So, what does it mean if your ex tells you to “just be friends”? Things have changed so rapidly since you two first got together, and you don’t even really know how or why it got to this stage.
It felt like only yesterday your ex promised a future full of happiness, but just in an instant, all these have gone down the drain and it was as if those sweet words your ex whispered to you never existed.
And now you’re facing the dreaded “let’s be friends” statement. All you want is to go back to how things were. To cuddle and hold hands like when two of you just started dating.
But all these seem impossible now. The flame of your relationship seemed to have been extinguished and all that’s left are emotions of anger, hurt and despair.
This wasn’t how you envisioned your relationship would turn out. You even had the clear vision of spending the rest of your life with your ex, and maybe even get married and have a family together.
But now the dream is dashed. And the more you try and explain or tell your ex that you just want to go back to the way how things were, the more your ex drifts away from you.
So, why did this happen? Your desperate pleas promising that you will change go unheard, and your cries for another chance seem to just be noise to your ex’s ears.
Now you are faced with the reality of either being friends or be totally out of your ex’s life for good.
What should you do?
Does this mean that you will never ever have a chance of getting back with your ex again?
Well, not necessarily.
Before I tell you what you should do, let’s first understand how you got to this despairing situation in the first place.
Expectations Are The Killer of Relationships
When you two first dated and got to knew each other, the conversation was great, you both couldn’t get enough of each other and all you two were doing were hugging, kissing and whispering sweet nothings to each other.
But towards the end of the relationship, you two start to get into more quarrels and conflicts seemed to be almost a daily way of life.
The more time passes, the more you start to pick on your ex’s bad habits, get annoyed at certain things they do, and just can’t agree on many of their explanations.
So, why do you two get into a relationship if both of you are always at each other’s neck hoping the other party will change his/her ways and listen to you for once.
Well, it’s because of the expectations that you have for your ex.
Think about it: the reason you are having lots of quarrels and arguments is because you expect your ex to do certain things if they love you.
For example, you think if your ex loves you, then he/she should say “I love you” to you every day, or that he/she must not argue with you, or that he/she must not raise their voice or walk away from you when you’re talking with them.
But deep inside you, you really hate any arguments or quarrels with your ex. After each conflict, both of you get even more hurt and it makes your relationship so frustrating.
So, why do you do this even knowing that it could possibly lead to unhappiness between you two?
You Just Want To Feel Loved
We all crave for love in our own ways. Somehow, somewhere along the line as we transition from an infant to where we are now, we experienced many things to let us form such expectations we have of our partners.
It could be from parents, friends, or even television dramas and movies that gave you the interpretation that if your partner loves you, then they should do this.
I understand how you feel but unfortunately, it is this expectation that you have that killed the relationship.
What you need to realize that your ex too has their own expectations, and some of their expectations may even be in conflict with some of the experiences you have. So you can’t say that yours is right and your partner’s is wrong.
For example, two of you may have different values when it comes to dealing with quarrels and fights. You feel that when you two are quarreling and you two shouldn’t walk away, but he thinks that when you two are quarreling you two should avoid all arguments. When this is not communicated well to each other, you both would come to the conclusion that “he/she has no respect for me” when this isn’t necessarily true at all!
What you have to understand is that if you have your own expectations, your partner will have expectations too. It’s important to talk it out before imposing such expectations and letting it to cause arguments and quarrels.
And if you feel you that you will get emotional if you talk in person, then I suggest that you use text messages instead to make things less confrontational.
Now that you have reached a stage where your ex just want to be friends.
What should you do?
The Solution: Enter The Backdoor To Your Ex’s Heart Again
Many of you think that by forcing their ex to choose “all or nothing”, it would make them want to choose to stay with you. This can’t be further than the truth. This is a flawed thinking because if your ex really wanted to be with you in the first place, then they wouldn’t have broken up with you at all.
By forcing them to choose, more often than not, they will choose to leave you and you would have missed your chance to get back with them again. This is not the way to change your ex’s mind.
But by agreeing to be friends, not only will you have a chance to win your ex’s heart again, it will allow you to remember how it was like when you two started off as friends first before becoming lovers.
You get to drop all expectations of each other and earn your way into their heart again.
Do you still remember what it was like when you two first got together? You two didn’t have any expectations of each other and all you two wanted was to just spend a little more time with each other before the day ended.
Enthusiastically Agree & Be Friends
There is something psychologically powerful when you agree to being friends with your ex because they really weren’t expecting it.
Imagine if they say “Let’s be friends.” and you reply “I’d love to and I’m pretty sure we’d make much better friends than lovers”. This will pretty much surprise your ex and may even compel your ex to ask why you think you two can’t be good lovers.
That is the classic use of “reverse psychology” when you purposely agree with the notion to get the adverse effect.
So, if you haven’t already agreed to being friends, contact your ex and tell them “Hey I’ve been thinking about what you said about being friends and I realized you were right. I’d love to be friends and I’m sure we’d be much better friends than lovers!”
From here on, once you have agreed to being friends, what you need to do now is to attract him back by becoming the fun, loving person that your ex fell in love with in the first place.
Be Happy On Purpose
When you two just started dating, did you always seem to be frowning or sad when you met up with each other? Or were you always happy and excited to see him/her each time?
Most likely the latter, right?
You see, a happy person is an attractive person and this is extremely true for every facet in life.
Imagine if you’re at a party and there were two distinct characters in the room. One is always smiling and seems very happy and enthusiastic meeting new people, while another is by the corner of the room looking sad and depressed.
Given a choice, who would you rather hang out with?
Most likely the person who is smiling and looking very happy, right?
That’s how you must be in order to let your ex be attracted to you again.
But what if you do not get to see your ex on a consistent basis? Then, you can show that happiness through your texts when your ex contacts you.
Now, one important thing to note is that you have to end the relationship with your ex on very friendly terms, so that he/she is more likely to contact you.
Use Punctuation & Emoticons To Give The Perception of Happiness
Look at the two different text replies below:
Ex: Hey, how are you?
Reply Version 1: Hey. I’m fine. You?
Reply Version 2: Hey! I’m fine 🙂 You?
Of the two replies above, which one do you think shows more enthusiasm and seems more happy?
Obviously the latter, right?
The words are the same but the interpretation is different. In the first reply, it could almost be seen that the person isn’t all that happy and excited.
And if your ex sees such a reply, he/she might think that you’re probably still upset about the break up and don’t really want to talk.
But the second reply shows that you’re actually happy to receive a message from your ex and it will encourage your ex to start a conversation with you.
And it all starts by using punctuation and emoticons in your messages.
Once you have a conversation going on, remember to keep things light and fun. Most important of all, do not talk about unhappy past relationship.
Sooner or later, your ex will start to be attracted to you again just like how it was when you two were dating and you two could possibly find your way back into a your relationship again!
So, if you haven’t already agreed to being friends, I want you to message your ex now on agreeing to be friends then write in the comment box below to tell me how it went!