You probably have already tried many ways to get your ex back to you, but nothing seems to be working. You see, there are ways that will get your ex back, and there are ways that will only push your ex even further away from you.
You may have already tried some of the methods yourself, and if you are reading this right now, chances are that it’s probably not working for you.
After many years of helping many of my clients get their ex back, there are a number of things that you can do to increase your chances of reconciliation.
Before we get into what you should do, I want to first share with you a very simple, yet powerful 3 Step Process that will help you decide whether what you’re about to do will help increase your chances, or will jeopardise your chances to get your ex back.
The 3-Step Process To Increase Your Chances
Step 1: Before you actually want to do or say anything to your ex, the very first step is to write down on a piece of paper exactly what exactly it is that you want to say or do if you contact your ex.
So, for example if right now my ex is with someone new, and I want to actually find out if he/she had been cheating on me during the relationship, I would write down on a piece of paper the following:
“I am going to ask my ex if he/she had cheated on me when we were together”
Now that you have written this, you want to also prepare yourself for the answers your ex might give you, and then write it out on the piece of paper as well:
“If my ex said that he/she hadn’t been cheating on me, I will still be in disbelief and will ask more until he/she tells me the truth.
And if my ex said that he/she did cheat on me back then, I would know that is the reason why he/she broke up with me and ask him why he/she cheated.
At that point I would also get very emotional and angry, and would most probably give him/her a piece of my mind and tell him/her that I knew I was right!”
So, the key here is to plan exactly everything in advance in your head as though you are already facing your ex. This is important because you want to foresee what you might be doing with your ex.
Step 2: The next crucial step is to read through what you wrote above and then ask yourself these two questions:
Question 1: Will what I’m about to say or do, make my ex want to be with me, or will it make my ex want to stay further away from me?
Question 2: Will what I’m about to say or do, make my ex feel good towards me, or feel more annoyed with me?
Step 3: If the answer to both questions is to make your ex want to stay further from you, and will make your ex feel more annoyed with you respectively, then you want to reconsider contacting your ex because it will most likely not help you get your ex back.
In fact, it will most likely jeopardise your efforts to get your ex back and push him/her further away from you.
Okay, now you know you should follow the 3-Step Process before you contact your ex. The next step to increase your chances of getting your ex back is to first know what NOT to do.
Here are the main things that you must NOT do from here on:
Begging & Pleading
It’s very important that you do not beg and plead with your ex because it will make you look emotionally needy and desperate. Nobody likes to be around someone who is very needy and desperate. Not only is it unattractive but it’s also repulsive.
Reasoning & Using Logic
The reason why this hardly every works is because you don’t get into a relationship because of reason and logic. You get into a relationship because you feel good towards that person. So, in a relationship, it is emotions that is the driving force to getting two people together, not logic or reasoning.
In the same way, if you want to get your ex back to you, you cannot use reasoning. Instead, you will have to appeal to your ex’s emotions and get them to feel good, just like how you did when your ex first got together with you.
Using emotional threats will never get your ex to want to be with you. The whole basis of two people getting together is from their own’s willingness. That means that in a relationship, you want to be with your partner because you choose to. And your partner wants to be with you because he/she choose to as well.
By using emotional threats, there is no longer the willingness on your ex’s end to want to be with you. Even if your ex get together with you because of your emotional threats, he/she will not be happy, and the relationship will eventually and inevitably go south again.
This is probably the most common mistake that many people do when their ex has just broken up with them. Some examples of emotional neediness such as asking whether your ex still loves you, whether your ex had been cheating on you, regularly checking up on your ex, and other actions and words that show that you are not over your ex and still want them back.
This will rarely work because if you think about it, your ex broke up with you knowing you want the relationship still. That is why continually showing emotional neediness will only serve to make your ex feel annoyed, irritated and want to stay further away from you.
So, now you know what not to do, now you must know what you need to do in order to increase your chances of getting your ex back to you.
Ways To Increase Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Back
That’s right, choose to be friends with your ex. Many people make the mistake thinking that they would rather only choose to either be lovers with their ex, or totally cut themselves out of their lives. This is perfectly fine if you don’t want to get your ex back any more.
However, if you do want your ex back, you must maintain friendship with him because you are using emotional threat on your ex, forcing your ex to choose between being lovers and becoming strangers.
And many people have the illusion that their ex will somehow choose to be lovers again. Guess what – that will hardly every be the case. Your ex broke up with you for a reason. And whatever that reason is, it ultimately boils down to your ex not wanting to be with you.
So, getting them to choose between lovers and not being friends at all is really very much a no-brainer decision on the part of your ex. They will inevitably choose to cut all connections with you.
But if you want to get your ex back, then you want to remain friends because that is how you get your “foot in the door”. And many people do not realise is that being friends is the “backdoor” to your ex’s heart again.
And don’t worry about being “friend-zoned” because all relationships begin from being friends. And from being friends, you would be able to maintain contact with your ex to attract them back.
Don’t Capture Old Feelings – Create New Feelings
Over the years of helping many people get their ex back, one of the biggest questions that I’m often asked is “Does my ex still have feelings for me?”. The answer could be yes, it could be no, it could be maybe.
But here’s the thing that many people don’t understand: If you want to get your ex back, do not seek to capture any old existing feelings your ex might have of you. Instead, create new feelings in them towards you!
Capturing any remaining feelings in your ex is just like eating leftover food. Why would you want to do that? Not only is it ineffective, but you could even push your ex even further away from you.
Instead, what you want to do is create new feelings in your ex towards you, just like how your ex never had feelings for you until you came along and created new feelings in them. And don’t forget that you already have the traits that attract your ex. That was why your ex got together with you in the first place!
Bring Back The You Your Ex Fell In Love With
I want you to think back to the time when you two first got together. Chances are that it was so much fun back then, yes?
Now think back to how it was towards the end of the relationship. Things were totally different from how it used to be compared to the start of the relationship, right?
What’s the difference?
If you are like many of my clients, you will see that there is a huge difference in you between the time you first got together with your ex and the time your ex broke up with you.
Here’s the thing: your ex broke up with the you towards the end of the relationship, not the you that your ex first fell in love with. And chances are that you were much more positive and cheerful at the start of the relationship, yes?
You see, people are attracted more to positive people than negative people. If you were at a party, and there were two people that you could choose to hang out with. One is very cheerful and always talking about positive things. The other is constantly whining and complaining about all the injustice that has been done towards him. Who would you choose to be around? Most likely the person who is positive and cheerful right?
Now, think back to the time leading up to your break up. Were you more positive or negative back then? Chances are that you are more negative, right? And that’s how it led to your break up.
So, what you want to do is bring back the you that your ex fell in love with and that will be able to get your ex attracted to you again! And not only do you want to bring back the you that your ex fell in love with, but you want to enhance the traits that your ex fell in love with.
Let Your Ex Experience The New You
So, now that you have gotten yourself back to the you that your ex fell in love with, what do you do next? At this point, many people will be tempted to go tell their ex about their new changes. However, this will most likely make your ex be even more on the defense rather than to believe you.
And furthermore, your ex most likely wouldn’t even be bothered to know the changes in your life because they had broke up with you. And breaking up with you would already signify that they no longer want to know what’s happening in your life. So, telling them would really be pointless.
Instead, what you want to do is let your ex experience the new you. Because when you let your ex experience the new you, they would realize that you have changed and come to the conclusion all on their own, rather than have you tell them.
So, how do you let them experience the new you? This is where the part of you being friends with them come in. Hopefully you have already established a friendship with your ex allowing you two to still be on talking terms. If not, you want to go ahead and establish being friends first.
So the way to let them experience the new you is by contrasting your behaviour and words against how you were towards the end of the relationship.
For example if towards the end of the relationship, you were constantly asking your ex who your ex was with, and what they would be doing, and basically very controlling. The new you now is completely opposite.
Here’s a dialogue of how you would behave previously:
Ex: I’ll be going out now.
You: Where are you going? Who are you going out with?
Here’s how you would behave now:
Ex: I’ll be going out now.
You: Okay have fun!
Another example would be if your ex does not reply to you after you had messaged them, do not attempt to message them again to ask them whether they had received the message, or why they haven’t replied. Again all these are emotional neediness will push your ex away.
Instead, do not send your ex anymore messages for the rest of the day until your ex replies you back. And if your ex doesn’t reply you at all for the day, and you want to message them the following day, start off with a brand new message that has nothing to do with the previous message yesterday.
At all times you MUST display positivity and no negativity at all. People are attracted to positive people and your ex is no different. And here are the guidelines to take note of when being in contact with your ex:
1) Motivate, encourage and let your ex feel good about himself/herself when talking to you.
2) Compliment and validate your ex whenever you have the chance in the conversation.
3) Do NOT argue or get into a quarrel.
4) Let your ex view you as very positive. People love happy people.
5) Be your ex’s source of strength and support.
6) Keep the conversation light and fun always
7) Be very polite and friendly
8) Absolutely NO serious talks about the relationship and whatsoever.
And finally, the way to increase your chances of getting your ex back to you is to do all the above that I have mentioned consistently. Consistency is the most important thing in the relationship.
If you had been consistent throughout your whole relationship like how you were at the start of the relationship, chances are you would not be need to reading this right now because you would still be together with your partner.
And if you think of it, consistency is something you want in your partner as well! For example, would you want your partner to just be loving only at the start of the relationship, but then change later on? Most likely not right?
So, being consistent is very important for you to get your ex back to you and is one of best ways for you to get your ex back to you.