One of the most common things that many people do when trying to get their ex back, including many of my clients, is to send texts to their ex to let them know that they are thinking of them.
For example, messages like:
Recently I went to the beach and that made me think of you. Hope you are well!
Hey, just want to let you know I thought of you today.
I was listening to some songs today and I started thinking of you. Just wanted to let you know I miss you.
So do any of these messages help you in getting your ex back?
Let’s find out…
Understanding Your Ex’s Psychology
So to really know whether such kinds of messages will let your ex want you back, you will have to first understand your ex’s psychology.
You want to get into your ex’s mind to first really understand what is it that your ex is feeling towards you right now.
Most of the time, when your ex decided to leave the relationship, it’s signifying that your ex no longer wants to be with you.
And the reasons could be different for each break up. Here are some of the most common reasons that your ex will want to leave the relationship:
- Too much fighting and arguing in the relationship
- You are always constantly looking for a fight in the relationship
- You no longer show the love and affection you once did compared to when you and your ex first got together
- You started to become needy and clingy
- You became very controlling and naggy
- You have a very high expectation in the relationship and it seems that no matter what your ex does, it’s never enough for you
- You start to lose attraction towards your ex and hence no longer show the affection your ex wants
- You cheated on your ex
- You start to take your ex for granted
- A breakdown in communication leading to misunderstanding
While there are many more reasons, these are some of the most common reasons that have come up over and over again among my clients’ situations.
Ultimately, the main reason that your ex broke off with you comes down to two core reasons:
- Your ex is no longer happy in the relationship
- Your ex is not feeling the way he / she wants to feel
And chances are that your ex has already probably felt this way for a long time in the relationship. And it has built up to the point where your ex has reached his / her pain threshold and decided that the relationship is no longer something that he / she wants.
And what that really equates to is that your ex now has a negative perception of you.
What Negative Perception Does
When your ex has a very negative perception of you, then it means that a lot of the things that you say or do will come across as pushy to your ex.
For example, one of the most common reaction that people do right after the break up is to beg and plead their ex to take them back.
They promise to change and also promise to be much better than before. But nearly all the time, such actions will be met by a rejection.
If you had tried to beg and plead for your ex to take you back, chances are that you probably weren’t successful, and that’s why you are on this blog reading this right now.
So here’s why begging and pleading will never work…
Firstly, your ex don’t believe you will change. Your ex probably had already given you a number of chances to change but each time you would revert back to your old ways. So now telling your ex that you will change would certainly no longer be believable.
Next, your ex has already lost feelings for you. At that point, your ex most likely know that they will not be able to look at the relationship with you the same way.
And lastly, your ex needs some time and space to miss you. And this is where it’s crucial for you to understand this, because if you continue hound your ex with texts or calls during this time, it will push your ex further away from you.
So now that we understand that your ex has a negative perception of you, let’s analyse why messages telling your ex that you miss them will rarely ever work.
Your Ex Already Knows You Still Want Them Back
This is something that not many people really understand. You see, if you had tried to ask your ex for a second chance, then your ex will already know that you still want him / her back.
And if you are texting your ex to tell him / her you are thinking of them, it’s not something that your ex don’t already know.
What that means is that letting your ex know you are thinking of them will NOT make him / her feel good towards you.
In fact, you can come across as “the ex that can’t get over him / her”. And this will make you seem needy and desperate.
Your Ex No Longer Have The Same Feelings For You
Another main reason why your ex will not feel good when you tell him / her that you are thinking of them is because your ex no longer have the same feelings towards you.
If you think back to how it was when you two were dating, yes, such texts will make them feel really happy. However that’s only because at that point of time, your ex was feeling really good towards you. In another words, they had a positive perception of you back then.
But now that your ex has a negative perception of you, such messages will only push your ex away.
So here’s an example to really let you understand what this means:
Imagine you had a really good friend that you have known for a really long time. This friend could even be your best friend. You two are inseparable and you really treat this friend like your family. Basically this friend is someone you will do anything for.
Now imagine that this very good friend of yours betrayed you by sleeping with your lover and you just found out.
What would your feeling be towards this friend? Most likely anger, hatred and feelings of betrayal right?
So let’s take a very simple and innocent message that this friend would normally text you like – “Hey, how’s your day?”.
Imagine this message was sent before you found out this friend slept with your lover. How would you reply? Most likely you would reply as per normal.
Now, what if this message was sent after you found out your friend had slept with your lover. How would you reply and feel? Most likely you will feel very angry and even say something like “How dare you have the audacity to message me still”.
The point I’m trying to illustrate here is the context of psychology at the point of time the message was received. So while the message might be the same, a difference in your ex’s psychology can determine whether the message will be annoying or not.
So similarly, if you message your ex to say you are thinking of him / her, it will most likely be met with a negative feeling because your ex has a negative perception of you.
That’s how perception works.
Loss Of Feeling Leads To Indifference
Lastly, if your ex don’t have any resentment of negative feelings towards you, but just have no more attraction towards you, then chances are that the message would be met by indifference.
And the best example for this is to think of this – imagine your previous other exes were to message you that they were thinking of you. How would that make you feel?
Would that make you feel suddenly attracted to them? Or would it make you feel just indifferent towards their message?
If you’re like most people, then it certainly won’t make you attracted to them, and you would most likely feel indifferent towards such messages.
So if telling your ex that you are thinking of him / her doesn’t work to get your ex to want you back, then what will?
The Only Way To Get Your Ex Back
The most important thing to understand about relationships is that relationships are all about feelings. That means that in order for your ex to want to get back with you again, your ex must start to feel good towards you again – there’s no other way.
And the way for your ex to feel good towards you again is very different for each situation. If you are blocked, or your ex has someone new, or you are in long-distance, or that you see your ex at work, or you both have to stay in contact because of your kids, then the way to get your ex to feel good towards you again would have to be customised to suit your situation.
So the very first step to learning about this is to understand whether it’s too late to get your ex back in the first place.
Is it too late to get your ex back? Take the 2-minute quiz below and find out exactly what steps you have to do right now in your situation to begin on your journey to getting your ex back: