One of the most important things you need to understand when you are trying to get back with your ex is what makes your ex want to come back to you after breakup.
We need to know exactly what it is that can trigger them to want to get back with you.
So here are some of the reasons why your ex will want you back:
Your Ex Sees A Change In You
Your ex broke up with you for a reason. The reason might be that you are too clingy, needy or controlling. Or perhaps your ex left you because you are always feeling insecure or suspicious. Or perhaps you always like to pick a fight with your ex over trivial things.
These negative traits in you are the primary factors driving your ex further away from you and eventually leading your ex to make the decision to end the relationship.
Imagine if all the reasons that made your ex break up with you in the first place are gone, what would happen?
Let me try to explain it with an analogy. Imagine if you remove the foundation of a building, what do you think would happen? The building would collapse, right?
Similarly, if you remove the basis on which your ex made their breakup decision, then what do you think might happen? The case your ex made for breaking up with you would no longer stand.
Quite some time ago, I talked about the concept of human beings having the need to stay consistent with their decision (That is also why your ex might have told you that it is not possible for you two to get back together when you try to beg them to give the relationship a second chance).
In order to stay consistent, they also need reason or evidence to support their breakup decision. If we take away all the reasons or evidence, their decision to break up would be baseless and hence the need to stay consistent would become irrelevant.
So, if they see a new you and they are convinced that you have really changed for the better, it might make them want to reconsider giving the relationship another try.
Your Ex Realizes That They Made A Mistake Of Leaving You For Someone Who Is Completely Wrong For Them
Another reason why your ex wants to come back to you is that they realize that they made a mistake leaving you for someone else.
This has happened to quite a few of my friends before. Often, the story goes like this.
When my friends found out that their ex was cheating or flirting with someone else and confronted their ex about it, their ex decided to break up with them. After the breakup, their ex got together with the new partner.
Over time, their ex started to know more about this new partner and realized that this new partner is completely wrong for her or him. That is when their ex began to think back all the good things about them and regret leaving them for another person.
In this case, their ex’s new partner is playing the part to push their ex back to them. If they are still in contact with their ex and they have been doing their part in subtly reminding their ex of all the good memories and feelings, they will be significantly increasing their chances of winning their ex over.
However, I have to add that taking back a cheating ex is easy, but building a long lasting and healthy relationship is going to take time and effort. That is why you need to make your stand very clearly about cheating before getting back with your ex. Doing this is also to protect you from getting hurt again.
Your Ex Is Attracted To You All Over Again
What makes your ex want to come back to you could also be that your ex is attracted to you all over again. Attraction is what makes two people come together in the first place.
When you two just started dating, your ex fell for you because they were attracted by certain qualities in you. For example, your ex could be attracted by your confidence, your smile, your independence or your sense of humor. These are just a few examples that come to my mind. The list can go on and on.
If you can manage to rebuild attraction between you and your ex, then chances are that your ex will want to be with you again. Here, attraction is not just about physical attraction. We should all know that physical attraction cannot stand the test of time. You also need to be able to attract your ex with your personality.
So, how to re-attract your ex back? Here is the step by step guide to attract your ex back in your life again.
Your Ex Misses You
Another reason why your ex wants to be back together with you is that they miss you.
Before breakup, maybe you two used to see or talk to each other almost every day. Or, maybe you two would share with each other interesting things that happened and have a good laugh together. Or, maybe you two would snuggle up to each other on the couch at night and just enjoy being with each other.
After breakup, everything has changed. It is normal that we miss the things and people we have gotten so accustomed to over time. When it is gone, it feels like that a part of us has been taken away. The emptiness and pain that comes with missing someone drives your ex to want to come back to you.
Below are some telltale signs that your ex actually misses you:
- Your ex finds excuses to call you or text you. For example, ”I have this voucher to a restaurant. You know that I don’t like it. Do you want it? I can pass it to you” Or ”Do you know the name of a good dentist?”
- Your ex would get jealous when they see you are flirting with someone else or they see someone else is hitting on you.
- Your ex has not been dating anyone since breakup.
- Your ex would show concern and care for you, maybe even more than when you two were together.
- Your ex would talk about the good old times with you.
Jealousy Makes Your Ex Come Back To You
Jealousy can ruin a relationship. It can also salvage a relationship, but only if it is used correctly.
Below is one of my readers’ story:
”My ex boyfriend left me a little over two months ago, saying that he needs to figure out what he wants in life. A couple of days ago, he saw a guy sending me back home and kissing me on the cheek. He got very jealous and pissed off and called me to ask me to meet up with him. The next day, we met up and he confronted me about my date. So, I told him that I just started seeing this new guy. He then asked me to stop going out with this new guy and told me that he wants me back.”
In a span of two months, this reader’s ex boyfriend went from wanting to break up with her to wanting to get back with her. The one and only thing that triggered her ex boyfriend’s change of mind is seeing his ex with a new guy.
When another guy was showing interest in his ex girlfriend, jealousy and possessiveness kicked in. The fact that another guy was attracted to his ex girlfriend instantly amps up his ex girlfriend’s attraction factor and makes him want to get back with his ex girlfriend.
Maybe you have seen some kids behave in a similar fashion. When they see other kids having fun playing with their unwanted toys, they suddenly want to snatch back their unwanted toys and play with it themselves.
A word of caution if your ex comes back to you after seeing you with another person: it is obvious that your ex made an emotional and impulsive decision to get back with you. It is not likely that the relationship will last very long because all your previous relationship problems have not been dealt with and the initial reasons for breaking up with you are still there.
So, what you should do if you have used the jealousy tactics to get back with your ex?
You need to figure out what actually went wrong in your relationship and talk about it with your ex and find a solution together, otherwise it will inevitably come back and haunt you.
Your Ex Wants Sex
Your ex could also be coming back to you for the wrong reason. In this case, it is sex. Sex can be a very powerful driver that makes your ex boyfriend want to be back with you again, especially two of you always had amazing sex when you were together.
If you can tell that he is only using you for sex and he is not really looking to have a healthy and committed relationship with you, you need to have the willpower to say no. The last thing you want is to feel used by your ex for sex and to get hurt one more time.
When you are still in love with your ex, you are actually very vulnerable to your ex’s sexual advances, especially if they tell you that they miss you. You need to keep in mind that men will do and say things (which they don’t really mean it) to get sex from women. I have seen a lot of cases happening.
One of my readers wrote to me about her story:
”Her ex boyfriend sent her a text asking to meet because he missed her and wanted to meet up. Then she agreed. They ended up going for a couple of drinks and eventually ended up at her place.
Her ex boyfriend came onto her and after resisting a couple of times she gave in. The next morning, he cuddled with her on the couch. They didn’t speak about the break up at all or what went wrong. To her, it just felt like old times and she was so so happy.
After he left, she was expecting a text from him when he got home, but he never texted her. so she texted him asking what was going on and his reply was “I’m still not sure, it’s really confusing, isn’t it? I’ll let you know when I know. I did enjoy myself though. I just need more time.“
She replied saying that this was fine and she can give him time. But, after thinking things through she decided that she couldn’t give him the time as it wasn’t fair to her, so she told him he needs to make a decision either way and if he doesn’t want to work on things then the kindest thing he can do is to leave her alone as she is too in love with him to be friends. He didn’t reply. She heard nothing from him since that night.”
She felt used, embarrassed and ashamed of herself for sleeping with her ex boyfriend. She really thought that night meant something but he’s dismissed it as nothing.
If all your ex is interested in is hooking up with you, then the smart thing to do is to just walk away.
thank you so much
Things can only work out in your relationship only if you give chance to the right person to assist you. Thanks for this article!
I am so happy I got my ex wife back, she left me because I cheated. I did pretty much what you mentioned in this article and got her back!
Susan Ihle says
My man is 55 and I am 54. We share our birthday on the same day. He dumped his Wife of 16 years marriage because of me and I dumped my husband because of him. We both met on an Island in Thailand. We stayed in Thailand together and divorced our spouses. We opend a business and spent a happy 8 years with each other. We have loved each other dearly and have never had issues in our relationship. We decided after 8 years to go back to Europe and build up something new there. I went to Spain in search for a new business and he went to Germany for some work. We were a year in a long distance relationship with him visiting me about 4x. We skyped on the weekends and talked everyday a few times over the phone. Everyday i had hearts and love reminders from him. He came to visit me 2 months ago and told me it was over because he met another woman in Germany. Basically, he dumped me and left me in Spain after all those years we had spent in Thailand. This happend about 2 months ago. He does call me once in a while but otherwise he just left me from one day to the other. No more heart messages and no more Skype. He is back in his hometown with this other woman of 51years old, she has a son of 12 years old. How can this happen? We were talking about marriage.
I’m 18 and my 17 year old ex bf broke up with me a little more than a month ago. We dated for 15 months and we were each others first bf/gf. He said he wasn’t ready/mature for a relationship. He was a mature person but not for a relationship. He said he won’t want a relationship until college. He said he wasn’t in the right spot when we went out and that he just kind of went with it because I liked him back…I’m just upset I held on for so long and ended up here because I could’ve ended it any time but I really liked him. He was always busy and had 1 or 2 days free for me. We barely talked cause of his schedule and we only called each other when there was a problem or if our convos in person wern’t long enough. I led the relationship and went above and beyond for him. I didn’t pour myself into him, but I tried to treat him like a prince. He didn’t plan dates and would even say he was too tired to see me for 10 minutes next door to him. I’m upset I fell for a boy when I needed a man. He made me think we had potential when he’d talk about trying to date during college but I could tell he was unsure as time went along. He was afraid I’d be too busy for him while I did junior college for now. He used to be crazy about me especially in the beginning. He used to be afraid to lose me. I guess he couldn’t handle a relationship anymore. He said he couldn’t have friends because the days he was free, he used them for me. He never tried doing group hangouts and thought I was clingy thinking I wouldn’t do them. I would like some alone time after not seeing him for a week tho…
He was supposed to go away all summer for work and I guess he told his family he didn’t want to do that to me (even tho we agreed we were worth it). Well now he can’t go anymore and I have to see him all summer. He’s a different guy now. He used to be introverted while we dated and barely had friends because of it and was always tired. Now he’s trying to be outgoing and make all these new friends. He’s like trying to gain popularity. He avoids me and is kind of jerky by me. Idk if that’s because he wants to be like me cause I’m outgoing and have friends, or since his sport and school ended, he’s filling that time of me and not working this summer with other things. He’s so weird right now. He also told me he didn’t want to take advantage of me for another month until he had to leave on a plane.
He liked someone after we broke up and flirted with her in front of me and always likes her photos and stuff on facebook. How could he move on so fast?! Guess I really didn’t mean much to him then..He blocked me from his friend list and removed any photos of us from his profile. He thought I was flirting with guys a week after we broke up (I thought I wasn’t) and told his sister that made him upset because he then thought I didn’t like him while we were dating? So maybe he’s doing this on purpose? He’s a nice guy and everyone only sees that nice Christian boy side of him while I see and experienced his jerky side.
I know I deserved to be treated better but I really did like this dumb boy. I hope he sees when he’s older what he had. How can I move on and let go of any feelings/anger towards him? Some days I’m over him, others I’m not. I know I’m young and so was he, but we didn’t just want to be another high school relationship. I’m not hurt we ended, I’m hurt he led me to believe he was in this and that he got over me so fast. I sometimes think I just miss that feeling of love and having that connection with someone, but then I think of the little things I liked about him and I really do miss him.
I feel you. I’m having the same problem now and it hurts
my bf of seven months just left me out of nowhere.I really.didn’t see it coming. He told me three weeks ago that he was in love with me he wouldn’t tell me the firat time I told him cua he wasn’t reasy and didn’t believe in throwing the word aeound. Anyway he woyld text and call everyday first spent every day off with me ( he would ask me I never pressure him into seeing me) .he intr me to his fam even took me to meet his mom in florida. I’m shocked and confused.he only said we were in diff area of life (I not working right now) he was so sweet to me and after break up he has been cold and mean. Which I don’t understand causei was sweet to him and he never treated me bad at all. So I stopped contacting him. For a week and all of a sudden I get a text from him saying. How mad he was credit card company (he got a credit card for me to use nothing big just for gas and things like that) then he says I can still keep it amd just pitch in on payments. When I get on my feet.the asks mehow I was doing.I told him good.so a few more days go by and he sends a text. Asking me if I watched a movie and starts to talk throughout the day bout random stuff. He occasionally will like things on my Facebook. And follow me on twitter. But nothing solid. As far as I know he isn’t ib another’s relationship from what I have heard from his mom (she texts me every so often) but idk. I’m confused. What do u think?
My exboyfriend and I have been broken up for a year.
He broke up with me because he didn’t have enough love for me. We were together for 6 yrs. The last two year I had postpartum depression because we lost a baby at 16wks.
Are realationship was amazing before that. Never faught, did fun things etc. But when he broke up he stated that nothing is left of our realationship and it will never happen again. To me I think that’s rude. Why do I deserve a never. I never cheated or lied etc. I was an amazing girlfriend to him.yet he did see and fell out of love with a women who wasnt me but a depressed women.
We did stay in contact after we broke up I was heart broken. I did the wrong thing I texted, email many times. Until I was like this is a waste of my time. That last like 2 months. After 8 months went by he ask to hang so I said ok. He showed me he still had feelings. We cuddled and kissed. I asked him the next day what was that about he states I have a lot on my plate and I don’t thing your ready to hang. So i left it at that. A month went by and i ask to hang and we are cool as friends but I need my space. So I have been giving him his space for about 3 weeks. We are in no contact and its tough but I know its for the good so he can see he has made a mistake. Because he knows I got help for my depression and I’m myself again but better. Its just I really love this man and in my heart iknow he is the one. I so miss him. Does an ex come back ? Do they ever realize they made the wrong choice? When should I break the no conract rule and what should I say. I really love him with all my heart.
I am currently overseas working and have been living away for two years. I met an amazing guy over here who was completely different to anything that had gone before. We immediately hit it off although 6 months in to our relationship he went to abroad to study for 6 months so we kept the relationship going long distance. Stupidly something happened on a drunken night with someone from my home country. It was a mistake and we remained friends whilst my partner was away. When I went to visit I admitted as soon as I saw him. He stated that there was to be no contact with this person which I accepted and we moved on from this. Another 6 months down the line I knew this guy from home was leaving so I wanted to just say a friendly goodbye. One morning I awoke with my partner having seen my message asking to say goodbye and he immediately left. The next day he arrived with all my things and said that ‘a line had been crossed’ and he ‘couldn’t do it anymore’. Despite my attempts at saying it was someone who I had seen as a friend in a foreign country. I attempted NC for two weeks and then caved in and he still was so nice with his reply but just said that ‘its best for the both of us’ and that we could ‘catch up for a coffee one day’. He has a strong personality and I don’t believe he will change his mind but I can’t stop thinking I want to prove myself.