To get your ex-boyfriend to chase after you again after breakup is possible, if you know exactly what you should do and exactly what you should never do.
First of all, you need to stop chasing after your ex. If he knows that you are chasing him, he is definitely not going to chase after you.
Just imagine if you were him, would you even think about pursuing someone whom you know with certainty is pursuing you? Most likely not. Because you would be the one in control and you would be able to decide whether you want to accept or reject that someone.
Signs that make your ex-boyfriend know that you are chasing after him:
- Texting, calling, Facebook messaging and sending emails to him.
- Dropping by his house, waiting for him at a place he frequents in the hope of bumping into him.
- Asking him to hang out with you (e.g have coffee or lunch together or watch movie together)
- Telling him that you miss him a lot or you still love him
- Inviting him to join you (and your friends) at an event or party
- Sending romantic gifts to him to make him change his mind about the breakup
If you are doing any of the above, it is time to stop if you are really serious about getting your ex-boyfriend back. Being proactive in work or study is good. But, being proactive does not work so well when it comes to getting back your ex-boyfriend.
When your ex boyfriend broke up with you, he knows that you are still in love with him. So, he would have already expected you to continue to show interest and chase after him even after the break up.
Now, I need to tell you some hard truths about men – Men want what they cannot have. When you are bending over backwards to get his attention and show your love, he is not going to start falling for you all over again.
Firstly, you are giving him the impression that he can have you back any time he wants. So, you conveniently take away the urgency in getting back together.
Secondly, men enjoy the thrill of chasing and they only value things that they work hard for. So, making yourself “too available” and easy to get is not going to get your ex-boyfriend interested in wanting you back.
Thirdly, you are making yourself an easy target for your ex-boyfriend to take advantage of. I have readers telling me that their ex-boyfriend would disappear after hooking up with them or their ex-boyfriend suggest they can be friends with benefits. You don’t want to go down that road.
If you do that, you will only be giving your ex-boyfriend the ultimate dream any man wants – sex without commitment. And I”m pretty sure that’s not what you want at all. So be wary of falling into that trap thinking that if you give him sex, he will get back into a relationship with you.
So, what should you do?
The first step is initiating no contact for a period of at least 3 to 5 weeks. What does no contact rule do in this case? It gives your ex-boyfriend space and it also gives him a chance to miss you.
Another important purpose of the no contact rule is to give you time to work on yourself. By working on yourself, I mean you need to work on your mind. Breakup is a very emotional ordeal, especially for women.
Many women will be emotionally out of control for quite some time after breakup. Do you ever find yourself doing any of the things below?
- You cannot stop yourself from crying when you think about your ex-boyfriend.
- You cannot stop yourself from checking your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook, Twitter or Intagram every day.
- You cannot focus on your work or studies.
- You cannot stop thinking about your ex and wondering what he is doing right now.
- You would say yes to anything your ex asks of you now.
- You find it hard to picture a happy future without your ex.
- You would go crazy and start overthinking when you see photos of your ex with other girls or you see your ex start following other girls and add other girls as friends.
- You feel that there is a slight possibility that you might break down and get emotional if you could talk to your ex right now.
- You will lose it and scream at your ex when he tells you that he is seeing someone else.
If you are, you need to first realize that you are not in the right emotional state to contact your ex. When you are emotional, all your actions and decisions are guided by your feelings. And that is very bad if you are trying to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Why is that?
Overemotional women make men want to run for the exits faster than a speeding bullet. Yes, that is a huge turnoff for men. Given a choice of a composed and calm woman, and an emotional woman (everything else equal), men would without any doubt chase after the former every single time.
I cannot remember how many times I tell my readers to calm down and work on their mind first only to hear back from them that they let their emotions take control of them and mess things up with their ex again.
And I don’t want this to happen to you.
So how do you regain emotional control?
Well, there are a number of techniques that you can use.
One of them is that you need to shift your focus. When you are feeling sad or depressed, is your mind focused on all the positive things or the negative things? Most of you will tell me the negative things.
The reason why we chose to focus on the negative things (e.g your ex enjoying himself with someone else and completely ignoring your messages) is because our emotions were telling us to do at that time.
However, does that necessarily mean that we have no positive things in our life to think about and focus on? I am sure there is if you look closely for it.
Here’s an exercise to prove my point: Right now I want you to look around your surroundings and notice everything that is red in color. Look carefully for as many stuff as you can that is red then quickly make a mental note of it.
Next, I want you close your eyes then yell out everything that you saw was blue. Yes – BLUE.
You must wondering “What? I thought you asked us to look at everything that is red!”. Yes I know. But just follow my cue and think of everything you can think of your surrounding that is blue.
Now, open your eyes and look around your surroundings again. Were there blue colored things around your surroundings? Most likely yes. But were you able to identify them all when your eyes were closed earlier? No right?
Why? Because you had been so focused on finding the red things that you didn’t notice the blue things when there were plenty of blue stuff all around your surroundings.
And this is exactly the same with your thoughts. Because you were so focused on the negative thoughts, you failed to see the positive thoughts that you had as well. So what you want to do is take the time to focus on the positive things in your life and you will start to feel positive very quickly.
Now, an equally important thing is that you need to be logical when it comes to making your ex-boyfriend chase you again. Women tend to fare poorly in this area because we are not well known for our logical thinking as we tend to be more emotional by nature and there is science to back this up.
Why do we need to be logical?
Before that, we need to understand one thing which is that there is no element of newness or mystery between you and your ex boyfriend. Newness and mystery are two of the most powerful drivers behind why guys chase after a girl.
To be able to re-create the newness and mystery, you will need to use a logical mindset to figure out what things or factors that can make your ex boyfriend interested in you again.
So, how do we do that?
Get A New Look
Men are very visual creatures. They are naturally attracted to confident, beautiful and sexy women. We should use that to our advantage.
So, it’s time for you to get busy shopping for some new outfits. Keep in mind that sexy doesn’t mean skimpy. You can wear clothes that are flattering but not necessarily revealing.
If you have been having the same hairstyle or hair color for the longest time, maybe you might want to try out a different hairstyle. A new hairstyle always gives people a refreshing feeling about you, including your ex.
Fill Your Life With Fun Activities
Men like women who are independent, but get repelled by women who are needy or clingy. When you fill your life with fun activities and keep yourself busy, naturally you will not appear needy or clingy to your ex.
It also shows that your life is not built completely around him and you can enjoy yourself with him or without him.
How do you do that?
You can start by reaching out to all your single girl friends and organize girl nights out or short getaways. Or, you can sign up a class to learn something new such as dance, water sports, or a new language.
Keep in mind that you are not doing this just for the sake of getting your ex attracted to you. You are doing this for yourself as well because you deserve to be happy.
If you are able to do that, your ex will find that you are becoming the girl he used to know and fell for. Soon, you will feel that you are now in control of the situation instead of your ex boyfriend.
Text Him The Right Way
When you are emotionally ready to re-initiate contact with your ex boyfriend, the best way to get back in touch with your ex in my opinion is text messaging him.
For one, it is casual and it won’t put pressure on him. Second, unlike phone calls, it gives you more time to think about how to reply and continue the conversation.
Before we go on, you need to avoid the most common mistakes that many women make when texting their ex-boyfriends:
- Don’t text message your ex a few more times after receiving no replies. Give the benefit of the doubt that your ex is really busy and haven’t got time to text you back. Bombarding him with text messages only signals that you are still emotionally unstable. And that is not attractive.
- Don’t send your ex boyfriend generic and boring text messages such as ”What’s up?” or ”How have you been?”. It neither makes your ex eager to continue the conversation, nor will it make him look forward to receiving your text messages.
- Don’t sound sad or depressed in your text message. We all want to keep away from unhappy people and hang around happy people. Your ex-boyfriend is no different.
- Don’t keep the conversation going for too long. Be the one to end it first, but do it in a polite and friendly way.
So, how do we get him hooked using text messages?
Have you ever got so hooked on a particular TV show that you cannot wait for the next episode to air?
For me, I remember a long time ago when Prison Break Season 1 was just released. I got so hooked on it that I felt the wait for the next new episode was way too long (It airs once a week). Every week, I would diligently sit in front of the TV to watch the next episode without fail.
If I could get my hands on the entire season at that time, I would definitely finish watching all the episodes in one sitting! Yes, that is how addictive it was.
Have you ever wondered how they get people so hooked on TV series?
The way they do it is that they always end each episode in a way that leaves audience in suspense and makes audience wonder what will happen next.
How can you apply this when you text your ex boyfriend?
When you text your ex boyfriend, you need to be engaging, interesting and funny. When I say engaging, it means that you have to be able to keep things open, so your ex finds it easy to continue the conversation.
For example, you can ask him about a trip he just came back from or you can tell him something interesting that happened to you or you have heard. Throughout the conversation, you need to show the funny side of you.
A good laugh can make your ex feel good and associate texting you with this good feeling. And that is what you want to achieve.
Another important thing to note is that make sure you end the conversation prematurely and do NOT let the texting conversation die. There are two purposes of doing that. When you cut an interesting conversation short, it only makes your ex boyfriend want more of it.
This is the “Push & Pull Effect” in play here. And especially for guys, they love the chase. So by making yourself more “unavailable”, it will make them want to pursue you harder.
Similarly in your text messages, you want to end off at a “high”. So once you two are really enjoying the conversation, you want to resist the urge to continue this conversation and risk it turning into a boring and mundane conversation.
The way you end of is with a simple “excuse” to end the conversation. A simple “Got stuff to do now so I gotta go!”, or “Hey, I just met a friend/ I gotta go meet a friend now so chat with you another time! See ya!”
This way when you end the conversation, he will be the one wanting more of it.
In conclusion, to get your ex to chase you, you have to remember that you have to make yourself “unavailable”. Men want what they cannot get. So make yourself a “limited edition” and see him start chasing you with vigor!