I often get asked a lot of question by my readers about what is actually going through in their ex boyfriends’ minds and why their ex boyfriend is behaving in a certain way. Understanding the male mind post-breakup is also an important aspect if you are trying to get back with your ex. So, I have come up with a list of the most common behaviors help me gain an in-depth insight into the male behavior after a relationship ends.
Generally, the dumper’s behaviour is governed by guilt and the dumpee’s by rejection. While this is true in the majority of the breakup cases, there are always exceptions to this rule.
Assuming the two of you are still on talking terms or you might see each other occasionally, there may be some behaviour that confuses you.
What you need to understand is that what an ex may say, and what they actually mean are entirely two different things.
Ex Boyfriend Says He Wants To Stay Friends
The ‘Stay As Friends ‘line is pure evil when you really just want them back. It is very rare for exes to remain friends. It can happen certainly, but not often and especially not when an ex is seeing someone else.
This is another one of those canned lines whose purpose is to help you transition easier into the break up. An ex boyfriend who tells you that he wants to be friends wants to maintain the image that they will still be a regular in your life and that you’ll still meet up and chat and do stuff together.
Don’t fall into the trap. That’s just the illusion they want to give and it works to some degree. You will soon find out, usually a few days after the break up, the true meaning of friends is don’t want to talk or see you for 6 or 12 months at a time?
So, what should you do?
Let your ex know firmly that you can not be friends with them. Not allowing yourself to be friends is a gentler way of saying you are pulling all contact from them?
Once you present the idea of cutting off all contact (remember it’s just an idea, not something you’re going to do). This will often trigger levels of uncertainty on your ex’s part and this uncertainty will make them want to chase you? This is what you want.
People want what they can’t have, and your ex isn’t immune to this rule either. If you make them believe, they can’t have you in any way shape or form, that’s when the table will turn. If the only way your ex boyfriend will maintain contact with you is if you agree to be friends, then okay, agree to be friends. It is better to be in contact than not.
Ex Boyfriend Jumps Into A New Relationship Right After Breakup
A guy does this probably because he doesn’t want to be alone and he doesn’t want to “deal with himself.” Regardless of how the breakup happened and what caused the breakup and who initiated the breakup, both parties will certainly feel hurt and lonely, even if they are not showing it on the outside.
Jumping into a relationship with another girl can help take his mind off the pain and he can also maintain his dose of external female validation and self-esteem.
How do you tell whether your ex is in a rebound relationship? You need to look at two things: how soon your ex boyfriend finds someone new and how long you have been with your ex.
If your ex got together with someone new very soon after the breakup, chances are that it is just a rebound relationship. If you and your ex are together for a long time and you two had a lot of good times together, it is not going to be easy for him to forget you and move on so quickly. So, it is very likely that what he has is just a rebound relationship.
And good news is that rebound relationships almost always end. Why is that? Firstly, your ex could just be using her to distract himself and ease the pain from the breakup. Secondly, your ex is in no way in the right emotional state to get into a serious relationship. Thirdly, the new girl might figure out sooner or later that she is just a rebound and end the relationship with your ex.
So, what should you do?
A very common mistake that women make when they find out their ex is with someone new after breakup is that they immediately go and confront their ex boyfriend and scream at them. I can understand you probably feel angry and betrayed. But, when you cool down and think about it, your ex is no longer in a relationship with you any more, so he is not cheating on you and he has the right to be with anyone.
You should try your best not to appear jealous, especially in front of your ex boyfriend. Also, it is a very bad idea to stalk the new girl and talk bad about her to your ex boyfriend. This is not going to get him to leave her for you. On the contrary, it will only make your ex think you are a petty and jealous person and he was right about the breakup.
Your Ex Boyfriend Tells You That He Misses You
It doesn’t just have to be that they miss you. They might be saying anything that implies they still have feelings for you or thinks of you some time after the break up.
This usually implies:
- They miss certain things about you, but not enough to want to get back..
- They want to see your reaction in case they change their mind about the breakup.
- They didn’t do enough break up preparation and aren’t enjoying the single life as much as they thought they would
This typically happens when their new relationship fails to pan out or they’re experiencing sudden bouts of loneliness.
So, what do you do?
Your ex wants to get the instant gratification of feeling loved and cared for. Unfortunately, after they get what they want, they’ll be gone from your life again.
Knowing that your ex is only trying to receive temporarily comfort from you, you must train them to not take you for granted.
Don’t give them what they want, give them what they need. For example, if they’re telling you they’re alone on a Friday night and they’re missing you, instead of falling for that line and running over there to keep them company. Tell them to go out with friends, talk to their siblings or watch a movie. Come up with an alternative solution for them.
This will put them off at first, but it will further enforce the notion that:
- They can’t have you
- You’re a strong individual who knows where to draw the line
- You want and deserve MORE
This will cause your ex to:
- Value the time they do spend with you
- Respect you more as a person
- Realize that you still care but have more willpower than they Showing that you have more control over your actions than they means you have the upper-hand in the relationship.
Overly Happy Ex Boyfriend Post-breakup
It would take a very immature and cold-hearted person to act extremely happy and relieved about breaking up to your face? Personally though, there’s something else going on if this is your case.
Acting unusually happy about a break up signifies that if they’re trying to over-justify their decision to break up, it means they’re really not sure whether they wanted it or not. Often they might really regret the decision if they are acting this way but are in a sense in denial about it.
This could also be a way of testing you to see if you will ask them back.
So, what do you do?
Ignore their behavior and keep a solid distance until they can show you they’ve grown up before continuing any sort of communication with them.
The Hot & Cold Ex Boyfriend
This is an ex who wants you one minute and then hates you the next. One day they might call up, telling you they miss you. The next day, they’ll completely ignore you and you won’t know what you did wrong. This sort of erratic behavior is actually quite common post break up.
If their on and offs happen close together in a short amount of time, this means they’re confused about what they want. They are pulled in two directions. Wanting you and not wanting you at the same time.
So, what do you do?
You need to make yourself acceptably hard to get in touch with. Go out more. Take a class. Don’t answer the phone immediately when they call. Let the voicemail pick up and always get back to them later. The point is to do it subtly, and not seem like you’re deliberately avoiding them.
This will once again pigeon-hole them into the position of someone chasing you? Clever huh?
Putting some distance between when they want to talk and when you talk to them will allow them time to think about their actions. The more they think of you, the better you’ll set the stage for reunion.
The Best Friend Ex
The best friend ex is great to have if you don’t have feelings for them. Unfortunately if you do, this makes things VERY difficult for you. In essence best friend exes really DO care a great deal about you and don’t want to see your relationship die.
So, what do you do?
The best way to deal with this is to maintain minimal contact but let them know why you’re doing it.
When you DO talk with your ex, avoiding bringing up the past relationship or any feelings you still have for him or her.
Always remember that Your REACTION to the break up does play a large part in your ex’s consequent opinion and feelings towards you. This is why I’ve laid down some common behaviour you might be experiencing from an ex.
Emily says
My ex bf broke up with me almost 5 months ago and it feels like a day hasn’t gone by that I haven’t thought about him.
Neither of us wanted to break up but he was a Senior and I was a Freshman but we were only a year apart. He has stated that he wants to get back together after I graduate.
What are my chances?
bonnie says
He broke up with me over a text..not giving a reason,, I was devastated and tried to reach him several times to find out what happened and why he did this to me.. he simply ignored all my messages, calls, emails,texts, etc.
I got frustrated with his behavior and send him a text that he’s being immature..he responded right away that we can’t be together anymore because I’m way too emotional and that I should stop messaging him and if questioning his genuineness helps me to get over it the be his guest. I felt so insulted and hurt by the way he ended things but since I’m not that type person to seek revenge or play it immature I sent him my last text as a response to his text and left it at that. here is what i sent him:
“I’m sorry that you got that impression. There is a reason that I was being such an emotional wreck. You don’t know and you wont understand. I’ve been working on myself to get through this depression and I know that it will be okay in the end. It’s just a matter of time. I wish u could give me another chance to make things right. But I understand your frustration and I’m very sorry for that. I wont bother you again.”
I’m so angry at myself for being so emotional and needy due to a depression that i was suffering from and he knew about it…I loved this man so much and I always had respect for him that’s why it hurts me so much..I cried myself to sleep last night not just because he treated me unfair but also to make myself look like a fool begging him to tell me why he is being the way he is. I made myself look desperate. He’s been active on facebook posting and sharing stuff like nothing has happened..I am trying to move on because i don’t think that I would ever want to go back to him again even though I still have strong feelings for him. I just want to know how i can maintain my dignity and respect after him treating me like garbage.
Maya says
wow
im sorry to read that.. i hope you are okay now and stronger after one year 🙂
ThePinch says
Tough love: he’s not interested anymore, and you, my friend, are harassing him.
If you want to exit like a boss, cut off all communication. Now. There are plenty of websites out there about No Contact.
Get busy. Get a new hobby, go to the gym, volunteer.
Ask for help. Engage well intentioned friends and relatives. If the depression continues, see a doctor. Yes, this means you.
There are no mistakes, only lessons. This guy is a symptom, not an indictment. Consider it an opportunity to work on you, and what really works for you. And how much you can do for yourself.
You are not alone, either. Be well.
Vy says
I can related to you. He always making me worried for his disappearance and lack of communication. I began the habit of overthinking stuff which was not who I really am, and constant depression. And that was how we fought so often. I always told him ‘ALL I need was a text from you, to make sure you’re still OK’. It’s not like I’m controlling him, since he has the potential of overdoing his work to the point he could fall into heavy sickness. He broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore, he doesn’t like my personality (aka ‘overthinking’) and that he doesn’t want us to fight so regularly like that. I feel hurt, and unappreciated. I started wondering if he ever loved me, as if our love & memories were nothing to him saying that. He didn’t care how much he has had hurt me, he only cared about how I hurt him. He didn’t love me enough to find a way with me, and more to come. Yet, all that reasons to hate him, I still couldn’t bring myself to hate, for I still care about him.
Nature says
Hey i m facing the same thing now can i tell me how are things now in ur life?
Katsy says
My ex boyfriend broke up with me about 2.5 months ago over a drunken fight we had and claiming that we fought too much lately. We were together for a year and 3 months, doing long distance (6 hours) for half of it (visits every month), but eventually both moving back to our same hometown after graduating college.
We went a month with NC. We started texting each other in the second month of our break up and decided to meet for coffee because he kept saying how he missed hanging out with me. After our first coffee meeting, I was confused about what his intentions were and he said he was confused and really didn’t know so he needed some time to think about it. We hung out a handful of times after that and I finally asked him if he had thought about us getting back together. He said that he was happy with what we were doing now as friends and that he doesn’t want to do long distance again when we both decide to move in the next 6 months because it would be hard since we are ‘starting over,’ according to him. I then asked him if we possibly go try getting back together in the future and he said most likely not. I decided to keep it to myself that I still have feelings for him and would like to try again, and we’ve been hanging out a ton since then. He said he considers me one of his best friends and hanging out with him is always a good time for both of us. He still makes flirty jokes or comments on certain things from our relationship/sex life, but he also will talk about how hot some girls are in front of me.
I can definitely be his friend right now because I consider him my best friend and this whole hanging out thing and being close again makes me happy, but I want to know if he could possibly change his mind in the future and see that maybe I’m the one for him and that he made a mistake. Is that possible after all of this? Why does he want me to be his best friend after he broke up with me?
He always wants me to come over for his family dinners and we end up hanging out with his family because I’m still close with all of them. He also still calls me by our nicknames we gave each other. I don’t know if any of this means anything, but I’m just curious if someone who says they won’t ever date you again can change their mind.
Maya says
Make him feel jealous;
play the monkey see monkey do thingy
if he jokes about girls you also joke about boys;
try sometimes to talk about some x guy tried to hit on you;
he will die from jealous and feels he will lose you soon or someone else will take you away from him;
do that in a smart way and and dont make him feel that he mean everything to you, on the opposite try to take some advices from him about some issues related to someone hitting on you and see his reaction;
He will make everything not to lose you again trust me on that; as long as he’s taking you for granted, you will not see any positive move from him;
Katherine says
My boyfriend and I were together for almost two years. He is 22 and I am 21 and we met in college. He broke up with me almost a month ago, saying that he does not see a future with me and figured we’d break up after we both graduated anyway (which I did not think he was even considering). He is struggling in school and is nowhere near completing his degree at 22 yrs. old and I think he realized he needs to get his life together, and for some reason he needs to do this without me. I understood that we might want different things for the future.
However, after giving me that reason he proceeded to tell me all the things I did wrong in the relationship. These included the one month during our relationship where I was going through an extremely difficult time with my family and job and I would vent to him about it. He said I was being so negative during that month that he didn’t even want to be around me. I was confused though, because we had talked about this when it was happening, I understood where he was coming from, and didn’t mention my family problems to him since and made extra effort to show him I’m a positive person. So I thought that issue was done with. I don’t understand why he was bringing it up again.
He also brought up the fact that one of his female friends had been an issue between us. He used to have a crush on this girl for three years, up until the time he met me, but she had a boyfriend. He said that he’s over it and they are still friends. However, something about their friendship didn’t feel right to me. I was uncomfortable when I’d hang out with them, feeling left out. I feel that she wasn’t very respectful of our relationship and was jealous that the guy who liked her so much found someone else. I didn’t want him to stop being friends with her, but just to be aware of how I felt that I was being treated. When I raised these concerns my boyfriend had a bunch of excuses for her behavior, but said he could see where I was coming from. I’m afraid she was part of the reason he broke it off because I again don’t understand why he’d bring it up during the breakup.
I haven’t spoken to him since the break up and he has made no effort to contact me either. However, as I see on Facebook, he almost seems overly happy that I am out of his life. It makes me feel like I was this awful girlfriend who made him miserable. We spend almost every day together for two years. I can think of about 5 times that we actually had an argument in those two years, and every other day was drama-free and he gave no indication that he was unhappy. He actually seemed in love with me. Now it seems like he dropped me and hasn’t given me a second thought since. Not to mention he ran right to the female friend, and they are hanging out a lot more than they did when we were together. It’s almost like kicking you when you’re down. I’m trying to move forward from the fact that he didn’t see a future with me and isn’t in love with me anymore, yet now I have to deal with the fact that he’s all over her again, too. I just can’t believe I made someone who made me so happy feel so unhappy. I’m just trying to understand things and would like some perspective. I feel so used and feel like his actions show I meant nothing to him.
Tess says
Can I ask what happened eventually?
Betty says
My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. We had our ups and downs but we were both so in love. We talked about being together the rest of our lives, and how weve never felt this way about anyone etc etc. I thought this was the man I was going to marry. My confusion comes from wondering if his actions came from immaturity and pride, or if he really is over me.
The last 6 months I have not been as great of a girlfriend and he hasnt been there for me either. I was going through major stress with finances, starting a new job, working two part- time jobs, and major family stress. During this time I felt my boyfriend was not showing me attention, asking me whats wrong, or asking me to talk. This made me kind of resent him through the stress and kind of stay to myself. The last few months we felt more like roommates then lovers. (we have lived together years). I thought we were just in a slump but didnt think for a minute we would break up. I was still convinced we would be able to bounce back and be head over heels again as we have done so many times before.
Onward to the breakup. I booked us a night at a hotel resort. We had an amazing day at the pool swimming, drinking, cuddling. Everything was going great. We went up to the room to get ready for our dinner reservation. I was just getting out of the shower and he was getting in. I knew we were late so I still go out and got ready, I later found out this really hurt his feelings. My boyfriend had been drinking all day since golf at 530am so I wasnt thinking anything of it when he laid down on the bed and wasnt getting dressed. Apparently later he told me he wanted to talk to me then but I was too concerned with not being late for dinner. Again I had no idea. So I went down to the lobby to meet our friends for dinner. A few minutes later he came down and grabbed his keys from my purse. I said yah I am glad you made it down dinners soon. And he walked away I thought to use the restroom or something. Then it was time for dinner and he still wasnt around so I texted him and asked where he was. His reply was “goodbye”. Apparently he had taken a cab home and was now breaking up with me after 4 years over a text message. He sent a few more about how we have grown apart and hes not happy anymore and that was it.
Besides being irrate about being dumped over a text, I was devastated. I knew neither of us were happy and he told me to find a place and move out. I didn’t want to beg him to take me back so I handled it by avoiding the house daily from 7am until 10pm for 3 weeks until I could find a place. During this time we slept in seperate bedrooms and did not speak.
Then the day came and I moved out. When he came home to my stuff being gone he flipped out a little. Sending me really hurtful messages and telling me since I left it is 100% over. (which I already thought it was). He gave me mixed signs because he broke up with me and I thought this is what he wanted.
The breakup was July 6th, I moved out July 22nd. After he cooled down he started being nice and telling me he really wants this to end civily and how hard this is and how much he misses me and all he wants to do it cuddle me but he knows he cant. I left him my tv and laptop figuring he could keep them for a few weeks until he could get his own. We talked a few times on the phone. I would cry, and he would tell me I need to move on. He would also say he loves me and has never broken up with someone he still loves and how hard this is for him. Then he would tell me it will never be the same again. Basically back and forth stuff and really screwed with my mind.
Then I decided no contact. I couldnt take the mixed signals. During the next 3 weeks I blocked him on facebook, and did not respond to a single text. He sent me a total of three all of which I ignored. I had to. I was in too much pain. I knew this last weekend he was going out of town so I went over to his place to pick up my mail. I wasnt planning on getting the tv etc at that time, but when I arrived he had changed all the locks on the house!!! I lost it!! After I was being kind and lending him my stuff!! I was so mad I called him and texted him many times in so much anger. He told me I would have to wait until he gets back to get my stuff and that he couldnt trust me after I blocked him on facebook and didnt respond to his texts. I was livid. So much for a civil parting. The next 24 hours were a series of exchanged messages from anger, to sadness, to hope. He would say “there is so much we could of done but we didnt, and Im tired of being a failure” and more. After he got back, I had him leave my stuff outside because I didnt want to see him. I picked it up. That night we argued a little more. I was so upset that I never got that face to face break up, he was mad because he kept asking me to talk and I wouldnt.
I felt like if he was really sorry he should have came to me. Or made me feel important. He says he always wanted to talk and really regrets how he ended things but I didnt feel that because telling me I could simply come over to him and talk didnt seem like he was that willing to me. I knew it would just hurt so I stopped. We ended that night with him saying he is sick of my **** and he knows in his heart he tried to talk to me and I refused. My emotions were so out of control between anger and sadness that I knew I couldnt control them so I thought it was best to wait.
Now that I have my stuff back we dont have a reason to talk. 4 days went by with no communication and then he sent me a simple text that said “good luck today” because he knew my team was playing. I replied, and then of course he never wrote me back which upset me more. We havent spoken since.
I am so sorry for the length of this post I just felt I needed to get in all the mixed signs so I could explain my confusion. I am devastated. This man was my best friend and now I have lost him because I was too consumed in my own stress and depression to realize we were losing eachother. He told me after the breakup I was too concerned about “how” he did it rather then “why” he did it and thats how he knew he was making the right decision. He said he waited three weeks for me to come up to him and say “baby I dont want this can we please talk about it.” I didnt because he dumped me! Why would I beg him? Why would he want me to beg him after I was so humiliated and crushed. I am so close with his entire family too. I am losing so much in this breakup. It has now been 6 weeks with me moved out for 3 and that last text he sent me was three days ago.
I dont know where to go from here. I have messed up with sending the angry and sad plethora of messages but only after I realized I was locked out of the house. Before that I was doing good with the no contact so that is what I am trying to go back to. He says he still loves me and always will. What do you guys think from reading this long saga? What do his actions tell me? Is he really done? Do I need to just move on? Im so in love and I miss him so much if I stand a chance in making things right what do I need to do?
Confused says
What happened with your situation? Very interested and similar to mine..
Maya says
Im reading this after one year..
what happened? im curious to know if you moved on…
Ef says
I hope you both got back together!
Amber says
i met my now ex boyfriend in high school, i’m italian and he is german and we were both in boarding school for 1 year together. this was 11 years ago and now we are 28 years old. the moment we met we had a crush on each other but things did not proceed as planned and even though he tried to be with me it never happened, we became friends and i knew that i should like and want to be with him but there was something missing. then i left to go to another school and in the next 7 years we had little to no contact and saw each other once for a night.
In 2009 we got back in touch out of the blue, we had not corresponded at all in over 4 years and we totally reconnected. We were both going through a rough patch after break ups and getting back in touch was liberating, I was living in London and he was in Berlin at this point. His interest for me was once again clear and we would skype regularly talking about everything and anything and flirting. he then came to visit me and although we had a great great time we both realised there was still something missing between us so we stayed friends. By this point he started calling me his Holy Grail, may be i was a goal or an illusion i’m not sure. we both went on with our lives staying in touch as much as possible as i started travelling for work, and he was travelling for pleasure during the next 1.5 years. In 2011 i decided to go see him in India for a holiday because i needed some quality time with a good friend and that is when it all started, it was natural but we tried to resist it because of the friendship and because we both thought it might not be the best timing, we were both starting careers and would not be able to be physically together and we did not want long distance.
leaving him behind in india after a month was not easy but the plan was to stay friends, however in the following months we were acting more like a couple, staying in touch as much as possible through Skype and phone. I fell in love with him and i knew there was no turning back, however in the 6 months that followed he was having some doubts as per the long distance and how out future would look, i always believed that we could make anything happen. we saw each other again after six months and i met his family he met mine and we managed to spend about a month together. At this point he made our relationship official because anything else was confusing and because we were madly in love.
I threw myself fully in this relationship without hesitation because we both knew this was serious, we knew each other very well and there was so much love, also for me knowing that he had wanted to be with me for so long was a security. We both moved to india, but still very far from each other. I was working in the north and he was starting up the business in the south. we would talk everyday on phone and skype and we would see each other approx every 6 weeks. things were good but during this time he has moments of insecurity and tried to break up once because he did not see a future because of my career and the distance. Also we would have fights because i needed to talk to him very regularily and he did not have the same need, or because i would worry about thing before there was the need to in his opinion. He asked me to go live with him for 6 months to see how it would be and if it was worth staying together. leaving work for 6 months seemed too long for me and also i saw it as if he was testing me. I believed that if we truly wanted to be together living together would not be an issue. in any case we stayed together and things were good. in october 2011 i left india because i got sick and i was home in italy for a few months before going to be with him for 3 months in india. this was a stressful time not only because of my illness but also because i’m never really at home and when i’m i have no social life essentially so i was more of a burden to him while he was busy, this caused us to fight and one or two times while on skype he tried to tell me he could not deal with it anymore and that it was over, but we would talk about it and things would be fine. Also ever since we started “dating” we always talked about future wedding kids etc, and i was of the impression we wanted the same things but he wanted to live together first but also he wanted to have his business going. Before living together he said something along the line “come live with him and we see how it goes and then we probably will get engaged or it will be over”, this scared me as it made me really feel as if it was a test but i thought things would be fine because we had so much love for each other and also we knew each other well.
I finally went to be with him in jan 2011, india is not an easy place especially when you are in a smaller costal town with not many expats, i thought things were going well but i started feeling insecure. also we would get in fights because of stupid things like me wanting him to stay home or spend more time with me, or because i could not get my way with certain things, he would try to make me happy but would not talk to me about how he was feeling, and i thought they were small details. in any case while i was there after a couple of months he broke up with me, but i managed to reason with him so i stayed another month and we both thoughts things were improving.
I came back to Italy in May and was waiting to hear when he would come back so we could have a holiday in Europe together, and while waiting i started getting really worried he would not make it (he was waiting for an inspection and official papers and we had not idea if and when it would happen), also because i was waiting to hear about jobs and time could have been limited. We got in many fights were i would take my anger caused by the situation out on him. But he managed to come after 2 weeks and we had 5 weeks together in europe mostly with hims family and friends.
As you can imagine it was a very busy time travelling around over 4 countries meeting his friends and family, and it was at times stressful for me. Also was stressful because his family wanted to have time with him and i felt like i was in the way, or i was the reason why they could not. In any case we had some fights and i had a few freak outs which did not make him very happy. When we parted things were fine, we agreed to see each other in sept in canada and i was waiting for a visa to go back to india for work for 2 months in the meant time.
waiting for a visa is quite stressful (and a long process) and i was once again back home and bored and he was back in india bored and with lots of time, we would talk everyday but we did not have much to say and convos would drag on because i wanted to talk to him. then mid july i got the news that i did not get the visa and i was devastated as i was looking forward to go back to work. I suggested trying to get a tourist visa to go be with him but he said it was not a good idea first because i might be flagged by the embassy but then he also said because he had lots of work to do and he would not be able to spend time with me like i wanted to. this was difficult to hear and i replied by saying that it was strange that he would not want to see me when he had the chance to. The next day during our daily conversation he broke up with me.
I was devastated, i knew we were going through a rocky patch but i tought we would get through it. I saw all the experiences of the past months as an opportunity for us to learn more about each other and how to modify certain things to be better together but instead he gave up saying that even though it was very hard because he still loved me and still had very strong feelings he thought we were not compatible and had no future together, and we did not want the same things.
for the first week i tried to contact him in every possible way almost every day, we talked a few times on Skype and i was throwing myself at him in any ways, begging him and trying to convince him to give us a second chance or to take some time and meet up again but nothing….he called me once after 10 days had passed from the break up and then we talked one more time. I initiated all the conversations except for one. I did not know what to think, he kept saying it was for the best but he was also telling me that he still had strong feelings and he was suffering and having a very hard time, and he had very little hope we could ever be together again, but at one point he said he wanted to see me in sept but with no promises.
we had no contact for one week and i was going crazy and i dropped him a very stupid message, to which he replied in a very distant and cold way pretty much saying that i needed to get over it. There has been no contact since then (now 2 days). I’m scared i blew my chance of seeing him in september in canada or that i have lost him forever but i have hope and i still love him so much. I can’t lose him….
what do you all think? do i have any chance?
sammy says
I recently broke with my boyfriend of over 3 years. I broke up with him because when he drinks and gets drunk, he has this anger that I just cant understand. He screams, cusses, slams doors, and throw things. It’s not every time he drinks, because he is usually not like this he is usually nice and silly…. but it isn’t the first time he does this and although he has only done this 4 or 5 times in our 3 year relationship I don’t want it to be like this forever. *He isn’t an alcoholic. This usually happens at parties*
When we first started going out, he was a jealous wreck, and I mean wreck. Every other week we would have an argument about his jealousy/trust issues. I put up with it and we worked through it and he finally calmed down a year into the relationship. I think the anger when drinks has something to do with jealousy still though.
Anyways, the reason I am writing this is because I really miss him. And I’m reading alot of posts and alot say that it might be the relationship I miss & not necessarily him. I really think I miss him though. Do you think it’s possible for him to change. Its just something I do not want to deal with anymore…and I have talked to him before about it (his drunk episodes). Like other than his 4-5 drunken moments. I can say that we hardly argued about anything else and if we did it was minor stuff that was forgotten after 5min. Maybe the reason I really miss him is because he is the person I seen in my future, being my husband and even the father of my children.
I just don’t know what to do.
Just so you can understand our relationship alittle more let me just add. We have been living together for 3 years. He moved in with me a month into our relationship. I know it sounds as if it was too soon, and even I believe it was sometimes because we were only 18. Im 21 and he is 21 now.
We are still friends. He texts me goodmorning and asks how my day was…We are gonna be seeing each other mainly because he is living with MY cousin. So yesterday he was at my family easter party, and I dont mind at all, if anything I was alittle happy because I do miss him.
Do you think this is something that can be worked out. Do you think if he talks to someone about his anger or jealousy things will be better? Should I just move on?
Kim says
My ex boyfriend and I have been broken up for a year.
He broke up with me because he didn’t have enough love for me. We were together for 6 yrs. The last two year I had postpartum depression because we lost a baby at 16wks.
Are relationship was amazing before that. Never fought, did fun things etc. But when he broke up he stated that nothing is left of our relationship and it will never happen again. To me I think that’s rude. Why do I deserve a never. I never cheated or lied etc. I was an amazing girlfriend to him.yet he did see and fell out of love with a women who wasnt me but a depressed women.
We did stay in contact after we broke up I was heart broken. I did the wrong thing I texted, email many times. Until I was like this is a waste of my time. That last like 2 months. After 8 months went by he ask to hang so I said ok. He showed me he still had feelings. We cuddled and kissed. I asked him the next day what was that about he states I have a lot on my plate and I don’t thing your ready to hang. So i left it at that. A month went by and i ask to hang and we are cool as friends but I need my space. So I have been giving him his space for about 3 weeks. We are in no contact and its tough but I know its for the good so he can see he has made a mistake. Because he knows I got help for my depression and I’m myself again but better. Its just I really love this man and in my heart iknow he is the one. I so miss him. Does an ex come back ? Do they ever realize they made the wrong choice? When should I break the no conract rule and what should I say. I really love him with all my heart.
sarah says
I had this boyfriend and we were together for 5 months. It was a real intense relationship though. At first everything was going great we have been dating half a year before we got together. After 2 months or so we got into a little fight, nothing special, but he left my house and I went to bed. I thought he went home but instead he went home to this girl he barely knows from school and slept at her place. We saw each other on Saturday and everything was fine, he didn’t tell me anything. On Monday he texted me saying he had to tell me something and that he was unbelievably sorry and it would never happen again, so he told me about how he went to this girls house. He promised me he didn’t cheated and I believe him to this day. He called me and he was literally sobbing, telling me how much he loved me and how sorry he was. I gave him another chance although this whole thing was really bothering me because my whole trust has been shattered. Anyways, I tried to rebuild my trust but from that moment it was just not the same.
A few weeks later, he was acting weird and I asked him what’s wrong. He was crying, telling me that he didn’t deserve me, and that I was so perfect and kind and that he just didn’t know if he still loved me and that he was really confused at the moment. Even though I was really hurt, I tried to motivate him again, telling him that he’s worth it and things like that. The next day he was convinced that he loved me , saying he just had a bad day. Again my trust has been kind of destroyed. I was constantly thinking about, if he still loved me, looking for the signs, searching for his approval. It left me empty and I feel like that time I was holding onto him more than ever.
Anyways, his birthday came, everything was fine we had the most beautiful night and I really felt like we made it. A week or so later, he slept at my house. I don’t know why, because I’m really not the person who controls anybody, I checked his phone. I had the intuition that something was not right. He always hid his phone, most of the time it was turned off when he was with me, but as soon as he left, he was online on whatsapp. So I ended up going through his phone and checked the texts he wrote with his female friend, let’s call her Lisa. I know they have been friends before we met and when we got together he stopped seeing her. I always told him to meet her again because I didn’t want to be the reason he let his friends down. But he always told me she was annoying him with her drama, he talked quite bad about her over all, saying she got fat and stuff like that. So, like I said, I checked their texts only to see that he told her about our sex life,was flirting with her, he was basically emotionally cheating, talking bad about me and making me look like a complete idiot. He woke up because he heard me crying on the phone with my best friend and I confronted him. He was literally shaking and crying, like I’ve really never seen him like that before. He was begging and telling me that everything he said to her was a lie and that he lies to her all the time ( he really does, I’ve seen that as well). The next day he was writing me a letter about how I’m the only thing in his life that makes him truly proud and how he really needs me and that I’m the only person who truly know him. Also he was texting Lisa telling her, that he lied to her and that he really loves me and that they need to stop texting like that.
I let a few days pass and gave him another chance, maybe because I didn’t have the courage to leave, because I truly loved him with ALL my heart, because I thought he’d turn his words into actions this time.
Well, I really tried to rebuild my trust but it just didn’t work, I ended up apologizing for the things HE did to me, I came home crying because I felt worthless, I ended up telling myself to stop being so suspicious when really I had every reason to be suspicious. We had a few beautiful moments after and a week before he broke up with me he told me how much he misses me because he was in France with his soccer team. Well, a week later he broke up because ” he just couldn’t do this anymore blah blah” I was completely broken. I mean 5 hours before, he told me he loved me and even when he broke up he was crying saying things like: you are perfect, there’s not one bad thing about you and this is the one of the saddest days of my life, also he kissed and hugged me. A day after he broke up with me he texted me saying he misses me and he just wanted me to know it’s not completely over for him. After that he’s been sending mixed signals, when he saw me in school he came over to hug me and talk to me all the time, he rubbed my back and played with my hair and stuff like that and I really didn’t know what he wanted.
4 weeks later, I saw him with a hickey ( I asked him, and he told me it happened during a drinking game with people from his district- he lied. The hickey was from Lisa) also I saw him at this party and he was making out with her in front of me. I decided to give him back all his presents he gave to me which I actually never planned to do but I was too hurt. As I gave him back his things, he was kind of surprised I would even say he had a sad look in his eyes. After that he didn’t say hi anymore, but I feel like he’s trying to get my attention. For example he just recently followed my girlfriends on instagram( no he’s not close to them). Also, I’m pretty sure he’s dating Lisa because he posted a picture of them eating sushi on snapchat ( which he’s NEVER done before, he never posted a history on snapchat) but yeah whatever that’s about it.
I just tell myself to move on because he’s not worth it. But he destroyed my self esteem and made me feel completely worthless. And even now after two months I still struggle, sometimes I really miss him and I really don’t know what I did to him. I’ve always been a good girlfriend. I always gave him everything I had until I was left completely empty because all he did was take. And I am definitely not ugly. It’s just, he was my first love and I really don’t know what to think right now. Do they ever come back to apologize? Did he ever really care? Will he ever see he made a mistake? Will he treat his new girlfriend better?
Kim says
My Ex broke up with me two weeks ago. We’re supposed to be NC right now so that we can be friends down the road, but he keeps texting me.
I still have feelings for him, and he knows this, yet he has texted me two days in a row now to let me know he hopes I’m doing well and to update me on his job situation. We have a planned date to start talking again, I don’t know why he can’t just wait to talk to me until then? He’s the one that broke it off with me, why can’t he just leave me alone so I can get over him? It’s hurting me to hear from him. I don’t want to be mean and ignore him, but at the same time we agreed to NO CONTACT.
Can anyone give me any insight into why he’s acting this way?
Lynda says
I am Lynda.
I am almost in the same situation with you Kim.He calls and texts me always.But I really wanna observe the NC rule.Even,he got for me a very vital information earlier today,called and texted to check up on my health and my proposed surgery. At first I said I wouldn’t reply but on a second thought, I felt that will be too mean and rude of me to do.We’ve been very close friends for over seven years and even brokeup for two years within the FRIENDSHIP period,later came back as closer friends and after two months,began dating.We were in the relationship for six months.We broke up because I am 6months older than he is and his parents wouldn’t settle for such in the future when we may want to take things to a greater height.Also, his elder brother tried that with his ex and succeeded not in convincing their parents.what should I do please?
mark says
Last summer my ex-gf dumped me and she went back and forth afterwards wanting me back and then breaking up again. So at the end of summer I ended it . Through the fall and winter we periodically texted until in March I told her the only relationship I would want with you would be one aimed at us working back to what we were, not as “just friends” and if you can’t give me that I need to cut all communication with you , and please respect my wishes. ”
now 3 months later she texts me on a Friday night at 3am saying :
“I’m writing this to you because I generally mean this Mike, but I miss you. And I hope you never forget that. I really, truly miss you.Just shoot me a text when, and if you can. If you want to.”
So it’s 2 days later and I’m just not sure how to go about this situation. It’s also important to know hat back in January she told me she was “seeing someone” but sounded like she had doubts about it.im not sure what is up with that or her because like I said I went NC, haven’t seen her in about 9 months.
I happen to be up in her neck of the woods right now getting my motor cycle license and I was thinking of asking her if she wanted to grab coffee and stay strong with my stance of what I want and see what she has to say