Going through a breakup is one of the most emotionally draining experience that one can go through. You put in lots of effort to make the relationship work, but it still doesn’t work out in the end.
Not only does a breakup drain you emotionally, but it can take a toll on you physically and psychologically as well. You don’t eat well, you can’t sleep well and that can tremendously affect your ability to perform well at work.
When this goes on for too long, it can dramatically affect the quality of your life and more importantly, how you interact with other people. If you don’t do anything about it, it can just spiracle downhill all the way from here.
So, how can you get yourself back up on your feet and bounce back from your breakup?
One of the activities that I highly recommend people who have just gone through a breakup is to start dating actively. Dating is one of the best, if not the best, way for you to recover from your breakup.
4 Reasons Why You Should Start Dating After A Breakup
You get to remember how attractive you really are in the first place. After a breakup, we often feel unattractive and unwanted because after all, our ex left us. However, this is absolutely not true.
When you start going on dates again, your date will probably compliment you and make you feel good about yourself. For example, your date might tell you “you have very nice eyes”, “you have a very lovely smile”, or “you are very humorous”. And this leads us to the next point.
You start to regain your confidence again. Many people, after going through a breakup, fear that no one else will like them again. However, you have to remember that you were in a relationship before, which means someone actually liked you enough to want to be a relationship with you.
And if one person can like you, chances are that there are many people out there who will like you too. You just have to be discovered by going on more dates!
By going on dates, you are giving the world a chance to discover you. And when people realise how likeable you are, your confidence will build up, and that in turn can help you in other areas of your life, like your work and health.
You get to meet and experience new people other than your ex. Chances are that you might find someone who is more compatible with you and someone who you can truly connect with. By meeting new people, you can also take your mind off your ex and help you get over your breakup and move on.
It is also possible that when your ex knows that you are dating again, they might suddenly change their mind and want to get back with you again!
In fact, one of my clients recently told me that she had starting to go out on dates. During the dates, she would take a picture of herself with her date and post it up on Facebook after going back home.
When her ex-boyfriend saw those picture on Facebook, he suddenly called her out of the blue and asked her out for a “talk”. During the meet up, her ex-boyfriend suddenly confessed to her how much he missed her and now wants to get back with her!
So why does this work so well?
Because it brings out the sudden realisation in your ex that they might suddenly lose you for good! And when this realisation hits them, they suddenly start to have a sense of loss in them. Someone that used to “belong” to them suddenly may no longer be there for them when they need them.
So they panic and instinctively try and get you back!
If it works so good, why don’t many people go for dates after a breakup?
Because they are so afraid that if their ex knows that they are going out dating, they think that their ex will no longer want them back because they believe their ex too will start dating after people once they see you dating other people.
This cannot be further from the truth because if they did want to get back with you in the first place, they would have already done so! The more you are less available to them, the more they will want you back, and the way to do so is by going on dates.
So as you can see, dating is a very effective way of getting your ex to want you back as well.
How To Find Dates
One of the best ways to find dates is to use online dating sites. Here are a few pointers to take note of when you are trying to find dates:
- Make your profile as comprehensive as possible. State what you like to do and be as specific as possible. You want to make sure that you find someone who share the same interest as you. The more things you have in common, the more there is to talk about, and the less likely you will have friction when you do get into a relationship with the other person.
- Upload a very clear picture of you as your picture profile and make sure that it is a photo of you smiling. By smiling, you will look more approachable and get more interest from people who want to get to know you.
- Talk to your potential date as much as possible online before actually arranging the date. Only once you are very comfortable with talking to that person online, then you set up an actual meet up in person.
- List out the qualities you are looking for in a potential partner and date as many people as you can! Dating is like a numbers game. The more people you date, the higher the chances that you will actually be able to find someone you truly like and can connect with.
What To Do During The Date
So, what puts fun in dating? Well, to tell you the truth, the answer is nothing new because you probably have done it all before already. That was why you could be with your ex in the first place.
You probably have done it but weren’t aware of what was it that you have done to attract your ex back then. In my opinion, there are 6 factors that makes dating fun:
1. Mystery – In new relationships, we don’t really know much about the other person at the beginning. Therefore, we spend a lot of time day-dreaming, fantasizing and even guessing about their past. It’s the mystery behind our date that keeps us attracted to them and wanting to find out more.
2. Excitement – Doing exciting things with your dates is a great way to bring fun to your dating. While it is perfectly okay to just go out for dinner on the first date, you might want to plan some fun activities for subsequent dates (if there is any). Remember that doing exciting activities together is important to maintain a healthy relationship.
3. Time – The less time there is to spend with someone you like, the more precious it becomes. In the initial stages of dating, contact is pretty infrequent, so it’s good because it actually facilitates the previous 2 factors – it’s much easier to be “mysterious” and “exciting” when you aren’t spending much time together.
4. No History – When two people start dating for the first time, there is an advantage because there isn’t any history between them. Usually nothing terrible has happened yet so there isn’t any guilt, loss of respect or unhappiness. There are no negative experiences and so everything is new and exciting.
5. Happiness – Happiness is very attractive because no one likes to be around sad or depressed people. When you first start dating, there is lots of laughter and happiness. People tend to put their best foot forward, so they won’t usually get together and complain about their lives or act miserable. And this is why I recommend that you do not talk about your past relationship with your dates. If they ask, try to make it brief like “we weren’t that compatible” or “we just wanted different things in life”, then quickly change the topic. The last thing you want is to come across as sulky or depressed to your dates. Dating is supposed to be fun, so keep it that way!
After The Date
After the first date, you do not have to hurry yourself into making a decision as to whether you like that person or not. Keep it natural and don’t force it. If you had a good time on the first date, keep in contact with them and schedule a second date.
At the same time, do continue to explore your options by dating other people too. You don’t want to immediately commit to any relationship right after you have just come out of one. Just let things flow naturally.
And if you don’t feel a connection with your date, do not cut them off and ignore them. Even if you don’t see them as potential partners, you should at least still keep them around as friends. You can never have too many friends and you never know when you might actually need their help in the future. So keep this in mind.
Whether you are just going through a breakup or have been out of a relationship for a long time, you should start dating. Everybody deserves a second chance at love and if you follow this guide, it will not be long before you find that special someone that is right for you.
So have you started dating other people right now? Leave a comment below and let me know all about it.