It has been some time since you two actually broke up. It could be just a couple of days, or it could have been a number of years.
Maybe it has been some time since you last saw or even had any contact with your ex. Or maybe you two have remained friends and are still having some contact with your ex.
Whichever the situation you’re in, one thing is clear – you miss your ex and want him/her back in your life. And you tell yourself that if you could turn back time, you would surely make sure that you would not have made the same mistakes you made that resulted in your breakup.
So, is there still any hope left in getting back with your ex, or is it a little too late to salvage your relationship and it’s better to move on?
Well, the answer is actually pretty simple. As long as you have a way to get in contact with your ex and communicate with him/her, then you definitely still have hope left in salvaging your relationship with your ex.
Obviously, if you want to get back with your ex, you will have to have a way to contact him/her eventually. After all, how do you rebuild a relationship if you can’t get in contact with your ex?
Therefore, as long as you have just one of the following modes of contact with your ex, you can get back with him/her:
- Telephone/ Mobile Number
- Facebook or any social media platforms
- House Address
- Work Address
- Mutual Friends
Have any one of the above? Great, but don’t contact them immediately and let them know of your intentions to get back with them.
Because you have a big problem.
You Can’t Help But Push Your Ex Away
Here’s the thing – right now, you probably miss your ex a lot and just want to tell your ex how much you really love and cherish him/her.
Unfortunately, this will only push your ex further away from you.
Think about it: your ex already knows you still want to be with them, but they still broke up with you. And until now, your ex has not asked you to get back with him/her.
So, telling your ex that you still love him/her will not change the situation, but instead it will make your ex feel annoyed and possibly even block you from all communications with them.
You Can’t Convince Your Ex Logically
You see, in order to get your ex back, you need to re-frame your mind around your situation. Right now, you are thinking that if you just tell your ex that you will change and promise him/her that things will be better, your ex will come back to you, right?
Unfortunately, it doesn’t work this way. Your ex already has a certain perception of you (probably a negative one). And that is the reason why the breakup happened in the first place.
I want you to compare the you that your ex fell in love with and got together with in the first place, and the you that your ex broke up with. What’s the difference?
For most of my clients, they have told me that they have become more emotionally needy, insecure, unconfident, depressed and etc, whereas in the beginning they were more confident, independent and feeling good about themselves.
Chances are that you too are feeling the same way, otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this article in the first place.
So, as you can see, there has been a drastic change from who your ex first fell in love with and who your ex broke up with. And what you must understand is that your ex did not break up with “you”, but the “you” that you have become towards the end of the relationship.
And that is the perception your ex has of you which you want to change. But you can’t tell your ex that. You have to show your ex the new “you”. The “you” that your ex fell in love with because that was what your ex was originally attracted to.
So, how do you do that?
Solution: Get Your Ex To Link Pleasure To You
You see, we all make decisions in life out of two main reasons:
- To move away from pain
- To move towards pleasure
If you were to look back into your relationship with your ex, you will realize that the reason your ex got together with you is because your ex linked pleasure to being with you and therefore got together with you.
After all, we all get into a relationship because we want to experience good feelings. No one gets into a relationship to constantly quarrel, argue and feel negative emotions.
When the relationship gradually turns into something we absolutely dread, it starts to make us link pain to the relationship and the only reason your ex left the relationship is because he/she reached his/her threshold point and decided that it’s no longer worth it.
But, what if your ex told you that he/she no longer loves you and will never get back in a relationship with you?
One thing you need to understand is this: People change their minds all the time.
I’m pretty sure at the start of your relationship your ex probably told you how much he/she loved you and that they would never leave you or even expressed intention to marry you.
You two would whisper sweet nothings to each other and just lie beside each other gazing into each other’s eyes and tell each other how lucky you both are. Some of you might even be engaged and have already planned a wedding date.
But what happened?
Despite all that sweet talk and promises, you two still broke up.
Because people change their minds all the time! In fact, you probably have changed your mind on certain things many times.
So, why do we change our minds? It’s very simple – certain things have changed since those words were said and that made us view the situation differently.
When you two were together, your ex probably thought that you two are meant for each other because things were going very smoothly.
But as time goes on, more quarrels and misunderstandings pile up over time, suddenly the relationship that seemed so perfect at the beginning doesn’t seem so perfect anymore.
And so your ex decided that he/she had enough of it and wanted to get out of the relationship.
But here’s the good news: Your ex can also still change his/her mind and want to get back with you again once you let your ex link pleasure to you and let him/her notice the change in you!
So how do you let your ex link pleasure to you?
Let Your Ex Think That You Are Over Him/Her
The way to get your ex back and to let them link pleasure to you is going to be very psychological and counterintuitive.
And the way to do that is to get into the “backdoor” of your ex’s heart by letting your ex think you only want to be friends.
When you let your ex think that you only want to be friends, your ex will automatically feel less threatened and will lower their guard towards you.
Once you are able to let them think that you are only interested in being friends, your ex will no longer feel pressured that you are going to constantly become emotionally needy or beg and plead with him/her to get back with you.
And when your ex doesn’t feel pressure around you anymore, he/she will be more likely to reestablish communication with you and be willing to start communicating with you more frequently.
During this time, the important thing to note is that you have to keep things very platonic with your ex. You do not want to flirt or let him/her think even for a second that you are interested in them again because the more you are platonic with them, the more your ex will feel comfortable around you and that’s when you can attract them back.
Compliment, Encourage, Motivate & Make Your Ex Feel Good About Himself/Herself
In your conversations with your ex, you want to always remember to keep things light , fun, friendly and very polite.
You need to realize that the old relationship with your ex is gone and you don’t want to treat him/her as though you two are still together.
The more respectful you are towards your ex, the more your ex will have good feelings towards you.
And as much as you can, find ways in your conversations with your ex to complement, encourage, motivate and say things about your ex that will make him/her feel really good about themselves.
And that is how you link pleasure to your ex. Then the goal here is consistency. Remember, to get your ex back is a marathon, not a sprint.
Be patient. In time, your ex’s feelings towards you will come back again.