You want your ex back and you are desperately doing everything you can to get him/her back to you.
But no matter what you do, it seems that not only is it not working, but it’s also pushing your ex even further away from you.
You’ve tried to call your ex but it goes unanswered.
You’ve tried to message your ex to get him/her to remember the good times you’ve shared but you get no replies.
You’ve tried to promise that you will change, but it not only fell on deaf ears but your ex is pretty sure you’re not going to change.
You’ve tried to beg and plead but it seems to make your ex get even more irritated and annoyed.
All you want is a second chance because you know that if you can start all over again with your ex, things will definitely be better the second time around.
But no matter what you do, it only makes you feel that your situation is hopeless and that your ex will never come back to you.
However you are still clinging to that small glimpse of hope that there is still a way to get your ex back to you.
Here’s the good news: It is still possible to get your ex back.
Here’s the bad news: You will never get your ex back doing what you’re doing now.
So, why is it that everything you’re doing is not working?
Problem: You Are Making Your Ex Feel Uncomfortable
Think about it – the only reason your ex is being pushed away from you is because whatever you’re doing right now is making your ex very uncomfortable.
Look back at the things you’ve done.
You’ve begged, pleaded, asked for another chance, promised you will change and even frantically messaged your ex or even called him/her so much so that they might have blocked you.
All these are all “Pushes”. That means you are forcing your way in.
Your ex no longer feels the same about you anymore, so asking him/her to get back with you will never work.
Your ex might even feel no love for you anymore, so telling him/her that you’ve changed will not help change the situation.
So why is it that it seems that whatever you do now will only annoy your ex and make him/her want to get as far away as possible from you?
You Are Only Thinking About Yourself
When you do any of the above mentioned, you are in fact forcing your ideas on your ex, which is to get back together in this case.
But the truth is your ex do NOT want you back anymore.
So it’s like forcing your ex to do something that they no longer want to do.
To give you an analogy, it’s like you’ve already eaten so much of something that you want to puke. But then you are still being forced by your friends or family to just have one more bite.
At that point you just cannot stand the taste or even the looks of that food anymore. So your friend and family forcing you to eat that food is only making you more annoyed and uncomfortable.
That’s pretty much the same feeling your ex is getting from your attempts in getting them back!
So, how can you get your ex to want you back?
Give Your Ex Space
I know you’ve heard this before many times, but there is a very important reason as to why you must give your ex space from you.
Let’s go back to that food analogy.
Imagine instead of forcing you to eat some more of that food at that point of time, you were told to stop eating that food totally.
Then, a week or a month later, when you see the same food again, do you think you would be much more ready to eat that very food again?
That’s because you’ve already long forgotten how the taste was like and you probably feel like trying it again.
When you leave your ex alone and let him/her have some space, it does give your ex a very similar feeling.
It makes them not only feel respected that you are giving them space and time, but he/she will also tend to have lesser resistance towards you.
And giving your ex space serves two other purposes as well:
- Give your ex a chance to possibly miss you
- Use this time apart to create a change in yourself so that you can let your ex see the new you
Emerging As The You Your Ex Fell In Love With
This is a very important concept to understand, but many people fail to realise that.
You see, your ex didn’t really break up with you because he/she no longer loves you. Rather your ex broke up with you because of what you have become.
Compare the you that your ex fell in love with, with the you that your ex broke up with. What’s the difference?
Chances are that many things are different about you, right?
Whenever I ask my clients about this, there would inevitably be a huge difference. Here’s a few examples from my clients:
“There was a big difference, i went from being confident and independent. to self conscious and dependent. From completely trusting him and spending alot of time apart, to being needy and jealous of other girls he talked to instead of trusting in him and his love for me. I went from always understanding to always picking and arguing. So very different, and definitely not me.”
“The me she fell in love with was definitely much more cheerful, happy and positive. I was always laughing and making her laugh. The me she broke up with was sadly very different. I became insecure, needy and possessive. I would easily get angry at her and I pretty much would always make her feel bad. I see what I must do now!”
As you can see from the above, there was pretty much a huge difference in the qualities portrayed when my client’s ex first fell in love with them compared to when their exes broke up with them.
Take a good reflection in your own situation. Had there been a huge difference in how you were as well?
So, what this means is that your ex basically fell in love with one version of you and got another version of you down the road.
It’s like buying a bag of chips only to reach home and discover that the bag was filled with nuts instead!
So, now that you know the difference between the you that your ex fell in love with, and the you that you’ve become now, here are the 4 phases to carry out to get your ex to fall in love with you all over again.
The 4 Phases To Get Your Ex To Fall In Love With You Again
Phase 1: Transformation Phase
This is where you will have to transform back to the person you once were when your ex first fell in love with you.
Why is this important?
This is because you already have the qualities that your ex fell in love with in the first place. All you have to do now is bring those qualities back and accentuate it.
Also, you need to let go of the old relationship.
This is very important because most likely you still feel very hurt because of what your ex has done to let go of you, and you may have the urge to let him/her know how much you are hurting inside.
The problem with this is that if you do, you will make your ex want to run even further away from you.
Just think about it – if you told your ex that you feel hurt because of him/her, what do you realistically expect your ex to do?
Say they’re sorry and then hug you and ask you to be back with them?
Most likely not!
Chances are they will not even want to talk to you ever again because all you’re doing is blaming them.
No one likes to be blamed, so remember never to do this.
If you want to create a relationship with your ex again, you will have to let go of the past. You want a NEW relationship with your ex, not revive the relationship that got you in this mess in the first place!
So, the main thing in this phase is to really transform yourself.
How do you know if you’ve transformed?
It’s simple – when you have become pretty much emotionally detached from your ex, you will not be affected by what they say and do.
Here’s a test: Imagine you reach out to your ex and your ex tells you that he/she no longer loves you and tells you to stop contacting them and bothering them, will you still feel anxious, depressed, and experience any other negative feelings?
If the answer is yes, then you’re not ready yet. But if you can safely say that you will no longer be affected, then you’re ready to go to the next phase.
Phase 2: Outreach Phase
This is the phase where you reach out to your ex, but you do so with only one objective in mind – to get your ex to link pleasure towards you. That will get your ex to change his/her mind towards you.
This is because we all do things either to gain pleasure or to avoid pain. So, if you can get your ex to link pleasure towards you, then you can get your ex to feel positive towards you again and that will be the foundation for creating attraction in him/her towards you.
So, when you reach out to your ex, you want to do so by starting off with what I call a feel good question.
And the way to do this is to ask yourself “How can I make my ex feel good about himself/herself?”
Once you’ve done that, you will feel that your ex is slowly warming up to you again. Then, it’s time to move on to the next phase.
Phase 3: Pattern Phase
In this phase, this is where you step up your messaging and initiate messages to your ex every day at a fixed time.
The purpose of this is to get your ex psychologically attached to you.
To understand the effect of this, I want you to imagine the following scenario:
Imagine your ex messages you every morning at 9AM sharp every single day. And your ex has been doing this for the past 30 days without fail.
So, what will happen on the 31st day?
Chances are you will probably be expecting your ex to message you at 9AM sharp again, right? That’s because your mind has already gotten habitually used to seeing your phone at that time each day and look forward to his/her message.
But instead, no message came.
It’s now 10AM and there still is no message. So, you probably think that your ex may be busy and you wait a while longer.
Now the time is 12pm and there’s still no message. So what do you do?
Most likely you would be wondering what has happened to your ex and you start to message him/her instead.
And if there is no reply from your ex still and it’s already 5pm, what will be going through your mind? How will you be feeling?
Most likely you will start to panic and wonder what has happened to your ex right?
This is because of the effect of the Pattern Phase. This phase is designed to let your ex get psychologically used to receiving texts from you.
So why this phase?
To set you up for the next phase.
Phase 4: Withdrawal Phase
This is the phase where you will get your ex emotionally hooked unto you and it will have a really great effect on your ex only if you had done the first 3 phases well.
This phase is essentially where the “magic” happens and all the work that you had done during the first 3 phases would pay off.
The effect of this is basically very similar to an alcoholic suffering withdrawal symptoms once you stop them from drinking alcohol.
But to make sure the effect of this phase is strong, you need to understand the critical role of the Pattern Phase for this.
To understand this, I want you to imagine two people who drink alcohol.
Person A drinks 3 times every week, whereas Person B drinks 3 times every day.
If after drinking consecutively in this pattern for a month, and you suddenly take away alcohol from them for a week, who do you think will suffer the worst from withdrawal symptoms?
Most likely Person B right?
That’s because he had been drinking so much that his body is literally used to having 3 drinks every day. So if you were to just stop him from drinking one day, it would cause his body to act up and start craving for alcohol because he is just too used to drinking every day.
But for Person B, the effect may not be so strong because he hadn’t been drinking that much in the first place so while he may suffer from some withdrawal symptoms, most likely he can cope with it still.
So with this strategy, we are trying to get your ex to become so addicted to you that the moment you start to go into the Withdrawal Phase, your ex will start to want you so much that once you become available to them again, they will want to hold on to you again!