No matter what you do, it just isn’t working. You have tried convincing, reasoning, explaining, apologizing and even begging or pleading, but nothing you say seem to have any effect on your ex at all.
You feel hopeless. You feel in despair. You feel that nothing you do can help you revive and restore this beautiful relationship you once had with your ex.
You know you made mistakes and you just want to make it right. You know you two can still have a great relationship together only if your ex gives you just one more chance.
Now all you want to do is make things right and show your ex that you have changed and that if they give you a chance, you’re going to make them the luckiest person on this planet.
And all you need is just that once chance so that you can make things right again between the two of you.
But you’re at the end of your wits because it has even come to the point that your ex is almost totally shutting you off.
Your ex may even still be in contact with you and you’re maintaining a friendly relationship with him/her, but you feel it’s going nowhere and you’re frustrated.
Your ex may not even engage you in a conversation anymore. What you say to them only get cold one-word responses.
Your ex may even have totally blocked you or he/she is ignoring you. All you hear are crickets to your texts and messages to your ex.
Whatever your situation may be right now, I want you to immediately stop whatever you have been doing right now and ask yourself this: Do you really have a plan or strategy to make your ex come back to you?
If not, then you want to read what I have to say very carefully because by the end of this, you will be able to come up with a plan of your own.
But before we get to the plan, you have a problem. A. Big. Fat. Problem.
What You’re Doing Now Is Totally Ineffective
Chances are that you have probably did the following to try and change your ex’s mind to get back with you:
- Beg and plead
- Use reasoning to get them to see why your ex should still be with you
- Convincing your ex that you have changed
- Threatened your ex
- Emotional blackmailing your ex
- Suddenly being very sweet to your ex
- Continually saying you love your ex
The problem with all these methods above is that these are actually pushing your ex away from you. They are telling your ex that you still want him/her back, but think about it – if your ex really wanted you back, he/she would have already gotten back with you long ago, but your ex is still not with you!
So the more you try and “want” your ex back, the more you will be pushing him/her away from you.
And here’s an even bigger problem…
Capturing Remaining Feelings VS. Creating New Feelings
Many people have the wrong impression that if they do not quickly get back with their ex, they will lose their chance forever.
They feel that right now if their ex still has “some” feelings for them, they will be able to still get them back.
The problem with this is that the logic is flawed and absolutely ineffective.
If your ex had some “remaining feelings” for you, it means that he/she would still want to be with you, but the thing is that your ex doesn’t want to be with you, so any remaining feelings you want to “capture” in your ex have scars of what went wrong in the relationship!
It’s a really bad and ineffective way of reviving and restoring your relationship.
So what do you want to do instead?
You want to create new feelings in your ex. Think back to the time when your ex has not even met you. They didn’t even have any feelings for you because your ex didn’t even knew who you were back then!
But guess what happened? You came along and you create new feelings in him/her and that made your ex fall in love with you and want to be with you.
This is exactly what you want to do and it is far more effective then trying to capture what’s left. It’s like settling for the leftovers of yesterday dinner when you can go ahead and cook up a new exciting dish today!
So how do you go about creating new feelings in your ex this time round?
Help Your Ex Link Pleasure To You
You see, we all make decisions out of two main reasons in general:
- To move towards pleasure
- To move away from pain
The only reason your ex is no longer with you is because he/she linked more pain than pleasure to being with you. That is why once your ex’s tolerance threshold is hit, your ex decides to bail.
And the only reason why you are so desperately trying to restore this relationship with your ex, is because you link more pain to not being with your ex than to be with him/her, correct?
So the way to get your ex back, revive and restore your relationship, is to simple help your ex link pleasure to you from here on, and eradicate anything that will link pain to you in them.
So how do you link pleasure to you in your ex and eradicate all pain towards you?
Let Your Ex Feel Good About Himself/Herself
The way to link pleasure is to simply be pleasurable.
By pleasurable I mean, from here on, if you have any communication with you ex, you keep things light and fun. Be really polite and friendly and do not attempt to talk about the relationship whatsoever.
Avoid all arguments with your ex as well because this will let them feel more pain towards you.
You want to compliment your ex whenever you can. We all love compliments. If you genuinely compliment your ex, he/she will start to feel more comfortable towards you.
You want to also encourage and motivate your ex all the time. Everyday we all face problems. That is without a doubt.
We face problems at work, with our colleagues, with our boss, with our family, with friends and so on. The last thing your ex wants is to have more problems with you.
So rather than be the problem, be the person encouraging and motivating them to let your ex know that he/she can go through this difficult times.
So few people are motivating or encouraging these days. We only hear words of cynicism, skepticism and being put down all the time.
When you start encouraging and motivating your ex to be positive, he/she will suddenly perceive you differently.
You become like a breath of fresh air to them and your ex will definitely like the feeling he/she gets from you!
When they start to feel good about himself/herself because of your words, your ex will start to grow good feelings towards you.
And from there, attraction can be grown.
Your Plan To Win Your Ex Back
So now that you know the effective way to revive and restore your relationship, it’s time for you to come up with a plan and the following questions will help you aid in helping you identify more ways to help your ex link pleasure to you and how you can stop anything that lets your ex link pain to you.
Answer the following questions:
- When you were together with your ex, what did your ex say that he/she absolutely liked about you?
- What did your ex say he/she absolutely dislike about you?
- Compare the you when your ex first fell in love with, and the you that your ex broke up with. What’s the difference?