Is your ex playing mind games with you?
It is quite common for your ex to play mind games with you after your breakup.
Some people do it on purpose. But, there are also exceptions.
It is possible that some of them might not be even aware that they are making you feel like they are playing mind games with you.
First, let’s talk about what a mind game is.
Mind games are defined as actions or statements intended to undermine or mislead or confuse someone else to often gain an advantage for oneself.
In other words, people who play mind games are trying to manipulate you psychologically to get what they want.
It can happen in the workplace, in your family, or in relationships.
Most often, people do it to their romantic partners. And, both men and women are guilty of such manipulative behaviors.
Here, we will examine the various possible reasons why your ex is playing mind games with you.
Your Ex Wants To Gain Control
One of the top reasons for playing mind games is to feel in control.
After the breakup, your ex might experience a loss of control.
In particular, if your ex is a controlling or egoistic person, he or she will probably use mind games to gain back control.
Why is that so?
Because when your ex thinks that he or she can affect you emotionally and get you to do what he or she wants, it makes your ex feel good and also gives your ex a great sense of power over you.
Often, the desire for control stems from insecurity.
Did you ever notice that when you finally decide to go no contact, your ex would start texting you or calling you out of blue to send you mixed signals?
The reason your ex acts this way is that your ex feels that you might be getting over him or her and moving on from the breakup.
And your ex doesn’t want to lose the emotional influence he or she has over you.
For example, one of my clients made the mistake of begging and pleading after her ex-boyfriend broke up with her. He would tell her to just move on.
However, when she eventually decided to cut all contact with her ex, her ex-boyfriend texted her soon after to tell her that he missed her.
They talked all day.
Then, all of a sudden, her ex-boyfriend started to ignore her again.
Your Ex Fears Getting Rejected
Another reason why your ex might be playing mind games with you is that he or she wants to get back together with you but is afraid of getting rejected.
To be fair, we all fear rejection. It is a very common human weakness. To avoid getting rejected, your ex might send you mixed signals to test your reaction and gauge his or her chances of reconciliation.
For example, when you asked your ex about the possibility of reconciliation in the future, your ex told you firmly that he or she doesn’t see you two getting back together.
Then, sometime later, your ex might start to regret the decision to break up.
He or she would text you to check on you and see if you still have feelings for him or her.
You could also find your ex making all sorts of excuses to meet up with you.
So, it is likely that your ex might realize that he or she made the mistake of leaving you and actually wants you back.
However, your ex’s defence mechanism tells him or her not to be upfront about it because your ex is not sure whether you feel the same way.
Your Ex Wants Sex
It is typical of ex-boyfriends to use mind games to get what they are after – sex.
This is by far the most immoral agenda for playing mind games.
I have had a lot of clients who fell into this kind of trap and ended up getting their hearts broken again and again.
In this case, your ex-boyfriend probably knows very well that you are still hung up on him.
So, he is certain that if he tells you he misses you and asks you to hang out either at his or your place, you would unhesitantly say yes.
Then, one thing led to another.
Before you know it, you would be spending the night with him.
You wanting your ex back desperately puts yourself at risk of being easily taken advantage of.
This is because your emotions would cloud your judgement and you would believe whatever your ex-boyfriend says.
How do you tell that your ex-boyfriend is just using mind tricks to sleep with you?
First, your ex-boyfriend would suddenly start showing interest and saying sweet things.
You two would talk all night and laugh together.
He would compliment you and cuddle with you and kiss you. All of it would make you feel like he was falling in love with you again.
But when you bring up your relationship and ask your ex if you two should give it another try, your ex-boyfriend would not give you a positive answer or completely avoid answering your question.
Another red flag would be that your ex-boyfriend becomes distant and cold (maybe even disappear) after sex.
So, if your ex-boyfriend is just trying to hook up with you without any intention of getting into a serious relationship…
It is only wise of you to tell him firmly that you are not interested in being friends with benefits and ask him to stop messing with your mind.
Your Ex Just Wants To Keep You Around
Sometimes, your ex might not be sure about what he or she really wants.
It is likely that your ex still has feelings for you but your ex doesn’t want to commit to a relationship with you for the time being.
However, letting you go and letting you move on is not what your ex wants either because your ex still wants to keep you in his or her life in case he or she wants to take you back in the future.
So, what your ex might do is give you false hope and string you along.
When you talk to your ex about getting back together, he or she would either avoid the question or be very vague in his or her answers.
For example, I had a client whose ex-boyfriend is in a new long-distance relationship with another girl but still contacts my client a few times a week.
Her ex-boyfriend would flirt with her and say things like buying a house together or getting married in a joking manner.
However, when my client confronts him if he wants to get back together, he never gave her a definite answer.
This only makes her feel confused and powerless.
First of all, she unknowingly hands over control to her ex-boyfriend by accepting the way he is treating her.
Secondly, she puts herself in a vulnerable position to get hurt again by believing in the false hopes her ex-boyfriend is feeding her.
Your Ex Wants To Take Revenge
If your ex is a revengeful person, it is possible that he/she will try to play mind games to get back at you for hurting him/her.
Breakups are painful, whether you are the dumper or the dumpee.
It is possible that your ex might feel anger and resentment towards you and want you to feel the same pain that he or she is experiencing now.
For example, your ex might start working out and make himself or herself look attractive and confident.
Your ex might even post photos of having fun nights with other friends because your ex knows that you will definitely see those photos.
What your ex is trying to do is to make you feel that it is your loss to break up with them.
What kinds of mind games do they play?
Mind Game #1: Hot and Cold
The most common type of mind game is what I call ”playing hot and cold”.
Did you find your ex acting friendly and nice one minute and then becoming cold and distant the next?
Or, did your ex tell you he or she misses you only to ignore you afterwards?
And did your ex suddenly stop responding to your text or calls after he or she reached out to you first?
Or did, your ex ask you to hang out together and even set a date but cancel on you last minute without giving any explanation?
These are just some of the typical behaviors you might observe from a hot and cold ex.
They could be doing it for a number of reasons:
- Your ex was just having a moment of weakness and then regretted contacting you because he or she realized that it was not a good idea
- Your ex was feeling lonely after the breakup and he or she is not yet used to being single and alone
- Your ex wanted to feel wanted and loved because he or she was emotionally dependent on you throughout the relationship
”My ex-girlfriend just contacted me a couple days ago after no contact for over a month. When we were texting, she would send smiley faces and would want to know about me. We ended up meeting up that night, and we caught up and watched a movie.
The next day, I texted her and thanked her for coming over and catching up. She replied, ”I figured since we both weren’t doing anything.”
I then texted her a couple days later asking how she was feeling because she had let me know that she was sick and not feeling to well. I never got a response.
I just don’t understand how one day she was super friendly and happy towards me, then all of the sudden the next day she goes cold and doesn’t show any emotion. ”
How do you deal with this?
Your ex is doing this to keep you around without having to commit to anything.
When you find your ex is playing with your feelings this way, choosing not to play their games and demanding unambiguity from your ex is your best option.
You need to know that any mind game takes two people to play.
Don’t waste your time and energy on guessing and over-analysing what your ex is thinking.
Just be straight with your ex that you don’t like these mind games and ask them to stop doing it.
Mind Game #2: Your Ex Trying To Get Intimate
Your ex might try to get intimate with you, especially when he or she is not seeing anyone new yet.
Loneliness and boredom might be the reason why they miss the intimacy with you.
In their mind, wanting to get intimate with you is not equal to wanting to get back with you.
However, you might mistake their words and action for wanting you back and giving the relationship another try.
It is very easy to believe the sweet things your ex says, especially when you still have feelings for them.
Words are cheap.
One way to determine if they are just taking advantage of you is to see whether their action is aligned with their words.
Did they show less interest and contact you less frequently after they have slept with you?
Did they still go on dates with other people after they told you that they were not ready to jump into another relationship?
Or, did their attitude take a 180-degree turn and ask you to stop contacting them after you gave in to their sexual requests?
Did they suggest being friends with benefits?
These are clear signs that your ex just wants to use you to satisfy his/her sexual needs.
”We broke up 3 weeks ago after 2 years dating. Last night, he called me and wanted to hang out as friends. I still like him, so I said ok. But when we had dinner, he began to tell me how he misses me and how he doesn’t feel like having another relationship because the breakup is still raw and he can’t start a new one.
It brought me all the memories and I was very sad. He invited me to his new house and we ended up sleeping together after he told me he wants to take a break from the dating because he keeps thinking about me.
But this morning, he said to me he will continue to date the new girls until he finds one he really likes. When I asked why he said he would take a break from the dating, he said he didn’t mean that, he said he wants me to date, and he wants to live his own life and I live mine, but we can keep having fun.”
How do you deal with this?
First of all, when your ex-boyfriend is trying to sleep with you, don’t give in and don’t let your ex have what he wants.
You will only end up getting hurt and regret having sex with them afterwards.
To prevent it from happening to you, you need to avoid putting yourself in a situation where your ex is likely to make sexual advances on you.
For example, you should avoid meeting your ex at his place or your place alone.
Mind Game #3: Showing Off Their New Relationship
This is one of the classic examples of mind games played by exes after a breakup.
They would purposely dangle their new relationship right in front of your face, be it telling you how happy they are with their new partner or how wonderful their new partner is.
What are they trying to achieve by shoving their newfound happiness down your throat?
Are they trying to make you upset and jealous?
Or, are they trying to prove to you that they are happier without you?
First of all, what you see on the surface might not be the whole picture. No relationship is perfect. Your ex’s new relationship is no exception.
Also, it is possible that your ex is exaggerating or even feigning happiness to make you feel down.
Regardless of your ex’s objective, what is obvious is that showing off their new relationship is their way of dealing with their own insecurity.
”My ex-boyfriend and I broke up six months ago. I hadn’t seen him for three months when he texted me asking if I still had some of the things. I replied that I did, and asked when he would like to pick them up.
He then proceeded to tell me all about his new girlfriend he’s living and working with in a town an hour away and how he wants her around all the time and he is so happy.
I am trying to be happy for him, but I can’t help being a little jealous that he wants to spend all his time with her and wants to marry her. I had to practically beg him to spend time with me instead of his friends when we were dating. ”
What do you do in this situation?
If you know that your ex is showing off their new relationship to get a reaction out of you, you need to keep your cool and refrain from showing jealousy.
But if you do display jealousy, that is only going to feed your ex’s ego and that is what your ex wants.
And if your ex cannot stop bringing up his or her new relationship, you are better off cutting contact with him or her for a while to protect yourself and also help you heal from the breakup.
Your Next Step
Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?
You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:
And I’ve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:
And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.
But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.
So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not:
Well my ex is drivi g me crazy. He still answers my texts messanger, friends on Facebook, and Snapchat. Yesterday when we were talking he told me that it is easier for me to get sex than him because I’m a female but I told him no. He ask why I said I don’t have anyone and he said have u tried and I said yes. Even more he ask about my shower I take and I said I took it and I was alone in it and he why and I said no one was with me. Then he said why not. I ask if it was okay for him go sleep with me and he said yes why. I told him that I still like him and he said to me oh ok. Before this texting thing, he was work and he went into the back room and he saw me and my friend saw the look on his face that he saw a ghost and he was red when he saw me. She told me that he was blushing and being nervous when he saw me. Does my ex want me back or using me
Hi i have an ex girlfriend we broke up a month ago. She’s sometimes nice to me anither minute shes cold. I asked her on a date the other night but she cancelled on the last minute.
She sometimes ask me to order and deliver her some food and drinks to her place, i do it without thinking twice. I love her i want her back. She told me to move on. Is she playing mind games?
My ex boyfriend and I dated for 4 months and broke up a year ago now.The relationship was very intense and we did a lot together in a short period of time. We broke up because of his lack of communication and me being impatient. After we broke up I did the no contact rule for a month-and-a-half and then we started talking again because he took a job where I work. Make a long story short we’ve both been hot and cold with each other but, I decided to be the bigger person and ask him if he wanted us to work things out and I can never get a straight answer. It has now been a year since our break up and still no progress as to whether we are getting back together or not. Now, I currently feel that he is seeing someone else but everytime I ask him he denies it. When I tell him I would like to move on or I just want to start dating other people it becomes an argument. I don’t know what to do I love him and I want to work it out even though it was a short-lived relationship. We have been intimate up until Nov. 2016 then I just stopped. In return my ex boyfriend took it as rejection saying that I have no feeling for him anymore but that is not the case. I just needed him to see that if we are not together you can not sting me along or have me sexual. A year and four months of my life has been wasted and we are going back and forth about being together. I recently asked him about how he feels about me and if he moved on and his response was I’m in limbo and that he still cares just unsure and confused. What should I do??? Ps…I have also considered his behavior is a reflection of his age as I am eight years older than him in my thirties and he’s in his twenties. He also works two jobs and goes to school…I’m just Looking for answers.
All of this is so true but what should I do to get him back? Should I go silent?
This article really helped me deal with what happened recently with my ex . I was always confused if he actually still cared or is trying to be manipulative with me . When I didn’t give him the answer he wanted he would start accusing me and writing a long paragrpah about how he feels … he’d say I don’t care anymore etc . I initiated the breakup , and I can’t help but feel a little guilty whenever he writes those long messages about how he feels . And I always act cold and heartless when replying him , I’m sometimes dying inside . How do I get over the fact that it’s okay to be cold to manipulative people ?
Me and my ex bf broke up 2 months ago. We dated for 6 months.We texted the whole time after. Like a week after we broke up he was hanging out with a different girl all the time on snapchat showing off. He never posted like that when we were together. We had two weeks of NC. Whenever I ask about reconciliation he never gives a direct answer he just says for now I need to stay single, it’s better for me. Then as we continued texting he had hot and cold behavior. I got tired of it and said something we started arguing and I told him don’t text me if you’re gonna be rude. He kept doing it anyway and I told him I’m gonna leave him alone because it’s obvious he hates me. All he said was okay. I keep asking if there’s someone else and he keeps saying he doesn’t want a relationship but he keeps hanaging out with the same girl. Do you think he’ll ever come back?
Hl ..my name is heaven and me and my ex ended a long term relationship and we have to kids. He left me for another woman ..when I try to move on he trys to scare me telling me that guys are crazy and they only want me for sex the first year all I did was cry I been with him so long it feels like he’s the only guy I no… I haven’t started dating yet…my ex always act like one day he wants me and the next day he just want to be friends…
I am still trying to figure out how my exgf and I went from having weeks of fun . A beautiful intimate morning . But the following day she was with another man …. and they weren’t having coffee .
I shared my words with her. No reply
Just a message that ” we need to move on ” seriously ??? And I was very very good to her .
4 weeks later I get a text from a different number because I blocked her
” hi I just want to say that I hope you’re doing ok ”
What is that all about ?
I’m still trying to figure it out
Exes are self centered and stupid their an Ex for a reason… They play Jedi mind games cause deep down they only want to be back with you, but can’t face their own fears. So they pretend that they can’t stand you, but does not want you to stop initiating contact with them…. My situation i can care less yes i care cause she’s the mother of my son… But I just want my Boy and she treats me like an Ex and not a Baby father. Meaning (still trapped in her feelings and can’t let go) … What a douche!
My ex is in a new relationship that I think so how to deal with that
my ex acts nice when he sees me, stares at me and even tells me he knw i stil love him. But when i try to reach him on phone he is cold, he rarely replies my msgs
Mine too I know what your going thought but stay hopeful and good things come to people who wait or you can try this don’t talk to him let him know I don’t need him and maybe he will miss u but like I said good things come to people who wait.