Going through a breakup is one of the most emotionally draining experience that one can go through. You put in lots of effort to make the relationship work, but it still doesn’t work out in the end.
Not only does a breakup drain you emotionally, but it can take a toll on you physically and psychologically as well. You don’t eat well, you can’t sleep well and that can tremendously affect your ability to perform well at work.
When this goes on for too long, it can dramatically affect the quality of your life and more importantly, how you interact with other people. If you don’t do anything about it, it can just spiracle downhill all the way from here.
So, how can you get yourself back up on your feet and bounce back from your breakup?
One of the activities that I highly recommend people who have just gone through a breakup is to start dating actively. Dating is one of the best, if not the best, way for you to recover from your breakup.
4 Reasons Why You Should Start Dating After A Breakup
Reason #1
You get to remember how attractive you really are in the first place. After a breakup, we often feel unattractive and unwanted because after all, our ex left us. However, this is absolutely not true.
When you start going on dates again, your date will probably compliment you and make you feel good about yourself. For example, your date might tell you “you have very nice eyes”, “you have a very lovely smile”, or “you are very humorous”. And this leads us to the next point.
Reason #2
You start to regain your confidence again. Many people, after going through a breakup, fear that no one else will like them again. However, you have to remember that you were in a relationship before, which means someone actually liked you enough to want to be a relationship with you.
And if one person can like you, chances are that there are many people out there who will like you too. You just have to be discovered by going on more dates!
By going on dates, you are giving the world a chance to discover you. And when people realise how likeable you are, your confidence will build up, and that in turn can help you in other areas of your life, like your work and health.
Reason #3
You get to meet and experience new people other than your ex. Chances are that you might find someone who is more compatible with you and someone who you can truly connect with. By meeting new people, you can also take your mind off your ex and help you get over your breakup and move on.
Reason #4
It is also possible that when your ex knows that you are dating again, they might suddenly change their mind and want to get back with you again!
In fact, one of my clients recently told me that she had starting to go out on dates. During the dates, she would take a picture of herself with her date and post it up on Facebook after going back home.
When her ex-boyfriend saw those picture on Facebook, he suddenly called her out of the blue and asked her out for a “talk”. During the meet up, her ex-boyfriend suddenly confessed to her how much he missed her and now wants to get back with her!
So why does this work so well?
Because it brings out the sudden realisation in your ex that they might suddenly lose you for good! And when this realisation hits them, they suddenly start to have a sense of loss in them. Someone that used to “belong” to them suddenly may no longer be there for them when they need them.
So they panic and instinctively try and get you back!
If it works so good, why don’t many people go for dates after a breakup?
Because they are so afraid that if their ex knows that they are going out dating, they think that their ex will no longer want them back because they believe their ex too will start dating after people once they see you dating other people.
This cannot be further from the truth because if they did want to get back with you in the first place, they would have already done so! The more you are less available to them, the more they will want you back, and the way to do so is by going on dates.
So as you can see, dating is a very effective way of getting your ex to want you back as well.
How To Find Dates
One of the best ways to find dates is to use online dating sites. Here are a few pointers to take note of when you are trying to find dates:
- Make your profile as comprehensive as possible. State what you like to do and be as specific as possible. You want to make sure that you find someone who share the same interest as you. The more things you have in common, the more there is to talk about, and the less likely you will have friction when you do get into a relationship with the other person.
- Upload a very clear picture of you as your picture profile and make sure that it is a photo of you smiling. By smiling, you will look more approachable and get more interest from people who want to get to know you.
- Talk to your potential date as much as possible online before actually arranging the date. Only once you are very comfortable with talking to that person online, then you set up an actual meet up in person.
- List out the qualities you are looking for in a potential partner and date as many people as you can! Dating is like a numbers game. The more people you date, the higher the chances that you will actually be able to find someone you truly like and can connect with.
What To Do During The Date
So, what puts fun in dating? Well, to tell you the truth, the answer is nothing new because you probably have done it all before already. That was why you could be with your ex in the first place.
You probably have done it but weren’t aware of what was it that you have done to attract your ex back then. In my opinion, there are 6 factors that makes dating fun:
1. Mystery – In new relationships, we don’t really know much about the other person at the beginning. Therefore, we spend a lot of time day-dreaming, fantasizing and even guessing about their past. It’s the mystery behind our date that keeps us attracted to them and wanting to find out more.
2. Excitement – Doing exciting things with your dates is a great way to bring fun to your dating. While it is perfectly okay to just go out for dinner on the first date, you might want to plan some fun activities for subsequent dates (if there is any). Remember that doing exciting activities together is important to maintain a healthy relationship.
3. Time – The less time there is to spend with someone you like, the more precious it becomes. In the initial stages of dating, contact is pretty infrequent, so it’s good because it actually facilitates the previous 2 factors – it’s much easier to be “mysterious” and “exciting” when you aren’t spending much time together.
4. No History – When two people start dating for the first time, there is an advantage because there isn’t any history between them. Usually nothing terrible has happened yet so there isn’t any guilt, loss of respect or unhappiness. There are no negative experiences and so everything is new and exciting.
5. Happiness – Happiness is very attractive because no one likes to be around sad or depressed people. When you first start dating, there is lots of laughter and happiness. People tend to put their best foot forward, so they won’t usually get together and complain about their lives or act miserable. And this is why I recommend that you do not talk about your past relationship with your dates. If they ask, try to make it brief like “we weren’t that compatible” or “we just wanted different things in life”, then quickly change the topic. The last thing you want is to come across as sulky or depressed to your dates. Dating is supposed to be fun, so keep it that way!
After The Date
After the first date, you do not have to hurry yourself into making a decision as to whether you like that person or not. Keep it natural and don’t force it. If you had a good time on the first date, keep in contact with them and schedule a second date.
At the same time, do continue to explore your options by dating other people too. You don’t want to immediately commit to any relationship right after you have just come out of one. Just let things flow naturally.
And if you don’t feel a connection with your date, do not cut them off and ignore them. Even if you don’t see them as potential partners, you should at least still keep them around as friends. You can never have too many friends and you never know when you might actually need their help in the future. So keep this in mind.
Conclusion
Whether you are just going through a breakup or have been out of a relationship for a long time, you should start dating. Everybody deserves a second chance at love and if you follow this guide, it will not be long before you find that special someone that is right for you.
So have you started dating other people right now? Leave a comment below and let me know all about it.
helen says
Very interesting and useful post!)
Anonymous says
Why would I want my ex back? There is a reason, or 100 why we are not together anymore. He laid on the charm at first. I felt like I was the most important thing in his life. He treated me so well. It turned out that;
he had a live in gf
he is a pathological liar
He has sticky fingers
He cheats
He moves in with a woman, then when he’s bored, sabotages the “relationship” by doing something to piss her off and gets himself asked to leave. He is a vagrant who hasn’t had an address of his own in over 20 years. The trust is gone. It’s never coming back and neither is he.
Eddie says
Been implementing NC with the ex for close to 2 weeks now. Was starting to feel better. Then she initiates contact at work making inane smalltalk. I was just polite and answered her questions, but didn’t go much further than that.
Then tonight I’m out with some mates (mutual friends), and she rocks up with her ex. She wants to try and be friendly by making small talk, I answer politely but tactically try and avoid conversation with her.
Then she suggests that we all (including her ex) come around to my house tomorrow night to watch the Rugby. I feel pressured as all of my (our) mates are expecting me to say yes. I haven’t agreed to anything yet.
Seriously, what a f****d up situation. It’s as if she doesn’t expect it to be awkward. I’m trying my best to heal and move on by avoiding contact but she has no clue how much it’s affecting me. It doesn’t help when most of our friends are mutual friends.
Antonio says
I hope you didn’t go age and with it!
kimberly says
I broke up with my boyfriend late December. Things just weren’t going well and I didn’t want to drag him along while I felt the way I did. I cared for him deeply and I still do, but not enough. It was tough on him since we were together for 2 years.
He took it very hard. I was would say for a good 1-2 weeks he would really want to sit down with me and talk things over, but I just couldn’t do it. I broke his heart. Then… he just stopped. It’s like he fell off the face of the planet. It’s been nearly 4 months and I would thought to have had of/from him by now.
Don’t misunderstand me, I’m not hear saying that he should still me wallowing in pain. It’s just my curious side speaking.
What do you guys think made him “disappear?”
Stephen says
Last October I met a girl from Tinder. We fell in love, we holidayed together, met each others parents all was great. The only problem was that she lived an hour away, but we made it work the best we can with us visiting each other. She is also foreign and works here and was always potentially going to move abroard next summer. She has a very demanding job and in early June she went abroad for a conference. When she was there I heard little of her but I didn’t think too much of it. I just assumed no Wi Fi/too busy. However, when she got back she was distant with me and I asked her why. We ended up breaking up on the phone as I wasn’t willing to wait for her to visit to break up with me. She told me she had “met someone” at the conference and for that reason was breaking up with me. This “someone” was an American chap who lives on the other side of the world. Simply because of this she had to break up with me. She was adamant that nothing happened, which I believe but Trust was gone at that moment. Naturally, I was very upset on the phone and left the conversation prior to bursting into tears. I spoke to her again the following night (again on the phone) here I said that if she isn’t 100% that she wants to be with me we cannot go on. She agreed and I went no contact with her for a month.
Fast forward to last week and I sent her a message asking how she is. To which she apologised and said that “I cannot put into words how I have been feeling”. I said that I am accepting of what’s happened and would keep in touch if she wants to. We ended up going for lunch yesterday as we needed to exchange some items (my idea). I wasn’t going to mention the break up, and there was little awkwardness until she did. She said that breaking up with me was the “hardest thing she’s ever done”, wanted to make clear to me that nothing happened with that guy and when I told her she looked “troubled” she said ” this is me after the last month. She also said that “There were so many times that I started to message you and stopped”
I was doing pretty well until I saw her, and after breaking no contact I cried twice last night and are thinking about her constantly today. This is despite it feeling good to meet discuss things as we should have at the point of break up. I still love her but no I can never be with her as trust has been eroded.
I am doing my best to move on. I have a second date with a nice girl tomorrow but not sure how ready I am for a relationship. I also plan to go no contact with the ex again. Alot of my thoughts are that I could tell yesterday that she is struggling with everything. We had booked a holiday, which I ended up going on and taking my dad, which upset her a bit I think as I didn’t give her the money. She should have thought of that before breaking up with me.
Anyway, I need thoughts please. I shouldn’t have broken no contact but its so hard. As I said to her yesterday, I can’t stop caring. I am pleased that I didn’t pour my heart out when I saw her. I just feel like ringing her up and saying all I want to say
Lucas says
During this 9 months the relationship was pratically perfect, never had any real problems before.
we stayed together 1 weekend a month and we planned on getting a house on her city for me to say there 3 weekends a month instead of one.
At late july, she calls me and tells me she has doubts and having a relationship with doubts is not healthy, thats when she breaks with me.
Next 3 weeks we keep talking back and forward i stupidly keep saying that i love her and want her to come back and she keeps saying that she likes me a lot but she´s not sure if she´s in love with me.
She feels bad for having doubts but keeps putting me on “Stand by”
After one nightcall i was a little bit freaked out because i tought that she was talking with some guy , so i called her out asking if it was true.
She replies yes and i freak out even more , but she keeps saying that she can´t look at other guy for now because still thinks of me.
I was mad and went to her facebook account and saw her conversation with the guy, she told him this:”If i didnt meet someone before , i would be in love with u probably”
I called her at that moment and said what i´ve seen and called her out for that.
She goes mad and tells me to never speak to her again.
Next day , i call her just to say that i will miss her a lot and it would probably be better that for us not to talk again and have atleast a nice goodbye between us, she was cold during the whole conversation.
Later that night she calls me to say that she will miss me soo much and she will not remember our relationship for what i just did.
Next 2 days i call her to check if she was still pissed and she was cold as ice.
told me she would never forgive me and she´s moving on.
I´ve broke NC after 3 weeks to ask her how she´s going and she just gave me the cold shoulder.
What do i do?
Is it possible to get her back after what i have done?
Brittany says
My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me thru a text. I was heart broken. I thought I deserved more then a text even though he said he didn’t plan it and was sorry.
I could sense things were off so I asked him if we were ok. He responded that he thinks we are wasting each others time and doesn’t have the energy to fix us anymore.
Long story short this is are second time getting back together.
He broke up with me and we were trying again. We were only broken up for about a little over a month. The second time around, i dont think he was really trying that hard. He wasn’t really communicating with me and we argued a lot and had a lot of misunderstandings. ?
Anyways, we decided to exchange things we had at each others houses and that was really hard cuz he was really nice about it.
He told me he was sorry even tho it probably doesn’t mean anything now as he hugged me I couldn’t help but sob into his arms. That’s probably the last time I’ll ever see or here from him.
We haven’t contacted each other since and I don’t plan to even though I thought about it at first.
When it first happened, I thought about trying to change his mind and fighting for him but then I got some sense in me and decided not to. If he wants me in his life he would put me there.
Sorry so long, I’m in so much pain and Im trying to get thru it. I hear a lot of the same things and I’ve been reading a lot about break ups and healing.
Just curious if anyone else has any wisdom.
I want to move on I’m sure he has. I’m sick of dwelling and felling sorry for myself. I want him to be happy, but I guess I can’t make him happy. I’m jealous of his future relationships and i don’t want to be he’s a great guy and deserves to be happy.
Its so hard not to think about him or miss him. Its really sad
Darren says
Hello there
I’ve been in this situation and it takes time I got doubt that you will get through it and don’t rush back into it, you need to find your self before you do this as people won’t respect you if you don’t have respect for your self, good luck
Darren
Connie says
It’s been two weeks since my boyfriend suddenly broke up with me. You can read the whole story here: My boyfriend broke up with me last night 🙁 .I’m still so devastated and I can’t get over it. I feel like what he said about being depressed was all a lie to get rid of me. He seems to be doing perfectly fine. I’ve been doing things with friends and going out to get my mind off of things, and I’ve even been talking to another guy, but it doesn’t feel right. He hasn’t talked to me since we broke up, with no goodbye or anything. But if there was no goodbye, that has to be a sign that he’ll come back, right? I can’t stop thinking about him. I can’t be in another relationship with anyone but him. I want him to come back so badly. I’m so upset, and angry, and confused. I just don’t understand how one day, I was everything to him, and now I don’t exist. I haven’t been the same person since this happened, and I just keep hoping and praying that he’ll come back soon. I don’t think I can take it much longer..I miss my best friend.
Elise says
My long distance boyfriend broke up with me today. we were together for a year and it was out of no where. just today he told me he’s not going anywhere, that he’d never leave but a few hours later he told me it was over. I tried and tried and tried to get him back but he just kept saying goodbye. This was the last thing he said to me: “Just go knowing you’re the most beautiful kindest girl I ever met and will ever meet. Good bye. please find happiness get your life together and be the best you can be. Smoke drink party have sex just live your life. I am the bane of your life and I can’t do it anymore….good bye, live to be happier then I could ever make you.” I told him over and over that he was the best thing to ever happen to me and he made me happier than anyone else ever could. I don’t even understand. its like it went from good, to gone within seconds. I’ve never been more hurt in my entire life. I can’t stand knowing he’s out there without me, and eventually hell be with someone else. I feel like someones stabbing a knife in my heart over and over and over again. I feel sick and I can’t stop crying. I’m sorry this was so long but how can I get over this? I feel like I never will. I feel like ill never stop loving him and I will constantly pray we get back together. what do I do?
Candice says
it’s been a month and a half now since my five year relationship ended. We’re both 23, and we graduated university together about two years ago. He ended up deciding to join the army and he now lives in Georgia, where I currently live in Seattle & working.
I was really worried about our future once he made that decision – because I didn’t know if I wanted to be “a military wife” even though we always talked about our future and getting married soon. I also grew up as an army brat, and my dad was gone most of my childhood which was hard. I was also afraid the distance would grow us apart, and the army would change him. It was hard to communicate with him over there because he was so busy or not allowed phone time.
When we broke up was when I last visited for his officer school graduation – we got in a huge fight. He failed to communicate with me that his real career goal was to be an army ranger & fight overseas and be deployed – that was his passion, and I’ve never seem him so happy about something. I knew and felt that our relationship was no longer a priority. The army was “the other woman”. And I knew I couldn’t give up my life in Seattle to move with him wherever he’s stationed to ultimately still be alone while he’s deployed constantly. I felt too confused with my own life to even make that decision. It wasn’t fair, and I felt like I had to make that selfish decision, also because I didn’t even know fully where my career was headed.
We haven’t spoken once since the breakup, and it’s a daily struggle not to contact. I was going to marry this guy, and the next day it’s literally all gone. It hurts that he hasn’t once reached out, even though I know it wouldn’t alleviate anything.
Victoria says
we were together for almost a yr and a half, he cheated and confessed to it when i confronted him after he started acting distant. The girl he cheated with knew he had a gf but she didn’t care, told me they made out but he still felt too guilty and didn’t want to hurt me anymore so we ended it. Said it was a 1 time thing with her, but it’s been a month now since we broke up and she posted a photo of them together a couple days ago. Needless to say I felt completely heartbroken, shattered, he had messaged me 3 weeks after as I hadn’t maintained contact, he said he still cared about me, wanted to be frds after all we’ve been through, I still had a place in his heart. I told him we can’t be frds and that he should stop contacting me and respect my wishes. He replied with that he understood I need space for now and he’ll respect that. That msg was a day before that photo of them was posted.
I’ve been trying to move on and replying to him brought back emotions again, and then seeing that photo posted by her made it a million times worse. I just think she’s so immature to post a pic of them together less than a month of dating, and made it public which I’m pretty sure she did it so I could see. I’m just so confused to why he would message me saying he still cares and I’m in his heart while being with the girl he said was a one time thing. Would you consider this a rebound relationship? It’s so hard because I still love him even though he is a jerk, this was my first love, first real relationship. We had talked about our future and were quite serious, saw each other almost everyday. I’ve just been in a lot of pain the last month and I know it’ll be a while before I can forget and move on