Are you wondering whether should you be writing a letter to your ex?

If so, I want you to hold on to that thought for now because writing a letter to your ex CAN possibly push your ex further away.

So before you go ahead to write that letter, you want to think about this strategically and then decide whether or not sending a letter to your ex actually serves the intention of the letter?

Or will it actually do the opposite of what you intend the letter to do?

You see, over the past 10 years of coaching my clients, I’ve come across many different letters that had been sent to exes.

Some letters helped my clients get closure…

Some letters helped my clients get communication back…

And some letters even helped my clients get their ex back.

But there were also many letters that got my clients’ exes angry…

Some of those letters also got my clients’ exes to stop communicating with them…

And some of those letters even got my clients’ exes to block them and in certain cases, got a restraining order on them.

So sending a letter is not something you want to send just because you want to get certain things off your chest and tell your ex how you really feel.

Sometimes, it’s better to NOT send any letter at all.

So if you’ve been thinking, “Should I write a letter to my ex?”…

Then the first thing you need to think about is…

Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?

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What’s the intention of the letter?

Is your intention to write a letter to your ex to get closure?

Is your intention to just let your ex know how you feel?

Or, is your intention to ultimately get your ex back?

Or, is your intention something else?

Whatever your intention is, it’s very important to be clear about it because if you’re not clear on your intention, it can result in a letter that could be the opposite of what you had intended it to be.

For example, one of my clients felt the need to explain to his ex some of the things that happened in the relationship, and also wanted to convince his ex to get back with him.

This was the letter he wrote to his ex:

[Ex’s name], these are some of the things that I come understand what went wrong in our relationship – Communication of feelings. Me not showing you the attention and love like I use to. Intimacy was low. 

I understand that you deserve better from me and I’m willing to work on that. I understand my part in that. I want to take control on that. Because I want to be better. 

If you genuinely don’t want to be with me and have given up on us there is nothing I can do about that. Because I can’t fight for someone who has already given up. 

But if this breakup is based on these issues and your ending it because you genuinely believe that we can’t make progress there I’m here to tell you that’s not true. I’m willing to work on these things because I believe this relationship is worth it I believe you are worth it. 

And you’re ending it because you believe we can’t make progress there. But that’s simply not true. I truly believe we can and we will make progress.

You once told me that you wanted a fairy-tale love story ending where we both would live happily ever after. I’m here to tell you that I can make this happen for us if you give me a chance.

And if you give me this chance to prove myself, I swear on my life that I will make you the happiest woman in the world. Believe me. 

So it’s clear this his intention for this letter is to convince his ex to get back with him.

Now, take a moment to think about whether you think this letter is good or not?

Do you think it served the purpose of his intention to get his ex back, or did it push his ex away?

Then think about how you think his ex would perceive him after reading this letter.

So before you read on…

Say out loud “Yes” or “No” whether his ex reacted positively to his letter and decided to get back with him.

Done that?

Okay, great.

So, are you ready to find out what his ex’s response was?

This was his ex’s response:

Please stop contacting me. I don’t think you understand me at all. You didn’t care about me then and now you suddenly care for me after we broke up?

I’ve already told you many times that I’m no longer interested in being with you anymore. But you still kept bombarding me with messages. I blocked you because you wouldn’t stop. And somehow you found out where I live and started emailing me since I blocked you. Don’t you think that if I blocked you that meant I didn’t want contact with you anymore? 

Please stop. 

Obviously, the letter didn’t turn out well.

My client wanted to get across to his ex how he felt and what he thought about the relationship.

But he didn’t take into consideration how his ex was feeling.

And that led to his ex responding very harshly.

This is definitely something you don’t want to do in your situation.

So before you actually write out a letter, the most important thing you need to do is think about…

Want me to personally guide you on exactly what to say to your ex to get your ex back?

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How do you think your ex will react to your letter?

You see, there’s a difference between writing a letter to your ex about what YOU want to say…

Versus writing a letter where you carefully choose your words to create the desired response you want from your ex.

For example, imagine at your work, you have just completed a project and you felt you did the project well.

Then your boss suddenly comes up to you and says:

You spend so much time to work on the project and this is the kind of work you show me? Are you stupid? I don’t think that you’re cut out for this job. Go and redo the project or you can forget about coming back tomorrow.

How would this make you feel?

Most likely not too positive and you might even think about quitting your job, right?

You see, your boss’ intention is to get you to redo your work.

And your boss wants you to do a better job this time.

But the way your boss put it across to you made you NOT want to do the work at all.

And even probably made you consider quitting the job.

Now, what if your boss had said this to you instead:

Hey, good job on the project! I could see you really put in a lot of effort into it and I think you did part A and part B of the project really well, especially the part where you mention about XYZ. I liked that a lot. But there’s one thing in part C that I thought could use a little touch up to make it even better. For example, you could add more of ABC to make it better.

So if you don’t mind, could you just redo part C then it would be perfect. Overall, a fantastic job. I can’t wait to see the revision of part C! 

How would you feel if your boss said this to you?

Most likely you’d feel much more positive and even motivated to redo the work to impress your boss again, right?

So the point I’m trying to get across is that you MUST craft your words in a way that helps achieve the intention of the letter.

You can’t just focus on what YOU want to say without thinking about how your ex would feel if he/she read the letter.

If you do that, chances are that you will end up writing a letter that may do the opposite of your intent.

But if you’re able to think about how your ex might react based on what you write, and what words your ex wants to hear you say…

Then you have a chance of getting the desired response you want from your ex.

With that said, in my decade long of coaching my clients, there are times when it’s pointless to even write anything to your ex.

Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?

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Should you write a letter to your ex?

In general, there are a few different types of letters that you may want to write to your ex:

• Closure – You’re not looking to get back with your ex but you have many questions in your head that you want answers to so you can move on.
• Reconcile – You’re looking to get back with your ex and try to convince your ex to give you another chance.
• Friendship – You’re not looking to get back with your ex but would still want to remain friends with your ex.
• Restore Communication – You might no longer be in contact with your ex and wonder if you will ever hear from your ex again. So instead of waiting, you want to write a letter to restore communication with your ex. The intention is to first get back in communication and then perhaps try to reconcile with your ex over time.
• Apologize – Your last interaction with your ex wasn’t a positive one and want to apologize for what happened. Most of the time, this letter is written with the intention to get back with your ex again.
• Ultimatum – This is when your ex is still friends with you and you want to give your ex an ultimatum to either decide to be with you or not be friends at all.

So for each of the above, should you write a letter to your ex?

If you’re planning to write a letter to your ex for the following, then yes you can do so:

Writing a letter to your ex for closure

Since you’re not planning to get back with your ex and you just need to understand a few things in order to move on, your ex should be open to responding to you.

But it’s important NOT to play the “blame game”.

Your objective here should be to seek to understand, not seek to justify.

And it’s also important not to change your mind and ask for the relationship back.

That’s because it could let your ex feel pushed and pressured, resulting in your ex not responding.

So if the main goal is to get closure, then ensure that the whole letter lets your ex feel that way.

Writing a letter to your ex to reconcile with your ex

In this case, I don’t recommend writing a letter because your ex has already decided not to be with you.

No letter you write is going to change your ex’s mind because your ex likely still feels negative towards you.

And you can’t ask for a relationship back when your ex still feels negative.

It’s like telling your boss for an increase in your pay before you will begin working hard and putting effort into your job.

It’s very unlikely your boss would agree.

Instead, you should FIRST work hard and prove to your boss that you’re invaluable to the company, THEN you can ask for a pay increment.

This way your boss will be more compelled to give you a pay increment.

Similarly, with your ex, you would need to first let your ex feel positive first before you ask to get back with him/her.

So if you’re hoping that writing a letter is enough to change your ex’s mind and want you back, chances are that you’d be disappointed at your ex’s response.

In my years of helping people, like yourself, get their ex back, only a handful of people managed to get their ex back by writing a letter.

More than 95% of the time, exes will reject the letter.

So if our intention is to try and win your ex back using a letter, it would be better not to send a letter at all.

Writing a letter to your ex to remain friends

If your intention is to just remain as friends to keep the door open in case your ex may change his/her mind later on, then yes, you can write the letter.

Most of the time, exes are open to the idea of staying as friends, as long as your ex genuinely believes you just want to be friends.

So if you just genuinely want to be friends with your ex for now, then by all means write the letter.

In fact, being friends is the stepping stone to becoming lovers again.

If you think about it, you had to become friends with your ex first before becoming lovers, right?

Rarely does someone go from strangers to lovers immediately without first being friends.

It’s through friendship that trust is built.

And by being friends with your ex, you can strategically get your ex to feel positive towards you gradually over time…

And that can lead to a rekindling of attraction towards each other again.

Want me to personally guide you on exactly what to say to your ex to get your ex back?

In order for me to know if I can actually help you, please take the short 2-minute quiz below to find out your chances of getting your ex back now…

Writing a letter to your ex to restore communication

If your intention is to communicate with your ex again after not having any form of communication for some time, then you can write this letter to your ex, as long as the letter does not ask for your ex to get back with you.

Now, there might be a few reasons why you’re not in communication with your ex.

It could be that:

• You’re blocked
• You went into No Contact
• Your ex is ignoring you
• Your communication just dwindled down until it totally stopped
• For other reasons.

So regardless of the reason you’re no longer in contact with your ex, the best way is to start off the letter with an apology (even if you’ve apologized before).

And this leads us to the next type of letter that you can write, which is…

Writing a letter to your ex to apologize

If you’re sincerely writing a letter to apologize for the past, then it’s fine to write this letter.

But if your intention is to apologize, THEN ask your ex for another chance…

Then it’s better not to write this letter at all because there’s a high chance your ex will not respond.

But if it’s just to apologize, and you couple it with the notion to remain friends…

Then there’s definitely a chance your ex can reply.

In fact, I’ve many clients that sent such a letter to their exes and got their ex to respond.

Most of the time, it’s a positive response.

That’s because people tend to be more forgiving when you admit your mistakes and apologize which makes your ex feel you’ve changed.

But of course, if you’ve ALREADY apologized numerous times before and each time you apologized you did/say something to make your ex feel negative again…

Then it would be pointless to apologize again.

Writing a letter to your ex to give an ultimatum

Lastly, if your intention is to give your ex an ultimatum, to either decide to be with you or not be friends at all…

Then it’s better to NOT send the letter at all.

That’s because 100% of the time, your ex will choose the latter and cut all contact with you.

I’ve had numerous clients that tried this and not one succeeded in getting their ex back.

That’s because, if you think about it, your ex ALREADY has given up on the relationship.

That’s why your ex broke up with you in the first place.

If your ex still wanted to be with you, your ex would have already done so.

Why would your ex suddenly change his/her mind just because you gave an ultimatum?

So writing a letter just to give an ultimatum would certainly be futile.

Save yourself the rejection and frustration that comes along with any negative response from your ex.

Instead, you can choose from one of the letters mentioned where it makes sense to write your ex a letter.

Your Next Step

Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?

You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:

And I’ve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:

And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.

But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.

So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not: