Are you thinking to yourself, “Will he come back to me if I let him go?”
Then you might be surprised by the truth of this answer.
That’s because I’ve had coaching clients that let their ex go and got their ex back in the end…
But I’ve also had coaching clients that let their ex go and their ex never came back.
So why is it that some got their ex back after letting their ex go?
While some never heard from their ex again after letting go?
And is there anything you can do to increase the chances of your ex coming back?
I’ll get into the details in this post, starting with…
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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What does letting go of your ex really mean?
Now, there are a few different opinions on what “letting go” of an ex really means.
For example, some people view “letting go” of your ex as cutting all contact with your ex.
That means even if your ex contacts you, you do not respond back to him.
Some people view “letting go” as temporarily going into No Contact.
Then once you’re out of No Contact, you try contacting him again.
Other people view “letting go” as forgetting about the possibility of getting back together again.
But they don’t mind being in contact with their ex as friends.
And they don’t contact their ex with the intention of wanting to get back together again.
That means they contact their ex only if it’s necessary.
For example, they might contact their ex for:
- work-related matters
- to ask for advice that they genuinely need
- school-related matters (for those who are still in school)
- children-related matters (for those who have children with their ex)
- any other matter that has nothing to do with the relationship
Most importantly, they do NOT contact their ex just to chat.
That’s because “chatting” with an ex will inevitably come across as you still wanting your ex.
That’s what your ex will think.
So of the different types of opinions on “letting go”, which is the most effective in getting your ex to come back to you?
What is the real reason your ex broke up with you?
A big factor that determines whether your ex will come back to you after you let him go really depends on the reason your ex broke up with you.
For example, if your breakup was a pleasant one where you both parted ways on a friendly note…
Then there’s a good chance that letting him go would increase the chances of him coming back to you.
One of my coaching clients said this about her breakup:
He said that he didn’t feel a deeper connection with me. I asked him when he realised it and he said that he realised it at the beginning of the week as he was just lying in bed and he couldn’t sleep until 3:30 that night He broke up with me that Saturday.
We understood where he was coming from and I apologized for letting him feel that way. I didn’t try to ask him for another chance. We both agreed to mutually breakup and we had a long hug before we parted ways.
As you can see, this was a very “nice” breakup because there wasn’t any fighting or quarrelling.
Both parties were mature and talked it out.
In this case, there’s a good chance by letting go of her ex, her ex would want to come back once he starts missing her.
That’s because she made it easy for her ex to be in contact and eventually explore love again.
But what if your breakup was the opposite of this?
What if your breakup was a nasty one with lots of fighting and arguing?
Then chances are letting go of your ex may not get him to come back to you.
For example, one of my coaching clients mentioned this about her breakup:
We had a huge argument and I hit him really hard and verbally abused him. Then he said that I was the worst girlfriend he ever had and that made me furious.
I called his parents and told them his son treated me like a sex slave and he got really mad at me.
He said yesterday that he broke up with me because I disrespected him and he lost all his trust in me.
If you had such a breakup, then chances are that your ex would be relieved that you have let go of him.
And he may never want to get back to you on his own because that’s the last impression he had of you.
But does that mean you can’t get him back?
Want me to personally guide you on exactly what to say to your ex to get your ex back?
In order for me to know if I can actually help you, please take the short 2-minute quiz below to find out your chances of getting your ex back now…
Is there anything you can do to increase the chances of getting him back?
It comes down to understanding the real reason your ex broke up with you.
If it’s because you had changed, then start off by apologizing to your ex.
That’s because your ex has a negative perception of you as of the breakup.
And if subsequently after the breakup, you had continued to ask for another chance…
Then your ex may have gotten to the point that he is annoyed by being in communication with you.
That is why it’s important to apologize for the things that happened in the relationship…
And also for letting him feel pushed and pressured after the breakup.
The apology has to be sincere.
And it has to let your ex FEEL you’re truly letting him go.
And the way to let him feel that way is by NOT asking for another chance.
Instead, thank him for being with you for however long your relationship was.
And then also thank him for putting up with you for so long.
The best way to communicate this would be through a letter.
So the letter would go something like this:
Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I did some reflecting recently and I realized I still owe you a big apology (although I may have apologized many times before!).
I realized that some of my actions were unfair and caused a lot of stress between us and I’m sorry. At first, I reacted that way because everything happened unexpectedly and I didn’t manage my emotions well.
However, I know that it’s certainly no excuse and I want to sincerely apologize to you for it and hope you can forgive me. I understand that you have your reasons for the breakup and I have since learned to accept it.
With that said, I also wanted to say thank you for having been with me for X months/years, and more importantly, for having to put up with me for so long! I know it wasn’t easy!
I know I have many times let you down and let you feel unappreciated, but I just want you to know that I do appreciate everything you have done for me – thank you.
You’re a great person and I only want nothing but happiness for you. Anyways, I’ve gone on for too long now and I wish you nothing but happiness and the best things in your life.
Notice that there is nothing about getting back together, or asking to be in contact again.
That’s because we don’t want to pressure your ex to feel he has to keep in contact with you.
Strategically, this will let him sense a difference in you, and also let him feel that you’re letting him go.
This way, once you’ve truly let him go, it can let him feel you’ve truly changed.
And this could get him to come back to you once he starts thinking of you.
But what if my ex has blocked me?
This is one of the most common questions and situations I get among my coaching clients.
If your ex has blocked you, it means that you most likely had already done something that made him feel very negative towards you.
And if so, you have no choice but to let go of him.
Now, in some cases, your ex could unblock you on his own.
But in other cases, your ex may never unblock you.
So what do you do?
This is where you want to be creative and resourceful.
First of all, you definitely need some time and space from your ex.
If your ex just blocked you less than 30 days ago, then you definitely do not want to reach out just yet.
We want to wait until at least 30 days have passed before you reach out to him.
If your ex has blocked you more than 30 days ago, then this is the time to be resourceful.
What are all other ways you can reach out to your ex at the moment?
Here are other ways to reach out to your ex:
- Social media
- Mutual friends
- Physical address
- Knowing where he might physically be on certain days
Now, BEFORE you jump the gun and start contacting your ex immediately…
You need to know exactly what to say when reaching out.
And I suggest using the same letter above.
The goal is NOT to get a response from your ex.
But rather to get your ex to sense a change in you compared to before.
This message can let your ex feel slightly different about you compared to before.
Especially since the message isn’t to ask for another chance, but to simply apologize and thank him.
Many times my clients have sent this message and it got their ex to feel more positively towards them.
And that is the start of resuming communication again, which can eventually lead to their ex coming back to them.
Is It Too Late To Get Your Ex Back?
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Should you let go of your ex and hope he comes back?
So the big question is whether you should let go of your ex in your situation and hope he comes back?
And if so, which of the 3 types of “letting go” should you use?
In my experience, if you let go of your ex, it simply means to let go of any expectations of your ex coming back to you.
This simple but profound change in expectation changes how you talk to him.
And your ex will certainly know if the convos you have with him will show if you’re still interested in him or not.
As long as your ex senses you are still interested in him, that can get him to distance himself from you.
So the answer is yes, you should let go of your ex.
If your breakup was a nasty one, then you need to implement the No Contact version of “letting go”.
This is to let time gradually diminish the negative feelings he has towards you.
But if your breakup was a pleasant one, then you can implement the version of “letting go” where you don’t mind being in contact with him, but keep all your convos light and friendly.
Ultimately, there are a few important factors that let your ex determine whether or not to come back to you:
- Whether he feels that you’ve changed
- Whether you have been letting him feel positive towards you
- The last impression he has of you
- Whether he believes the issues in your relationship can be resolved
- How you manage your emotions whenever there’s any form of interaction with him
Your Next Step
Would you like me to personally coach you and guide you on exactly what to do & say in your specific situation to get your ex back?
You see, I get lots of emails every day from people asking me to help them:
And I’ve had many coaching clients that got their ex back as a result of my Coaching Programs. Here are just some of the many success stories from my coaching clients:
And I would love to help you get your ex back as well.
But unfortunately, the truth is that NOT all relationships are salvageable.
So in order for me to determine if I can actually help you get your ex back, please take just 2 short minutes to answer the quiz below, and you will find out if you have a good chance to get your ex back or not: