked each other enough. 5 months later, we are arguing A LOT because of said circumstances – I’m the first to admit i’m insecure and found the fact that he wasn’t dedicating his time to me disheartening (even though i now realise it was physically impossible for him). A week ago he broke it off – his reasons being ” you deserve somebody who can give me the time and support you need”; “it breaks my heart when i upset and disappoint you and i cant handle it” etc. All very noble and unselfish reasons to break up.
I’m still young, so typically i begged and pleaded with him to reconsider, telling him I don’t care how hard it is, I just want to be with him (all very true, but I went about it the wrong way- multiple texts and calls, crying when we met up to talk about it). I made it clear that I still want to continue the relationship many times, but he continued to state “its not right at the moment”; “it would be naive to start again so soon when the circumstances haven’t changed”. Again, all very wise and unselfish.. but at the same time, in his message he states “i feel something for you and always will” “if we are meant to be together, i’m sure we will reunite” But when i saw him in person he said his feelings for me were “clouded by guilt”. He is a very traditional and conservative guy – in our 5 months together we never even slept together as he wanted to wait for the right moment, not when we were both feeling lustful.
Basically i’d just like some outside perspective on the situation? Am i getting played, or are these genuine reasons for breaking up? Personally I feel like if you still have feelings for somebody you shouldn’t give up no matter how hard things get. Is it possible though, that he really is just trying not to hurt me? And, I know many of you won’t like this, but do you think there is chance for reconciliation? As far as him “moving on” to another girl – I am his first girlfriend since high school, and second in his life, and before I came into the picture he wasn’t talking to ANY other girls on a regular basis. So its a non-issue.
Btw, I have initiated NC from today. My last messages from him were one about how I am sorry about how emotional i’ve been about the break up (I saw him last night and cried my eyes out and begging him to stay) and that it was the best thing for us now, and a subsequent one asking for advice about my father who is ill in hospital at the moment (he replied to this, just saying to do right by my family and trust the professionals etc.. but I did not reply).
luke says
Long story short, my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago after together for 6 months. She started dating someone 2 weeks after BU. I did the usual not-to-be-done things until new year’s eve and have been completely NC since 01/01. I even resisted wish her on her birthday (yesterday) and have been on the road to recovery.
I met her on an online dating site and after the BU, I subscribed to it again to get back with my life. Today her profile is showing up as one of my matches and I see that she has logged in 3 weeks ago while she was with this other guy (till this day I believe).
I did click her profile out of anxiety and if she logs in the next time she may actually see that I am there too and I saw her profile. I am confused and almost want to leave her a note thru the dating site
Not sure if I had a particular question in mind but love to hear your thoughts. Sht happens even when you want to stay away. I do LOVE her still.
kate says
My ex boyfriend of over six years broke up with me about three months ago. We had lived together for about 4 years of our relationship. About three years into our relationship, he asked me to move with him to a different state away from all of our friends and family and I did. When we broke up, I moved back to my home state while he remained in the home we had shared. The break up was sudden, painful, and humiliating. I had about a month to pack all my stuff, find a new place to live, and leave.
The problem I have now is not how much I miss my ex. I do miss him, but I am actually kind of relieved not to have to deal with his mood swings and lack of affection anymore. What I am actually worried about is that no one will want me again. I know that everyone will say that it just takes time and that there are probably lots of people that will want me, but that is just not the case. This was only my third relationship and the only one that lasted over six months. Men don’t seem to find me very attractive and I have heard more than one man admit that my intelligence and independence is intimidating. I am not prepared to change my entire personality in order to have a relationship so I am worried that I will never find someone that will accept me for me like I thought my ex used to do.
So, not only did he leave me heartbroken, financially ruined, and significantly older with nothing to show for it, he left me to grow old alone without any romantic love. I wish I was the type of woman who was able to find a relationship or that men would come up to and ask on dates, but that has never happened to me and now it probably never will.
Davishia Mcneil says
I broke up with someone (and really hurt him in the process),
because all I felt was sexual attraction and got bored with
him. I know, it was a horrible thing to do. But later I have
actually developed deep feelings for him, and I think he is returning them, but I was not sure. How can I make this work? Was what bothers me every now and then and I was scared he will reject me.
Louise Hadley says
first, you need to stop sleeping with him if you want to confirm if there is anything more than pure sexual attraction. As you mentioned that you got bored with him and then broke up with you, you need to make sure that you are really serious about having a relationship with him before trying to get him back. Normally, if you are the dumper, it is easier to get ex back than if you were the dumpee. There are a lot of ways to get him to chase you. I covered it in a lot of blog posts as well as in my book Ex Back In 30 Days Blueprint
Gigi says
I have lived with a guy for 5 years, been together 6. We have had a happy relationship but as time has worn on and all my friends are settling down, getting married, moving house and having babies i feel our lives have kinda stood still. We have struggled a bit money wise and are not in the same financial position as others around us. There has been talk of how happy we are but he never once said he would like to marry me. Only that he was happy in the here and now and there was a ‘fuzzy’ figure in the furture i.e. he wasnt against marraige, just that he didnt want it yet.
In january he split with me out of the blue, said i deserved better, that he was setting me free to find someone who could give me what i want, marraige and babies. That he loved me thats why he was doing it. This was 5 days after i lost my job btw. He always said he felt like a ‘burden’ to me financially as i was the main supporter.
Since the split he has been in touch often. We see each other, spend time together, everything feels ‘normal’ have cuddles, sex (i know, i know) kisses and affection but then he leaves again at end of the day and every time i feel upset as every time i hope this is the time something changes and he comes home.
His texts said he needs ‘time’. That he still loves me and always will (why have you left me then?) but he isnt sure if he is still ‘in love’ with me. Is there a difference? He says he needs to do stuff for him, he is in the middle of a degree that he is doing in his own time. That his financial situation is brining him down and even if he wanted to buy me a ring he couldnt.
The day he was supposed to move his stuff out i left him a key, spent the whole day crying at my mums and went back only to find he had taken nothing. I text him, he said he felt sad doing it and would need to come another time. He also left me a message on the board in our kitchen that said ‘love you laura. You are the best girl in the world. ****’ all this on the day he was supposed to move everything out.
Messages have been mixed, he says he is ‘setting me free’ (even though i dont want to be) but yet doesnt seem to be able or want to let me go. It is usually him that makes the move to see each other and start intimate relations.
BUT…last wednesday i was out to eat with a friend and saw him through the window go to the cinema with another girl. He swears blind she is ‘just a buddy’ and wants/did nothing with her. I feel this was the final straw for me. We text a bit back and forth about it but ultimately i was too hurt as i feel he has been confusing me for the last 3 months. I have now enforced no contact and said to him only contact me if the ‘fuzz’ clears and its me you see.
He replied the next day saying sorry about everything but he was in a funny place and didnt know how long he would be there for. Then again later saying could he come by to pick something up from the house. I felt this was just an excuse to come by and see me, probably try it on with me and make everything ok so essentially HE felt better. I ignored it.
I just want some advice, what do i do? What should i think? Am i total tool to think we could still possibly have a happy ending? I have not only lost my boyf but my best friend also. He says – be my friend, but i am still so in love with him and hurt i dont think i can or should.
Catherine says
My ex and I seemed to be on the same page about everything when we were together, and he was the only one who I really felt open to. He knew everything about me, all of it, the good, bad, my past, the psycological abuse I suffered at home, and he used to love me for all of it. Sorry this is really detailed, but I really want to be a mother some day but always feared that I would end up like my mother, and we would talk about how when we had kids we would be a team on everything and make sure they had good lives growing up. And we would give them the model of what it means to really love someone as strong and committed parents.
He told me that the other privates at his base would put him down sometimes for thinking about starting a family so soon and laughed at the idea of waking up next to the same person every morning for the rest of your life. But he always said it never phased him, and he would just tell them he was just a very lucky man who had found real love, and to have those things with me was all he wanted.
Then after three years he cheated on me and left me for someone else. Said he fell out of love. I had been feeling better, pushing him out of my thoughts and telling myself I can to so much better, because I am a faithful woman and it’s what I deserve. But I had also been able to convince myself for a while that I no longer loved him, and it’s just not true. I do still love him, and when our relationship was still healthy I really saw myself having a life with him.
Now I feel like I wouldn’t know how to start over in a new relationship when the time comes. How do you go from your best friend and lover leaving you, who knew you better than anyone else and used to accept all parts of you for it, to starting over with someone who knows nothing? I miss having someone who understands me… I completely trusted him with everything and he cheated on me and broke my heart, so when I try to start a new relationship I’m scared I will have a lot of trust issues now as well. He did everything to show me he wasn’t like all those other guys, but then showed his true colors and left me for someone else like I was nothing.
Bercia Kumar says
My ex-boyfriend dumped me 3 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do
Louise Hadley says
Hi, i am sorry to hear that. First, you need to stop contacting him for a while. Meanwhile, you need to get yourself out of this emotional mess. No one likes to be with a negative, needy and weak person. Next, you need to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it. At the same time, you also have to work on yourself to be the person he fell in love with.
blessing says
i have and my family have been living together in peace and love we were married for 10 years with two beautiful kids everything went smoothly until a husband started staying out late and would beat me up with any excuse he gets, he wold always get drunk and i was bent on finding out what the problem was and i discovered that he was seeing a young woman outside who he was planning to move in together and was preparing a divorce i became devastated as i love my husband so much
Louise Hadley says
Hi there,
Sorry to hear that. No man should ever lay his hand on a woman. I think it is a good decision that you are leaving him. You deserve so much better. Stay strong and everything will be okay.
melenda says
I thought it was over for me when my ex left. I gave all i have for the relationship to work but it was all failure. 4month after my partner left me for another person
Louise Hadley says
i am sorry to hear that. Be strong, gal.
Danti Bruno says
I was married for 7years with 2kids and we lived happily until things started getting ugly and we had fights and arguments almost every time… it got worse at a point that she filed for divorce… I tried my best to make her change her mind & stay with me cause i loved her with all my heart and didn’t want to loose her but everything just didn’t work out… she moved out of the house and still went ahead to file for divorce… I pleaded and tried everything but still nothing worked.
wrightLeez says
After 2 years of Broken marriage, my husband left me with two kids . I felt like my life was about to end i almost committed suicide, i was emotionally down for a very long time.
Louise Hadley says
Hi there,
sorry to hear that. First of all, you need to think about your kids and taking your own life is not going to solve anything. There are a lot of single mums out there doing very well. You just need to have faith that everything will be okay. i know it is hard now, but it is only going to get better. Please don’t give up on yourself and don’t give up on your children.
Belinda says
I’m a university student who is currently living with my ex-bf atm and I’m just really confuse and devastated to what just happened. My situation is that on the last days of our winter quarter, my boyfriend and I went to an argument (the thing is that after finals, we usually go back to our home in our city to take our break. on that quarter he finished his final early so I asked if he could stay just a night with me before he heads back in his hometown. He refused to stay and that’s how we got into an argument) he said that he cannot be in a relationship anymore and that we are done. During our spring break I texted him because I miss him so much and he told me that he misses me too. When we got back from our vacation, I apologized to him to what I have done and promised him that I would be better and that we should take it slow and give it another shot. For about 4 weeks, I thought that i have been doing good in fact I thought it was all perfect because we didn’t argue at all, we told each other how much we love one another and we kissed/hug and all that. Last week on Tuesday I asked him what should we do on Friday so that we can both do something fun and he said will just plan it out on Thursday. And Friday came and we still have decided on what to do. On that Friday night, he dropped the bomb and broke up with me saying that he doesn’t feel that same way towards me anymore. I broke up with tears and was really devastated. I told him what did I do wrong again that he’s breaking up with me and he told me that “nothing you didn’t do anything wrong” he said that he just doesn’t feel the same way anymore. I find this really confusing and heart crashing since I thought everything was going great and perfect. I asked him what did I do to him to him feel that way and he said nothing he just don’t love me anymore. I just feel really depressed right now since I love him with all my heart and I know that he’s the one for me. He is the first person I really fell in love with and I’m also his first. I want him back so badly right now and everyday is just getting harder and harder adding the fact that we live with each other. I know that I can’t get him back right now and that time can only heal this. I just don’t know what to do anymore and what was he thinking why he broke up with me. Hopefully you can help with some advices. I’m just so confuse.
jesse howard says
I dated my fiance for 8years with little breakup’s between until a whore came into our life who was my best friend.When i discovered my fiance was cheating on me with her i was so mad at him that i could not even look at him anymore.As time went on i and my fiance was trying to fix things but my best friend wanted us to be apart from each other in other to have him to herself which she later achieved.Soon my fiance wasn’t paying attention to me anymore.All he could think of was how he could dump me and his two beautiful kids in other to be with my best friend.I was so heart broken because i loved him so much i tried all means to get him back but it wasn’t possible.
Louise Hadley says
Hi, I am sorry to hear that. I think it is time to change best friend and your husband. You are a good person and you deserve much better than that. Stay strong and have faith!
jassica says
My boyfriend dumped me a week ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me. I was so confuse and don’t know what to do
Louise Hadley says
Hi, I am sorry to hear that. First,try not to call or message him, no matter how much you miss him. If you persist on calling him when he is in no mood to talk to you, it will only make things worse.
chris jennifer says
I was married to my husband Alans Evans, we were together for a long time and we loved our self’s but when I was unable to give him a child for 2 years he left me and told me he can’t continue anymore then I was now looking for ways to get him back
Louise Hadley says
Hi, if having a child is important for him, i suggest that you can go see a fertility specialist. if your financial situation permits, you can also try IVF. Another option will be adoption if your husband is agreeable to this.
Rose says
i almost lost my mind when my ex called off our relationship that we’ve built for 4 years, and because of this i was so emotionally down that it affected my job and i was sacked… and this made my life even more confused
Louise Hadley says
Hi, I am sorry to hear about this. First of all, you need to pull yourself up and get yourself a job. Without a job, you will have all the time in the world to think about your ex and it doesn’t help you deal with the breakup at all. Without a job, you also lost income and I can only imagine it will make things worse for you. So, get yourself a job first and stop contacting your ex for a while. During the NO contact, you work on yourself. Remember guys are attracted to positive, pretty and confident women
maryhnline says
After being in relationship with him for 3 years,he broke up with me,
I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted
him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with
everything, I made promises but he refused.
Louise Hadley says
Hi, may I know why he broke up with you? so, I can give you more helpful advice. Be strong!
hans says
I have been dating this girl over 6years Our wedding was to hold march 26. We had a little misunderstanding and she left me for another guy.Some times I will go to her house to beg her to come back to me because she really means a lot to me and I love her so much and she will ask me to leave her alone and I should never come to her house again. I found it really hard to fall in love with another girl, months passes by and I was waiting patiently for her to come back to me but in my heart I was still going through hell, there was a big hole in my heart.
Louise Hadley says
Hi, I am sorry to hear that. First of all, stop begging and stop contacting her for a while because begging will only make her more irritated and make things worse for you. Next, figure out what went wrong. Is there any way for you to clear up the misunderstanding with her? Remember, communication is very important. We are not mind readers.
melisa says
My boyfriend left me and told me is over I was devastated as I loved him so much
Louise Hadley says
hi, sorry to hear that. first of all, i need you to pull yourself out of this emotional mess. Be positive and strong. Let me know more details about your breakup such as why he left you before I can give you some constructive advice.
lisa marck says
I and my husband was having issues 4 years back and it leads to serious quarrel and fight even before our child we’ll fight all night till we separated , but I was so in love with him so I seek for how to get him back in my life
becky says
A very big problem occurred in my family seven months ago,between me and my wife so terrible that she took the case to court for a divorce she said that she never wanted to stay with me again,and that she did not love me anymore So she packed out of my house and made me and my children passed through severe pain. I tried all my possible means to get her back,after much begging,but all to no avail and she confirmed it that she has made her decision,and she never wanted to see me again.
Louise Hadley says
Hi,
sorry to hear about this. U need to understand that begging doesn’t help at all. You need to stop contact for now. May I know what led her to take you to court before i can help you on this? Stay strong, buddy!
cannon shelly says
i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us..
melisa says
I almost took my life because of my ex left me and stop picking my calls or
replying my text messages. He told me that he don’t trust me anymore
because I work very late at night. I tried to convince him, but he will not
believe me until we had a fight and we broke up for about three weeks,
After then I realized I can’t live without him because of the love I have
for him. I tried everything possible to get him back but non worked for me
cathrinec says
i have been married four
4years and on the fifth year of my marriage,
another woman had to take my lover away
from me and my husband left me and the
kids and we have suffered for 2years. What should i do?
yours
Cathrine
Louise Hadley says
Hi, it is time to get a closure and move on with your life. It is not worth it wasting your time dwelling in sadness and misery. What happened just proves that your husband is a douchbag and you are better off without him. There are so many good men out there. You will find your own happiness soon:) Have faith!
NICOLE says
I and my boy friend as been separated for a long period.I was so sad and almost gave up on him
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Louise Hadley says
thanks!
Bida Stacey says
Am Bida Stacey by name My ex-boyfriend dumped me 6 months ago after I accused him of seeing someone else and insulting him. I want him back in my life but he refuse to have any contact with me.I was so confuse and don’t know what to do.
elizabeth rosas says
After being in relationship with emma for seven years,he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused.
Louise Hadley says
Hi dear, begging doesn’t help you get him back. 7 years is a long time. I can only imagine how hard it is for you when he broke up with you. First, you need to stop begging and start pulling yourself out of this emotional mess. Next, you need to stop contact with him. Both of you need some time and space to digest what has happened. Calling him and messaging him during this time will only push him further away.
Partsy says
I and and my boyfriend dated for two years and we where planning to get married soon then all of a sudden his love for me started changing and he started avoiding me recently he just made it clear to me that he is no longer interested in the engagement,i thought he was joking but to my notice it was getting serious as he now charts and move out with his new found girlfriend i tried to lure and beg him if their is anything i have done wrong he should forgive me but he never listened. all he says is that the relationship is over
Louise Hadley says
Hi, i am sorry to hear that. First of all, I am not sure if he still has feelings for you since he is already seeing another girl. He probably cheated on you while he was still attached to you. Begging him to come back to you doesn’t work. it only shows weakness and neediness. You need to stop contacting him and work on getting over the breakup. During this time, you need to give it a think whether you really want to get him back. If you think he is worth it, then you work on how to win him back.
tracy says
I was married to my husband for 8 years and we were both bless with two children, living together as one love, until 2010 when things was no longer the way its . But when he later gets a new job 3 months after, he stated sleeping outside our matrimonial home. Only for me to find out that he was having an affair with the lady that gave hem the job. since that day, when i called him, he don’t longer pick up my calls and he nothing since to come out good. Yet my husbands just still keep on seeing the lady.
Louise Hadley says
Hi, you deserve so much better than a cheating and lying husband. Stay strong and do what is right for yourself and your children. Everything will be okay:)
darren says
My ex and I havent spoken in about two months, but recently a hurricane hit Bermuda (where she is from) with another one approaching and I kinda want to make sure that her family is doing ok. She currently is in the states here, so it would be easy to figure out. However, I dont want to cause her more stress by approaching her and asking…..
If its relevant: she broke up with me.
Anastasia says
I was single for years and loved every minute of it, I am 31 and believed I would be single forever and was fine with this…..then out the blue I met Paul.
Paul is four years younger than me, but he was charming, caring, mature and not scared to show or tell how much he loved me. people would always ask of what we were up to as he always did the nicest of things for me.
I will never know if after the first year together, he got too comfy and stopped trying or his friend recently became single roughly the same time but Paul changed. I didn’t seem to be a priority anymore he would squeeze me in when he was free and not out with his single mate. He would cancel on me as he was too hungover from the night before, but go to the pub the next night, the pub is next to my house to see his friends and not think of popping in to Say hi. Don’t get me wrong although I wasn’t seeing him as much he was still in contact with me through text and phone calls.
For the first time ever I felt lonely, I have never ever felt lonely being single so I knew this wasn’t right being in a relationship and feeling like this. I finally told him how I felt and he flipped, he said he was too hungover to deal with this, he said I had lost the plot and need to speak to someone and that i was away with
fairies. He then said he quits (our relationship). He then sent another text confirming this saying he was too busy with friends, pub, band and work. I have never ever heard him speak like this and especially not to me. In sheer panic, shock and hurt I didn’t reply I deleted him. It’s a month tomorrow that this happened and ive never heard or seen him since which makes me think he doesn’t care.
I can’t get my head around why he attacked me so personally and how he could end our relationship as easy as he did. I honestly thought he would get in touch once he calmed down. What the hell has happened
Natasha says
I am Natasha i lives in America and i was in a serious relationship with my Ex Guy for 3 good years.. One day we were in a dinner party, we had a little misunderstanding which lead to a Quarrel and he stood up and left me at the dinner party. i try to call him but he was not picking my calls so after than i contacted my brother and told him about it,my brother so much love me that he had to see him on my behalf,he told my brother that it is over between us..
Louise Hadley says
It is common for couples to have arguments and quarrels. The main reason why couple fight is because of ineffective communication which often leads to misunderstanding. So, the important thing is to figure out how to communicate with each other peacefully and make ourselves understood. Quarreling doesn’t resolve any problem. Take a step back and think from the other person’s perspective and talk it out openly and honestly:)
Tyson F. Gautreaux says
Great work on your relationship post. Very helpful. Thankyou.
Louise Hadley says
Thanks for your compliment! Glad you liked it!
Hipolito M. Wiseman says
Nicely done on your romance situation article. Very well thought out. Thanks.
Louise Hadley says
Thanks a lot:)