To get your ex-boyfriend to chase after you again after breakup is possible, if you know exactly what you should do and exactly what you should never do.
First of all, you need to stop chasing after your ex. If he knows that you are chasing him, he is definitely not going to chase after you.
Just imagine if you were him, would you even think about pursuing someone whom you know with certainty is pursuing you? Most likely not. Because you would be the one in control and you would be able to decide whether you want to accept or reject that someone.
Signs that make your ex-boyfriend know that you are chasing after him:
- Texting, calling, Facebook messaging and sending emails to him.
- Dropping by his house, waiting for him at a place he frequents in the hope of bumping into him.
- Asking him to hang out with you (e.g have coffee or lunch together or watch movie together)
- Telling him that you miss him a lot or you still love him
- Inviting him to join you (and your friends) at an event or party
- Sending romantic gifts to him to make him change his mind about the breakup
If you are doing any of the above, it is time to stop if you are really serious about getting your ex-boyfriend back. Being proactive in work or study is good. But, being proactive does not work so well when it comes to getting back your ex-boyfriend.
When your ex boyfriend broke up with you, he knows that you are still in love with him. So, he would have already expected you to continue to show interest and chase after him even after the break up.
Now, I need to tell you some hard truths about men – Men want what they cannot have. When you are bending over backwards to get his attention and show your love, he is not going to start falling for you all over again.
Firstly, you are giving him the impression that he can have you back any time he wants. So, you conveniently take away the urgency in getting back together.
Secondly, men enjoy the thrill of chasing and they only value things that they work hard for. So, making yourself “too available” and easy to get is not going to get your ex-boyfriend interested in wanting you back.
Thirdly, you are making yourself an easy target for your ex-boyfriend to take advantage of. I have readers telling me that their ex-boyfriend would disappear after hooking up with them or their ex-boyfriend suggest they can be friends with benefits. You don’t want to go down that road.
If you do that, you will only be giving your ex-boyfriend the ultimate dream any man wants – sex without commitment. And I”m pretty sure that’s not what you want at all. So be wary of falling into that trap thinking that if you give him sex, he will get back into a relationship with you.
So, what should you do?
The first step is initiating no contact for a period of at least 3 to 5 weeks. What does no contact rule do in this case? It gives your ex-boyfriend space and it also gives him a chance to miss you.
Another important purpose of the no contact rule is to give you time to work on yourself. By working on yourself, I mean you need to work on your mind. Breakup is a very emotional ordeal, especially for women.
Many women will be emotionally out of control for quite some time after breakup. Do you ever find yourself doing any of the things below?
- You cannot stop yourself from crying when you think about your ex-boyfriend.
- You cannot stop yourself from checking your ex-boyfriend’s Facebook, Twitter or Intagram every day.
- You cannot focus on your work or studies.
- You cannot stop thinking about your ex and wondering what he is doing right now.
- You would say yes to anything your ex asks of you now.
- You find it hard to picture a happy future without your ex.
- You would go crazy and start overthinking when you see photos of your ex with other girls or you see your ex start following other girls and add other girls as friends.
- You feel that there is a slight possibility that you might break down and get emotional if you could talk to your ex right now.
- You will lose it and scream at your ex when he tells you that he is seeing someone else.
If you are, you need to first realize that you are not in the right emotional state to contact your ex. When you are emotional, all your actions and decisions are guided by your feelings. And that is very bad if you are trying to get your ex-boyfriend back.
Why is that?
Overemotional women make men want to run for the exits faster than a speeding bullet. Yes, that is a huge turnoff for men. Given a choice of a composed and calm woman, and an emotional woman (everything else equal), men would without any doubt chase after the former every single time.
I cannot remember how many times I tell my readers to calm down and work on their mind first only to hear back from them that they let their emotions take control of them and mess things up with their ex again.
And I don’t want this to happen to you.
So how do you regain emotional control?
Well, there are a number of techniques that you can use.
One of them is that you need to shift your focus. When you are feeling sad or depressed, is your mind focused on all the positive things or the negative things? Most of you will tell me the negative things.
The reason why we chose to focus on the negative things (e.g your ex enjoying himself with someone else and completely ignoring your messages) is because our emotions were telling us to do at that time.
However, does that necessarily mean that we have no positive things in our life to think about and focus on? I am sure there is if you look closely for it.
Here’s an exercise to prove my point: Right now I want you to look around your surroundings and notice everything that is red in color. Look carefully for as many stuff as you can that is red then quickly make a mental note of it.
Next, I want you close your eyes then yell out everything that you saw was blue. Yes – BLUE.
You must wondering “What? I thought you asked us to look at everything that is red!”. Yes I know. But just follow my cue and think of everything you can think of your surrounding that is blue.
Now, open your eyes and look around your surroundings again. Were there blue colored things around your surroundings? Most likely yes. But were you able to identify them all when your eyes were closed earlier? No right?
Why? Because you had been so focused on finding the red things that you didn’t notice the blue things when there were plenty of blue stuff all around your surroundings.
And this is exactly the same with your thoughts. Because you were so focused on the negative thoughts, you failed to see the positive thoughts that you had as well. So what you want to do is take the time to focus on the positive things in your life and you will start to feel positive very quickly.
Now, an equally important thing is that you need to be logical when it comes to making your ex-boyfriend chase you again. Women tend to fare poorly in this area because we are not well known for our logical thinking as we tend to be more emotional by nature and there is science to back this up.
Why do we need to be logical?
Before that, we need to understand one thing which is that there is no element of newness or mystery between you and your ex boyfriend. Newness and mystery are two of the most powerful drivers behind why guys chase after a girl.
To be able to re-create the newness and mystery, you will need to use a logical mindset to figure out what things or factors that can make your ex boyfriend interested in you again.
So, how do we do that?
Get A New Look
Men are very visual creatures. They are naturally attracted to confident, beautiful and sexy women. We should use that to our advantage.
So, it’s time for you to get busy shopping for some new outfits. Keep in mind that sexy doesn’t mean skimpy. You can wear clothes that are flattering but not necessarily revealing.
If you have been having the same hairstyle or hair color for the longest time, maybe you might want to try out a different hairstyle. A new hairstyle always gives people a refreshing feeling about you, including your ex.
Fill Your Life With Fun Activities
Men like women who are independent, but get repelled by women who are needy or clingy. When you fill your life with fun activities and keep yourself busy, naturally you will not appear needy or clingy to your ex.
It also shows that your life is not built completely around him and you can enjoy yourself with him or without him.
How do you do that?
You can start by reaching out to all your single girl friends and organize girl nights out or short getaways. Or, you can sign up a class to learn something new such as dance, water sports, or a new language.
Keep in mind that you are not doing this just for the sake of getting your ex attracted to you. You are doing this for yourself as well because you deserve to be happy.
If you are able to do that, your ex will find that you are becoming the girl he used to know and fell for. Soon, you will feel that you are now in control of the situation instead of your ex boyfriend.
Text Him The Right Way
When you are emotionally ready to re-initiate contact with your ex boyfriend, the best way to get back in touch with your ex in my opinion is text messaging him.
For one, it is casual and it won’t put pressure on him. Second, unlike phone calls, it gives you more time to think about how to reply and continue the conversation.
Before we go on, you need to avoid the most common mistakes that many women make when texting their ex-boyfriends:
- Don’t text message your ex a few more times after receiving no replies. Give the benefit of the doubt that your ex is really busy and haven’t got time to text you back. Bombarding him with text messages only signals that you are still emotionally unstable. And that is not attractive.
- Don’t send your ex boyfriend generic and boring text messages such as ”What’s up?” or ”How have you been?”. It neither makes your ex eager to continue the conversation, nor will it make him look forward to receiving your text messages.
- Don’t sound sad or depressed in your text message. We all want to keep away from unhappy people and hang around happy people. Your ex-boyfriend is no different.
- Don’t keep the conversation going for too long. Be the one to end it first, but do it in a polite and friendly way.
So, how do we get him hooked using text messages?
Have you ever got so hooked on a particular TV show that you cannot wait for the next episode to air?
For me, I remember a long time ago when Prison Break Season 1 was just released. I got so hooked on it that I felt the wait for the next new episode was way too long (It airs once a week). Every week, I would diligently sit in front of the TV to watch the next episode without fail.
If I could get my hands on the entire season at that time, I would definitely finish watching all the episodes in one sitting! Yes, that is how addictive it was.
Have you ever wondered how they get people so hooked on TV series?
The way they do it is that they always end each episode in a way that leaves audience in suspense and makes audience wonder what will happen next.
How can you apply this when you text your ex boyfriend?
When you text your ex boyfriend, you need to be engaging, interesting and funny. When I say engaging, it means that you have to be able to keep things open, so your ex finds it easy to continue the conversation.
For example, you can ask him about a trip he just came back from or you can tell him something interesting that happened to you or you have heard. Throughout the conversation, you need to show the funny side of you.
A good laugh can make your ex feel good and associate texting you with this good feeling. And that is what you want to achieve.
Another important thing to note is that make sure you end the conversation prematurely and do NOT let the texting conversation die. There are two purposes of doing that. When you cut an interesting conversation short, it only makes your ex boyfriend want more of it.
This is the “Push & Pull Effect” in play here. And especially for guys, they love the chase. So by making yourself more “unavailable”, it will make them want to pursue you harder.
Similarly in your text messages, you want to end off at a “high”. So once you two are really enjoying the conversation, you want to resist the urge to continue this conversation and risk it turning into a boring and mundane conversation.
The way you end of is with a simple “excuse” to end the conversation. A simple “Got stuff to do now so I gotta go!”, or “Hey, I just met a friend/ I gotta go meet a friend now so chat with you another time! See ya!”
This way when you end the conversation, he will be the one wanting more of it.
In conclusion, to get your ex to chase you, you have to remember that you have to make yourself “unavailable”. Men want what they cannot get. So make yourself a “limited edition” and see him start chasing you with vigor!
Good day, I have been seeing this guy for over 4 years. Everything always seems ok in my eyes because I keep ignoring the fact that he hurt me at least 4 times a week. We used to be so close, he would spend time with me on a regular basis and had no problem hanging out. For the past 1year, everything has changed. I have to be begging for his attention, for him to acknowledge me, for him to text me back and also to see him. I never cheat on him, he’s the only guy I’ve been with. He cheated on me and I confronted him and he denied it or would come up with some silly excuse. He calls me clingy and annoying whenever I ask for his attention or text him like twice a day. He talk to me anyhow, calls me names as well as ignores me. He used to spend the weekends with me but now that’s no more. If he do visit, he would spend approximately an hour and out of that hour he’s on his phone for like 15 minutes. He claims that he’s busy but he always find the time to hang out with his friends. Is it that I want too much from him? I don’t ask his for much than his time and attention. I treat him good, if he ask me for anything, once I have it I give it to him. He hurt me so much and he never says sorry. I love him so much and it kills me whenever he’s not acting right. What can I do? I hate feeling this way.
Hi, my boyfriend and I broke up recently. We have been dating for 2 years and 3 months, every time we argued I always thought to myself that this relationship will not work, I really love him so much, he is everything I have and I know he loves me so much, I have trust issues, I’m always the one who breaks up with him all the time, he never broke up with me or anything. I really regret breaking up with him now and I don’t think if I message him he will reply back or want me back this time. It’s been 4 months now and he hasn’t sent me a text or called me. I want him back please help me what should I do to get him back ?
hi I just got out of my 5 and half months relationship , I really liked my ex and I came to him for helping and stuff , we got along and we really liked each other , I’m always putting effort into him and stuff , he did the same thing to me , were on the same boat, he was the first person I had sex with and now I’m stupid coz I did to him and thought him and I would be together bit longer then that , anyway he went to nz in March, after he came back , acting weird and distant again , he was like that before , then we were going ok, then he want a break so I let him , like I didn’t do anything wrong and every time I ask to meet up , his always with boys , then 2 weeks ago I kinda got mad , coz he canceled it, I haven’t seen him nearly 3 months, I said something I shouldn’t said , I said f*** this Im done , he just took seriously when I said something else , after 2 days ago, I was doing the tbhs and his mate told me that My ex misses me , he want me back but he has no idea how to talk to me, he regrets the break up , I said to His mate Alright then , I’ll talk to him, I wasn’t even giving in all to my ex , i said I miss him and stuff , he goes we’re not together, stop acting like it is , go away and leave me alone , like I did so much for this him , I still love him and he doesn’t understand . I’m really lost what he said , now that we’re both single , I still wanna be with him , I want him to chase me, like I did that so many times , now I have stopped . So he unfriended me on fb coz he thinks I’ll post stuff about him which I never do that ! It’s so annoying . Someone please help me thanks !
Me and my now ex have had our ups and downs, some little trust issues that I tried to work past. We’ve been doing great for the past month or so, last night was his 24th birthday (I’m 22) and our 9 month. I took him out to dinner, we went out with friends, wound up spending $150 on him.
After we get home (he is wasted and asleep on my bed already) I grab his phone to put it by the bed, I see his friend texted him so I went to dismiss the text and I saw another girls name. So, I clicked it and what do you know… he is telling this girl that we’ve been broken up, and asking her to hang out. Her text says “I can’t hang out with you if you’re still with her” and he says “no, but we’re not going out anymore.” I freak out a bit and tell him how could he be doing that? I leave the room, and when I come back he has deleted the texts and says he doesn’t know what I was talking about.
After he falls asleep, I’m obviously freaking out and I texted this girl. She gives me the lo-down… She’s only been friends with him but when me and him first started dating, they were together and he hid me from her. When she found out about me she left him. She then proceeded to send me screenshots of texts from months ago from him saying that we broke up, I’m crazy, etc. I don’t understand.
I also found another message in his phone to another girl, he made up some ridiculous lie. He told her that he went to Cali for the weekend (not true) and when he was gone I cheated on him, that I’m crazy, etc. How could he make up such terrible lies if he loves me? How could he tell these girls these things about me and say we’re broken up?
I gave him everything. I’ve been through breakups but I’ve never loved a guy like this. He always said he was going to marry me one day, I was close to his family… I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. This morning he was holding me, apologizing and saying he loves me and that he’ll never let me go… but I told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He said he was going to fight for me no matter how long it took. I finally spoke to him a few hours ago and he just said ‘Take care, I’ll always love you.” So, I guess he’s not gonna fight for me. He keeps saying he loves me and he’ll always love me, but that I don’t trust him. I said of course it was wrong for me to read his texts, but I also shouldn’t have found anything. If I hadn’t found them, we would still be together and he would still be talking behind my back.
I am completely broken. How could someone who loves me do that to me? Lie about me, tell girls we weren’t together? He did a 180, it’s like I don’t know who he is anymore. I don’t know how to be okay. The sad part is that I still love him so much and want to be with him, even though things will never be the same and it would be stupid. I know he needs to grow up and change, and maybe one day he will realize… but maybe one day he won’t and I’m being a big baby about it. I don’t know how to be ok. I’ve done breakups but this guy was my everything… I love him so much. I know I need to go NC but I don’t think I’m strong enough.
My advice for u is to show him what he lost and what I mean by that a person who loves with all their heart and give their all are hard to find stay away from him for a while don’t answer his phone calls or texts dress up with a look that he never seen u in change ur hair color and go out with a smile on with new people he doesn’t know and try to hit a place he usually goes to or have companies that will inform him of seeing u let him feel that he lost u and he will be Askin u to get back but don’t make it easy for him and after u do let him know he has to work on gettin ur trust again make sure u don’t give him ur all again
My boyfriend of 8 months recently broke up with me. He is 29, I am 21.
We never argued except one month ago, which I told him to play less phone games, since I came all the way to see him and it made me feel my effort is not respected and appreciated. And he got pissed saying I didn’t need to come, how I had ruined his nice weekend by saying all this, he can do whatever he wants and I should not date. (I just got fed up he sometimes would focus on his phone games and ignored me for an hour when we meet like 2-3 times a week, and that one time I spent so much effort on planning his birthday night, and he decided to play with his phone and watched TV and ignored me for like one and a half hr while I dressed up nice and didn’t even try the cake I made him, which eventually gone bad before he could take a bite :/) I didn’t talk back since I didn’t want a fight. The next day we were all normal. And the following two weeks, he initiated contact. He knew I was having a bad week that time I told him to spend less time on his phone games when we hang out. And he asked me if I am feeling better and asked me out for a few times. I thought we were okay. I also asked him out for two times afterward and he sounded okay with it.
Things started to change when he had this interview coming up. He became distant though he still replied when I texted him. He once asked me for some opinion on whether he should get the job he knew he won’t like. I gave him a detailed one. I thought it was stress. But even with his interview drama gone, we Haven’t contacted for days, then I texted him like once every 1-2 days. He would reply my “how are you” but not the ones about us, like “is everything alright between us?” “when are we seeing each other”. I called him up during the weekend asking if he wanted to meet and that’s when he broke up with me.
He said “I don’t think we should keep seeing each other. We are comfortable with each other but it doesn’t mean this is going anywhere…(blah blah blah) We Haven’t met for quite a while anyway (two weeks, I asked him after interview he wanna meet up and he turned me down) and you are too obsessive with this relationship.”
Was I really obsessive? We saw each other 2-3 times a week Sometimes he asked to meet up, sometimes I asked to meet up but I never demanded seeing more than 2-3 times since I have a busy life. And every time I traveled an hour to go his place or area, he never really came to where I live anymore. I offered help when he needed or asked for it. I would sometimes get upset at what he did but I never showed it to him, I just bitched to my friends. I let him go drinking with his friends, only when he drunk called me at 4am and woke me up then I would bitch a bit the next day.
Or is it because of that time I told him to spend less time on phone, which possibly led to the break up? Before that “fight”, he even suggested going camping and looked for a tent once, and after that, he didnt mention it anymore. He also got laid off one month ago, but he seemed completely fine with it since he hated the job and was thinking of quitting anyway.
I am feeling quite worthless and down though really I should be congratulating myself and patting myself on the back
I am feeling guilty for sticking to no contact and taking care of my needs though I have been treated pretty cruelly for a year by this guy who would be really nice one minute then cruel or would disappoint me the next. I’ve managed ten days I haven’t contacted him, he hasn’t contacted me, he said ten days ago have a good couple of weeks and he’d see me at our support group this Friday. I feel so dependent I am counting down the days and don’t even trust him to be there. My trust feels broken, he would break promises and act surly and hostile sometimes.
I don’t know why I still want him and why I feel so bad, we were only friends and he would tell me sometimes about other women he liked and fancied. When I ignored him he would sometimes pursue
Please help me stay strong, I don’t know why I’m feeling bad for taking care of myself
I’m entirely too confused and heartbroken. My recent ex boyfriend will be leaving for Navy boot camp on June 18th.
I am so confused, lost, heartbroken…
We were (and I still believe we are) completely in love. He told always was telling me that he will write me letters and as soon as he could send for me, he would. He told me he knew that I was the one he wanted to come home to everyday. We talked about marriage together. We talked about kids and what their names would be together. He made a promise that no matter what he would always be there right behind me. But I did question the promise couple times and he would get upset. He would tell me that he promised his grandma he would never break a promise. And his grandma the one he looked up to is not alive anymore so he is very serious about what he promises. And I learned to believe it. He’s right. He never promises anything unless he knows 110%. But anyways our relationship was so great. With the occasional little fights every now and then. He had so much faith in us. When mine shook, he always always always reassured me that he wasn’t going any place. He put me in his military plans and told me that I was the spine of his plans. He said he couldn’t wait to be a father to our children someday. My parents didn’t agree of us that even one day my mom forbid us to even see eachother. It hurt him hard. But it didn’t stop him. It made him that much more confident to prove them wrong. He cared what they thought be he really believed we were soul mates and their was no stopping us.
About a two weeks ago he started acting different and I was always asking him what was wrong and he always denied anything being wrong and for me not to worry. About a week ago we were together in his car and I still tried to get him to talk to me and tell me what was wrong but he said nothing. And that I was looking for something that wasn’t gonna be found. That he loves me. And about 5 days ago I asked him if it was me, if he wanted to break up and he responded that he couldn’t believe he was asking me that question and that he still wanted to be with me. That same day he said that something his chief told him awhile ago when he was single has been bothering him. And that we would talk in person but it was nothing “bad” and for me to not go get all sad. But two days after he texted me, YES TEXTED ME, and told me that he didn’t want to do this but he has to that we need to break up. He said, all his feelings for me are real but because of his career path he chose he needed to focus and to not mess it up. And that his plate was filled long before he met me. He said I didn’t do anything. He said his chief asked him if being in a relationship would stop him from going and that he of course said no but in reality he almost did because he didn’t wanna hurt me. But he has to do this and that he is very very sorry. And for me not to hate him and he still wants to be friends.
I AM SO CONFUSED.
I loved this man with everything in me.
I asked him why he didn’t tell me this when I asked him what was wrong, if he wanted to break up, etc and he said because he didn’t want to do this and he wanted to think of some other way.
I guess he couldn’t.
I didn’t know what to think, but I was very calm. (Although I wanted to go CRAZY) but I told him that I understood. And to not be sorry. I still support him through everything. He texted me that night with just a “Good night” The next day he texted me and we had small talk. I brought up if he wanted the stuff he gave me back and he said no why would I want it back I bought it for you. I told him I was more talking about the half heart necklace since it goes together with his. (It’s just a broken heart he has one side I have the other) and he said “no that’s for you” and that was basically it for that day. Saturday came and we didn’t talk until he texted me that night asking how my day was, etc. I was really thrown off because he has just broke up with me and I was confused as to why he was still texting me. So I thought and thought that night. Into the next morning I confronted him and texted him and told him I didn’t know what his intentions were. If he was just confused, scared, nervous, needed space, maybe we would get back together when he felt more secure about things or if he was really done with this relationship and wanted to be friends. I told him he just wanted to be friends that I would need some time and space to let it set in and adjust. (I was so in love with him, jumping from boyfriend and girlfriend to friends hurt too much for me.) It took him a while to reply and when he did he told me that he would give me all the time I needed to be friends. And he said I guess… Which really threw me off. I couldn’t believe it that he actually wanted to be done. I had thought possibly that he was just scared of all the changes that were happening since he’s going to the Navy that’s why he’s pushing me away. I guess it wasn’t. We didn’t text the rest of that day. Or monday. But today he all of a sudden texted me asking me how I am and such. I don’t know what’s going on. Not only am I confused because we were so in love! How could this have happened? But because he’s texting me again. I really don’t know. But I wanna be there for him since he is leaving for the navy. I wanna be a friend and of course I want to even more be his girlfriend again. But idk.