So, now your ex wants to stay friends with you? First, I want to say that you are being put in a very painful situation, especially if you are still not over your ex. When your ex offers a friendship, you can choose to turn it down and cut off contact if moving on is what you really want. However, if you really want to get your ex back, sometimes this is the only door of opportunity for you.
When your ex just wants to stay as friends, it might not necessarily be a bad thing. The fact that your ex still wants to be friends means he still wants you in his life.
If you play your cards right, it is possible to make your ex fall in love with you again. After all, he has loved you in the past. Therefore, it is possible to make your ex fall for you again in the future.
That is why it might work to your advantage if you accept the friendship when you are thinking about getting your ex boyfriend back. However, it is important to be upfront and honest with him. Let him know that you still have feelings for him and harbor hopes of getting back together in the future but you respect his decision to be friends.
This is important because you don’t want him to think that you are okay with just being friends and then somewhere down the line, he realizes that you actually want him back. This can result in awkwardness or even distrust, or worse it may even end your friendship.
Another reason why you should be frank with him is to protect your own emotions. If your ex really treasure the friendship and is aware of your feelings for him, he will try his best not to hurt you. For example, he will not talk about other girls in front of you.
It is important to understand that being honest is not about being blunt or tactless.
For example, it is okay to say you still have feelings for him but it is absolutely a bad idea to tell him how miserable you feel without him in your life or how painful it is to be just friends.
Certain words are better left unsaid.
Don’t Be Desperate
It is important to remember that you are just friends now. Therefore, it is important to respect the boundary of your ex.
Don’t expect him to meet up with you or contact you as often as when you were still together. Also, don’t cross the line by contacting him too often.
A rule of thumb is to go for the ratio of one to one.
He contact you, you reply. He contact you again, you reply again.
You can also be the one to initiate contact from time to time. The key here is moderation.
This is especially important if the main reason for breaking up is because you were too clingy when you were still together. If that is the case, this is the perfect opportunity for you to show your ex that you have changed. Actions speak louder than words.
On the other hand, you don’t want to go too long without having any contact with your ex. After all, how are you going to get your ex back if you are only going to meet him once a year?
I would say that for most situations, it should be okay if he is fine with meeting up once every two weeks.
But, be prepared that things might go a little more slowly than you would have wanted it to go at the start. So, it is important to be patient.
Keep Your Emotions In Check
How well you manage your emotions during this period is going to determine your chances of getting your ex back.
I know this may sound a little bit counter intuitive to you but it is the truth. The more you can treat your ex like a friend, the more likely you are going to get him back.
In other words, you need to place his needs above yours. Respect his wish to be friends and put your desire to get him back on hold.
In a way, you can consider this as a form of true love. If you truly love and care about a person, you will not place your needs above him.
On the other hand, if every time you contact your ex boyfriend, your main focus is about how to get him back, then you may have to ask yourself whether you truly love him?
Now, I am not going to lie to you and tell you that it is easy. Not everyone can do it. You really need to have a certain level of emotional maturity. More importantly, you need to truly care about the well being of your ex.
When you are able to do so, your ex will definitely appreciate it. Your friendship with your ex will deepen and there is a good chance that he will fall in love with you again.
Don’t Get Friend Zoned
Yes, I mentioned above that the more you treat your ex boyfriend like a friend, the more likely you can win him back. However, that doesn’t mean you should let yourself fall into the friend zone.
For example, if you are simply meeting your ex for dinner every single time, then your relationship is unlikely to progress. Remember, you want to gradually make him fall in love with you again. Therefore, once both of you are comfortable with each other again, you might want to invite him for other activities such as hiking, having a roller coaster ride or even volunteer work at another country.
Sports or any activities that make you sweat provide great opportunities for you to rekindle the love with your ex. For example, when your ex is sweating, you can wipe the sweat off him, which is what couples often do. And don’t be afraid to flirt with him if the situation is right.
The keyword here is “gradually”. Obviously, you don’t try to plan an overseas trip for the first meeting after the breakup. You don’t try to flirt too much initially. You have an advantage here. You know your ex best if you have been dating him for at least a few months. You know what he enjoys doing. Therefore, you will know what activities to plan.
Know What You Are Getting Yourself Into
Without compromising the truth, I try as much as possible to be encouraging and hopeful. Without hope, people won’t even make the effort to try and get their ex back even if it is possible in the first place. Sometimes, all of us do need a little bit of encouragement.
So, I always tell people that it is possible to get back with their ex, which is true. The success rate varies, depending on what unique situation you are in.
I have seen couples who do get back together in the most unlikely situation and become more loving than ever after resolving their differences.
There are also people who got their ex back even though their ex just want to be friends.
That is why if you are trying to get your ex back, you will do better if you approach it with an optimistic attitude.
It is also important to understand that it takes time.
It can take at least a few months to turn your ex from friends to lovers. I am not saying that everyone will take a few months. Some may do it faster while others will take longer.
But it is a good idea to be prepared so that you will not give up in the first few weeks.
I realized that a lot of people tend to give up too soon if they started with the wrong expectation, thinking that it will be easy.
Therefore, I would rather let you know what to expect so that you can be more persistent.
Know When To Move On
You need to know that it is possible that you two might not get back together even after you have tried a lot of things. So, you should know when to stop and move on.
Put it this way, if after some time, your ex is not showing any interest in getting back with you, then it is probably time for you to move on.
Do take note. I am not telling you to try for one year. Ultimately, you are the one who decide how long you want to try. You will have to look at your own situation to decide.
Normally I think it is normal to give it at least a few months. But in cases where your ex makes it perfectly clear that there is no chance of reconciliation, then that is a sign for you to stop and move on.
Say ‘No’ To Friends With Benefits
It is one thing to be friends with your ex but it is an entirely different matter when it comes to friends with benefits.
Being friends with benefits with your ex is not going to help you get your ex back and may even make yourself feel even worse, especially if you are a girl. Girls tend to grow more emotionally attached with the guy she is sleeping with.
So, do yourself a favor and don’t do it. If a guy really cares about you and loves you, he would treat you with respect and NEVER treat you as a friend who he can sleep with whenever he wants. If he brings up this idea, that is your cue to run far far away from him. He is not worth it. You deserve better.